


The Day everything changed

by Angelscythe



Series: The Day everything changed [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Modern AU, Multi, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:54:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 94,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24540391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelscythe/pseuds/Angelscythe
Summary: In the start of Summer, Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius offers to his old friend, Lucas Ernest Gautier, to send him over his son so he could make him work in the Equestrian Center here. Felix and Sylvain hadn't seen each other seen years, had forgotten everything about each other, digging memories in a life they don't even like to have... But when they meet again, everything change.Could they change their life with the other by their side?Could they reach an happiness seeming forbidden until now?[Main part of 'The Day everything changed' it's the beginning of the serie and it focus on Sylvix]
Relationships: Background - Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert, Background - Dorothea Arnault/Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Background - Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Glenn Fraldarius/Holst Goneril/Miklan
Series: The Day everything changed [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1732654
Comments: 16
Kudos: 26





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! Thank you for having choosen to check on my fic!! I'm so happy and I hope this will please you!!! This fic is finished but I don't know how much chapters there is because I stopped making correct chapters with title. I really just did this as self-indulgent.  
> Also, my english isn't the best cause I have dislexia and english isn't my first language but I hope this will be good enough for you to read!
> 
> I wish you a lovely day and I believe in you!!! You can do it!!!  
> Stay hydrated!!

If you asked Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius, he wouldn’t tell you he had a perfect life, too humble for that but it was the fact. Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius had a perfect life… He had two sons, one already working and having a pretty house, project of a bright future in his pocket; the other was still studying but you could hope for a successful life and even though he didn’t approve the path he was taking, he accepted to take the studies he expected from him in the marketing. He has two dear friends he would see every now and then. And not any kind of friends! The Mayor and the owner of a brand of equestrian center. If you would ask him to him, he wouldn’t say he had a perfect life but he certainly was the kind of people the other watched wondering how he reached such a level of life, between money and reputation…

While everybody would look at his belongings, at the money he had put on different accounts to protect his family, he didn’t think he had a perfect life. Like everybody, he could get tensed moment with his friends and, after all, he was widow since twenty years, when his beloved wife lost her life in the profit of his dear second son.

Second son that accepted to follow the studies he wanted, yes, but kept making him feel like he hated him.

Knowing Felix Hugo Fraldarius, he certainly hated him, in fact…

But despite that, yes, everything was fine. He even was talking with one of his dearest friend at this exact moment. The one living on the other side of the country. It had been so long since the last time they had seen each other. It had been so long…

But his friend, Lucas Ernest Gautier, had the biggest and better establishment installed by the sea, with its hot days in Summer.

So hot.

And… this was a bit of a problem. And the reason he was calling his friend.

“Every year, that’s the same thing: Sylvain complains and complains about the heat and he does nothing. He doesn’t even lie in the garden to get a tan! I can’t even recognize him!”

“So he stopes skirt-chasing, at least,” Rodrigue smiled, the phone between his cheek and his shoulder.

He had so many work to achieve. His dear Felix was studying the marketing to take back one of the filial of his so lucrative enterprise. A system of alarm and defense none had seen before. The Fraldarius were the Shield of the Country, it was his catchphrase! And he expected the enterprises to pursue again and again. His Glenn had left the home to take care of one those filial. But while Glenn was still getting started and Felix only learned how to do, he had to deal with everything alone. As he always did.

Spreading his Shield, finding new ways to protect, always be informed on anything so no robbers could pass his security systems.

It asked time.

So many times.

“At least! Three months the year, he stop, that’s pretty good.”

“When was the last time I saw him?” Rodrigue asked. “I think he was nine or ten? Women certainly don’t fall for his juvenile freckles and his snottering nose!”

His friend laughed. “That’s all you remember of him? He would be delighted! Dare to say to him he isn’t pretty and can’t ravish a lady with one smile and you have him whining for two hours! Mister doesn’t tan and work out for the pleasure of his mare! Though… He is really gifted with the mares! Every horse loves him. I really will believe he has the charming power he pretends to have.”

“That’s such a portrait of him. I just remember the delightful child who… Oh…”

Rodrigue just remembered how he offered flowers to every pretty girls he saw. He hadn’t found that suspicious by time, especially because he had brought such a big bouquet to Felix once. Bouquet that stayed in a vase until every flower withered… Felix was crying so much when they had to throw them away.

“Everybody reacts that way,” Lucas laughed. “He is really good to hide his game.”

“I see that!” Rodrigue closed a file after having saved it. “Why wouldn’t you send him over?” he proposed.

“What do you mean?” Lucas wondered.

“Don’t you have a center nearby? Send me Sylvain and he will stop complaining about the heat and I will make him work. Plus, I would like Felix to stop doing nothing.”

“I thought Felix was doing marketing studies?”

“Yes, yes! Like Glenn before him! But now it’s the holidays and he is closeted in his room. When I ask him what he is doing, he always replies ‘nothing’. Which wouldn’t surprise me, I think, out of studies, I never saw him with a book in hand. Or anything else.”

“Usually, when Sylvain does ‘nothing’ I know by experience he isn’t doing ‘nothing’,” Lucas laughed. “But I doubt they would do the same thing, honestly.”

Rodrigue laughed too.

“I will keep an eye on Sylvain, don’t worry. Send him to me! I do hope our sons will work together.”

“Thank you. I will keep you update.”

“Thank you!” Rodrigue said.


	2. Chapter 1

“Felix?”

_Knock knock knock._

“Felix? Felix!”

**_Bam bam bam._ **

“Felix?! Felix!!!”

**_BAM! BAM! BAM!_ **

The door opened suddenly, almost knocking Rodrigue in the nose.

“What?!” he said.

He was huffing and puffing, sweat streaming along his forehead and cheeks, one of them sliding along his neck where some dark blue strands were stuck.

“What were you doing?” the man asked.

“Nothing,” Felix sighed.

Rodrigue pushed him on the side. But there was nothing. The bed was perfectly made, the computer was not only closed but on its box, on the floor, the wardrobe with big mirrors on it closed, as well as others drawers around. He really looked like he was doing nothing…

He couldn’t even find the phone of his son, wearing a sleeveless turtleneck and stirrup high thighs hugging his long curved legs. Wondering how could he be so tiny. But Glenn was so tiny as well. So perhaps it was because his wife was so tiny herself?

“What do you want, father?” Felix asked.

“Do you remember Sylvain?”

Felix raised an eyebrow. “Who?”

“Sylvain. You always played with him when you were child. My best friend’s son.”

“Uh… Dimitri? Are you alright?”

“My _other_ best friend,” Rodrigue replied with a tired smile.

Felix stared at him.

“A redhead guy.”

“Nop,” Felix said.

“Anyway, he will come here for the holidays. I would like you to show him around the first days and perhaps to go help him at work.”

“Excuse me? I’m in holidays there.”

“And you can be useful. You pass your days doing nothing. Help a little! And come. He is about to arrive. He called me from the last gas station. Be polite for once.”

“What will I receive if I do?” Felix smiled.

“The question is what will you receive if you don’t!” Rodrigue growled. “You’ve been doing _nothing_ since two weeks. Now, come!

Felix groaned.

He watched as his father left to go to the entry, waiting for Sylvain.

Felix was really decided not to come but… he heard the sound of a moto. His father was rich enough to have a big mansion away from the town. They were lost in the field, surrounded by animals, trees and beautiful flowers. At this time of the year, it was so beautiful. Rodrigue loved so much to take pictures and send them to his friends. On the other hand, Felix was avoiding to go outside, to even look at this beauty. But there, hearing a moto, he left his room and crossed the corridors to go at the window. He saw a black and red engine coming from the other side of the road. Usually, there were only their cars doing this. Sometimes, a friend’s car… Or Glenn’s?

But a moto…

Did they lose themselves or?

The big engine was slowing down and the one on it was wearing black leather with some red line here and there… He opened the window and leaned over it to watch the dude who stopped in front of the alley, tugged the stem with a kick and got up from the moto, taking out the helmet and removing the hygiene cap as they made swift movement of the head, making dance bright red hair in the light of the Sun… Making dance the thread and offering a spectacle Felix never saw before. Offering a hypnotizing show and light as freckles looking like a million of kisses from Angels on their face. They passed a leathered gloved hand in their hair and looked up.

“Eeeeeeeyh!” he called to Felix, seeing him.

Felix stared at him.

His heart hadn’t stop beating.

“Felix, right?! You hadn’t changed at all!”

“Sylvain?”

“Yeah! Sylvain José Gautier, at your service!”

He bowed in front of him.

At this exact moment, the door opened on Rodrigue who smiled.

“Sylvain!”

“Rodrigue!”

Sylvain dashed toward him. The old man hugged him in a firm and fatherly embrace.

“What a pleasure to see you.”

“Same for me!” Sylvain smiled. “Usually, I’m talking to a picture of you!” he laughed.

“You’re talking to a picture of me?”

“That’s an image!” Sylvain grinned.

Rodrigue smiled. He had changed a lot. The tiny child he reminded turned into a big man. Taller than him, broader than him. And still so joyful. He remembered ruffling his hair when he wasn’t taller than three apples. Well, five apples, and his son was only two apples tall. And now…

What a man!

“Come! Come! I will make some tea. What’s your favorite one? I might find some.”

“Bergamot, please. But you can also take anything you like. I’m fine with everything. But shouldn’t I put my moto somewhere else? Dad’s always mad when I don’t put it in the garage.”

“No one comes around, you can leave it there if it’s easier for you,” Rodrigue said. “Make yourself at home. Remove your boots, please, that’s all I ask.”

“Sure!”

As they entered the house, Sylvain removed his boots and accepted the slippers the man lent him. Cat themed slippers. It was so cute. He wasn’t really a cat person but this was so cute!

Sylvain put down his helmet on the chest of drawer in the corridor and followed the man toward the kitchen. It was never used except when you wanted to take a drink like that with someone. Rodrigue wasn’t very good to make food and either he ordered or went to the restaurant or, most of the time, he had a cooker coming at home. A young boy that took back his father’s role when he was too sick for doing it. But making tea? He was able to do that.

He tugged a chair for Sylvain then poured water in the boiler.

“Tell me everything about you!”

“Oof, there is so much!” Sylvain smiled. “Can say thank you! It’s still damn hot here but so much more refreshing,” he said with a stretch.

“You can go on the pool to refresh yourself anytime. And we have ice cream too. Ashe is doing them himself and they are absolutely delicious.”

“Can’t wait!” Sylvain smiled. “We got a pool too but ah! So awful! It’s like so hot… The water, I mean. The weather too.”

“So you do complain a lot about weather.”

“I do! I hate that,” he laughed. “I can change the subject if needed!”

“Tell me just about your pro…” Rodrigue stopped talking because Felix just arrived in the room. “Well look who is there! Finally!”

“Felix!”

Sylvain got up and walked to him, leaning to kiss his cheek. But Felix stepped backward, his eyes’ widening.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Kissing your cheek to say hello?” Sylvain laughed.

“Oh. Alright…”

Felix offered his cheek to him and received the kiss. Warm. A cloud of bergamot engulfing him because Sylvain didn’t only like bergamot but was like surrounded by it. Perhaps because he was drinking too much of that? Or just because he liked the citrus’ scent?

Who knew?

He turned his head to kiss his cheek as well, having to go on his tiptoe. And almost falling because, damn, he was tall. But fortunately, a large hand came on the crook on his back, supporting him.

“He is still shy,” Rodrigue smiled.

“I’m pissed off,” Felix rectified to him.

“I’m doing bergamot tea, you want some?” his father asked without notifying what he just said.

He was taking a tea ball and was putting some leave in there. Rodrigue really loved tea. He had a whole closet filled with them and he could really give you anything you wanted. Glenn and Felix tried once. They went with the worst composition… well the tea was the worst too but Rodrigue had been able to make it.

And then force them to drink it until the last droplet.

“Yeah, why not.”

“I was asking Sylvain what he planned to do for his holidays.”

“But, we already know that,” Sylvain said, tugging the chair away from the table so Felix could sit. “The real question is what Felix will do of his holidays?” he smiled.

Felix frowned. And took another chair to sit. “I have project but nothing interesting,” he said.

Sylvain kept smiling as he put the seat in place and took his.

“To be honest, Felix is doing absolutely nothing of his time.”

“Father!” Felix groaned.

“Isn’t it? What were you doing when I came to ask you coming to say ‘hi’ to Sylvain?”

Felix’s lips tightened. “Nothing…”

“See,” Rodrigue smiled.

“It’s fine to do ‘nothing’,” Sylvain smiled, sitting. “Sometimes, I like to chill too. It’s just so fun to lie on a buoy in the pool. I love reading books with some music in the background. It’s always so good.” He smiled to Felix. “Can I have sugar?” Sylvain asked.

Rodrigue put it, in a lovely little sugar box, in front of Sylvain before sitting.

“I have already prepared yourself a room,” he said to Sylvain. “You might stay two or three months so don’t hesitate to arrange it as you like.”

“My room?” Sylvain said. “Aaaw, I’m sad! I expected to be with Felix!” he laughed.

“But there is only one bed in my room,” Felix replied, taking the cup of tea.

“There is only one bed?” Sylvain smiled.

Felix stared at him.

“I’m joking! It’s me, Sylvain!” he said, his smile growing bigger. He added two sugars in the light brewage. “Thank you again for having me. Papa could have bought a hostel for me but I prefer being here. It’s… warmer? I don’t know. I just like it! Thank you so much!”

“It’s a pleasure, Sylvain,” Rodrigue said. “Make yourself at home, really. If there is anything, tell it to me.”

Felix stared at his father.

Sylvain glanced at him and sipped the tea.

“So soft! Thank you, Rodrigue, you’re doing such a delicious tea!” he said.

“I can do something at least!” he laughed.

“Come on, uncle Rodrigue! You can do so much! You created this whole enterprise all alone! You managed to hold everything in your own arms! You had two awesome children! It’s fine not to be able to cook or else. Yeah, I know that. Papa kept every pic of your burnt plates,” he laughed, winking at him.

“And I think Lucas was a friend!”

“He sure is! He loves you so much! Always talking about you and uncle Lambert! In fact, I… Felix?”

“Yes?” he said.

“What’s wrong with your face?”

“What’s wrong with my face?” Felix replied.

Rodrigue leaned a little. “Ah… of course. You barely go outside, doing nothing at all, just cloistered in your room. It has to happen…”

Felix touched his face.

“Can someone explain me?” Sylvain insisted.

“You know,” Rodrigue replied.

“I know what?”

“Felix’s Sun allergy?” the old man said, surprised.

“Sun’s allergy? I thought you had hay fever?” Sylvain asked.

“I’ve both,” Felix groaned. “I went at the window when you arrived. I’ve been an idiot.” He got up from the table. “It’s nice to have you around.”

“You leave? Sun’s allergy? Wait, what?” Sylvain let out.

“Going to put some cream and then I’ll do nothing as my father like to point out,” Felix replied, stepping away.

“You knew he has Sun’s allergy. Don’t you remember when you were both children? You always played together. It was so sweet.”

“I… don’t remember?”

Sylvain watched Felix as he moved away.

To be very honest, he didn’t remember lot of things. He was eight or nine when his father left and now, he was so happy to be there. He couldn’t even say ‘Felix had changed so much’ because he just had vague memories. Some stuff, the fact they played together; one kiss to make it better he received; a dark story about a hide and seek that ended up with him staying in a closet for too long…

But that was all.

“Wait a second.”

Rodrigue got up and walked out of the room.

Just like that, Sylvain was all alone and it was a bit weird. But… he was with his tea at least. He sipped at the tea, so delicious. If Rodrigue wanted to make even more profit, he could open a realm of tea…

And he wasn’t that fond in tea usually.

His family had stopped drinking it a long time ago and he was more running with sparkling everything. Any kind of soda was fine with him.

Rodrigue came back after a moment, holding a big album. A part of it was very crinkled, a bit brownish. You could see it had been used and used over the years. But the second part was very net. As if someone hadn’t touch it since so long.

And…

Well, it was the case.

In fact, it had been so long since the last time Rodrigue took the album to had pictures. With time, the occasions had been less and less common and soon, he only had a few pictures. Of course he had some for the important moment, like the graduation but except that, it was pictures made at school every years and the clichés were abandoned somewhere in the house. He didn’t even remember where.

“Look.” Rodrigue passed through the pages and managed to found some pictures of a Summer, fifteen years ago. “You can see the blisters there. Felix is so pale, they appears so fast with him.”

Seeing Felix in his little kitty swimsuit, his square haircut with strands coming over his eyes and so always clipped back with cat clip by Glenn, Sylvain had flashes. It was so weird… the past coming back at him, unreal…

But in fact, he hadn’t memories of that little guy with a bodysuit covered him as much as possible. Not this child with a big hat, and so much cream on the face, Glenn was only ten and did his best, no, he remembered the year just before…

The first year they met…

Sixteen years earlier

It was so beautiful. The garden of the Gautier was one of the most beautiful in the area. One of the things Albertine loved the most was to plant different trees and flowers. Her garden looked like the paradise itself. It was always surrounded with lovely bugs and insects. Sylvain knew he had to be cautious because bees and wasps could sting you. And there were the ants that might bit you!

But what Sylvain loved the most… were the butterflies.

Oh, how he loved running behind them, trying to catch them.

He knew Miklan had a collection of dead butterflies, he showed it to him once, and it really was frightening to his eyes. The poor butterflies!

He loved to see them fly around, in a rainbow of colors…

He also loved lying on the grass and wait.

Wait for butterflies to land on him. Wait for the ants to climb on his fingers. Wait for beetles to come around… Sometimes, his fingers came around the grass, dug in the earth and felt the earthworm. He would smile if a ladybug came in his hair.

His mother always let him to even tough it was a damnation for the servants. Even with the better product, grass stains stayed grass stains…

A butterfly landed on his nose and he tried to stop breathing.

He didn’t want to disturb them.

They were so shiny. Amazed, he watched at them. The wings moving under the Sun and the breeze. Just a bit.

He smiled.

And something crashed on his nose.

He let out a scream of surprise. The thing that crashed on his nose screamed too. And the butterfly, fortunately, flew away before being crushed between the nose and the little palms.

“I’m so so so so so sorry!”

In front of Sylvain, who rubbed his nose, there was a tiny child who cried.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Sylvain asked.

The tiny child shook his head.

“I… I wanted the butter… but I… I tapped you…”

He was crying.

“Oh. This is fine. I’m fine! Look!”

Sylvain showed his face. The little boy in front of him watched him, tears in the corner of his eyes. He had long hair tugged behind his head with little braids. With the Sun, his mane was taking the colors of a beautiful night sparkled with stars. A night where subtle aurora would born…

“You are burn too…”

“Burn?” Sylvain repeated, surprised.

Felix rubbed his face with his two hands and then spread them on Sylvain’s face. All over the freckles dancing on his skin like the sweetest constellation.

First surprised, Sylvain could feel a kind of cream on his face.

“You protected too now!”

“Thank you.” Sylvain smiled. “You want to see more butterflies?”

“Yes, yes, yes!”

“Name is Sylvain! And you?”

“Felix?! Felix?!”

The little boy turned his head. He was smiling as he saw his brother dashing toward him, making fly a bunch of butterflies.

“Felix! I was so scared!”

“I’m Felix!” Felix smiled as the other took him in his arms. “This is Glenn! Glenn! Sylvain will show me butterflies!”

Glenn caressed his brother’s hair with relieve.

“I’m glad he met you!” he said, looking at the little redhead.

“I’m glad too!” Sylvain smiled.

“Come to the pool. Mother and aunt Albertine are serving chips!”

Sylvain nodded.

“Yes!” Felix turned his head toward him and held out his arms. “Please.”

“What?”

“I think he wants a hug,” Glenn said.

“Oh yes! A hug!” Sylvain took the little boy in his arms, holding him gently. “I will show you the butterflies, later.”

“Thank you!”

Felix stepped away from the hug but held his hand, smiling brightly to him.

Sixteen years later

_Knock knock knock._

Couldn’t they leave him alone?

Felix was so annoyed…

He pushed away a long strand of hair that pasted his face because of the cream he had spread on his face. He just leaned at the window and some bristles were already appearing… What a purge.

His father wasn’t totally wrong, though…

He had been so little exposed to the Sun, his skin hadn’t been able to acclimate to it at all this year. And it showed…

_Knock kn_

“What?! Father? What?!” his voice covered immediately.

“It’s Sylvain.”

“Ah,” Felix let out. “What do you want?”

“Is… Hm, how to say that? Is your condition allowing you to go outside a little?”

Felix sighed as he walked to the door.

“Yes, I can go outside. I have to take care but I can. Why?”

“I would have loved to hang with you. You can show me around? It has been so long since I’ve seen you. Since I’ve seen this place. It looks like everything has changed,” Sylvain laughed.

Felix closed his hand on the knob.

“Why don’t you ask the old coot?”

“Because he says he is busy while you aren’t,” Sylvain said. Felix sighed and let go on the knob. “And also because I want to spend more time with you. That’s the reason I accepted to come. I’m fine with the heat over my place…” Silence. “No! In fact, I hate that. But… I wanted to see my best friend from childhood? Now that I’m here, I think I missed you? So much… Do you remember when we climbed in the trees together?”

Felix bit his lower lip. “Yeah… And that time you pushed me so hard on that swing.”

“Yeah! You were so scared after that.”

“Yes! I was all crying and I also pee myself. Not thank you for that!”

“I’m so sorry!!” Sylvain laughed. “You remember when we played in the snow?”

“You helped me to do snowmen… You always lifted me so I could put carrot in their head, and little rocks. Because I was so tiny…” he remembered.

“Yeah. We would take our bicycle and ride around for hours.”

“I remember how you made me climb on a pony.”

“You were crying so much, I had to climb with you and hold you…” Sylvain smiled. He pressed the hand on the other side of the door. He remembered everything now… As if his brains had pushed everything away for him not to be sad because all of this had vanished. But somehow… he had felt it because nothing was right until now. And at this exact moment. Everything felt so _right._ “Would you show me around?”

Felix opened the door. “Yes, of course,” he said. “What do you want to see?”

“Everything you can show me!” Sylvain smiled.

“When do you start your work?”

“When I want to. I’m kinda the boss,” he winked.

Felix folded his arms and Sylvain could tell he was disapproving his words. It looked like the air suddenly became cold. So cold…

Ouch.

“I’m serious,” Sylvain replied. “When I wanna. But if you wanna bring me over there to show me the way, good for you! Only if you promise me you will show me your favorite place after that! And you let me buy you food.”

“I don’t want to show you my favorite place and I don’t want you to buy me food.”

“Come on, it’s hanging out! It’s supposed to be fun!”

“It can be fun without you stepping in my private circle,” Felix replied.

“You’re so cold! Where is the tiny child always so joyful?” Sylvain wondered, still grinning wildly.

“He grew up.”

“Look at me,” the redhead protested.

Felix glanced at him. He changed so much from the memories he had from him. Sylvain used to be so tiny and thin. He barely ate and thus, as he kept falling, his body was always covered with bruises… He remembered how he signed his plaster just before he left. Younger, Sylvain was just a little boy joyful and now he was… so tall. So broad, in the right way. His leather suit’s zipper was a bit down, showing not only that the tender angel’s kisses were spreading all over his body but also allowed to see the start of a mysterious red forest. And attest how soft and firm those pillows of him must have been. Not that Felix wanted to watch at this! Sylvain was just so big he couldn’t see anything but this!

Sylvain smiled. “Eh… my eyes are up here,” he grinned.

“I don’t look people in the eyes,” Felix replied, looking away.

“You don’t? I remember…” Sylvain stopped talking in the mid of his sentence. “What have happened to you?”

“I told you: I grew up. Perhaps you’re still the same and it’s fine but I’m not. Go install yourself, change yourself and we will go at the equestrian center so you’ll know the way. We will see what we do after that.”

“Can we go shopping? I’ve took a bit of clothes but I didn’t know what would be the weather, the best to have and all! So…”

Felix raised an eyebrow but shrugged. Not surprising coming from Sylvain. Not surprising coming from any of his childhood friend. In fact, himself got two cars in less than one year. Both offered by his father. He got rid of one of them and so his father immediately took him another one. Better that than the public transportation. Not that he hated the nature, even though he doubted about his father, looking the cars, but more because he couldn’t handle very way the people around. Having to be around them, having to follow a schedule…

“Go in your room, change yourself, I get myself ready.”

“What do you mean?” Sylvain asked.

Felix sighed. “You really need to listen to people when you talk with them. Even I, I’m forcing myself to do it. I’ve Sun allergy.”

“Yeah. I get that. And I know I certainly asked when I was child but I kinda forgot or something… so… what does it mean? What do you have to do to get yourself ready?”

“I have to cover my arms and my hands… and my neck.”

“Seriously? It’s damn hot outside!”

“Yes. I also have to put some cream to protect myself. But it’s not always enough so don’t freak out if my face and my hands start to turn red.”

“Okay, I don’t freak out if I see freckles appear on you!”

“Hm… That’s not always bristles,” Felix replied. “Sometimes, it’s big stains. Just don’t freak out.”

“It’s just spots, right?” Sylvain asked.

“Not exactly.”

Sylvain frowned.

“It burns and itches. Sometimes, unbearably. That’s why I don’t go outside,” Felix replied.

“Are you sure we…”

“Yes, we go outside. I’m taking my car. Go prepare yourself,” he said.

“Okay. Thank you,”

Sylvain smiled slightly and left the corridor to go on his room. Of course, it was a big room, pretty empty since it used to just be offered to guest and… yes, he was a guest. The bed had been made, the curtains were beautiful, as much as the floor, the walls and the ceiling. And there were two big wardrobes plus a nightstand. It was absolutely perfect and impersonal. So, yes, his tiny bag holding his wallet, a few clothes and a book seemed so tiny here.

He would be there two months so, yes, he expected to turn this into his own room.

At his convenience if Rodrigue allowed it to him.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this extra-long chapter.  
> I started to write the fic as a stress & depression relieve and so the height of the chapters are really chaotic

When he was younger, Felix used to ‘check’ everything with his brother as soon as the hot season arrived. He loved going outside when he was younger but the truth was that, eight years earlier, he got such a huge rash, he hadn’t left the room for month and it started. Avoiding the Sun, avoiding any other rash that way.

So with the time, this thing stopped between them.

And him, he avoided coming outside despite his father’s efforts.

But now, he was at the door and his father was too happy while he was making the inventory of what he needed. Keys of his car, check; keys of the house, check; his wallet, check; a pair of sunglasses; check; numerous cream and balm to protect himself; check. And even gloves. Just to be sure.

“Okay, I’m ready! Let’s have fun!”

Sylvain came from the stairs, wearing a white sleeveless turtleneck, looking like it was knitted… It must be hot. Him, with his black, also sleeveless, turtleneck and his mittens, he was suffering the heat so much already… But his main mistake was to have some part of his body still available. Though, at least, he could have his nape protected… Sylvain was very more uncovered, his muscular arms appearing as mountains peppered with freckles. His top was even coming at half-thigh. Was he trying to support him in this Hell or was he just stupid?

“Boys?” Rodrigue said, coming.

“Yes?” Sylvain asked, turning.

Felix hiccupped because, suddenly, he was seeing Sylvain’s back wholly. And even the beginning of the two mounts down there. Something black and lacey… underwear? And… he could never imagine his back could handle so many freckles.

“Do you know if you come back for the supper?”

“I don’t know. Depends how long we need?” Sylvain replied.

“Very well. I can order food when you arrive if it’s not too late. Felix, send me a message if you eat outside.”

Sylvain turned his head toward Felix, seeing him with his hand in front of his mouth, his eyes wide.

But as his father talked to him, he seemed to find back his senses.

“Of course father. We will try to come back soon, anyway.”

Felix turned and left the house, immediately going to the garage to get his black rolls-royce. He pulled it on the street while Sylvain said goodbye to Rodrigue. Easier for him to be already in the car and in the road. Checking the reflect in the rearview mirror, he opened the little bag with a long black braided thread to remove the sunglasses and put them on his nose.

After a few moments, the car door opened and Sylvain sat next to him.

“Belt on.”

“Yep.”

Sylvain immediately fastened it.

“Eyes on the road, memorize the path.”

“’kay! But I can check on your GPS!” he smiled.

“My GPS?!” Felix repeated as he turned on the car.

“Isn’t it a GPS there?” Sylvain asked, taping the tiny device on the dashboard.

“It is a GPS. The road,” he said, driving on the unique road of the area.

“You don’t…”

“I know the way,” Felix replied.

“You know the way?”

“Yeah.”

Sylvain watched him. “Can you explain?” he asked.

“Why? It belongs to your family, our families are friends so…”

“It must have been… thirteen years since we left?” Sylvain said.

“Yeah. I just remember. No more question please.”

“Can I ask one more question? Two mores questions?” he asked.

“What?” Felix replied.

“Can I play some music?”

“Go on. But stay quiet, please. Look at the road. I won’t lose time bringing you there every day,” he said.

“Roger! Thank you.”

Sylvain leaned to turn on the hi-fi.

Felix glanced at him, seeing his back appear, then he focused on the road again.

After ten minutes, Felix slowed the car. Sylvain looked by the window and watched at the huge corral. There was someone with a horse, making them move along the huge space. As the car moved, the horse moved their head. In a significant way. There was someone sat on the barrier and you could guess the stables around.

“Stop the car,” Sylvain asked.

Felix slowed down and Sylvain jumped out of the vehicle even before it fully stopped. He dashed to the corral, climbed the barrier and jumped on the other side.

“You can’t…”

The one sat on the barrier stopped talking because the horse rose on two legs. The little girl who made them move along the corral let out a yelp of terror. But couldn’t move. Paralyzed. The legs approached dangerously her face. The girl on the barrier, in shock, jumped out of the barrier. Too late. The horse would smash the other.

Sylvain grabbed the poor girl by the waist and tugged her away. The hooves of the horse hit violently his shoulder, ripping on it, and then ended on the floor, making dust move away.

“Bernadetta!” the girl of the barrier screamed.

She dashed to them. Everything went so fast…

She grabbed the reins of the horse and forced him, as a quick glance could attest, to step backward.

“Are you okay?” Sylvain asked to said Bernadetta.

“Let go on me! Let go on me!”

Sylvain immediately yielded. He saw the other girl glance at the first. He held out the hand to the reins.

“I will take care of him,” he said. “Take care of your friend.”

She didn’t hesitate, giving him the reins and so she could crouch next to her and rub her back. Bernadetta was a tiny ball, crying. Sylvain made step back the horse and caressed the nose, whispering to calm him down.

“What happened?”

Sylvain turned his head toward Felix who came out the car.

“The sound of the car started to make nervous the horse, at the second I saw his eyes, I got he would kick.”

“How do you know?” the girl holding Bernadetta asked.

“I’m just used to this. Some horses are really sound sensitives. This one is quite nervous.” He pressed his lips on the bony check on the horse. “It’s going to be okay…”

“Thank you,” the girl said.

“He is talking to the horse,” Felix pointed out.

“Yeah. But you two,” he added. He moved his hand to them. “Bernadetta, isn’t it? Here, take my hand.”

She shook her head.

“Everything is going to be alright. You’re fine.”

“But… if… if you hadn’t come…” she whispered.

“Yeah, if I wasn’t there, it wouldn’t have happened neither. Sorry.”

He was smiling. A soft and soothing smile. His other hand was still on the horse, caressing him.

“Who are you?”

“Sylvain José Gautier. I…”

“You belong to the Gautier?” the girl asked.

“I wouldn’t use the word belong…” Sylvain said with a face.

“Is it not a correct word?” she wondered.

“It is…” Bernadetta replied.

Sylvain’s head tilted on the side.

The girl got up, holding Bernadetta in her arms.

“Here is Bernadetta Von Varley and I am Petra Macneary. Pardon my language. I’m coming from Brigid and I have still some struggling,” she said.

And took his hand to squeeze it and shake it.

Such a grab almost make Sylvain groan of pain. It was like being in an iron vice.

“You speak our language so well. I speak the language from Sreng where I was born and believe me, I dream to be that fluent in my second language. But the real question is: you both feel good?”

Bernadetta nodded.

“Is it another corral? When I was child, there was a corral in the back…”

“Yes. We can’t use it for the customers, however…” Petra said.

“Is Bernadetta a customer?” Sylvain asked.

Bernadetta shook her head. “My father… talked with yours so I would have a work… and change?”

“His father says she isn’t open enough. I don’t understand because we don’t want her to be hurt…”

“It’s an expression,” Sylvain smiled. “Like open to the World.” He watched Bernadetta who was still in a little ball, cuddling against Petra. “One of the people I love the most in the World is like you. And she is the strongest I know. I couldn’t explain… I know it would look a bit assholish or I don’t know but, Bernadetta… can you come pet this horse?”

“Why?” Petra asked.

“Believes me, if she doesn’t get along with the horse now, she would struggle later…” He caressed the brown head. “I’m holding him. There is no noise anymore, he wouldn’t attack. Don’t worry.”

Bernadetta bit the inside of her cheek. Held by Petra and this man holding the horse, she accepted to reach out and touched the horse.

At a few paces from the barrier, Felix watched the scenery. Sylvain was so sweet, smiling and making sure the girl would feel comfortable as she caressed the horse.

His smile was so bright.

He always did that… Helping others.

He was already like that when they were children. How often he had protected him? How often he had encouraged him? Some of the things he was doing now, he started to do them because Sylvain was there, cheering for him…

He watched, as he talked with the two girls, as he made sure Bernadetta hadn’t resent against the horse. He watched as he walked with her, making her hold the rein and lead the horse outside but holding the rein too.

He moved to the car, when Sylvain became just a little point in the distance, and he sat in the car. He moved the Sun protection, putting them on the windows, and pressed his skull against the seat.

A long moment passed before he heard knock at the window. He leaned on the other seat and opened the door.

“Sorry,” Sylvain said. “I didn’t know if I could open like that.”

“You could, don’t worry.”

Sylvain smiled to him and sat at the death place, fastening the belt.

“You’re good? We leave for the mall?” Felix asked.

“Yep.”

Felix turned the key and started driving.

“You can remove the protection if needed to see better, if you wish. Coming back home shouldn’t be very hard. Anyway, I will show you how to go downtown and from downtown we will go back home. It should be enough. But you can call me in any case,” he explained, eyes on the road.

“Thank you.”

Sylvain passed his hand in his hair and moved the Sun protection. Just a little.

“You don’t ask what happened?”

“Why would I?”

“You’re not curious?”

“Not really. But I believe you will do a nice work. It seems very natural for you,” Felix said.

“I always grew up with horses. I always took care of them. I just know with them… When they are stressed, you can’t miss it.”

“You saw it in a heartbeat.”

“Yeah.”

Sylvain smiled.

“How is your shoulder?”

“Fine! Thank you!”

Felix glanced at him. He then looked again the road, driving cautiously.

Sylvain wanted to talk. He wanted to talk so much… but he stayed mute. He didn’t want to bother him. He was driving and he knew so little of him… It was strange. When he was a child, he knew everything about him. And now, he was watching this stranger driving… A stranger that didn’t even asked him some basics, some polite things.

And…

Somehow, he wondered if he didn’t prefer that?

With his father, it would have been questions about what he did with the ladies… He had such a reputation. Let say, he got a lot of chance with girls. With numerous lovers…

He had money.

They craved it. They craved the presents he may do to them.

And perhaps it was his fault? How often he had offer stupid and useless things, and very expensive.

Yeah, perhaps he was buying their love. And the worst? He hated that. It was… unexplainable. As if he needed to be loved, to receive those fakes feelings, while hating them. Hating what people would ask to give them to him?

But Felix… he wasn’t laying useless love at his feet.

He was…

Real.

Damn!

There was no place anymore in the underground parking!

That was pissing him off!

Driving his car with abrupt gesture, Felix went out the parking and took a place in the outside parking. There was no shadow here. Most of the little place where trees and bushes offered those gracious places was already taken. Of course.

“I can’t find another place,” he said as he was taking one very exposed to the Sun.

“It will be like an oven…”

“I know but what do you want to do? We can go back to father’s?” he proposed. “How much clothes do you have?”

“One underwear but I can go commando easily. A jeans and a crop top.”

“A crop top?” Felix replied.

“Yep.”

Felix sighed as he opened his bag. “The mall close at eight pm. I’m just not sure the car would be cold enough…”

“We can try? You still have to show me around.”

“Come back around midnight would be fine for you?” Felix asked.

He removed a little tube from his bag.

“Yeah. Often came back around one or two am,” he smiled.

He watched him as he was turning the tube, revealing a well-used balm in a stick. He passed it on his lips, making them shine with little golden sparkles…

“Sylvain,” Felix said, pressing his lips together.

“Hm?” he asked.

Felix turned the stick, closing it and leaning toward him. “My eyes are up here,” he snickered.

Sylvain looked up at him and Felix immediately looked away. But Sylvain just laughed.

“Yeah! You have pretty eyes.”

Felix made sure the car wouldn’t move, adjusted his mittens and his sunglasses and stepped outside the car. Sylvain came outside too and stretched.

He would have given everything to go to Sreng were the Sun was so shy but it was at least better than in the place he was forced to live since so long.

Together, they entered the mall.

Felix wasn’t very fond on shopping. Most of the time, he just ordered online. And most of the time, he wasn’t even the one choosing the outfit. It was more ‘eh look at this’ and he bought it. Because he could. And because his father hated the amount of kitty-themed clothes he bought. And yet, kept paying for it…

Felix knew, one day, he would suppress his credit card.

But he didn’t care.

In contrary of lot of others wealthy teenagers or young adult in his surrounding, he wasn’t afraid to start working.

So, as Sylvain was doing his shopping, he just stayed there. Wishing to be somewhere else because he could have done so many others things. He wasn’t very happy at the idea of having to stay in the mall for that long… but at least it was inside. And he could send messages to Glenn and friends.

Sometimes, Sylvain would come out of the changing room and ask him what he thought about an outfit or the other. Frankly? Felix had no opinion about this. However, he could tell something: any outfit was always hugging and fitting Sylvain perfectly… Sometimes, it was pushing forward the strong of his muscles, other times the delicateness of his freckles or even… the horror of some scars.

At some point, Felix just left.

Sylvain could make burn his credit card. He could buy everything he liked. Jeans hugging his thighs, trousers with holes or chains; boots and sneakers fitting his feet as if they had been made for him; tops and tops spreading over his muscles. Most of them had cleavage or displayed zone of his anatomy. Back, shoulders, arms, the upper part of his man boobs or even the waist.

He noticed, after a moment, that Felix had left.

He hesitated to call him but he wasn’t even sure to have his number. He needed to ask it to him, honestly…

He was trying a top with a deep cleavage and cross-shaped straps when Felix came back.

“Eh! You had disappeared!”

“Yeah.” Felix approached him. “You’re done with the shopping.”

He glanced at the huge stacks of clothes. Black mostly with red and white but also a bit of bleu, especially clear. And some pink…

“Yeah, I think I’m done, now. What do you think about this?” he asked, swirling on himself.

“Good, I suppose?” Felix replied.

Sylvain smiled, stretching.

Felix noticed his grin disappear and making place at his face. And also noticed the jewel in his belly… But if this was just his belly. Through the red locks, you could see his ears pierced. That was something in common with them. But… he remembered how they pierced together their ear when Sylvain was about to leave. He remembered also how much he had cried. But since then, he still had that hole. Today, he had a big pearl with tiny triangle above it, like a little cat. On the other hand, Sylvain had a ring…

“If you’re good, go change yourself so we can pay and see what we do.”

Felix took his phone to look at the hour. It was only five pm…

“Sure! Give me a few seconds!”

Sylvain went back to the changing room. When he came back, he was wearing the sleeveless turtleneck with the huge cleavage in the back. And Felix looked away. Which didn’t prevent him to see Sylvain grab a few clothes he hadn’t tried. He didn’t care. If it pleased him and he could wear it after…

The cashier looked surprised with the amount of clothes they had. And they almost looked surprised that he could pay all of this without problem. The redhead was pleased about it because he was known in his side of the country and he had lost this little effect so long ago.

“And now?” he asked, his arms filled with bags.

“We can bring that in my car,” Felix said as he walked with him outside. “I’ve bought something for you.”

“Perfect,” Sylvain replied, smiling. “I’ve something for you too.”

“You didn’t have to,” Felix replied mechanically, putting back his sunglasses.

“I had to!”

He looked in his numerous bags. Felix hadn’t cared enough about his purchases so he couldn’t notice it. Even though he had a weird package…

In fact… he stopped at the fountain in the entry to remove it completely.

“Wait for me,” he called.

“Do you want me to take some bags?” Felix asked.

“It’s fine!” Sylvain replied. “But…”

He passed as many bags as he could on his wrist and his shoulder. He made a face when he noticed he should put some on the other side… But it was a bit his fault. He hadn’t just bought clothes. They went to a place where he had been able to grab soap, shampoo, after-shampoo, bath bomb… there was so much.

“For fuck sake!” Felix groaned.

He walked to him and snatched bags out of his hand.

“You will give this to me later,” he said. “Come with me.”

“No, no, no, you need it now. One second.”

Sylvain grabbed it, removed the white wrap around and… opened a white and delicate umbrella with some lacey patterns…

“What the…”

“It will protect you from the Sun,” Sylvain smiled. “I can hold it for you if you want to.”

“It’s…” Felix looked down. “It’s ridicule. I don’t need it. But…” He closed his hand on the box he was holding. “… thank you. I appreciate.”

Sylvain smiled. “Come here,” he said, holding out the umbrella.

Felix sighed but came under it. Together, they walked outside the mall, the arms tensing because of the bags. Hopefully they could use a detector to open the car’s trunk at distance. The problem… this car might be extra expensive but the trunk was so tiny.

In the end, they had to push a huge part of the bags in the back seat and on the floor of the vehicle. The problem was…

“I need you to sit in the car,” Felix said.

“Me?”

“Yeah, not the bee that just passed,” he replied.

“’kay, as you wish, Fe’.”

As he walked to the front seat, he made sure he kept the umbrella above Felix’s head who walked with him, following him. And who totally noticed how he was trying to hide the face he was making.

Sylvain opened the door and sat.

“And now? What do we do? It’s already so damn hot in that car! Dear Sothis!”

He pressed his head against the seat but it was worst.

“Wait,” Felix said.

He leaned above him and turned on the air conditioner.

“And put down that damn umbrella!” he added.

“I won’t! I don’t want you to suffer!”

“And so you’re suffering?”

Sylvain frowned.

“Do you think I’m an idiot? I saw the horse hitting you. I see when you make faces.” He held out the box. “That’s for you.”

Sylvain looked at the product.

It was to ease the bruises and help them heal faster.

“You will hurt you more if you keep holding this umbrella.”

“Then what? My shoulder is the one who would put you outside!” Sylvain protested.

“Goddess!”

Felix entered the car, climbing on his lap. Sylvain stared at him but closed the umbrella and the door, putting the first in the back of the car. Car that was still under the Sun. Sylvain watched him as he put some lotion in his hand, passing his fingers on the zone starting to turn a bit purple.

The sunglasses were a bit annoying to see the mark so Felix grabbed them and threw them on the driver seat. He leaned a bit more.

Sylvain only watched his face. This face so concentrated on the task, the bristles looking like freckles on his face.

Sylvain had already noticed of beautiful he was when he arrived. The cute child had changed and while he looked like he had quickly tied his long hair, while he had black circles testimony of a poor life, to his eyes, there were no one more beautiful. And he knew something about that…

He had seen so many people…

He lifted his fingers, pushing away a strand pasting his face covered with protective cream. And his lips were still sparkled with gold…

“Is it me or it’s damn hot here?” Sylvain grinned.

“It’s the car, we’re under the Sun,” Felix replied.

Sylvain kept smiling. Kept looking at him, his fingers still around a thread. He savored the moment…

Felix pushed away his hand as he turned the head and leaned to grab the box he threw with his sunglasses and he started to check it, closing the tube.

“You can put it up to three times per day.”

“Nice! You can help me!” Sylvain smiled.

“If you want so but I think it’s fine. Touching your shoulder shouldn’t be too difficult. Unless you’re doing the whiny baby and there, yeah, I will have to force you to. You won’t heal if you don’t take care of it,” Felix said, putting back the tube in the box.

And leaning to slide the box with the others purchases…

“I feel like your family always said that to you when you were younger,” Sylvain smiled.

“A bit,” Felix replied.

“I will take care, don’t worry,” Sylvain replied. “Not that I need any help to heal but… sure, I will.” He leaned toward him. “And do you know you’re still sit on my lap?”

“Yes? I’m sitting on it,” Felix replied.

He frowned as he pushed open the door of the car. Sylvain had opened his lips to send him a dirty reply, but seeing him coming outside, he jumped out too, grabbing the umbrella and the sunglasses. In a matter of second, the umbrella was open and casted shadow on the pale face.

“Sylvain…”

“What? I’m caring!”

He slid the sunglasses on Felix’s nose who watched him in silence.

Caring…

“Thank you,” he said, looking away.

Sylvain noticed that, when he was watched him, he never really looked him in his eyes, which wasn’t surprising, but he was _watching_ him anyway. It was hard to explain… While Felix couldn’t look him right in the eyes, he had a way to watch him. He was significant. As a being.

Perhaps that was the reason he was caring so much?

“What do we do, now?” Felix asked, glancing at his phone. “The mall is still open for like three hours.”

“I saw a photo booth! Can we make a bunch?”

“Photo booth?” Felix repeated, looking up at him.

“Yup! Sorry to say that but, I hadn’t much pics of you while growing up and I kinda forgot about you?”

Felix shook his head. “Memories came back when I saw you but… I didn’t remember you neither. When father told me about you…”

“I know you were important.”

Felix nodded, meaning ‘same’ with that gesture.

“I grew up without any picture of you. I don’t want to have you erased from my memory once again. You mattered. You matter and don’t want you to stop mattering.”

Felix nodded slightly. “I understand…” he said. “Let’s go to your photo booth.”

“Neat!” He smiled and moved his arm, offering it to Felix. “Sir?”

Felix shook his head. And moved to the mall. Sylvain quickly followed him, keeping the umbrella above his head.

“Come one, you’re not funny!”

“It’s your wounded arm. You’re supposed to rest.”

“Oh…”

Sylvain glanced at the shoulder. And also noticed that Felix was standing at his safe side so he was rising the not-wounded shoulder to protect him.

He couldn’t help smiling.

They walked to the mall, entered it and went to the second floor where Sylvain had seen the photo booth. It was so tiny.

Sylvain had put away the umbrella and now, he was looking for his wallet. When you were used to buy a lot of expensive things without really caring, having a few coins wasn’t something evident. Fortunately, he had those quarters on him and he placed them into the machine so they could enter inside of it.

There was a screen, asking the kind of photography they wanted to make but, frankly, it was mostly to give idea to the customers.

Or the time maybe?

Sylvain had read so many stories of people who failed their pictures.

“What do we do?” he asked.

The booth was so tiny…

“Do you prefer we sit side by side? Or do each our turn? You can have my pic and I’ll have you, if you want to?” Sylvain offered.

“I prefer a picture with both of us. It would be better… to remember this day. But, you know, you can call me. Perhaps I would be glad to come at your place too?”

“Perhaps?” Sylvain smiled.

Felix shrugged. “Those memories coming back… I know they are precious. But I promise nothing,” he said. “I’ve my life.”

Felix was looking in the distance.

Sylvain took his wrist, delicately and yet strongly.

“We can talk whenever you want.”

“I’m not good for…”

“Let me check I have your phone number after the picture time, okay?”

“Very well.”

“So?” Sylvain smiled.

Felix pushed him on the seat and he pushed up his sunglasses, having them in his hair. He looked the remaining place and just sat on his lap.

“You like that, uh?” Sylvain grinned.

“Shut up,” he replied, passing his arm around him.

He leaned to ask the machine to start.

The screen told them there would be four pictures and a few seconds between each. Felix knew most of the people were making face and all but… he could only stay there, watching the lens.

This wouldn’t be very funny.

Sylvain might just lose money…

Not that it mattered for them. Neither losing time because that was exactly what they wanted to do.

Yet…

Felix felt like he wasn’t giving what he had to to Sylvain…

After a few moments, the screen just told them it was over. Felix got up and Sylvain imitated him. He was the one walking to the four little pictures. He smiled at it and cut it two, an easy thing thank to the way the paper was made.

“Two for you, two for me!” He cut his own in two again. “One for my wallet and another one for my room!”

“What?” Felix said.

“Your father told me to make myself at home and to make my room pleasant. It’s so blank for now. I thought a picture…”

Felix was more surprised about the picture ending in his wallet, to be honest. Why would he want…?

“Approach,” Felix said, taking his phone.

“Yup?”

Felix made him lean a little and he lifted his phone, in selfie mode, his cheek pressing a bit against his, he pressed the button to capture the moment.

“Here. I will send it to you and just print it with father’s printer. It can do everything.”

“Oh…” Sylvain said. He leaned over him to look at the cliché. “It’s great. Oh! Yeah! Thank you! Can I make one of you?”

“Me?”

Sylvain grabbed his phone, smiling. “You. Told you. I would like memories.”

Felix shrugged, looking away.

“Do as you want.”

Sylvain took the picture and he watched it with a smile.

“Can we check as well for our number? Oh, and I pay the food, ‘kay? It would be my pleasure to invite you at dinner.”

“If you want to. Lucky for you… I don’t eat much.”

“Why?”

“Not hungry.”

“I was about to propose to go grab an ice cream but now you wouldn’t eat after that!” he joked.

He gave his phone to Felix so he could insert his number in it. As he was doing it, he made a missing call for his phone so he could have Sylvain’s number in his phone a bit after.

“You can have ice cream if you want to. I don’t like sweet anyway.”

“I remember you eating so many pies when you were child. You remember the time we stole a bunch from the kitchen?”

“Yay,” Felix smiled lightly, handing him the phone back to him. “I was young. I don’t like sweet anymore.”

“What else changed?”

“A lot of things,” Felix replied.

“Do you still like hugs?”

“Nop,” he said, walking toward the fountain in the lower floor.

They could sit and talk at least. Even though he didn’t like small talk.

“Ouch! Do you still like to chase bugs?”

“No,” Felix said. “And if that can help you, the Boar and I aren’t friend anymore.” He sighed. “Dimitri.”

“What happened? You were always with him…”

“He betrayed a secret. The consequences of it have been disastrous…”

“I’m so sorry, Felix. Are you okay?”

He nodded slightly.

“You sure?”

“Yes,” Felix replied.

Sylvain followed him. “Is this what changed you?”

“Partly.”

“I’m so sorry…”

“That’s fine.”

For a second, Sylvain wanted to ask if he could thing about changing that, erasing the past… But he didn’t.

He wanted it. But he also knew how much it could be dangerous… If he crossed the line, if he made Felix doubt about him…

And… by the past, it happened to often that people told him ‘you get over it’ or ‘make an effort’ and he hated that…

They sat by the fountain in silence. People were walking around them, passing from a shop to another, eating cotton candy or fries or puff pastry. They were talking, laughing… some people were alone, other in group and there were those in phone. Some talking, laughing and there even was a guy who yelled at someone on the other side. Customers were in fancy outfit, attesting they were coming from work, or very casual, feeling the mood of the Summer and there were some employees of different places within the mall.

Felix had noticed something, however…

Sylvain received so many look. Some disapproving, but other staying too long on him, caressing, wandering… If most of them started because of his back, there were so many because of his face.

And…there were a few girls, as long as two boys, that looked like they wanted to approach him.

But none did it.

Yet, Sylvain had smiled to so many of them.

Why they didn’t ask him out? They were next to each other but there was nothing. No discussions. Not a look…

There were there, sitting for thirty minutes.

And there was nothing…

How could Sylvain be glad of that? They should go back to the car, even if it was a furnace, and they would go to his father’s house. Sylvain could do way more useful things… He could prepare himself for tomorrow.

Felix could be in his room, doing… nothing.

But they were there, with the sound of water, Sylvain smiling to girls…

He could have watched his phone.

But no… he was doing nothing except looking at anyone who was looking at Sylvain, his cheek in his hand, his elbow against his knee…

It started to hurt a little but he didn’t care, he didn’t move. Not like Sylvain who stretched, waved, glanced at the water or followed customers around. And every of his gesture was a spectacle ravishing look…

“I’m sorry,” Sylvain said, looking at him.

“What now?” Felix replied, turning his head in the other side.

“You’re here, with me. You could have done so much more if you could head home but nop, I’m whining about heat and so…”

“It’s fine,” Felix cut short. “I don’t care about being at my father’s or not. In fact… I rather prefer not being there.”

“Rodrigue said you never leave the house.”

“I don’t have much other choice…”

Sylvain leaned over him. “You have a secret girlfriend or something?”

“What?!” Felix hiccupped, glancing at him.

“It’s just your ‘nothing’ thing. I know it. I used it so much when I was younger. I said to my parents I was doing ‘nothing’ but none of those girls, and those four… no five, guys where called ‘nothing’,” he winked.

“What?” Felix said again, looking longer at his face peppered with freckles.

“Sex,” Sylvain said.

Felix frowned and then blushed and looked away, shaking his face.

“I don’t do that,” he protested.

“Looking at your reaction, there is no secret boyfriend nor non-binary lover neither. Too bad, it was my second and third guess.”

“I don’t… I’m not… I!” Felix hated when he wasn’t able to explain himself but Sylvain had caught him off-guard. “I am not seeking any relationship of that kind. I’m not made for that.”

Sylvain smiled. “I see…”

“Don’t ‘I see’ me like that. I don’t hide any lover! I have others interests and they don’t involve this kind of partners. They would be a loss of time.”

“Am I a loss of time?”

“Yes,” Felix replied, looking at him. “But I have to,” he added.

Sylvain sighed and got up, passing his hand in his hair. “I see…”

Felix didn’t reply.

“Sorry. I can look for a bus to come back.”

“You can’t.”

“Why?” Sylvain asked.

“Have you seen where we leave? The nearest bus stop at almost one kilometer of our place.”

“But you’re losing your time.”

“Eating is a loss of time. Washing myself is a loss of time. I would rather use this time for…” He groaned and mumbled ‘doing nothing’.

Sylvain stared at him.

“There are two wolves inside of me. One of them wants to yell at you because you’re an idiot and the second is worrying for you, a bit curious too.”

“I don’t have your time,” Felix said. “Our situations are different and you can’t understand.”

“I see,” Sylvain said.

Felix stared at him with a cold glance.

Sylvain rose his arms and moved away, turning his back to him. Felix grabbed this view and looked away once again.

“I’ve a question, though…”

“What?” Felix replied.

“If you don’t stop to smell the flowers, why are you living?”

“I’m allergic to flowers?”

“What?” Sylvain replied. “No! No! I know! I mean, the expression! Dumbass!”

Felix stared at him as if _he_ was idiot. Sylvain approached him and sat next to him.

“Where is the pleasure in your life?”

Felix shook his head.

“So…?”

“Where is the pleasure in your life?”

“I find it, sometimes… Passing a moment with someone I appreciate…” His fingers came around a strand to push it away, brushing Felix’s skin. “Being with the horses… fleeting moments of ecstasy…”

“The…”

Sylvain shook his head. “I don’t touch that. I’m talking about shared ecstasy.”

Felix made a face. “What do you propose?” he asked.

“What is the first thing that comes in your mind right now?”

“I don’t understand?”

“What do you want to do? Don’t think! The first thing coming in your head.”

Felix tilted his head but in an annoyed way.

“You don’t have to fear your reply. You can’t surprise me.”

“Perhaps I can.”

“Then, I won’t judge you. I have no reasons to judge you. No reason at all,” he swore.

“We should go dancing,” Felix said.

“Dancing?” Sylvain repeated.

“See?” Felix groaned.

“I’m not judging!” the redhead protested. “I’m all in! But where can we do that? I only know the dancing and they open very late…”

“That’s not the kind of dance I want to do. For having people hitting on us at every moment, with the sound of the music too loud? Ugh.”

“You’re a mystery,” Sylvain smiled. He sat next to him, once again. “I love the feeling of letting myself go to the music. It is always nice to have a cavalier and if we can have more fun,” he added with a wink.

“You are really disgusting,” Felix said, looking at the cellar. “But I’m talking about ballroom dance. They are way more interesting and some of them are really sensual. You might like it. You wouldn’t have to have sex with those partners if you tried those kind of dance, believe me.”

“Really?”

“It is more intimate than that.”

“So you had a lover!” Sylvain smiled.

“No! Never! Never, never. None of them.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never had a lover. I never danced those ballroom dances. Especially the sensual one. But I heard about it,” he said. He shrugged. “You asked me what was the thing coming in my mind, not if it was something I wanted to do. But you? What do you want to do?”

“Me?” Sylvain repeated. He moved his hand, taking softly his chin between his fingers, making him look at him. Even if Felix looked down. It was fine. He didn’t want to force him. “I want to talk with you. I want to make up for lost time.” He closed his eyes. “In every meaning.”

“Alright…” Felix moved away from his hand. “Talk, I will reply.”

“Okay! Let’s talk about studies…”

Felix threw him an annoyed look and Sylvain laughed, passing his arm around his shoulders to bring him against his chest.


	4. Chapter 3

He needed a coffee.

He really needed a coffee.

His night had been so horrible… His face was burning him and when he found the best position, it started to itch.

He stayed too much outside and the cream looking protective wasn’t. Certainly some windows were open in the mall and he hadn’t noticed it. They had talked so much with Sylvain, at some point, it looked like the hand of time was different, turning into a friend. The seconds weren’t stretching, they were vanishing and… somewhat, it wasn’t very friendly of it…

Felix didn’t like to talk, he was bad at small talk and, if he could, he would stay in his room the whole day. But talking with Sylvain was… natural?

He had a way to hold it.

You could sense he was gifted with words, he was used to charm with them. But… it wasn’t disagreeable.

Usually, he would struggle as soon as he had to talk with someone. Even with Glenn. How often their rare call ended with stupid things like ‘what did you eat today?’ because he was just that bad. But yesterday, they talked about horses, cats, studies, their hatred for their father, the fact that being rich was awesome but so damn annoying… Felix always felt like his father tried to buy him with all that money and he didn’t care, he would never able; Sylvain seemed to search the limit. And buying a very expensive mustang from Dagda wasn’t the limit, it seemed…

Anyway, he needed a coffee.

Two cups of coffee.

Okay, three.

Felix forced himself to get up, his hair being a mess, only wearing high tight with cat ears, a short, and a t-shirt, and after just a few minutes, he was walking down the stairs. He went to the kitchen and was surprised to find the breakfast set on it. Rodrigue and Sylvain talking as if they were friends.

They never took the breakfast here…

Why…?

“… something else?”

“No. I could have taken my car and put my moto inside but I didn’t like that,” Sylvain replied.

He noticed Rodrigue’s look and turned his head. A huge smile barred his face.

“Hey! Fe’!”

“Fe’?” Felix repeated, in surprise.

Sylvain got up and walked to him, leaning in. Felix stepped backward immediately. Why was he so tall?!

And… Today, he was just wearing a black t-shirt saying ‘I have no tits’, above a jeans and with some boots to complete the outfit, and it was… How was it possible to be sexier in those casuals clothes rather than the extremely sexy one he was wearing yesterday? Especially when the said clothes bore such a lie…

“No morning kiss?” Sylvain asked.

“Uh… If you want to.”

He approached him and Sylvain leaned. Felix closed his eyes when he felt the lips on his still burning cheeks. The same smell than yesterday was hugging him. So strong, so delicate, so overwhelming…

Sylvain had laid his hand in the crook of his back and now, he was stepping away, tugging a chair to invite Felix to sit down.

“I’m just coming to take a coffee,” Felix said. “But why are you in the kitchen?”

“Oh, I’m used to take my breakfast in the kitchen. I got up first and didn’t know I was supposed to have breakfast in the dining room,” Sylvain explained, sitting down.

“I couldn’t leave him alone,” Rodrigue smiled nicely.

Felix glanced at him and went to the percolator to pour himself some coffee. But… there weren’t anymore in the big glass pit.

“Ugh… no more coffee?”

“That must be my fault. You can have mine if you wanna,” Sylvain offered, handing his mug to the young man.

Felix stared at it.

The percolator was high-tech and his father loved it so much but even though it was expensive it was also incredibly slow. He needed caffeine now and before his father would start talking to him. He wasn’t in the mood for that.

He walked to the table and took the mug, sipping big gulp.

He made a face. Too sugary.

But it was coffee at least.

Or he believed so.

Sylvain smiled, looking at him.

“Sylvain was saying to me he only have his moto with him.”

Too late. Ugh… Usually, his father needed more time to start pestering him. Sylvain must have energized the man without knowing it.

“Nice for him,” Felix said.

He sipped again.

Sylvain moved. “I’m going to grab you,” he said.

And his arms passed around him. Felix hadn’t the time to protest, just to choke in the coffee, that he was on the man’s lap and he was so happy to still have a rash because he could pretend his cheeks were red because of his allergy and not because… what the hell?!

“How cute,” Rodrigue said. “You were always doing that when you were children!” he smiled. Leaning toward his son, he added: “Sylvain only has his moto and the weather is cloudy. I think it will rain.”

“Nice?” Felix replied.

Why his father was talking weather forecast with him?

“You’re still doing ‘nothing’ right?” Rodrigue said.

“Okay, that’s it, I’m done!” Felix groaned. “I’m not dumb! What do you want?!”

“Drive Sylvain at work. And stay there. A bit of fresh air would be perfect for you. Do others activities. Have new hobbies!”

“You don’t have to drive me work,” Sylvain replied. “You want some toast? I… can’t get up to make some for you but you can have mine. Have my coffee, my toast, everything, I give it to you!”

Felix watched at him.

“Sylvain kept being nice to you. Be nice for once in your life!”

“You really don’t have to…” Sylvain said.

“See!”

“Yeah, Rodrigue, it’s fine. I can drive my moto to work. We’re not even sure it will rain. I rather prefer take the moto.”

“I forbidden to you, Sylvain. It’s too risky and Felix does nothing of his time anyway. Learn to help others, Felix!”

“You know what?” Felix set getting up. “I hate you.”

“This isn’t new,” Rodrigue replied coldly.

Felix stepped away, still holding the coffee mug.

Sylvain was lost.

So lost…

What should he do? Should he run after Felix? Should he talk to Rodrigue?

He didn’t understand anything that happened there.

Oh Sothis… he should have taken his car.

“Uh… Perhaps I can borrow Felix’s car?” he said.

“No, Sylvain. Felix should stop with this behavior. He could help you a little. But it’s him. The kind child you used to know is no more. Felix would prefer to die instead of helping… I’m sorry you had to assist to that.”

“That’s fine,” Sylvain replied. ”I’m not mad at him at all.” He even smiled to the old man. “Everything is fine, Rodrigue. And tomorrow, I’ll eat in the dining hall!”

“As you saw, Felix and you aren’t so different. Usually, he would eat in the kitchen too. But that’s to avoid me,” he added. “I already thought about cutting everything from him,” he confessed. “That won’t change him, sadly.”

“Uncle Rodrigue, please… Don’t be mad at him. I will go talk with him. But it’s fine if he lend me his car or if I have to go in moto. Don’t worry. I don’t risk anything.”

Rodrigue glanced at him. “Honestly, I’m not sure anyone can have anything from him…”

“Have you…”

Sylvain closed his mouth.

“What?”

Sylvain shook his head in front of the man. He got up from the table and glanced at it. Should he tidy up?

Should he say something more?

“Go, you will be late at this rate.”

“Yeah… But I’m kinda the boss. I do what I want,” he smiled.

Sylvain left the room and climbed the stairs. He quickly went to Felix’s room and… just stopped there. Should he knock at that door?

He didn’t want to force Felix to do anything.

If Rodrigue wanted to play the caring uncle, it was a thing but he really didn’t care about driving in the rain. Especially because he had a helmet to protect him. But, more important than that… he just didn’t care if his moto fell on the water if he was the only one damaged by that.

He didn’t care.

He lowered his fist.

He didn’t want to bring Felix into that. He would lie, say something to Rodrigue. Anything that would prevent from anymore problem and would just take his moto. It was fine that way.

“You don’t knock?”

Sylvain jolted and swirled on his heels, watching at Felix.

“From where…?”

“Bathroom.”

Felix’s arms were folded and his long hair was now tied in a bun. Sylvain noticed how much he looked tired, his skin so pale, red and pink blotches all over it.

Rodrigue really want to force him on the road?

“So… losing courage or it wasn’t important?”

“Didn’t want to bother you. It’s fine, I can go alone. I don’t care about aquaplaning! First because…” Silence. Then he smiled. “If I’ve scared I will be even sexier and will get more partner for hot night! And then… if you come and we have aquaplaning… why Rodrigue don’t think about that?”

“There is less risk in a car than a moto because of the bodywork.” He smiled too. “Or perhaps he doesn’t care as long as _you_ risk less.”

“I don’t care about risking anything.”

Felix stared at him. “I don’t want to stay in that fucking house. I bring you wherever you want if I don’t have to stay.”

Sylvain approached him. “Of course I won’t force you to stay…” He stopped at a few pace from him. “You can use me every time you need to leave this house.” He put a knee on the floor. “I can bring you somewhere else for ever if you want to…”

Felix passed his hands on his cheeks, his fingers brushing some freckles. “You’re talking like a messenger of the Death…”

“Ah…” Sylvain laughed nervously. “Sorry, didn’t want to frighten you.”

“Too bad,” he replied. He let go on him and walked toward his room. “Be ready in five minutes. And take that umbrella! It will be useful in a way or another.”

“Okay… But…” Sylvain sat on the floor and watched the door closing. “I’m already ready,” he said.

Felix didn’t reply.

Five minutes later, he came from his room and he just had changed his clothes but Sylvain noticed his glooming skin, the golden sparkles on his lips. He had put some protection…

Felix stopped next to him and stared. “How is your shoulder?”

“Fine, thank you.”

Sylvain got up and smiled at him. He dashed in his room to grab the umbrella and, as he did, Felix could see glimpse of the room. He saw the picture of them on the nightstand. And he wondered… why?

After a few seconds, Sylvain came back. He threw him a voluptuous smile and, together, they went down the stairs.

Rodrigue was preparing himself to leave as well. He noticed Felix by Sylvain’s side. He couldn’t help but smiling, looking at his own son with something special in his eyes, just on the corner of them. A gleam that gift the visceral envy to Felix to just pull them out his skull…

“You managed to convince him,” he smiled. “Congratulations.” He walked toward his father. “So someone can make you change.”

“Perhaps you’re the only one I don’t want to please,” he replied.

He snickered to his father and stepped to the door. He pushed it open, grabbed his boots and walked outside. He used his keys to open the garage, putting on the shoes so he could go to the car and have it outside. The sky was a bit cloudy but nothing to worry about. The fact that his father worried that much for Sylvain…

He would never have done that for him.

Would he for Glenn?

He wondered.

It was more than possible.

And he knew… there was something between them. Rodrigue had always loved others more than him. How often he saw him so happy to have Dimitri at home and now, making all the efforts for Sylvain…

He really wanted to get out of this house…

The car door opened next to him and Sylvain entered, fastening his bell.

“Do you think we can put my moto in there? You can bring me a bit away and…”

“Do you want it? I can drive you work and back to my father’s house if you want to. It’s not that long.”

He checked the rearview mirror and, seeing his father, he showed his middle finger. Then he drove away.

Sylvain stayed mute a moment.

For meters and meters.

They were still surrounded by field. Covered with beautiful colors on this time of the year. Soon, the fruits and vegetables as long with the cereals would be collected. For now, it was just beautiful…

“Pull over,” Sylvain said.

“Excuse me?” the young man replied.

“Pull over, Felix.”

“Is something wrong?” he asked, as he pulled over.

Security asking, he checked that no one would come but, in fact, there was really little chance for vehicles to come.

He made sure the car wouldn’t move and turned his head toward Sylvain.

“Is this…”

He hadn’t the time to ask if his shoulder was bothering him that he felt hands on his cheeks. He felt his face tugged toward the redhead and looked away as much as he could. But those hands were like blinker. He tensed and felt the hands moving, allowing him to look away. But the thumbs caressed his cheeks.

“You’re not alone, Felix… I don’t know what’s happening for you but if you need to talk to anyone, at any moments, I’m there.”

“Why are you saying that? Let go on me, Sylvain!”

Sylvain complied. “You’re not alone, Felix. I won’t force you. But if you need it…”

“Why would I talk to you?!”

“I want you to know… there is somewhere your sentiments matter. I want you to know you can talk somewhere. Anytime. Even in the mid of the night. And when I will leave, I want you to call me, no matter what, no matter when.”

“Why would I talk to you?!” he repeated.

“You tell me why. But you don’t have to.”

Felix was tensed.

“I don’t want you to be alone.”

“Why?”

“I told you…” Sylvain started.

“Why are you understanding? You eat… your breakfast in the kitchen, you pronounce some words…”

“You pronounce them too,” he replied. “If I were the messenger of Death… would you take my hand?”

“If it was raining and it was so dangerous to go outside with your moto, would you take the road?”

Sylvain smiled. He caressed his cheek. “Oh Fe’… this isn’t a life I wanted for you.”

“You didn’t remember me.”

“But I remember you now. And I don’t want that for you.”

“I’m not playing this game. I won’t lower my gates just because you look at me that way. Because you touch me that way. I’m not stupid. You won’t play me like a fiddle!”

“I’m not playing, Felix. I just want you to know, someone is holding a hand to you. When you will need it, grab it. If you just need to caress it, do it. If it just be a brush, to be sure I’m there, go ahead. I’m not playing with you.”

Sylvain wanted to say ‘look at me’ but he knew he wouldn’t.

The situation was so tense.

He understood…

For Felix, it was hard to watch someone in the eyes, to watch someone’s face at all. But in this situation…

“You saw my body. But have you looked at it?”

“No! Why would I…”

Felix saw him rose his t-shirt, displaying his perfect abs. But on the sweet and light caramel skin, there were white scars.

“I’m not the perfect son, Felix. My father… he is always smiling, gentle, tender…” He pushed down his t-shirt. “But no one can see his true face. No one has seen his anger. And when he is angered…”

Sylvain was smiling.

Felix wanted him to stop. Why was he smiling when he was…

“How often he rose his hand because I wasn’t doing what he expected from me? How often I felt his anger because I shouldn’t bring girls in my room and destroy the name he had created with his hands. But… he loves me, he said. He hates himself, he said. He let me have everything I want because he felt guilty. That doesn’t stop him,” he laughed. “’I’m sorry, Sylvain. I won’t do it again!’ he said. And the day after, I breathe too heavily, I smile when I shouldn’t… and his hand hit my face…”

“Stay with us,” Felix said.

That was the only thing he could say.

“Aaaw, Fe’! That’s so nice of you! Perhaps! If I please myself in that center, I think I will take you at your word!” he smiled.

“Stop smiling! Don’t smile like that! He is beating you and…”

“What do you want me to do except smiling?” he replied. “There is no one. Every day… every day, I’m wondering, when his hand will kill me. Or if I will kill myself first. How often I have looked down the window. I learned to drive a moto because I heard so many histories about those accidents… I forget you because… I don’t believe I’m allowed to happiness.”

“I’m here. I will do whatever I need for father to accept you at his house. The time you will need to be able to get your own place.”

“Are you holding me out your hand?” he asked, taking said hand with tenderness.

He pressed his lips on the knuckles.

“Yes.”

Sylvain moved his other hand, brushing a strand of dark blue hair.

“You always say… ‘father’s house’. You never say ‘home’.”

“It’s his house,” Felix replied.

“Yes…”

“I don’t think I can tell you everything,” Felix whispered.

“I haven’t told you everything,” Sylvain replied.

Those words made a shiver run along Felix’s spine. What did it imply?

He could see again the little boy, smiling… wasn’t his smile already so fake? He couldn’t remember now…

“Father never took care of me. Do you remember how it was always Glenn taking care? Father didn’t care. I learned why eight years ago. The day everything changed. The day the Boar betrayed my secret… and…” Sylvain smiled to hide his tears and his sorrow, but him? What could he do? Looking away? He was always doing that… “father… Rodrigue told me the words he had always on his heart. You know what I did?”

Sylvain shook his head, still holding his hand.

“I killed the woman he loved. My birth erased her life.” Felix squeezed back his hand. “Eight years ago… he told me what he still believes today… ‘if only you were never born’. When I look at him, I can read in his eyes ‘if only you were the one who had died’.”

“Fe’…”

“I don’t know why he kept me. For her? You say you looked down the window. How often I did it too… How often I went under the Sun without protection, hoping it would kill me…”

Sylvain approached him, his forehead pressed against his.

“We will leave. We will leave our golden jails. I swear to Sothis.”

Felix nodded. He looked at him, one second, then looked down.

“Don’t… don’t waste your life,” Felix said. “Don’t try to die. And I will do the same. As long as you try to survive, to live, I will do the same…”

“Okay,” Sylvain replied. He pressed his nose against his. “As long as you try to live, I will live. And the day you will die, ask your messenger of Death to come take me. Okay?”

“Alright… But only if you do the same…” He closed his eyes. “I have a plan for getting out of there but if I don’t succeed… If I don’t succeed, I count on you.”

“Not only you can count of me, but I will help you to make your plan in action. And I will cheer you up. Every moment. We will make it.”

“We will make it…” Felix replied. “But… don’t smile anymore… don’t smile if you’re not happy. You said you were there for me. I will be there for you as well. You can lay your sorrow on me. You don’t have to fake it.”

“I will do my best,” Sylvain replied.


	5. Chapter 4

**_One week later_ **

The Count Varley hadn’t much more money now and he had been very lucky that the fallen Margrave Gautier, making back his name and his money from scratch, had accepted to put him at the head of one of his filial. He had forced his daughter to work there because he wouldn’t have to pay her. As much as the girl who came here to learn the language. No one asked.

But the problem was that the Margrave had sent his son over here. And while the young man was especially around the horses and the customers, the Count was always fearing he might find out what was been going on. If he lost such a generous-paid work…

He expected that everything went well because Sylvain was so frivolous… He was always bantering, laughing, smiling… And which was very strange to the Count… the guy had managed to remember the name of the forty-two horses but he was still calling him ‘eyh you’!

At least, the young man passed his days in the stable.

The center wasn’t very flourishing.

Some said he had been send there to help to put it back on the right track. For now, he hadn’t tried much.

Well… except taking care of the different stable shirtless.

Strangely, after one week, there were some people coming around. And the fact Petra had started to do the same, only wearing a bra, helped also, probably. Sylvain would be glad if his muscles could put this center on its track. There would be something he could brag to his family. ‘Yeah, father you said I would get nothing down by slutting around. Guess what!!?’

“Sylvain?”

Sylvain turned toward Bernadetta who was standing in the opening of the stable. She was shaking…

She wasn’t fearing the horse because, gladly, he managed to show her how sweet they were. She was fearing him.

But… he also saw her fearing a butterfly so he didn’t take it personally.

“Yep?”

“Your boyfriend is there…”

“My boyfriend?”

“The always angry guy…”

“Felix? He isn’t my boyfriend!” Sylvain protested. “We’re friend!”

While he smiled… he would have been glad to have Felix’s as boyfriend. He wanted to touch his tiny body, he wanted to hold him… He would give him everything he had if Felix was willing to look what he had to offer. He felt like Felix was quite receptive but he was too afraid to make him run away if his words looked serious…

In a general way, he was glad as long as Felix would let him lay his eyes on him. Would let him talk with him. Be here for him…

“Can you take care of Melvin for me?” he asked to Bernadetta, grabbing his shirt. “The hardest part is already done!”

“Okay…” Bernadetta replied.

She pressed her back against the threshold as Sylvain went outside, and she waved her finger to the exit. To Felix’s direction.

Sylvain dashed toward there, like a happy puppy.

He was in the longest alley of stable when he saw Felix. Felix pushed up the sunglasses on his head.

“You’re do…”

He stopped talking.

Sylvain just had dashed even faster to him and his arms were held out around and above him at once, the t-shirt breaking the contact with the Sun.

“Is it something wrong?” Sylvain worried.

“You are… too close…” Felix breathed out.

And Sylvain was certainly too close because he could feel the breath against his skin.

Felix didn’t know what he was supposed to do? Look up at him and kept looking down? He almost had his head against the soft pillow peppered with hair and freckles. And his hand was froze on his sunglasses because if he lowered it and brushed his skin? His ripped muscles…

But there, he couldn’t miss the spectacle of the droplets of sweat running down the perfect imperfection of the tanned skin. And he could feel the heavy breathing of Sylvain play with his hair. Gosh, he could almost see the frenetically heart beating under the pectorals. And… how the hell Sylvain was still smelling this strong aroma of bergamot.

“I’m protecting you from the Sun!”

“I’ve put some cream. It’s fine,” Felix replied. “Can you step back?”

Sylvain seemed doubtful but he stepped backward and put on his shirt that had a deep cleavage mostly formed by a huge pentagram creating strap here and there. He had seen this at the morning and Felix still tried to understand how he managed to be astonishing in absolutely every outfit he was putting on.

“You had something for ‘the plan’ to do today, right?” Sylvain asked, walking toward the stables.

Felix followed him and put back the sunglasses, his eyes hitching him a little.

“Indeed,” he replied.

“How it went?”

“Not as smoothly as I expected. The path isn’t closed, yet, but I have to take care now…” he explained.

“I believe in you, Fe’,” Sylvain smiled.

“I appreciate but you don’t even know what is it about,” Felix sighed.

“Yeah, because you refuse to tell me so.”

“I won’t make the same mistake twice…”

“I understand,” Sylvain eased.

“Anyway… I thought you would enjoy going grab an ice cream?”

“I do!” he replied with a big grin. “But I thought you didn’t like sweet.”

“Yeah. I’m offering you an ice cream. I thought it would please you…”

“It is!” Sylvain turned toward him. “You’re so cute, I could smooch you!”

“Smooch me and I hit you!”

Sylvain laughed and grabbed his wrist, tugging him in. Felix’s fist immediately clenched but he didn’t hit him. He would have done it with anyone… but Sylvain. He could get angry, uncomfortable, uneasy, but he would never hit him. Not after what he learned.

He wanted Sylvain to feel well somewhere. Next to someone.

“Please,” he said under his breath.

“What?”

“Don’t smooch me,” Felix replied.

“Oh? No! I won’t, you said ‘no’. But here you’re in the shadow.”

Felix looked up, noticed the stable’s roof protecting him and he nodded slightly.

“Do you want to meet Mabel?” he proposed, walking toward a grey mane.

“I’m fine. I’m… I’m not sure we can get along very well.”

“She is very tender. And I doubt she wouldn’t like you.”

Felix moved forward and approached the horse. “What should I do?”

“Here, give me your hand. Not in a romantic way,” Sylvain winked.

Felix approached, holding out his hand. Sylvain was very careful when he made him approach, laying the hand on the horse’s nose. Felix had noticed he was always very careful when it came to him but there, he was even more careful and his heart was beating hard in his chest.

He was a bit uneasy, the horse staring him with her big eyes. He looked away.

“You risk nothing. You can caress her, she would love it!”

Felix nodded but didn’t move his hand.

“Do you know them all already?”

“Nop. I know their name, I know what they look like but I don’t know their personality well yet. I know Vanilla is very anxious… That’s the horse of the first time. I still don’t allow bringing him in the front corral. I think Storm is pregnant… The guy holding the center says he doesn’t know how it happened but honestly, he isn’t taking very care of all of this. I suspect Diablo to have taking the opportunity while the guy was messing…”

Felix couldn’t understand anything but he listened to him talking. It was… weird. His voice was… soothing.

He was always stressing and doubting, even though he would act as if he was controlling everything, but when Sylvain started to talk… everything was better. The stress vanished, the doubts were no more.

He didn’t care about the horses, he didn’t care about what Sylvain was saying about the center but he listened to his voice…

And it was… so agreeable.

“Anyway, you know, you can ask me anytime for free lessons!” Sylvain said.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah! If it’s you asking, I would immediately comply!” Sylvain smiled nervously. “I’m not sure it’s even a present you might like but… if I can get you interested to horse, perhaps?”

“Uh, I…I doubt it. I don’t dismiss your passion,” he said.

“Are you dismissing your father’s passion?”

Sylvain was smiling. Widely. A snicker that just gave a chill to Felix. But on the other hand… his father hadn’t met the Margrave by hazard. Or… yes, they have met by hazard. But their friendship pursued in the years. Rodrigue had always been a bit wealthier than the Margrave but both of them were running behind a dream and helped each other, as much as Lambert helped them. Cheering for them. When he was young, Rodrigue was always coming in the equestrian center where Lucas worked and they bonded over this. With time, both of them managed to climb the level of the ladder of success.

Now, Rodrigue didn’t take time with horses and Lucas stopped caring for them…

“Honestly, I’m not very comfortable around animals. I like cats,” he said. “But they can do their lives without you so it’s less… frightening.”

“You’re a cat person?”

“Yes? Why?”

“I hate cats…” Sylvain said.

“You hate cats,” Felix repeated, walking toward them.

“You can’t trust cats! They want you to take care of you and as soon as you start, they beat the shit out of you! And also they are always making biscuits on your thighs, claws out, of course!”

“That’s a sign of love! What a horse would do for showing you love?”

“Oh dear! You have no idea! They are the sweetest! They would press their head against you and rub their cheeks against yours! They would gently nib at your hair! Oh just make you come for a walk and in the breeze you feel about nothing and…” He cleared his throat. “Horses are nice. I also love dogs!”

“Ugh,” Felix let out.

But he said nothing for the horses.

He felt like Sylvain experimented that too often.

“It’s hard to get the trust of a cat but when you get it, it’s special. They look at you in a special way and that means they love you. They would even purr if they love you enough. I like cats. But horses sure look cool…”

Felix felt fingers under his chin and looked up at Sylvain with surprise.

“Hearing you talking about cats, I kinda feel you’re a bit of a cat.”

“I kind off see myself as a cat, yes,” Felix replied.

“Now… I might like cats in this case.”

Felix’s eyes widened. Sylvain leaned toward him.

“Don’t play with this…” he whispered.

“Why?” Sylvain asked, his hand caressing his cheek.

“You said… you said you didn’t think you deserved love… You and I aren’t so different… If you play that way…” Felix replied under his breath.

“If I play that way, what?” he asked.

He pushed up the sunglasses who prevented him to approach even more. Their lips were now at a few centimeters from each other. And the distance seemed to disappear. So fast. Unless it was an impression?

A long strand of dark blue hair moved under their breathing intertwining, maddening…

“It just gives me…” He raised his face toward him. “… hope.”

The last word vanished under Bernadetta’s voice yelling Sylvain’s name. He turned his head suddenly, almost hitting it hard against Felix and just stammered a ‘sorry’ before leaving quickly outside.

Felix pressed his hands over his face.

What the hell?

He noticed the look of the horse next to him.

“What?” he asked her.

He breathed heavily.

What the hell?!

What just happened there? Why it was… Why did they…

How?!

He understood nothing. His legs were so weak. And he was used to way more. So why did he felt like he was about to crash at every second? He could barely breath… He never felt that before.

But this was just a game…

Sylvain loved to annoy people and he was used to have many lovers. Damn! It was so common, Rodrigue even told him he could bring ladies home as long as he would protect himself correctly. ‘We don’t want you to get sick or her to be pregnant’ but except that… he could bring anyone in his room.

Felix didn’t think he had done it already but Sylvain seemed pretty obvious about the fact he didn’t need a bed to have fun.

He certainly could be enough with hay.

With hay…

His legs gave up.

He fall violently on the hay and hiccupped. His head was filled with images. What was happening? Why did he dream of…

What the hell?

He didn’t like guys so why… why was he…?

It wasn’t him. He never dreamed about anything. He didn’t desire. He knew it would be a question with his father. The man expected a grandson or a granddaughter. And since Glenn had no one and him, he was nothing to his eyes, he could have been the one providing the grand children he dreamed of… But he wasn’t like that. The only matter was training. Forgetting his life.

And now, he…

“Okay, sorry Felix… Fe?! You fine!?”

Felix saw Sylvain appears in his view and for two good seconds, he couldn’t say if he was real or if he was craving him.

So strange…

Especially coming from someone who had never liked a guy.

Thought… Sylvain wasn’t any guy. He had such a special and brute beauty.

“I’m fine… a bit dizzy…”

“Probably the Sun. I will drive us home… I mean to your father’s.”

“Your ice cream?” Felix replied.

“It’s just an ice cream. I can get one at any time. Come on, get up.”

Sylvain grabbed his hand to help him up. Felix thanked him, still a bit dizzy.

“What was wrong with Bernadetta?”

“Melvin was trying to get out the stable. Bernadetta is struggling a bit with anything unexpected. I will make sure everything is done and she can leave before leaving, if you don’t mind waiting?”

“I’m fine waiting…” Felix replied.

“I’m coming back as soon as possible. Take care with the Sun.”

Sylvain pressed a kiss on his forehead and stepped away. Felix watched him move away and he glanced at the horse who still stared at him. He smirked.

“Are you done?” he asked her.

His hands were shaking, his legs were still shaking.

Perhaps it was better if Sylvain took the wheel. He hoped feeling better soon but on the other hand, he had the feeling he could never calm down…


	6. Chapter 5

His hands… his hands so warm. Touching him, caressing him… No one had ever touched him that way. No one had ever looked at him that way… his eyes were ravishing him, his hands were discovering every inch of him, making race his heart. He couldn’t stop watching at him. His lips.

So warm…

He wanted… he wanted to feel this broad body above his. He wanted to feel so tiny under it. Protected…

“Say one word, and I will give you everything I have…”

His hands on his belly. He opened his legs to him, afraid and excited at once.

“Sylvain…” he whispered.

He wanted to give him everything he had.

The body lowered above his, a hand coming on his thigh. He couldn’t breath anymore, hypnotized by his gesture, by his eyes.

“Felix…”

Felix moved to grab those tentative lips just above his. He needed to feel them against his, he needed to feel his warm. Inside, outside…

He wanted to feel what he never felt before.

He whispered the name.

Whispered it again and again and again, calling him, calling a bliss never reached before.

Felix woke up in a jolt, panting and his eyes wide open.

“What the hell?!” he hiccupped.

He looked on the side. Was it real? Was it… his back hit the mattress again and he pressed his hands on his face. Did he just… How was it possible that he dreamed about… Sylvain making him discover the pleasure of love…

Felix didn’t know how long he stayed there, leaning, listening to his heart beating too hard.

Something had happened yesterday when they were in the stable, when Sylvain was about to kiss him and he ignored what curse was making it stay. Stay. Stay…

He liked Sylvain. As the childhood friend he remembered, as someone looking so happy, so casual. He loved how he could take life easily. But he was a friend. Just a friend… And him, he was attracted to girls.

It never happened, yet, but he was straight…

That was… normal, isn’t it?

When you were attracted to no one, weren’t you straight by default?

Because being attracted by men wasn’t… normal as his father would say. He didn’t like those words but he could believe them. In life, in TV, in books, you would see straight couple, and not the others couple. So, if he never got interested by anyone, it might say…

He knew stuff about sexuality and him, he never looked at girls, at boys…

He must be straight.

So… why was he dreaming about that? Why was he wanting to be hugged by Sylvain that way. Why…

Ah! The images were coming back in his mind!

He tried to chase them away.

It burnt…

He had suffered the burn so often. When you had his illness, it was more than common.

But this burn… was so beautiful, so tempting, tender, loving… It was warming not only his body, but his soul. And he craved…

But he _couldn’t_ crave.

You couldn’t when you were straight… and… ugh, his head hurt.

It was non-sense…

He stayed there, lying a little more. His heart still beating so hard. Some images coming back. As a flash.

Memories of his dreams, threats…

Why?

Why Sylvain was snaking in his life? Why would he… hope for Sylvain’s love?

Sylvain was a playful man. Sylvain wanted a comrade for a night of delight… A part of him wished for it, wanted his dream to be fulfilled. But… he didn’t want to be just a comrade for a night of delight. He wanted to get out of here… He wanted someone he could trust enough to told him what wasn’t alright. He wanted to be there for Sylvain. And he wanted his hands on his body.

No!

No! He couldn’t. He… No!

This was impossible!

Felix sat in the bed.

He pressed his hands on his face, breathing heavily.

No…

How could it be?

Something must be wrong? The thing was probably that… Sylvain was so charming. He could have anyone attention if he wished it. Perhaps, without wanting it, he had managed to lure Felix into his trap and those were the consequences. It must be that since… he was straight.

One day, he would give a grandchild to his father and perhaps he would stop hating him.

Or perhaps…

Perhaps, he would walk toward the window and…

But he promised something to Sylvain. And why was it so important that he promised this to Sylvain?

Something wasn’t right at all.

He leaned toward his knees, pressing his arms around them, pressing his forehead on his knees.

He stayed there.

A moment.

Just a moment…

But this moment stretched. So much… He was there. Waiting. Silent. His heart speaking for him a melody he couldn’t understand.

He was so confuse…

So confuse…

He heard a light knock against his door.

“Fe’? I hope you good. I’m going to work if ever. I’m taking my moto. If you still sleep, good night, little kitty.”

Felix stared the door.

A part of him wanted to get up, run at the door, open it, throw himself at him and… and beg him to make stop the need. To make stop the burn in his guts. Make him taste the forbidden fruit so it would stop.

And on the other hand… he was afraid.

So afraid.

He couldn’t wish that.

His head was so confuse.

“’kay, have a nice day,” he said.

“Oh! So you’re up!”

“Hm… I feel a bit sick, it’s all,” he replied.

“You want me to stay?”

Yes. He wanted him to come. He wanted him to touch him, to feel his breath against his skin.

It was so wrong.

It couldn’t…

“I’m fine. Just need a bit of time to get up. I might come today. You said I could ask you free lessons, right?”

“Yes!”

“I will come. But it will be late.”

“Who cares,” Sylvain said. “I’m in charge and I do what I want.”

“Of course, you do.”

“Have a nice day, Fe’. See ya later.”

“See you later,” he replied.

Felix’s back crashed on the mattress. He pressed his hand on his belly. He didn’t like that. His thoughts were so confuse, cloudy… How was it possible?

How was it possible…

This desire…

He turned in his bed, pressing his face in the pillow. He refused to have those images but they were so sweet. And the worst was… that burn wasn’t what he cherished the most. He wished… he desired… this breath against his skin, those eyes laying on him, the sound of his voice in his ear… He wanted to see him, have him. This was so wrong.

What his father would say?

Why would he care about this?

Why feeling guilty if he moved his hand, making disappear the need. Why feeling guilty if he stained, for the very first time, his bed? Why feeling guilty if he stained his bed with the tempting image of someone… loving him…

Wholly.

From the bottom of their heart…


	7. Chapter 6

The day had been long.

Sylvain could have left already, his moto awaiting him. There would be enough hay for the horses, enough water. He could let them.

And the Count Varley was away. So it was perfect… because Sylvain didn’t really trust the guy. Gladly, he was the one in charge, he decided everything and if the Count dared to do something without asking him first, or something against his orders, he could fire him. Sylvain waited that moment… He didn’t like that man. He was treating the horses like merchandise.

He hated that.

He was treating Bernadetta, and Petra, as if she was just a pawn in his chessboard. And he hated that.

She was someone.

She was his daughter.

But he knew… that wasn’t because you had a child that you loved them.

The scars on his body were as much as memories of this.

Sylvain could have left but Felix said he would come… He was waiting for him… He just wanted to see him arrive. He kept looking.

This was the first time Felix didn’t get up the morning and it was a bit strange… He always made sure to go in the dining room now so Felix wouldn’t have to be with his father. But Felix would drive him at work or he would come to say ‘hello’ at least. He always loved leaning on his tiny body and press a delicate kiss on his cheek.

This was the purest moment of the day.

The only moment their eyes could meet briefly.

It didn’t happen today, obviously.

This was fine. He just really hoped Felix wouldn’t be sick anymore…

He hoped he wasn’t running away from him, honestly. Yesterday… Oh Sothis, forgive him… Yesterday, he crossed the line.

He wanted to touch Felix, he wanted to kiss him but he shouldn’t abandon himself to that. He could be self-destructive but he couldn’t bring someone dear to his heart with him. Felix was someone important for him… The memories he brought with him, the way he looked at him, his words, his kindness closed in a cold demeanor… all of this was making him weak. He wanted to discover him even more, he wanted to pass time with him. Protect him from what he suffered…

He felt like it was too late for him but not for Felix.

But he knew… he was lying to himself.

It was too late for both of them.

And perhaps that was the reason why he was attracted to him like a moth to a flame?

Their suffering was the same…

He wanted to know him more. He wanted to see him smile. He wanted to discover him and he was willing to take anything Felix would give him.

He just… didn’t want to break the bond slowly weaving between them.

What if he scythed it with this almost kiss?

Why was he such an idiot? Why was he always trying to destroy what could make him happy?

Because… he tried to kiss him to make him run away, right?

Or… he desired it that much?

He didn’t know anymore…

If only he could ask this to him.

If only his lips could pronounce the words swirling in his brain…

“Sylvain?!”

“Felix!” he smiled. He pressed his forehead against the horse’s forehead. “Stay there, beauty,” he said.

Then, he dashed to the barrier surrounding the corral. It was the one at the back because it was the more secured. Lot of young cavaliers could be afraid by sound of cars or else. As much as the horses, as Melvin proved it. The equestrian center didn’t have much visitor and the sound of cars were rare, especially because it wasn’t a path usually taken, but it could always happen. Not later than this morning, a truck passed here. He preferred to be extra-sure and not do anything wrong.

Especially not with Felix.

He dashed toward the origin of the voice and… stopped suddenly.

Felix was coming, yes, but he was with a tall girl. Her long blond hair looking like gold with the reflect of the Sun. She was tying them in a bun, talking with Felix, smiling at him and he smiled back at her. And this despite having a black tank top pointing at him and saying ‘I’m with stupid’. She was just wearing a short and had boots coming pretty high.

She turned the head. Her met Sylvain’s. She smiled at him, her green eyes shining. Usually, it would be the kind of girls he would hit on. But there… he felt hatred climbing in his guts.

Felix…

Was smiling at her.

Felix he almost never saw smile, and certainly not frankly… was smiling at her. And Sothis damn him… this smile was so pure. He wanted to be the one making him smile… Not this girl with well draw muscles.

At this exact second, he just wanted to remove his tank and show off his own muscles to Felix.

Ridicule.

Why doing the peacock like that?

“Sylvain! I shall introduce you Ingrid Brandl Galatea!”

“Sylvain José Gautier, the owner of the Equestrian Center, right?” she smiled, holding out her hand to him.

He watched her, taking her hand, squeezing it. Hard.

She squeezed it back.

“Is it fine if you teach Ingrid?”

“Excuse me?” Sylvain said.

“She refuses me to pay her any séance but now since you are offering them.”

“I told you he would refuse. He offered them to you, idiot!”

“Stupid,” he replied, pointing at her tank. “And I really don’t want to ride so I’m giving it to you.” He looked at Sylvain. “Is it fine if you teach Ingrid? It’s her dream,” he said.

“It’s your dream?” he repeated to her.

She nodded. “I always wanted to ride. I love horses so much.”

“She is a horse person, just like you. I’m sure you would get along very well,” Felix said.

Sylvain was there, staring at them both. He couldn’t even realize that the Sun was hitting Felix, that he should protect him.

He was just…

He never expected Felix to bring a girl with whom he seemed so close, too close. She was making him smile, he was offering her his present…

And she was beautiful.

Oh Sothis, he hated her.

“You don’t have to accept,” Ingrid said. “I told this dumbass not to but… ugh, what I could have done except that? At least, he wasn’t spending his money for me? I couldn’t refuse that stupid Porsche he offered but this time at least, it’s free…”

“He bought you a Porsche…”

“Yeah. I hate you, rich guys.”

Sylvain stared at Felix. He hadn’t bought a Porsche to any girls or boys he dated. A Porsche…

“So, is it fine, Sylvain?” Felix asked.

Sylvain looked at him.

He was looking him without looking him, like always. He wanted to please him, stay in his life, make him smile… Should he please her so he would be happy? This was unfair… But he had already done things disgusting him in a self-destructive gesture, in a way to pay what he thought he didn’t deserve.

He could make Felix happy.

That was the only thing mattering.

And… he could be the sweetest at Felix’s eyes. Perhaps he could…

Tss, was he really thinking to steal Felix from his girlfriend by being nice with his girlfriend? He knew he could be trash but wasn’t he going too far away?

He was smiling.

He shouldn’t. Felix told him he shouldn’t smile to hide his feelings but if he didn’t smile…

“Sure! Ingrid, that’s it?”

“Yes!”

“Congratulation, Ingrid! You will get free séances! I had brought Melba! She is the sweetest mare we have. Make debut with her is the best.”

Ingrid couldn’t hide her excitation. “Thank you,” she said.

She passed her arms around Sylvain and he passed his arms around her, squeezing back. She pushed back!

“You can’t control your strength! Damn!” she laughed. “I shouldn’t let you approach Felix! You would break him!”

Felix frowned.

“Yeah! I can’t control my strength! Sorry! I hope I didn’t hurt you. I didn’t want to.”

“That’s fine! I’m kick-boxing trainer and I saw worst!”

“Oh damn…” Sylvain replied. “That’s hot!”

“Thank you!” Ingrid smiled.

“Be careful he is not hitting on you,” Felix said.

“I wouldn’t!!” Sylvain protested.

“I hope so,” she smiled.

He kept grinning. It was so fake. He wanted to…

“I will go to the car while you’re doing that, ‘kay?” Felix said.

“Okay!” Ingrid replied.

And Sylvain seemed to come back to earth…

“There is no shadow. I have brought hay in the corral to make shadow, you should go so you could protect yourself. We also have an inner corral if it’s better for you. I expected to make you stay as much in shadow as possible but now I will be busy with Ingrid.”

“The car is fine, you know. If you want to, I can go home and come back later pick up Ingrid.”

Sylvain stared at him.

Felix stared back at him, frowning.

“I thought she had a Porsche?”

“I’m just here,” she said. “And Felix brought me here. I let my car in town. We went in a café before coming here.”

Sylvain nodded, still staring at Felix. Felix stepped backward.

“’kay. I leave now, have fun both of you.”

“Do you feel better?” Sylvain asked, as Felix turned away.

“Uh… yeah, yeah I do… Be nice with Ingrid, please.”

“I will…”

Sylvain looked at him until he disappeared from his view. His eyes then slid on Ingrid. She gave him a smile but a bit shier.

“I don’t think Felix wanted to hurt you. He is a bit dumb but I love him like that. He just wants to make those he loves happy…”

Sylvain stared at her.

He wanted to crush her skull.

He smiled. “I wanted to make him happy too. Come on, let’s go to the corral, I’ll teach you.”

“Thank you. I will do my best to pay you, you know? I don’t want to abuse of your kindness. How much it is for a séance?”

Sylvain could crush her dreams. He could just make her suffer for what she was bringing into the mayhem of his life. He wanted Felix to be his anchorage point but he was wrong… He was the anchorage point of someone else.

Someone who… was nicer than he was willing to accept.

She was willing to pay. She wasn’t using Felix…

She wasn’t using a rich boy to get what she wanted. Perhaps she loved it for real and he was just an idiot. But he couldn’t help hating her… Because her sole presence was making him nut. Knowing that the way Felix was watching him, the words he told him… they weren’t what he dreamed off.

She just cut down his hope…

Felix’s plan to run away from his golden jail… was for her. Not for him.

He hated her because he wanted to hold Felix in his arms and also because he realized… he was just a parasite…

An idiot.

A parasite.

Someone so unworthy of being loved…


	8. Chapter 7

**_Tuesday (the same day)_ **

“How was it?” Felix asked, the straw of an ice coffee thing in his mouth.

“Awesome!” Ingrid said.

She took him in her arms, in bliss. A so big smile on her lips. Sylvain smiled too. And kept it as hard it was to do so as Ingrid took the drink from his hand to drink on it.

“Ingrid…” Felix sighed.

She smiled to him. “Sylvain is such a nice teacher!! I will talk about you to my students!” she swore. “I hope more people would come.”

“I hope so too,” Sylvain replied. “If the center work, I will keep working here.”

He approached Felix and passed his arm above his head. Felix fought against the blush and just snickered.

“This won’t work, you know?” He received two shocked glare. “The shadow thing! Not the center. I am sure it will work. If Ingrid is delighted, it means you really do it hard and so I believe in you.”

Ingrid smiled as Felix took back his drink. “I will make sure to give you money for your hard work, Sylvain.”

“It is fine. It’s friendship discourse. Friends of my Felix are my friends after all.”

Ingrid tilted slightly her head because there was someone in his smile, in his tone. Felix was looking down at the dusty ground, and noticed nothing of this…

“I insist. Put a bill for me or something. I will refund you!”

“Probably not, I’m a very expensive bitch and you got my free only because of Felix’s lovely eyes,” he smiled.

“If you’re that expensive how would you start an enterprise?” she grinned back.

“She is right,” Felix said, looking up. “And I thought you were a sl…”

Sylvain took Felix’s cheeks in his hands, squeezing them. “That’s only for _you_ ,” he smiled.

“You shouldn’t insult you like that, Sylvain,” she said.

He watched at her.

Oh damn… she was so nice…

He hated her even more…

Why was she making it that hard… He felt even more like he was stealing something that wasn’t his. And if she was that nice, wasn’t it bad to want stealing the man she liked? Such a beautiful and unique man?

He really was a parasite.

**_Wednesday_ **

For the biggest part of the day, Felix had been absent but at some point, he came in the center, looking tired. Sylvain had installed an umbrella in the haystacks in the corral so he could sit and rest himself. Felix hadn’t protested and just enjoyed the shadow. His father was making him go outside more and more. And when it wasn’t him, it was because of the plan. His skin was supposed to get used to Sun but the fact was that it was so not used to the Sun, it was only getting worst.

At the end of the day, he had often red blotch all over his face and his hands.

And it was itching him.

So much…

And he had freckles of sunburn…

This was awful.

Just here, he was struggling not to scratch him in the hope it would stop. The only thing that was currently allowing him not to think too much about the itch was Sylvain taking care of a horse, making him run in the corral to help his legs.

He thanked his Sunglasses who would hide what he was obviously doing…

“Hi!”

He turned his head when he heard Ingrid’s voice. She was waving her arm at them.

And jogged to them. She stopped at the barrier, still wearing a short and high boots. And still her ‘I’m with stupid’ tank. As for Sylvain, he was wearing a white top with a deep cleavage. On it you could read ‘save a horse, ride a cavalier’.

“I have a bit of money for you,” she said. “That’s not much but…”

“Ingrid!” Felix protested.

Sylvain approached him, not her. He leaned to grab the bottle of water next to him.

“Can I?” he asked.

“Yeah, of course. But you both have to stop drinking my st…”

Felix just stopped talking because Sylvain had opened the bottle, yes, but he was pouring it on his head. The water streaming on his face covered with freckles, sliding on his face, the t-shirt turning transparent and tracing the hard muscles. It was as if the water had decided to be erotic, making sure the nipples would appear, sliding between the abs to make appears those chocolate tablet and revealing again that piercing adorning his belly button.

“Thank you,” Sylvain said, sliding his hand in his hair, tugging them backward.

Droplets were dancing around him, creating a million of rainbows.

“Uh…” was the only thing Felix could even reply. _“Keep calm Felix. Everything is nice!”_ he thought. “ _You won’t have this weird dream again. You are straight this is just… politeness! Yes! You’re polite. Sylvain is a pretty man and it’s nice to notice it. You are straight and this guy is your friend. Everything. Is. Fine.”_

**_Wednesday_ **

Not again.

Oh please not again…

Felix felt the burn in his guts as he stepped down the stairs and he hated that. How could he face Sylvain again when all he was seeing were his perfect abs coming back and back in his mind. And he just wanted to touch them…

This was so wrong.

His head was hurting him because he didn’t understand.

He pushed the door of the kitchen and froze.

Sylvain’s perfect abs.

Why were they there?

“Hello, Felix, nice slept?”

Sylvain winked at him a box of milk in his hand. He brought the milk at his lips and the white liquid slide against it, slithering along his throat, coming between the valleys and hollow of his musculature.

Felix was so happy to have his face covered by blotch because his redness wouldn’t be betrayed.

He approached him.

“Ah… Sorry, I’ve been messy. You can lick it off if you want to!” he winked.

Felix grabbed the milk and put it back in the freezer.

“We all drink from this milk, take a glass, Sylvain.”

“Uh… yeah, okay.”

Felix grabbed a towel and pushed it in the freckled hands.

“And close your shirt. I can’t bring you work today, I’ve stuff to do today.”

“’kay. See ya later?” Sylvain asked.

“Yes.”

Sylvain watched him as Felix went to the coffee pot to pour him a mug. This guy was unreachable… wow. He already got the attention of more than one with such technic but Felix… Damn! He must be really in love with Ingrid… or out of his playground…

“He is so stupid! And sexy! But stupid especially!! Like! Is he dumb?! We all drink from that milk so it’s just disgusting to put his lips on the box like that! Especially if he is too stupid to drink it properly. He was covered with milk!”

“Take care, the fire is red,” Ingrid giggled. “Yeah, _the guy_ is so dumb,” she snickered. “And… have you wanted some milk after that?” she smiled.

“Pe… perhaps. I just…. Ingrid!” Felix let out, his hands closed around the wheel.

“Yeees?” she smiled.

“He is just dumb! I wanted some milk that’s nothing.”

“But milk is so sweet,” she smirked.

“Fuck off. He is just making it so hard.”

“Oh yeah,” she grinned.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing, nothing. Just thinking you’re so cute and innocent,” she replied.

Felix glanced at her. “I’m at this to ask you to let me come over,” he added.

“You can come whenever you want, of course. But seriously, Felix? At your place, I would just throw my arms around him and kiss him all over.”

“I’m straight. And this would make him uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable?” she replied, after having choking on the first part.

Felix nodded, driving again.

“Yes. I don’t think the guy realize he is sexy. And I’m saying that in… ugh, I have eyes, okay. But I’m straight.”

“Yes, yes. Still, he is making it so hard,” she smirked.

She ruffled his hair. “I think the guy know how sexy he is.”

“He is playing around,” Felix said.

“Oh honey…”

**_Thursday_ **

Ingrid couldn’t help smiling, looking at Felix who pulled over in front of the gym center where she worked. She was tying her long hair in a bun, her t-shirt ‘if you can read this’ and in very tiny ‘you’re too close’ dancing in the wind. She opened the car door and climbed next to him.

“You don’t need to come pick me up. I’m not even sure you’d need to go in the equestrian center,” she said.

“Hm…” Felix groaned.

He was very busy lately and Sylvain left with his moto. Especially because when he asked Felix if he would drive him… Felix stuttered, said incoherent words and just ran away.

What an idiot…

He wanted to approach him and make the dreams become reality but this would obviously never happen.

Why would it…?

“I just think, he offered me the séances and if I wasn’t there…”

“It’s rude at the first place to give the séances to someone else. And he is really sweet,” Ingrid said.

Felix’s fingers were fidgeting on the wheel. “Yeah… He is so sweet…”

“The sweetest,” she smiled.

“What would you want to say?” he groaned. “I don’t have time for little games.”

“Just saying that you who hate sweet, you like a man that sweet.”

“He is my friend. My childhood friend… I remind you I knew him before you so take care I won’t replace you as best friend.”

“Sure, you want him to be your best friend,” she smiled.

“Cut it out,” Felix groaned.

She kept smiling to him.

She would keep teasing him but… later.

They arrived at the equestrian center and Felix pulled out at the place he was used to park. He grabbed his bag to put on the lip balm and his sunglasses.

Ingrid smiled and went outside of the car, waiting for him so they could walk together through the stables. She was excited. Taking those lessons was so important for her. She had dreamed of it since she was four… She still felt bad it was free and really wanted to refund Sylvain who kept refusing. But being able to finally learn how to climb on a horse…

It was hard to believe this was arriving to her.

She always had refused that Felix give her charity. But there…

She would hate herself a bit later. Now, she wanted to appreciate the opportunity she had.

They walked to the back corral, the one Sylvain always preferred working.

They were still strolling they heard the sound of hooves. Heavy. A horse was in gallop.

At the other end of the alley of stable, a big black horse was coming. Sylvain had certainly told their name to Felix a fair number of time but he never managed to remember it anyway… and it certainly wasn’t now he would be able to… because Sylvain was on this big horse, another following, but Felix could only watch at Sylvain. Shirtless. Every of his freckles gently brushed by the ray of light, shining in the jewel hugged by his belly, and those abs and pectoral appearing like a forbidden fruit.

“Heya!”

Sylvain held out his hand to Felix who didn’t know why, but he grabbed it.

“Prepare yourself!” Sylvain said.

And, just like that, he lifted him, making him sat in front of him. Felix couldn’t hold back a hiccup.

“I prepared a little walk!” he said. “I thought it would be the best. Here is your horse Ingrid,” he added to her, pointing out at her.

He leaned to grab a riding hat at the saddle of his horse, throwing it at Ingrid.

“You will need to tie your hair differently,” he noticed. “And here is for you, Fe’,” he added to Felix, handing the second riding hat.

“Me? But…”

“Yeah! Since the walk can take a bit of time, I thought you would enjoy coming. Stay on my horse so you just have to enjoy! And you would tell me if you still hate horses.”

“I… don’t… Where is your hat?” he asked.

“I don’t put that on. I’m a perfect cavalier and it would kill my perfect haircut,” he replied.

Felix pressed the riding hat against his chest. “I will only come if you put a protection.”

“I…”

“You promised it to me,” Felix said.

Sylvain stared at him. Softer than those last days. Felix was just making him feel like he existed again. Those last days, he just wanted to get his attention, no matter what. He was trying everything and he knew he was risking to lose him but he was a self-destructive idiot who didn’t deserve to be loved. He wanted to feel him. Even if it has to be the last thing he could do…

Even if Felix would hate him after because he would have betrayed his girlfriend or his convictions.

Hell, if Felix wanted, he was willing to be the third wheel, just a casual sex. A sex friend.

He could suffer. If he could live… just once. Just a bit…

But Felix was giving him live, again, just with a few words.

“Okay,” he replied. “Put your hat and get comfy, I’m coming back. The two horses are very nice, they won’t move. Ingrid, do you want me to take the lounge or you try alone? Normally Melba will just follow Diablo.”

“I will try without lounge, please!” she said.

She was adjusting the riding hat on her head.

Sylvain quickly left to go grab a hat while Felix was trying to put on his.

“Well, well,” Ingrid smiled.

“Climb on your stupid horse,” he groaned. “He wanted me to try anyway. And since I’m rude, making him teaches you for free when he wanted me to…”

“Yeah. That’s absolutely not his naked torso that made you yield.”

“Absolutely not! I don’t care about his chest! I didn’t want him to risk an accident!”

“He is a good cavalier, isn’t it?” she asked.

“You’re never cautious enough…” Felix muttered, clipping the hat.

He knew the feeling. The need of doing too much. He knew how the confidence could be your worst friend.

Ingrid climbed on the horse. She was very proud of it. She felt like she had already done so many progress. Well… she could climb on a horse. But knowing that the first séance, Sylvain passed like thirty minutes to explain to her how she was supposed to climb and she had tried so many times and fell so often…

In a way, she was afraid that a walk was already too big for her who could barely ask a horse to do what she wanted but on the other hand, she was what she wanted since so long…

“I’m back!”

Sylvain passed next to Melba, caressed her, and went to Diablo. He attached a rope at the saddle and Ingrid knew it was the lounge. Probably for if she changed her mind. He clipped the riding hat and climbed behind Felix, putting his feet in the stirrups.

“We’re good?” he asked.

“If you are,” Ingrid replied.

“Yeah. Petra will do the closing anyway so we do as we want.”

Petra wasn’t that confident about it because it had been a while since she hadn’t anymore and the Count being the Count, she didn’t want to mess up. But Sylvain trusted her. Way more than the Count. She was strong, she was a rock, and the fact she was doubting of herself that way wasn’t pleasing him because he could feel like it was all because of the man…

“We will go in the forest, because there is less risk. And especially, it’s better for you. You could be protected from the Sun… The forest is affiliated at the center and there are little animals,” Sylvain explained.

“You should tell it to her,” Felix said, feeling the brown eyes laying on him, caressing his skin.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“I’ve heard,” Ingrid smiled.

“Perfect! Warn me if there is anything wrong!” Sylvain said.

He pressed his heels in the side of Diablo who started to move. Ingrid did the same with Melba and she followed the stallion.

Ingrid made sure her hands were correctly on the reins and she was taking care of her position. She was applying every advice of Sylvain and the horses weren’t walking too fast so it wasn’t a problem. Melba was just following. But the feeling… the feeling of being to a horse and about to enter the forest.

They were going on a walk!

A walk!

She was so excited…

They rested silent until they reached the forest, only the sound of the hooves around surrounding them.

When they arrived in the forest, Ingrid felt like she was living…

“It’s just straight forward. Do you wanna try to hold the reins?” Sylvain asked to Felix.

He turned the head toward Ingrid as she was giggling. Their eyes met and she just widely smiled.

“Yeah… if this can please you,” Felix said. “Why haven’t you put on your shirt?” he asked.

“Just didn’t feel it. Why? It is disturbing you?” Sylvain smiled.

Felix didn’t reply. He felt Sylvain’s hands on his, making him gently take the reins in his hands. Sylvain’s hand came on his belly, pushing him a bit against him.

“Here, slide your feet in the stirrups.”

“Okay…”

Felix complied, his mouth dry. Sylvain leaned against his back to check he was doing it correctly. One of his hands was still on his hand, controlling the rein. Felix could feel his breath against his skin, felt the heart beating against his back.

“Is it correct?” he asked, looking up at him.

“Yes, you’re doing so well,” Sylvain replied.

He looked down at him.

Oh damn… his heart was racing again. Those last days, Sylvain had been weird and while he felt desire for his body, he couldn’t recognize him. His tenderness? His care… But there… it was the childhood friend he remembered, he was the softness of that guy who held out his hand to him in that car, promising something else. Promising.

Opening a door to the golden cage he was trapped in…

Felix moved his hand, lightly touching the one on his belly.

“It disturbs you?”

“No…”

“Perfect.”

Sylvain glanced at the path and then leaned a bit on him.

“You sure… I’m taking the rein correctly?”

“Hm… You’re doing amazing,” Sylvain said, closing a bit his hand on his.

Felix twitched his fingers, his index trapping one of his.

“Sylvain…” he whispered.

“You can say ‘no’ if you want to,” he said under his breath, his lips approaching his.

“I…”

Felix was breathing so violently.

Sylvain wanted to taste his lips sparkled with golden. Felix wanted him to kiss him because he couldn’t break the distance.

Their lips were brushing each other.

“Sy… Sylvain… I’m sorry to disturb.”

Ingrid. Of course she was there…

Annoyed, he turned his head and saw that Melba had stopped moving to eat the grass on the path.

“Oh, damn! Yeah, I come!”

Sylvain jumped from the horse.

“Sylvain!” Felix protested.

Diablo was still moving forward. Sylvain came to Ingrid.

“Just tug up on the reins and press your heels in the side of her. Felix, tug on the reins! Gently.”

Felix complied, making a face.

“Yup, a bit harder,” Sylvain said.

Ingrid nodded and did it as Felix tugged a bit more on the reins. The horse whined, shaking his head.

“I meant Ingrid, a bit harder. My bad…” He looked at her, then at Felix. “You good, Fe’?”

“I think, yes,” he replied.

“Okay, Ingrid, don’t let her lower her head. A horse can sense it when their cavalier isn’t in control. They are the perfect companion once they see you as a correct cavalier. They will accept people who just start but when they can be lazy… One thing I recommend, is taking care of the horse. A horse you would pet, brush, clean their horseshoe, give food and drink, they would be grateful, they would trust you. And that’s the start. So… I’m fine you continue to have free lessons as long as you come take care of your horse. You can keep Melba or see for a horse that would suit you better. Your call. But it asks time. Are you willing to make this effort? Even though you have to come before work, after work. On week-end.”

“I am willing, Sylvain,” she replied. “I don’t know which horse would suit me the best.”

“We will see together,” he said. “Tomorrow, that’s what we will do.”

“Thank you, Sylvain. But I will do my best to pay you a little. I have a lot of stuff to pay but I keep money on…”

“I don’t need money,” he replied. “If I want, I will have the money I want to take care of the center. With or without your money.”

“Sylvain! Be nice!”

“You can talk,” Sylvain replied to Felix. “You always have bad stuff to say.” He smiled. “Let’s continue the walk! What do you think about horses now, Fe’?” he asked.

“They look like demons,” Felix said.

Sylvain let out a laugh and walked to the horse to climb on the back with him. The magic between them was over but he still enjoyed being that close of him… to be allowed to be in his vital space…


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> / ! \ Big Warning because it wasn't in the tag yet, this chapter has heavy suicidal thoughts (and suicid attempt mention) / ! \  
> For those who might want to skip the heaviest part, it is between the sentences 'Felix pushed the light blankets and got up.' and 'He walked to Sylvain’s door and knocked at it.' (but it remains a lot of mention)  
> Be kind with yourself and protect your well-being if ever it sensitive for you.
> 
> On this note, remember you're awesome, worthy, you're doing great and someone is loving you!!  
> Stay inside if you can, wash your hands, stay hydrated!!

On the phone, Ingrid seemed so happy. Sylvain helped her finding the perfect horse and, it was true, she hadn’t found it yet. There were so many horses… but just being allowed to comb them, to see how to clean the horseshoe, she was in paradise. She was teaching kickboxing and yoga, she was working in a gym center and it wasn’t enough to live correctly. But she was used to it. If she could have, perhaps she would have abandoned those jobs to help Sylvain.

If Sylvain could accept her.

To be fair, the redhead had to confess… he didn’t dislike her that much but on the same time, he hated her so much. Today, she kept saying sorry and sorry for yesterday. But she was always smiling a little saying that so it looked so mean.

Or perhaps he wanted her to be mean so he could hate her.

But on the other hand… she was the kind of people deserving him, the kind of people Felix deserved…

He knew he had to step back.

Felix’s happiness was the only matter.

He hadn’t seen him today because Felix had ‘the plan’. He knew nothing about that, honestly. Except that the plan implied to do a lot of ‘nothing’ in his room and a lot of ‘nothing’ somewhere in town and he didn’t know where. He had talked a bit with Ingrid and it seemed that she knew what he was doing, what was the plan… But she kept the secret. And after what ‘the Boar’ had done, it was certainly something Felix cherished.

She really was the One, uh?

Since they were just the two of them, Rodrigue had proposed to Sylvain to choose the food. Anything! So he had asked for pizza. He knew a bit of Felix taste and made sure there would be something he liked. With two big pizzas, they would eat together. Even though they started at two, talking. A bit of everything. It was always easy to talk with Rodrigue. They could talk about weather or politic, they could talk books, series, movies, music and Operas…

But operas… he was keeping it for Felix because he liked that.

He wanted to have it just for Felix.

He wanted a little corner of paradise with him…

If that was the only think he could have.

They had already eaten four slices when they heard noise in the entrance.

“Ah, Felix is coming,” Rodrigue said.

“Yeah! Is it fine if I prepare him a slice? Perhaps he wouldn’t touch it if I have put my fingers on it?”

“I don’t think Felix would make a fuss for that.” He frowned. “Well, he could. He would make a fuss for anything…”

“You are a bit harsh with him,” Sylvain replied.

He got up to take a plate in the big Welsh dresser and prepare two generous slices with lot of cheese.

The door opened a bit after and Felix entered, removing sunglasses, puffing. His hair usually tied pretty correctly were in a mess. And damp. Droplets were rolling along his cheeks.

“Oh my Goddess! Felix?!”

Sylvain got up and dashed to him.

He didn’t know what to do. There were no towels around.

“Is it raining?” he asked.

His fingers twitching, hesitating to grab his shirt so he could dry those hair.

“Yeah.”

“I hadn’t realized. I would have prepared a towel or something.”

Felix stared at him with a smirk. “It’s fine.”

Sylvain stepped backward and left the room to dash to the bathroom. Felix untied his hair, the thread holding them so damp he was almost giving up anyway.

As he approached the table, he saw the slice waiting for him. He tilted his head a little and stared.

“What are you waiting for?” the man asked, making derail his son’s train of thoughts.

“Nothing…”

He sat at his seat.

It was just the first time his father would care? So… it wasn’t him, isn’t it? Those parts generous, filled with cheese, with little piece of sausage, ham, a little vegetable only, mushrooms…

“It’s Sylvain?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Felix stared the pizza.

He was feeling something weird in his gut. A burn.

But not like the one he had at the morning when he had dream about him. Not like the one he felt when he craved that kiss never coming. It was…

His fingers twitched.

It was purer.

Impossible.

Unrealistic.

“Lambert will come next week, he will bring Dimitri with him and perhaps Edelgard. I tried to call Glenn to know if he would come too. It has been so long since we have them home.”

Felix nodded.

“I missed having a son at home…”

Felix looked up from the pizza slices.

“Please, be nice with Dimitri when you will see him.”

“Who is the son you were missing having?” Felix whispered. “Is it Glenn? Or is it the Boar?”

“Felix…” he sighed.

“What _Rodrigue_?”

His father stared at him. “When was the last time you acted as a son?”

“When was the last time you acted as a father?”

Felix got up and walked to the door.

“Felix! Your plate!”

“I’m not hungry,” he replied.

He slammed closed the door and walked to the stair, where he bumped with Sylvain. The ceiling moved violently, the walls with it and he felt arms around him as the floor approached so fast.

Ah…

“I gotcha!” Sylvain said with a tender tone. “You fine, Fe’? I was bringing you the towel. Sorry for the time. I wanted to pour you a bath for after the meal.”

“I’m not hungry. But thank you for having thinking about me.”

“That’s normal.”

Felix smiled to him as he shook his head. He took the towel from his hand and paced around him, climbing the stairs.

Sylvain swirled on his heels.

Why was he… smiling? When his eyes were so foggy…

Should he run after him? Should he take him in his arms and ease whatever was swallowing him?

Why would he feel so bad suddenly?

He turned his head toward the dining hall. He got a shiver and walked toward it.

“What have you said to Felix?”

“Only the same thing as you: Lambert and Dimitri will come next week. Probably with Edelgard and I’m trying to make Glenn comes because I miss my son.” Rodrigue took a slice. “Don’t bother yourself, Sylvain.”

“He is your son, you should be the one bothering yourself with him.”

“I appreciate your big heart but I rather prefer you not trying to understand what you can’t understand. It always has been tensed with Felix. Today, I’m satisfied if he accepts to, one day, take over one of my enterprise.”

Sylvain stared him.

He wanted to insist. To worm the truth out of him.

But he couldn’t…

If he smiled and played around, there was something deep in his flesh. Something that refused to let him ask. Something that made him fear Rodrigue’s anger…

In his bed, Felix was turning again and again. He couldn’t fall asleep.

This wasn’t new…

He couldn’t remember the last time where he slept correctly. Was it when he was a child? When he sneaked in Glenn’s arms? He wasn’t even sure because if he sneaked in those arms at the first place, didn’t it mean he was already struggling?

He couldn’t sleep.

He kept thinking about his father. His words… his disdain…

It always had been like that.

He grew up with this feeling of not mattering, not being good enough. Glenn always took softly his face in his hands and whispered ‘I’m so proud of you’ but he was the only one. Did Glenn love him? Or was he tried to fulfill the void?

This void growing. Every day a bit more.

Glenn said he loved him but he left so far away and they struggled to get in contact because of their lives. They send each other mails but he missed the embrace of his arms. He missed the feeling of being important. Ingrid said she loved him and he could come at her place but he would be a burden for her.

He was nothing.

A taenia eating on people happiness, taking what wasn’t belonging to him and being just annoying. He killed his mother while coming into life, Glenn had to take care of him because his father hated him, he was always insulting anyone trying to approach him…

This feeling was eating him again.

If only he was the one who had died that day.

If only he never came to live…

If he died, who would miss him? He was nothing. He was passing in people’s lives without making waves. He would vanish from their memories as soon as he would remove his life…

He was nothing.

He was just taking place, oxygen.

He hated him so much.

How Ingrid could bear with him? How Sylvain could care?

The look of his father… wasn’t it normal?

He had killed the love of his life and he had disappointed him, he had kept acting like a brat…

Felix pushed the light blankets and got up. He walked toward the windows and opened them. He could never do it because if the Sun would come while he was sleeping…

Oh Sothis.

Wasn’t it obvious he shouldn’t be alive? His own body was trying to kill him. It was as if no one, nothing wanted him alive.

The breeze came in his hair, making them flew, caress his own skin.

It was a hot breeze. Summer was anchored and the delight it promised was the worst to his eyes.

He climbed on the windowsill, leaning just a little to pass on the other side of the window. The breeze caught his shirt, the void was calling him. His high thighs socks slid on the stone still a bit wet. He looked at the Moon, full. Beautiful.

It was almost poetic.

He spread his arms, moving backward his head, feeling the caress of the wind.

If he did it, it would be over.

How often he had looked down and wanted to just jump. But he had stopped at the last second, convinced that someone was loving him. That he would miss someone.

There was one case where he took medicine and he woke up in the hospital, Glenn crying next to him. For years, he hadn’t been able to jump because he couldn’t bear the idea of making Glenn crying. Glenn never cried so if he cried…

But today… who was watching his tears?

They were sliding along his cheeks.

Who cared?

For whom was he supposed to keep crying them?

Who would erase them?

People asked him to keep living because they might miss him… they just didn’t realize how the World would be more beautiful without him.

He turned on the windowsill, ready for the only trust fall he never wanted to do…

He would stop pester people, taking their time, forcing them to act with him. It would be over…

_As long as you try to live, I will live. And the day you will die, ask your messenger of Death to come take me._

“Sylvain…”

Sylvain’s voice was echoing in his brain.

Would he really die with him? For him?

Sylvain was desperate. As desperate as him. And he smiled. Always smiling…

But there was a big difference between both of them. Sylvain was a Sun, so warm, a delight.

Would he really… steal him from the World?

Sylvain said he was holding out his hand to him and… it was strange… he had the feeling it was the only thing preventing him to fall. An invisible hand gently holding his, preventing him to fall. A tender hand caressing his and telling him ‘I will save you’.

Will he?

He had the feeling the plan was vanishing. Rodrigue was like a shadow above him and making it feel so stupid. Making the promise of the plan so vain…

The promise…

The promise…

Their promise…

He felt the tears along his cheeks and felt miserable.

He hesitated but passed on the other side of the window again and stepped down the windowsill to go at the door. He walked to Sylvain’s door and knocked at it.

If Sylvain replied… if Sylvain took his hand, it would mean the promise wasn’t a lie and perhaps he would have a hope somewhere.

But if he had lied to him…

If his plan fizzled out, he would have to do his father’s work. He would be in a cage in a cage. It would be a living hell and he would never let this happen. But if Sylvain meant his words, if he wasn’t playing with him, if the promise was a thing, then… he could hope.

Just a little.

But if Sylvain didn’t reply…

He knocked at the door again.

No replies.

Of course… why was he even believing? Why was he hoping?

Those words were false.

Those words were empty.

Like everything else.

The tears kept rolling in his cheeks. He hated that. He wanted to rip them off, scratch to blood the furrows where they dared to pass.

They were burning.

No one could see them, no one cared for them. He could die with them still streaming and who would see them?

Who would even look at his body?

He would make dung.

He would be useful for once, at least.

Felix raised his fist, as if he wanted to grab the last thread of hope.

But he ripped it off instead and paced backward, his hand falling along his body.

He stepped backward.

The door opened.

“Yay, wh…Felix?!”

Felix felt arms around him, so strong and warm.

He shook.

His tears felt on a chest, rolling toward a naked belly.

“Sylvain…” he whispered. He was looking right in front of him but without really watching. “I thought… you wouldn’t come.”

“I’m here.” Sylvain lifted softly his face and pressed kisses on his cheeks, just where tears were rolling. “I’m here, Fe’… I’m sorry for making you wait. I sleep all naked,” Sylvain said. “Had to get up, find my stupid underwear… If I have known…”

“Sylvain…” His fingers twitched. He moved his hands pressing them against his torso, not knowing if he wanted to push him away or make sure he was there. “Don’t judge me, please…”

“I’m not judging you. I would never.”

Those words looked so wrong.

How anyone could tell them to him and… actually think them?

He didn’t deserve that.

“If you hadn’t come… I would have jumped…” he whispered.

His face was still rose toward him and yet, he wasn’t watching him at all. The universe was so blur around him. He could barely feel the warm contact of his hands on him. He could barely feel the warm belly under his palms.

Why was he caring so much about his father’s thought?

The guy wanted him dead since he was born.

Why didn’t he just… jump…

He would do it right, for once…

Perhaps he wasn’t jumping because he was destined to screw up everything…

The plan was vanishing in his hands.

He couldn’t hold it. He couldn’t succeed. He could only…

“Felix… Come.”

Felix felt he was tugged inside and, as a puppet, he let Sylvain brought him to the bed. The window was open, the hot breeze coming and playing with the thin sheet spread on the mattress. He let him bring him to the bed and sat when it was asked to him without a single word.

Sylvain was here still two weeks and…

Nothing had changed.

Except the framed photography on the nightstand.

He was watching back at himself and just wanted to knock it down.

“You’re not too cold? Or too hot? Or maybe you need a drink? Perhaps I should…”

“Sylvain…”

“Yes?”

Felix moved his arms to him, staring at his own knees.

“Please,” he whispered.

The second after, the mattress crashed under Sylvain’s weight and he felt the loving warms around him. He pressed his cheek against his pectoral and closed his eyes.

“I got you,” Sylvain swore, nuzzling his face in his soft hair. “I’m there…”

“I wanted to jump…” he whispered. “I really wanted. Then, I thought about you… I promised you I wouldn’t kill myself… I wanted to jump. But I couldn’t.”

“About me?” Sylvain repeated. He tried to erase his own hope, just be there for him. “How rude of you! What your girlfriend would say!” he lightly laughed.

“What are you talking about?” Felix asked, rubbing his eyes. Sylvain passed his fingers in his cheeks, whipping softly the tears. “Are you trying to change my mind with stupidities?”

“Na? Yes, a bit… But I meant, you and Ingrid…”

“Do you listen people when they talk to you? I told you I have no one? Or is it because of Rodrigue? He dreams about that. But there are three problems he kept dismissing. First, she is my best friend; secondly, she is already engaged; and thirdly…”

“She is engaged…” Sylvain repeated.

“Yeah. And she likes girls,” he ended.

“Oh…”

“Were you really believing…”

“Yes! You looked always so happy around her! She hugged you all the time! And I saw her kiss your cheeks a certain number of times!”

“My cheek,” Felix insisted. He didn’t realize how much she was making him happy thought. “She is just my best friend, Sylvain.”

“So is it fine if… I kiss your cheek?”

Felix noticed, as the redhead said those words, that Sylvain hadn’t kissing him hello since a bit of time.

He nodded and closed his eyes when Sylvain leaned on him to press his lips against his cheek.

“I’m glad I was able to prevent you doing that… If you have anything on your heart, I’m here for you.”

“It shouldn’t matter…” Felix whispered.

“You matter.”

Felix shook his head. But he didn’t know if it was push away this reaction not reaching what he meant or because he didn’t believe he could matter to anyone.

“Those last weeks, I saw you doubtful, lost, in self-hatred, unhappy but… never anything like that. What happened? What your father told you?”

He knew it was the key because Felix almost smiled at him and then, the World had changed and Felix was just closed in himself.

“He said… he was eager to have a son at home.”

He smirked at Sylvain.

Who couldn’t reply, hiccupping in shock.

Rodrigue had told something else to him. And yet… it was just the way to say it. Felix could have badly understand and… even if it was the case? The words had hurt him. And he knew how Rodrigue acted with his own son. He wouldn’t be surprised that Rodrigue tried to hide, consciously or not, the way he felt to strangers…

“I don’t know why it matter so much… He never liked me. I always have been the idiot who’s living in his house and to thank him for everything he is doing for me, I’m supposed to take back the enterprise he had built. That’s the implied plan he had always had for me. I never have been loved. I should face it and stop wanting to…”

“That’s wrong,” Sylvain said. “Who cares about what Rodrigue believes?! He is wrong! Look at me, Felix. Don’t listen to his words… If he can’t see your true value, he shouldn’t be allowed to judge you.” His hands were shaking on his little cheeks, so thin. So many years of starving and feeling bad appearing in every each of his body… So obvious that he was already half-dead. “He doesn’t see how precious you are. As for you not being loved… Felix, you’re so blind… just open your eyes and you will see someone loving you stronger than anyone…”

“You mean…”

Sylvain smiled softly, pressing a kiss on his forehead.

“Yeah…”

“But I can’t be a burden for Ingrid. Dorothea and her already struggle enough like that for me coming, with no plan… I mean, of course, I have the plan but if it fails…”

Sylvain was surprised at first then, he just smiled tenderly and pressed his head on his head, rocking him softly.

“Stay with me, Fe’. Came sleep with me every night. I’ll take care of you,” he swore. “I’ll hug you. I’ll make sure you’re feeling loved, every second.”

Felix snuggled in his arms, moving his legs so he could fold them and being a tiny ball in his arms.

Sylvain allowed himself a little smile, looking at him. He rolled a long strand around one of his finger, caressing the cheek while he was doing that.

“It feels like… It feels like I had no reason to want to jump. I should be able to support all of this… I’ve been dealing with this since so long…”

“That’s not because you’re used to deal with it that’s normal and you should accept it. Look at me. I was used to it and yet, I ran away as soon as I could.”

Felix looked down, his fingers brushing one of the scar.

“Does it still hurt?” he whispered.

“No… It is quite agreeable…” Sylvain replied, pressing his forehead against his.

“What?!”

Sylvain laughed. “Not being hit or else. Your fingers.” He took them and pressed a kiss on the fingertips. “I like them.”

“They are fingers, Sylvain, why… Why would you?”

“They are _your_ fingers,” he said.

“You’re weird…” Felix said, snuggling in his arms. “Tell me… what is on your heart…”

Sylvain passed his fingers in the dark blue hair, pushing them away. He caressed his cheek.

“Are you sure you talked enough?”

“I feel better… I feel like I have a reason to keep going.”

“Am I?” Sylvain smiled.

Felix nodded then pressed his head against the broad and naked shoulder.

“You okay to come sleeping here? I want to be sure you feel loved, supported… I swear, I’ll put on some underthings.”

Felix nodded again.

“Thank you… I prefer knowing you’re safe. Loved… With me.”

“Thank you for dealing with me.”

“Don’t say that as if it was horrible to be with you. It’s all the contrary. I love being with you. I love less your tears but I will always be there to whip them…”

Felix moved his hand, pressing it on Sylvain’s cheek. He wasn’t good for touching, he didn’t know how to caress, to comfort, to ease… He was just cupping his cheek with doubtful fingers.

It meant the world for Sylvain who pressed his cheek against his palm, watching him with a tender look. His eyes seemed to read through him. It was frightening…

Felix felt his heart beating so hard.

“If you have anything on heart… Anytime…”

“It just feel good to have something so tender and smooth… at home, I always fear the moment I will piss off enough my father and he will hit me. When I was child, it was the same with Miklan. Mother loved us both but for some reason, father especially beat me, harder than Miklan. He felt guilty and covered me with presents. And Miklan just saw that as “he is dad’s favorite”. I was a mess. I wanted to die. I wanted my brother to comfort me but my brother just added to the hits and bruises…” Sylvain looked down, moved his head so he could press a kiss in the palm. “You want to know the truth?”

“If you need to say it…”

“When we were children… I was already in a pit of suffer. It was so horrible. The day we met…” He smiled and took his second hand to kiss his knuckles. “I was running away from Miklan. Running away from father who was angry because his center was going nowhere…”

The one Sylvain was now working on was his first one.

A failure.

He had to move somewhere else to finally manage to do it, flourishing in this affair and starting a brand that no one could stop.

You still could see the shadow of this failure on the center…

“And I met you… That day… Father beat me so hard. Because Glenn had been afraid. And I should have brought you back. But I didn’t care…”

“I’m sorry. I…”

“It’s okay. Your presence always has brought the brightest moments of my life…”

“Even now?”

“I don’t want to see you suffer… but you’re here. And all of this is more easy to deal with… You’re in my arms… so I don’t care if those ideas, if those memories come back within me.”

Felix stared him. “When… when was the first time you thought… I want all of this to be over.”

“When they removed my plaster, a bit after we left.”

Felix frowned.

“You remember… you had signed it. You… were the only one to have signed it.”

This time, Felix nodded.

“When they have removed it, I… got the feeling it was over… I would never see you again. I will never have light in my life again.”

“You were… ten?”

“Eleven since a few days. But… yeah.”

“Why me?”

“Why not you?” Sylvain replied, pushing another strand of hair out of his face.

Their eyes encountered for a few seconds.

It looked like eternity. A soft and tender eternity…

“When was your first time…?”

“Twelve years old. When the Boar betrayed my secret, when father told those words. I could have, you know… if Glenn… I made him suffer so often,” he whispered. “I was selfish but how can you see the Light?”

“For years, I was just self-destructing myself. Today… I just have to look at you… You’re my beacon on an ocean of darkness.”

“The words you’re saying…”

Sylvain watched him.

“They’re frightening me. I don’t know… if you’re sincere or if you’re just playing.”

“What would you do if I was sincere…?”

“I don’t know…”

Sylvain leaned toward him. Felix’s heart was racing in his chest.

“You can say ‘no’. You can push me away…”

“Please…” Felix whispered, his eyes wide open.

Sylvain pressed his forehead against him and pulled softly away.

Felix shook his head. He moved toward him, pressing his fingers on his cheek, tugging him toward him. And approached his lips.

He wanted to break the distance. Touch his lips.

But he couldn’t.

Something was eating his guts, he was afraid, he was panicking, it was nonsense.

“Please,” he whispered.

Sylvain slid his fingers in his hair, swallowing the distance between them, kissing the lips he dreamed to kiss.

But this wasn’t a dream.

This was warm. This was full of hesitation. This was soft and yet a bit harsh because those lips had been attacked by the Sun too often. This was genuine.

This was perfect…


	10. Chapter 9

He couldn’t believe he was there… gently sleeping in his bed, his breathing so slow. It looked like a dream… twelve years of repressed feelings suddenly lashing on him and making him love too strong, too hard, too unbelievable… but… he was there.

He kissed him yesterday…

He pressed his lips on his neck so often, marking him because he needed it. He needed to remember himself they had this moment. Because he didn’t want anyone to approach him. He had laid his heart at his feet and he would accept to see it stepped in. If that could make Felix happy, he would accept it. But if he could say ‘step away, he is _my_ boyfriend’ to anyone who would have the taste to see how marvelous Felix was, he would be even gladder.

He was there.

Just there.

His little Felix…

His precious…

He leaned on him and pressed a kiss on his forehead, caressing his hair.

Usually, he hated getting up early but this was worthy… so worthy…

“Sylvain?” the voice whispered.

It was so precious, his little voice…

“Eh, beautiful… Can I kiss you hello?”

“Hmmmm…” Felix replied, laying on his back.

Sylvain leaned on him, kissing him tenderly. Felix replied to his kiss, his heart beating so hard in his chest. It was so powerful, so frightening, so good…

And suddenly, his eyes opened, wide awake. He jumped from the bed.

“Did I do something wrong?” Sylvain asked.

Felix dashed to the window and for a solid second, Sylvain just pictured him throwing up from there. This would have been rude…

But Felix just closed the windows, making the glass shiver because he had been a bit too fast.

“Oh… Oh damn! Sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Felix replied.

He came back to the bed and crushed on it, his eyes looked in the distance. Seeing him that way, Sylvain was worry. He approached him.

“It’s the Sun? You’re sick? I can do something?”

“I’m just… lost. What have we done, Sylvain?”

“Nothing. Just tiny kisses. I didn’t…”

“This isn’t normal,” Felix whispered. “I can’t…”

“Fe’?”

“I’m straight.”

“Maybe not?” Sylvain replied.

“I am. I hadn’t been attracted by men for twenty years, I’m straight. That’s obvious but… I am attracted by you like a moth to a flame. I just want to burn myself in your embrace…”

Sylvain opened his arms to him. Felix bit his lower lip, seemed to hesitate but moved, coming on his lap to snuggle there, just his head against his heart.

“You’re just you, Fe’. You don’t have to put a name on it. You don’t have to put a name on what we’re living. You can handle it as you want… Just… told me. What I have to do?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I just want to be allowed to have you in my arms. To kiss your face. Your lips… I want to be your guardian if it’s the only thing I can do.”

Felix knelt, a knee around each thigh, and approached his face from his. He wanted to press their lips together but… something within him refused it.

“Can you kiss me?”

Sylvain didn’t wait one more second, hugging him tenderly, kissing him with his passion and his love.

If Felix allowed him to love him…

What could he wish more?

Well, this was touchy.

What was he supposed to do now?

It wasn’t going to work the week-end the problem, even though he did expect to have his next week-end free. He wanted to see Glenn! He wanted to see Dimitri after all this time! He wanted to support Felix… He felt it would be difficult for him…

But there, he had to see Ingrid and after all he did this week…

He felt even worse at the idea Felix would be there while he apologized?

Unless he was preparing something.

He had to find something.

He had to…

He couldn’t help smiling. He was looking at him and noticed his dear Felix who kept glancing at the rearview and him in the occasion. He blew him a kiss, smiling.

Felix frowned.

“Eh! Fe’! Can you do me a favor?”

“I suppose? I’m driving you at work when it’s beautiful outside and I could work instead but, yeah, I can do you a favor.”

“My little sweetheart,” he smirked. “I give you lot of kisses and that’s why you want to give me favors.”

“I respect you and that’s why I want to give you favor,” Felix replied. “What do you want?”

“Can you go in the restaurant and tell me if it looks fine? I don’t like it much and I would like advice… And, it’s covered so it’s better… Your skin is…”

“Yeah. It’s itching,” Felix replied. “Honestly, I wanted to stay inside. If you wanted me to look at the séance, it’s not really…”

“I understand, not today.”

“Yeah, at first, I was just thinking about leaving and just coming back later? I can check the restaurant and give you my opinion. But I doubt it will help you. I’m not good at this and I’m pretty sure I only pass my control because I have sex with my teachers.”

“WHAT?!” Sylvain yelled.

“It’s a joke! That’s what Glenn’s roommate said I should say in those cases…”

“I didn’t know he had a roommate?”

“He does, since five years… He doesn’t need one but he also doesn’t live in a big fancy house. I approve, by the way. I prefer not living in a fancy house but I’m not sure I would even have the money of…”

“I searched a bit on internet,” Sylvain cut short. “I might have found something.”

“If my plan works… I leave this town,” he said.

“Oh… Okay, I! Okay!” Sylvain replied. “Where do you want to go?”

“I plan to go in Enbarr,” Felix explained.

“Enbarr. Wow, that’s far away!”

Felix nodded. “It was before you and me…I’ve this plan since a moment. Do you think you and me, it is something that will pursue?”

“I hope so?” Sylvain replied. “I don’t care about staying there if it’s the question. I can ask being transferred there. But, wow, Enbarr? Can I ask?”

“It’s… a school,” he replied. “I want to change my studies. I won’t say more.”

“You have a contest or something? Ah, crap, it’s asking for more…”

“It’s fine. Those asks are fine,” Felix said. He glanced in the rearview even though this road wasn’t very followed. “It’s a contest. At the end of July. I passed the two first steps in secret… The inscriptions, backed up by Dorothea and then the contest, Glenn helped me to go there… and now, I’ve to be ready… I can’t give up now.”

“I understand. And I don’t even ask you to do that. I love you because you’re you and not because you’re following what _I_ want.”

Sylvain let out a scream because his head almost hit the front glass, the car stopping suddenly.

“Felix?!”

“You love me?” Felix asked, breathing quite heavily.

“Yeah… I thought it was obvious, with my declaration and all.” He watched at him. “I hope it doesn’t scare you?”

“A bit? You’re so fast…”

“I just know,” he said. “That’s something I feel. In my guts.”

“That’s the kind of things I’m scary about. I’m not good for that: loving. I’m afraid I can’t handle the strength of your love…”

“Of my love? I would have more be afraid of breaking you. You’re so tiny and…”

“I’m not afraid of that. I can handle that. And I have to confess your strength is… quite… uh? Sexy? But your feelings? The words you say…”

“I can stop,” he said.

“I don’t want you to change.”

“Tell me if I make you uncomfortable. And I will look for Enbarr. But… do you have any other option if…”

“If I fail?” Felix asked. “I don’t know. If I don’t get this…”

“You can get another one. You shouldn’t just follow your father’s path.”

“You’re doing it,” Felix replied, starting to drive again.

And his face was itching him so much…

“Yes. But I love it,” he said. “You don’t.”

Felix nodded.

“I’m by your side,” Sylvain said. “No matter what…”

Once again, the strength of his feelings…

So scary.

After having lead Felix to the restaurant, and said ‘hi’ to the girls, Sylvain just expected Ingrid to come. And since she wasn’t there, he started to make his work in the different stables. He entered in Snowball one after a moment and having taken care of three others place.

He stopped there.

“Ingrid?”

“Ah! Sylvain! I was hanging out with Snowball! I like her!”

“Eh! Nice!” he smiled.

And then, he pressed his lips together.

“I’m glad to see you there, in fact. I wanted to talk to you! Felix is there but… not now.” He let out a sigh, rubbing his hair. “I wanted to say sorry.”

“Why?” she wondered.

“I’ve been harsh on you…”

“Did you?” She tilted the head on the side. “I’m Ingrid Brandl Galatea… Are you confounding myself with someone else?”

“I called you Ingrid and I talked about Felix sooo… your call?”

“I don’t know, you’re weird.”

“I’ve been abject with you. I thought you were Felix’s girlfriend.”

“Urgh,” she said. “Me? Dating Felix? Ugh! You’re mean now!”

“Come on! I was the worst! I’m always the worst with ladies!”

She frowned. “You almost look proud of this…”

“I’m not! But I’m trying to apologizes! And you said you noticed nothing?”

“You gave me free training to get along with horses and learn to ride. My literal dream? Is that mean?”

“I did it for Felix,” Sylvain protested. “But I was always squeezing you so hard?”

“Oh… you did. I just thought you were too strong…” She frowned. “It was on purpose? Because you wanted Felix all for you?”

Sylvain groaned.

She walked toward him.

“I don’t know if I should be nice with you then…” She smirked. “But I want Felix’s happiness… He likes you, Sylvain. But you’re doing it all wrong. He can’t understand why he finds you all sexy, he’s too stupid!”

“He finds me sexy?” Sylvain smiled.

“Yeah. But you have to confess your feelings correctly.”

“I did. And he didn’t understand it. Like… three times?”

“Oh my…” Ingrid sighed. “He is so dumb!”

“But I kissed him?”

“You do?!” she asked, excited.

“Yeah! Several times! I think we’re dating. If he leaves to Enbarr and still wants me, I follow him!”

“Oh my Goddess!” she said. “You’re so sweet!”

Ingrid took him in her arms and he hugged her back.

“Oh! Now I see! You were really going harsh on me! You can be gentle!” she smiled, taking his cheeks in her hands. “I’m almost sad about that because that was making you a bit cute. But now…” She squeezed his cheeks. “I’m warning you, Gautier… Felix is fragile. He never loved anyone, he knows nothing about that.”

“I kn…”

“I’m talking!” she said. “He is innocent of all of this and his situation is hard. He has a lot of problems and you will have to deal with that! If you can’t deal with it, you better step back before it’s too late! But I warn you! He really cares for you! So you can hurt him… and if you do it _especially on purpose_ I will end your fucking life! I will make sure of it! I will cut off your testicles and make you eat it and then I stab you!”

Sylvain blinked.

“Now, you can talk,” she said.

“I love him. I don’t want him to be sad. I want to protect him.”

“You love him…”

She let of his cheeks.

“I met him when I was like eight… I think I know it since then. I never have been happy except by his side…”

“This is cute. Okay. Make him happy. But I keep my eyes on you,” she said, wrinkling her eyes and showing him then her eyes then him…

“I’ll take care,” he swore. “You like Snowball? I’m going to grab stuff for her and we will see if she is the One!”

He winked and walked away.

Ingrid smiled and caressed the horse.

“I hope we will get along! I love your little spots! You look like a cow. Or a Dalmatian! But especially like a horse! And I love horses!”

She pressed a kiss on the nose of the horse.

She heard sound behind her and swirled on herself.

“Can I try to put everything myself?” she asked.

“Uh… you can?”

“Felix!” She smiled and came at him. She wanted to kiss him but stopped before doing it. She almost never touched him… “You’re pretty uncovered today!”

“Stuff happened and I’m already struggling not to itch myself. See my face, that’s the face of suffer,” he said.

He moved his hand in front of his face, impassive.

She smiled.

“I see something on your neck. What is it?”

Felix frowned and moved his fingers. She showed him where and his fingertips landed on a place that seemed still… so warm.

He knew what it was…

The hickey Sylvain made him…

It was just so warm.

“That’s just a mosquito bite. The window stayed open all night, and the morning, hence the sunburns…”

She smiled.

“I get it,” she said. She grinned even more when Sylvain entered the stable. “Hello, mosquito!”

“Oh, that’s a cute nickname!” Sylvain smiled. “Why this?”

“Oh, Felix knew,” she snickered.

And he did know. He was blushing so hard…

Sylvain tilted the head on the side.

“I need to leave,” Felix groaned.

“I’ve an idea,” Ingrid said as her friend turned.

“What?”

“Why wouldn’t you come home? I talked about you to Dorothea and she would be delighted to meet you, Sylvain.”

“Oh? Okay. I’d be happy to meet Felix’s friends!”

“Nice! Felix…”

“Will go immediately at your place,” Felix said. “I drove Sylvain there so I just let you take care of this mess.”

“Am I the mess?” Sylvain smiled.

“Yes.”

“Yes!” Ingrid grinned as well.

“Love it! I would be glad to know Ingrid better.” He looked at Felix. “So, you will leave?”

“Yes. That’s what you’re supposed to do when you said you will go to your best friend’s fiancé,” Felix replied. “And you have work to do.”

“Yes,” Sylvain said. “Can I accompany to your car?” he asked.

“I know how to go there, I’ve your umbrella and, once again, you have work.”

“’Kay. Uh… so…”

“You fine?” Felix asked.

“Felix! Stop being dumb!” Ingrid sighed. “He wants to kiss you goodbye!”

“But… why?” Felix wondered.

“’cause I love you,” he replied.

Felix stepped away, waving the umbrella to Sylvain, and came outside.

Sylvain threw a grateful look to Ingrid who seemed sorry. She wanted to hug him and say sorry… the poor got feelings for the most disabled with feelings person she knew…

“So… you accompany me?”

Sylvain’s face lightened. He turned toward the opening and stepped backward.

“Ingrid! Why wouldn’t you pet Snowball and I come soon?” he smiled. “I will show you how to prepare the horse. Brush her! Clean her horseshoes…”

He put down the different gear for the horse on the hay and came outside. He grabbed Felix’s umbrella, opening it above his head.

“Sir, please?” he said, offering his arm to him.

Felix looked hesitant but he passed his arm around his. They walked in silence to the entry of the establishment, coming to the grass in front of the center. Felix unlocked his car and went toward the car door. He let go on Sylvain’s arm, turning toward him.

“So… is it the moment?” Felix asked.

“Yes…”

He slid his hand on the pale neck, caressing the hickey, lifting softly his chin. He pressed their forehead together and then a kiss on it. He landed tiny kisses on his face.

“Have a very sweet day, my Felix,” he whispered, pressing his lips on the corner of the pale one.

Then he pressed them together.

Felix replied to the kiss, still a bit tensed, standing under the umbrella.

He wasn’t very good for love. But this… this feeling, this tenderness, this love flooding into him. It was so delicious…

He wanted more.

But he had to hold back.

He forced himself to step back and took the umbrella, his fingers brushing Sylvain’s hand.

“Thank you?”

“Thank to you…” Sylvain smiled. “One last one?” he asked.

He just couldn’t stop. Every kiss was making him life.

Felix nodded. Sylvain kissed him tenderly and forced himself to step back.

“See ya tonight! I’m excited!”

“Yes, see you tonight,” Felix replied, going to the driver seat to leave.

Or he would stay forever.

To be fair, Sylvain was more than happy that Ingrid didn’t hate him. It was so much more better to weave a strong link with her. They have similar passion, they agreed both on the fact Felix was dumb but cute and she was so supportive. In fact… he never saw someone has courageous and bold as her. But Petra was also really good in this kind.

He must say… it was different from the center he used to work in.

Like… He loved Marianne and even more Mercedes, who were his two dearest friend back there, but it wasn’t the same. With Marianne, it was like with Bernadetta, he loved her, he wanted to help her but… sometimes it was just too much. He would always help but he didn’t want to be emotionally involved when he tried to just chill… and Mercedes. Oh, how he loved her. But she had this way to look at him because of his behavior that made him feel like shit.

But, yes, he loved them.

He wouldn’t replace them for nothing else in the World. And frankly? He missed them. He kept sending text to Marianne, more comfortable that way, and had called Mercedes a few time. Perhaps he would go visit them…

Just… he get why Felix was so close with her. And he was willing to be friend with her too if the occasion was offered to him.

In the car, she was telling him stories, talking about her job and if there wasn’t Felix, he might have been horny and afraid because she was so strong. He liked strong personality. It was dangerous, but also so thrilling and… ah!

But on the other hand, Felix was dangerous… he was always watching him in such a way and while he loved him so much, it was even more dangerous for his heart. He was so afraid he would stop loving him…

They kept talking together until they arrived in a big street. Ingrid stopped in front of a little flat and opened the door of her car. From there, through the almost transparent curtains, you could see Dorothea cooking with the help of Felix. He wasn’t good for that but he was doing his best by her side.

“It looks nice!” Sylvain smiled.

“Don’t get lured, that place is the worst,” Ingrid said, waiting for him to come outside so she could lock it. “How often I have thought about selling this car to get enough money to go somewhere else… But it’s a present from Felix…”

“I thought you had like two works?”

“Not really, it’s technically the same work but I have different schedules and sessions. Yoga, Kickboxing and Krav Maga. Sometimes other stuff but it’s rare.”

“Dorothea doesn’t work?”

“She does. But she doesn’t earn much, especially because she needs a flexible schedule for her songstress career. She has the voice of an Angel,” she smiled.

“You love her so much,” Sylvain smiled.

She nodded and walked to the flat to open the front door.

“Also, I’m sending money to my parents, because they’re struggling so much and some of my siblings are still studying, so…”

She locked the car and opened her tiny flat. It wasn’t big and it certainly wasn’t cozy but pictures under frame and a flowery decoration, allied with some things a bit more horsey, was giving a very special charm. On one wall, you could see a puzzle of a unicorn and there were so colorful flag, thought made of ribbons sewed together, all around…

“Here you are, in our little flat,” she said, smiling to Sylvain. “Remove your boots please.”

“Yup.”

Sylvain took them out and smiled when Ingrid pushed pink slippers toward him. They were so comfy… Well, he had very big feet so they couldn’t fit in the slippers but it still went pretty okay.

“My, my…”

Sylvain turned his head toward Dorothea who walked toward him. She was wearing a sundress and her hair was tied in a bun, just like Felix, and she was so elegant, vibrant. Certainly the kind of girl Sylvain would have hit on. Her beauty so evident, so pure. When she was making the forms, she must be the most beautiful vision anyone could see.

Ingrid would agree.

Sylvain, after reflection, still would put her on the second place…

“My Ingrid and Felix keep talking about you but I would never expect about such a beautiful piece of meat,” she said, approaching him.

Her eyes were shining.

Sylvain smiled back to her.

“And I would never expect Ingrid to be engaged with such a beautiful flower,” he said, bowing in front of her, taking her hand to give her a tender kiss on the back of it.

“Thank you. I’d say the same. How our little Felix could have seduced someone like you,” she said, moving a red lock of hair. Her fingers slid on the muscles, tracing one. “How muscular you are! How much do you lift per days?” she asked.

Ingrid smiled, moving toward the kitchen, only separated from the living room by an half-wall. Along one of it, because there were a tiny section separating a vague area leading to a corridor, there were an heater. But it was old, and… it wasn’t working very well. Who cared in the mid of summer? But in winter, you couldn’t even turn it on. It was having it too hot or die… and, in fact, in the two cases, it was die…

“I don’t lift, my Lady. But you… oh you, what’s your daycare routine to be so beautiful?”

“I don’t have a daycare routine. Though… ah! Look at your perfect skin! You must have a secret too! Look at those freckles, so lovely…” She passed her arms around his shoulders. “And you’re so tall!”

“That’s it!” Felix said. “He is mine!”

Three pairs of eyes turned immediately toward him.

Sylvain let go of Dorothea, delicately though but quickly, and walked toward Felix, lifting his face toward him. But allowing him to look away.

“What are you saying?” he smiled.

“The supper’s ready…”

“Do you think I belong to you?” Sylvain grinned.

“Dorothea made a _Gratin Dauphinois_ …”

“Do you believe I’m only yours?” the redhead pursued, approaching his lips from his.

“And we prepared carrots in slices. With herbs.”

“I love you too,” Sylvain said. “You own everything of me.”

“And she put a chicken in the oven.”

Sylvain pressed a kiss on his cheek.

“This looks delicious.”

“So!” Dorothea smiled. “Sylvain José Gautier, right? I have to say ‘thank you’ for allowing my Ingrid to fulfill one of her dearest dream.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Sylvain replied. “Really, I owe it to her and it’s not taking me much time.” He turned his head toward Felix. “Can I…” he asked, moving his arm, wanting to hug him.

“Yes, go sit down, I’m bringing the supper.”

“’Kay.”

Sylvain approached the sofa, taking the last seat. He turned his head toward the girls, Ingrid moving her lips to form a ‘I’m so sorry…’.

Felix was such a case.

But Sylvain didn’t mind.

Didn’t he love him for that?

“Tell me, how have you both met?”

“Us?” Dorothea said. “Gallant or coward. How have you meet Felix?” she asked.

“Nothing thrilling. Our fathers were friends and we met when we were young. When my father moved in to start his enterprise, we lost contact but at the start of the Summer, father was pissed off I didn’t work and he asked Rodrigue to take me. So… here we are.”

“That’s sweet!” Dorothea smiled. “In fact, we met because of Felix. He and I were…”

“No,” Felix said. He shook his head when she looked at him. “We had classes together. That’s all he needs to know.”

“So you haven’t told him?” she asked.

“No,” Felix replied, serving the plates.

He came with Ingrid and Dorothea’s first. It was steaming and the aromas coming from it… rustic but tempting… You could feel that Dorothea learned to cook by herself and whatever she was doing, she managed to make it tasty… At least, warm and welcoming…

“Oh, okay. So, yes. We were taking class together, it was four years ago, pretty much. And Felix gave his car to Ingrid so he couldn’t drive around and she came to pick him up. When I met her… she was just so beautiful, breathtaking… She came often to pick up Felix so I started to talk with her. I didn’t expect much,” Dorothea confessed, her hand coming on Ingrid’s wrist, her thumb caressing.

“Still, she was hitting hard on me,” Ingrid laughed, taking her hand, tugging a bit on it. She leaned to kiss the corner of her lips. “I never regretted her to try to have my heart. Never regretted to give it to her…”

Felix gave a plate to Sylvain who thanked him with a smile. There was just a sofa in the living room and so they were three using it.

“If you want to sit…” Sylvain started.

“It’s fine.”

Felix put down his plate and left for the little corridor, coming back from there not even one minute after. A chair in his hand.

“I hope you don’t mind I took it from your desk,” he said to Ingrid.

“Of course, no,” she replied.

“So…” Dorothea said, her fork digging in the carrots. “You’re in love with this idiot?”

“Yeah,” Felix said.

Sylvain choked in his chicken.

“I… was talking to Sylvain,” Dorothea said.

“Oh, that’s fine, they’re both idiots,” Ingrid agreed.

“I mean… I… we… Ugh! Good Lord, eat your food!” he said.

Sylvain stared at Felix.

“Eat. Your. Food,” Felix said to him.

“Yeah.”

If he could lean, ask for a kiss… Though, he had already given so much to him. Those last days. Those last hours…

It all seemed like a dream.

He didn’t deserve his love. He didn’t deserve to reach happiness with him…

Yet.

Yet… Felix was giving it to him. He was giving him what no one had accepted to give him before…

Felix was cold in public but Sylvain didn’t care. Felix was oblivious and didn’t understand flirt but Sylvain didn’t care. Just a look of him, a touch, he was already in heaven…

He didn’t care if he couldn’t have him on his lap now, as long as he could whip away every of his tears, as long as he could hug him every time Felix would try to sleep… As long as he could kiss him, touch his cheek, lay his eyes on him…

 _He_ was the most beautiful being he never saw…

“But… does he know about Enbarr?” Dorothea wondered.

“Yes,” Sylvain replied. “I will follow Felix there if he succeeds. I don’t know in what but I don’t care. He has my support anyway,” he said, brushing Felix’s knee.

“My… This is lovely. But isn’t it too fast?” she worried.

“Yeah,” Ingrid replied. “You’ve a good work here and a stable situation…”

“You both twenty…”

“I’m almost twenty-one but go on, sexy,” Dorothea winked.

Felix lifted his head toward her. She blew him a kiss.

“How long have you lived together.”

“Almost three years,” Ingrid replied. “With my mother’s agreement.”

Dorothea nodded. “As soon as I turned eighteen, I got this place. I was searching since a moment, ready to leave as soon as I would…”

“Oh… I’m sorry,” Sylvain said. “A tensed situation at home?”

“I’m orphan, sexy. I had to leave the orphanage but… it was a good thing. I didn’t like the place and… this was better. They didn’t approve what I was doing and if the Spectacle Arts teacher didn’t allow me to have a debt…”

Sylvain stared at her.

“Dottie felt so alone and I asked to move with her,” Ingrid explained. “I just couldn’t let her face all of this. And I’m glad I’ve been by her side because this flat is a hovel.”

Dorothea nodded. “This place is hold by the worst Slumlord!!! I hate him!” She closed her hand around her fork. “But it’s not expensive… and this allows us to have a roof above our head, at least.”

Sylvain felt so uneasy. How often he complained about being rich? Not feeling independent, people loving him for his money, the fact that burning money to piss off his father wasn’t as efficient as he believed. But this…

“How big your debt?” Sylvain asked.

“How big is your dick?” she replied.

“WHAT?!” Felix hiccupped, choking in the gratin he was trying to eat.

Ingrid herself was dying. But of laugh.

“I don’t know, he asks me something personal, out of the blue! I panicked!” Dorothea protested. “Or maybe not, sexy,” she winked at him.

“Small,” Felix replied, “leave him alone!”

“In fact, it’s very big. And without bragging,” Sylvain winked. “You better get yourself ready, Fe’,” he added with another wink.

“For what?” he asked, stabbing his chicken.

“Oh! You wanted to do it in this way? I’m fine! As long as you’re happy.”

“I have no idea of what you are talking about,” Felix replied.

“Felix, honey… Do we need to have with you the conversation about how daddies don’t make baby together?” Dorothea asked.

“Their debt is seven thousands four hundred and forty-two Gold!” Felix replied.

“You traitor!” Dorothea hiccupped.

Playing along.

“You’re insulting us, Felix! It’s seven thousands three hundred and ninety-nine Gold! And I thought you were our friend…” Ingrid dramatically stated.

“This is huge…” Sylvain commented.

“Like your dick,” Dorothea smiled.

“Sure!” Sylvain replied, rising his hand.

Dorothea high fived it. Ingrid rose her hand too and Sylvain hit it with his palm, smiling widely in front of Felix who stared at them as if he just met them all…

“But it’s fine, honestly. We have the time we want to refund it. Though… as fast as it will be done, the better it will be. My Ingrid and I both works to get rid of it and if my career set off, it will be easier!”

“If there anything that ask you money, you can say so, we certainly can help you,” Sylvain said.

“Yes, we know,” Ingrid replied. “But I won’t use Felix’s money. I think that’s gross.”

“There is nothing bad to have help from your best friend,” Sylvain protested.

He couldn’t touch his plate anymore but not because it wasn’t good. In contrary, he would be happy to have more of it if he wasn’t afraid of not letting them leftovers. Ingrid seemed to notice that, or that something was wrong at least, and she frowned.

“If you don’t act like before, I will make sure Felix will never have to understand how a male bee and a male bee don’t fuck a flower!” she warned.

“Can you quit with that?!” Felix groaned. “And, yes, Sylvain don’t worry for them.”

“Don’t worry for them? But they are your friends!”

Sylvain was in shock but also, in front of a situation he never encountered before. Mercedes wasn’t rich since her family ran away from where they were. And he certainly wouldn’t have met her if Emile hadn’t the wish to become a Cavalier and pestered them to meet the horses. But they have a good job and their life was nice. Not in the luxury but nice. While Marianne’s family was rich. She didn’t care about that but still…

“We are living, Sylvain,” Ingrid cut short. “Not the best life but we are living and we don’t ask pity or charity.”

“I understand but…”

“No ‘but’,” she replied. “And I still expect to refund you the lessons you’re giving me.”

“It’s my right to ruin my father’s business! You won’t pay anything. And believes me: I really want to piss off my father.”

“Are you sure?” she sighed.

“I am! Honestly, if I could have, I would have offered to hire you and so it would be in the packaging because it’s expected from us to have our fav’ and to be able to ride and all… But now, I don’t know if I’ll stay…”

“I understand,” Ingrid replied.

“But… I keep this idea in mind, if ever…”

“I don’t know where my father will send me if I fail… He kept me here for the business because I’m not as… obedient as Glenn. But he will send me somewhere else. He doesn’t want to be the one moving away, his precious Boar is here!” he groaned, stabbing the carrots.

“Eh, they have done nothing to you,” Sylvain said, taking his hand gently. “Huush… Everything will be alright. If you fail for Enbarr, we will find another one here. Or not far away. Dorothea… is there any program around here?”

She nodded. “Not as prestigious, but there are. I… can’t give them to you if Felix doesn’t want you to know but I can gather them if ever… But I believe in you, Felix. You will get the place at Enbarr.”

“And I’ll come with you, no matter what!” Sylvain smiled.

“Here we are again,” Ingrid said under her breath. “Don’t you think it’s too fast?”

“My point of earlier: you moved in pretty quickly together too…”

“We were together since one year and seven months,” Dorothea countered, shredded her chicken to take a bite.

“I love him since I’m eight, try again.”

Felix watched him, his hand still closed around his fork. Sylvain’s words… so powerful, so tender. He felt like he deserved to know his secret but he was also so afraid of his judgement… If ever he didn’t like him anymore because he wasn’t as expected?

If he acted like his father and stared at him with disdain…

He didn’t want to lose Sylvain. But if Sylvain moved with him, wherever it was, could he keep such a secret to him?

Why Sylvain was…

It was so strange… He couldn’t believe Sylvain would understand but on the other hand, if someone could understand him, it certainly was Sylvain…

And Dorothea and Ingrid as well as Glenn, of course, since they already did.

But… it felt like _they had to._ While Sylvain, always joking around, always so casual and relaxed.

If he understood…

But if he didn’t.

“Sylvain… I… Those lessons… It’s… These studies… I want… I wish I can…”

“Felix…” Ingrid whispered.

Dorothea almost wanted to drop the bomb so the pressure will stop moving his features in such a painful and ugly way.

“Eh…” Sylvain slide his hand on his cheek, lifting lightly his face to kiss his forehead. “You don’t have to tell it to me if you don’t feel like you can trust me. You can. You always can lay on me, but you can keep your secrets if you feel safer. I won’t ask. I will just stay by your side and make sure you’re happy.”

“But why?” Felix whispered.

“Because you’re my destiny,” he replied. “I will protect your happiness!” Sylvain swore.

He smiled brightly.

Felix got up, the dish crashing on the floor, exploding and projecting glasses and food all over. Sylvain opened his mouth to protest, worry, whatever… but he couldn’t because two lips just closed around his. He pushed away his dish, Dorothea grabbing it just in time, and tugged him on his laps to kiss him fully.


	11. Chapter 10

“I’m sorry about that,” Felix said, as he was helping Ingrid to retrieve the shatter of plate, and whip the food from the floor.

“Don’t worry,” she said.

“It must be so expensive! Let me refund it! How much you want? One hundred?” Sylvain asked. “I’ll give it to you! Don’t make Felix pays! That’s all my fault.”

“Stop talking,” Felix said. “I already tried by the past, it won’t bring you anywhere.”

“Except outside, perhaps,” Ingrid smirked. “And it’s fine, Sylvain. If you really want to repay or do something, you can just give us a new plate. But it’s fine. More than fine,” she added, looking at Felix. “It’s good to see you happy,” she said.

“Happy? Me?”

“Yes. If not happy… You look better?”

Ingrid got up and approached Sylvain, pressing a kiss on his cheek while he was whipping the _Gratin Dauphinois_.

“Thank you.”

“Me?”

“Who else could it be?” she asked.

“I don’t know? The plan for Enbarr, perhaps?” Sylvain said.

Felix stared at him. “Why… would it be hard to believe… it’s because of you?”

“Because… Do you think I can truly matter that much to anyone? I can make someone truly happy?”

“Oh, sexy… You’re so broken…” Dorothea said. “Please, Felix, give him a hug.”

Felix kept staring at Sylvain, and looked away when the man looked at him. But he approached, taking him in his arms.

“You’re making things easier… You’re someone I care for… You matter.”

“Really?”

“Yes…”

Sylvain hugged him back, pressing their forehead together.

“You can stay here, if you wanna,” Ingrid offered.

“We can set the bed settee?” Dorothea approved.

“Girls, I like you so much,” Sylvain said, still hugging Felix. “Truly. I’m glad to have met you. It just feels good to be there. But next time, we invite!”

“Of course,” Ingrid replied, smiling as Felix struggled not to snuggle in his partner’s arms. “But there are rules.”

“There are rules?” Sylvain said, surprised.

“No expensive restaurant, no food at home with too much having done by hazard and so we have left over. No “oh I’m not hungry, take my meal!’. Or anything like that!” Dorothea recited.

“What about instant soup and sandwiches?” Sylvain asked.

“Perfect,” they replied in the same tone.

Felix pushed away Sylvain, pulling a strand of dark blue hair behind his ear and walked toward the door.

“I won’t disturb you more. Sylvain… just do what you want,” he said.

“I’m coming! Don’t you dare going outside without your umbrella!” Sylvain turned his head toward the girls. “Ladies! It has been a pleasure and I can’t wait to see more of you!”

He gently hugged Ingrid and kissed Dorothea’s hand before joining Felix so they could go to the car together. As they stepped outside, Sylvain opened the umbrella for Felix. The day was dying but the Sun was still there and Felix’s face was still so red, with little bristle appearing here and there. Sylvain had often noticed how he rubbed his face with his arm…

He just wanted to protect him.

Turning his head toward Felix, he noticed the window and smiled, waving his hand at Dorothea and Ingrid who waved back at them.

Him.

Because Felix was too busy taking the umbrella, to please Sylvain mostly, and to step around the car to take the wheel.

But it was just Felix being Felix.

Sylvain blew a kiss to the ladies and then slid at the death place. He took the umbrella Felix gave him, fastened his belt and kept watching him Felix started to drive, bringing them back to Rodrigue’s.

“I’m glad you have such friends.”

“They are great.”

“Yes! Now, I know you can feel supported.”

“What do you mean?”

“The obvious things? Rodrigue doesn’t support you and I was kinda worry for you? But Ingrid and Dorothea are there and it’s relieving.”

“Glenn is there too,” Felix replied. “That’s not because I don’t see him, he is not there. We send mail to each other, we talk by phone sometimes. And he will be thee this week-end.”

“So, this week-end will be great!”

“Not exactly: the Boar will come. I will probably go in my room the whole week-end. And the Admission Last Test is for the end of the month. I’ve fallen behind the schedule… I feel like my skills are growing weaker…”

“I’m sure you will do great.”

“You don’t even know…”

“I don’t need to,” Sylvain replied. “I support you, no matter what.”

He moved his hand to approach it from his thigh. He bit his lower lip.

“Is it fine if I put my hand there?” he asked.

“Oh… Yes?”

Felix felt a bit strange when he felt the hand on his thigh, the thumb caressing softly through the fabric.

“You look like you’re caring much for that and I know how hard you are always working. You’re in town all the time to train I don’t know where. I hear you in your room sometimes. Puffing and huffing… Unless! Oh my God! Are you making you stuff while thinking about me?!”

Felix suddenly slowed down, his head almost hitting the wheel.

“What?!”

“Aoutch! You fine?” Sylvain asked. “Didn’t hurt yourself?”

Someone honked behind them.

“It’s fine…” Felix whispered, surprised.

Why was he caring like that when he could have thrown his head on the window…

“Why have you said that?!”

“I was just joking,” he said, pushing away a strand.

“Well! It’s a stupid joke! I don’t even dream of you!”

Sylvain’s eyes widened.

He smiled tenderly and leaned to kiss his lips.

“Thank you. I dream of you too.”

“But I said…”

“Is it fine if we sleep together tonight, by the way? I’m not sure…”

“Yes,” he replied. “But I…”

Violent knocks on the window make them jolt. Felix turned his head toward the man yelling on the other side.

Felix showed his middle finger to him and pressed on the accelerator, moving on the road.

“Oops, sorry?” Sylvain laughed.

“It’s fine. And yes, we can sleep together. It just… You can’t keep the window open.”

“What about… I open the window but I close the curtains?” Sylvain asked. “I deal so bad with the heat…”

“I think we can try?” Felix replied.

“Perfect.”

“Also, I can’t come immediately. Father would never accept it.”

“Yeah… the guy keeps telling me I can bring girls in my room.”

Felix glanced at him.

“Have you?” he whispered.

“No. I’m not lying to you, Fe’. Since I saw you, there was only one person I wished to bring in my room.”

“And you managed to do it.”

“Well… in fact, I bring people in my room to, you know!” he smiled. “But… as for you… That’s what I wanted. I don’t want to just…”

“Please, don’t,” Felix said. “This is so weird. We can’t have this discussion.”

“Sure. I just want you to know I can’t wait to hold you in my arms.”

“This is sweet…” Felix whispered.

But he wasn’t sure it was for him…

As much as Sylvain seemed to believe he didn’t deserve love or people to care about him. And him… he didn’t think he could deserve a warm embrace, someone understanding him and supporting him without judgment.

And…

It was a man.

It was still weird…

The night was set since a moment and Felix heard his father enter in his own room. He let out a sigh as he stopped training.

He was sore.

But he had to do it so he could keep his mind busy. Now, he was exhausted and all he wanted was to crush in Sylvain’s arms. Damn… why did he want his contact so much? Why did he need to feel his arms around him? He just… it was so weird. When Sylvain held him in his arms, when Sylvain was looking at him, suddenly everything was better. He felt like he existed…

And he still didn’t know why he deserved that…

Felix approached the door, opening it. Everything was plunged in the darkness. Especially when he turned off the light of his room. He walked toward Sylvain’s room, listening to everything sound. Taking care his father wouldn’t storm out suddenly. He moved to the room he wanted to reach and knocked.

No reply.

Could he come inside?

He pressed his lips together and pushed the door open.

“Sylvain?” he asked, looking at his face lightened by the little lamp on the nightstand.

“Hmmm?” Sylvain rubbed his face and groaned. He rolled in the bed. “Eh, beautiful… A place was waiting with your name on it,” he whispered, pushing the thin sheet.

Felix approached him.

“Sorry. Was dozing a bit…” He groaned. “You’re still clothed?”

“Uh… Yes.”

“Wait a sec’.”

Sylvain got up and walked to his wardrobe, grabbing a shirt to bring it to Felix. Which thanked him as their fingers brushed, sending a bolt in Sylvain’s veins. He watched him as he removed his clothes in the Darkness, the curves appearing in the subdue light as a lost paint, his shadow casting on the wall with grace… Sylvain had seen so many people undress but it was the first time he felt his heart beat so fast…

“Damn… You’re beautiful,” he whispered, looking at the lovely round angle Felix was taking as he bent to remove his pant.

“Don’t say stupid things like that. I’m not. You, in contrary…”

“Tss… It’s a flytrap.”

Felix unbowed, tugging up the high thighs he was wearing, his fingers caressing the fabric, smoothing it against his white skin. It looked like a sunset with the color cast away in the room. Sylvain couldn’t stop watching, enthralled, enslaved, as the fingers grabbed the bottom of his shirt, removing it. For a second, the vision of his delicate features was ravished to Sylvain. But when the clothes passed, they seemed to ask forgiveness because the swift gesture untied the hair, making them fall in his back like the purest waterfall. His mane like ink seemed to shine with the gleam of the lamp.

“And you’re everything but a fly… Be my Queen Bee?”

“What?” Felix asked, watching him as he grabbed the shirt.

The clothes, though, too big hugged his back, fell on the curves and kissed the back of his thighs.

Sylvain approached him, gathering the long thread to push them delicately in front of Felix’s shoulder while he was fastening the shirt. Sylvain leaned to land kisses on his nape and his hands came on his pale thighs, caressing them.

“I say… I belong to you. Dispose of me as you wish,” he whispered.

Felix stared him with a mix of fear and love.

His words were so strong, all over again… The strength of his love so frightening.

Could he love him that way? He wanted to kiss him, he wanted to be the one he could watch in the eyes…

He felt his hands coming upper, sliding under his underpants, pushing it down. His breath grew faster, feeling Sylvain kissing him in the neck.

“Sylvain…”

Sylvain moved a little toward him, pressing against him.

“I’ll be gentle,” he swore, making slide the clothe along his legs, caressing his thighs as he accompanied them.

“Don’t do that…” Felix asked.

Sylvain opened the eyes to look at him in the dim light.

“If you want to hug me, kiss me or me snuggling in your arms, yes… But if you expected something else…”

“I… Fuck, sorry, I didn’t. I was just taken by your beauty. And how sexy you are. But I’m fine with just hugging you, kissing you, feeling you snuggling. I don’t ask anything more!” he smiled. He kissed his lips. “Sorry if I frightened you.”

Felix felt very well with him and had the feeling he could tell him anything but he refused to confess he had been, indeed, scared by him.

He stepped outside the underpants and moved away from his arms… But only to take his hand, tugging him to the bed. Sylvain sat by his side, lying so Felix could do the same, pressing himself on his body, his head leaning above his heart. It was beating so fast…

Felix glanced at Sylvain’s hand laying on his belly perfectly chiseled. He could feel his other hand on his shoulder, caressing softly, the thumb rubbing with such a tenderness…

“Wait, I should turn off the light. Too bad, can’t look at you anymore.”

Felix looked up at him.

“You can watch me a few seconds, if you want to. There is nothing to see, though.”

“I’m watching at perfection,” he smiled.

He leaned to press a kiss on his forehead. Then to turn off the light.

Felix snuggled in his arms, realizing how much he wanted to do that every night. Why was it so good?

He moved his fingers, brushing Sylvain’s hand.

If only he could take it…

As he thought that, the fingers intertwined with his.

“It doesn’t disturb you?”

“It’s fine,” Felix replied, pressing his ear against his pectoral. “Thank you.”

“Thank to you…” Sylvain said tenderly.


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, new tag so please, read carefully.  
> It's personally one of my favorite chapter I looked forward to write but I know it can be a bit (a lot) startling or harsh. Please, read carefully, I have no mean to hurt anyone.
> 
> This said, please remember you are awesome and loved! Hydrate yourself, wash your hands, wear a mask and know that I believe in you!!!

**_The next week-end_ **

Deep inside, Felix knew he should be as excited as Sylvain and his father, but he just couldn’t… Dimitri would be there, the ‘son his father always dreamed to have’. Or to have after Glenn. And nothing could change it. Not even the little kisses waking him up.

“Eh, my little Angel…”

“Sylvain…”

Felix still didn’t understand how he could be with Sylvain. He still didn’t understand his feelings for him. But he knew how much he loved all of this. Sylvain supported him, loved him, touched him in a way so soft and reassuring… and when he talked, his voice was soothing him so much. There were no stress, just… Bliss.

And Sylvain loved him so much back. He could talk with him, really talk. As soon as he saw him, he felt better. He was loved with him, having him in his arms, the World was different. He had the feeling he could stop relaying on his bad habits to live. He had the sensation he could be… him. Though he wasn’t sure being himself was a good thing but Felix seemed to love that? The tenderness under the horniness…

Of course, he wouldn’t tell his doubts, he wouldn’t show his fear.

He felt like he needed to be a rock for him.

“You ready?”

“Hm… I am not,” he said. “But can’t be…”

“I’ll be there.” Sylvain looked down, sitting next to him. “Glenn will be there. Aren’t you happy?”

“That’s the only thing a bit positive about that,” he replied.

Felix sat in the mattress, passing his hand in his ruffled hair. Sylvain smiled. If he knew how cute he was…

Every night, once Rodrigue was asleep, he kept coming. And every night, he offered him the same beautiful spectacle. He undressed, keeping his high thighs and putting on a shirt. Sylvain’s shirt. A new one and Felix could smell it, at least… He loved that. And he had noticed Sylvain had bought more. He was wearing them so he could have them at night. And he removed his underpants also. Or let Sylvain remove it or fastening his shirts…

He never allowed him to go further but Sylvain was happy to just see him change, to just have him in his arms.

A morning, where Felix noticed Sylvain… condition, he had wanted to try something but he got scared and just fly away.

He still didn’t believe he could do anything.

He was… straight, right? Sylvain was… yeah, Sylvain was the exception to his straightness, that was all!

That was just…

Sylvain.

And, anyway, Sylvain made the question useless because he just felt… he just felt like he couldn’t feel what he felt with Sylvain with anyone else.

He tried to dig in the past and remember his past, knowing if he felt the same but… he couldn’t remember. He just had flashes of him being tiny and always around Sylvain as soon as he could. He remembered being so happy as soon as he could be with him but…

But he didn’t know.

Everything was so confuse…

The car pulled in front of Rodrigue’s House. You could see three cars and a moto there. It still remained enough room for this car to park. After all, the dominion was so wide… You could park even more cars than those… The surprising thing was the moto, in fact. He wondered who had a moto…

He stepped out the car, locked it and walked toward the big door. Should he ring the bell or use his keys?

He rang the bell, taking a long braid of dark blue hair out of his mane so he could tie it in a bun. No reply… He rang again. But if he had to ring again, he would just enter. He hadn’t those keys on his keychain for the prettiness.

No reply.

Very well, he felt very welcomed.

He slid his key inside and turned it, entering the hall. There was no one. He removed his boots and walked in the mansion.

“Is anybody here?!” he screamed.

He moved in the corridors.

“Glenn?!”

Glenn looked up, smiling as he saw Felix above the stairs.

“Glenn!!”

Felix climbed down the stairs as fast as he could. Glenn dashed to him and his baby brother jumped from the last stairs. Glenn caught him, almost falling under his weight, though pretty light, and he made him swirl!

“My baby!” he said, pressing a kiss on his temple.

“Glenn!”

“I missed you so much,” he confessed.

“Same. It’s so good to have you here.”

“I stay like thirty hours… Will stay until Sunday afternoon. But I need to see you more. Do you still plan to go to Enbarr?”

“Yes. I’m so stressed…”

Not a lot of people could know that.

But…

In fact, all his surrounding knew it.

Ingrid because she was in couple with Dorothea who told her everything and Dorothea because she helped him training. And Sylvain because… he was Sylvain. And he just could tell yet…

If that didn’t mean their lives were meant to be intertwined?

“You can come pass a few days home when you will be done, perhaps?” Glenn offered. “Waiting for the reply…”

“Perhaps,” Felix whispered. “I don’t know. I realize it’s the first time you invite me at your home!”

“It is…” Glenn replied.

“Almost thought you were hiding something!”

“Me? Of course, I’m hiding something to my baby brother I love so much!”

Felix thought he was the one hiding something. He should probably tell him for Sylvain…

“I believe in you, Felix. And no matter what, I will cheer on you.”

“Thank you… I will do my best,” he swore.

“You will do better than that!” Glenn replied.

Felix just snuggled in his arms.

It was good to be supported for his passion by someone mattering that much…

“Glenn?!”

Ugh.

End of the soft moment. Felix glanced coldly at Dimitri who came from outside, wet, droplets sliding along his long blond hair.

“Dimitri! What a pleasure to see you! I see the pool is fun to go in!”

“Yes! You join us?”

“Sure.”

“You too, Felix?”

“Go fuck yourself,” Felix replied.

He stepped away from his brother and climbed up the stairs.

“Felix!”

Felix rose his middle finger.

“I’m so sorry, Dimitri. I hadn’t raised him that way!” he shouted toward Felix.

“Don’t care!!”

“Don’t worry,” Dimitri smiled. “We all know how he is.”

“Yeah… He used to be so cute…”

“I don’t think you failed his education if it’s that you’re fearing. You did your best.”

“I left,” Glenn replied.

“Your father made you left.”

“Yes…” the man whispered.

“Do you come in the pool?”

“Yup, I just need to change myself and to send a message to my roommate and his ‘not yet husband’,” he said.

“Be careful,” Dimitri whispered.

“Why? The water is cold?”

“No, like… don’t say those kind of words in front of you father. You know how it is. It’s already difficult enough with Sylvain, I think. He used to date dude, I think?”

“Fuck with them, you mean,” Glenn replied. “And yeah, I know dad’s allergic to queer. But I won’t hide my roommate is fiancé.”

“Where is living the fiancé?”

“Home,” Glenn replied.

“Who will leave?” Dimitri wondered.

“Say what now?”

“When they will be married? Do they leave or you leave?”

“They don’t expect a wedding. I’m going to change myself! Stay cute!”

Glenn moved his hand, saying goodbye. Dimitri came back to the garden where his father was chilling in the pool with Lambert. Sylvain was lying in a deckchair, under the Sun. he was enjoying it so well. He even had a book next to him for reading as soon as he would want it.

“Sylvain!” he said.

“Yep?”

“You don’t want to come in the pool?” Dimitri asked.

“Na! Working on my tan to impress the love of my life.”

“So you found a girlfriend?” Rodrigue asked. “I was surprised you never brought girls at home. Lucas said you never stopped doing this.”

“He told me the same,” Lambert replied, from the large buoy he was in.

“I thought you respected my home but I’m really fine with you having fun with girls.”

“Yeah,” Sylvain replied.

“You should introduce your girlfriend to us,” Rodrigue added. “And your father would be so delighted to know you are calming yourself!”

“Yeah…” Sylvain said.

“Come on, come with us!” Dimitri leaned on the redhead. “You’re tanned enough and you’re sexy anyway!”

“Dimitri! Don’t!” Sylvain yelled.

But Dimitri was very strong and bringing him to the edge of the pool was extremely easy for him. In ten big paces, in a couple of second, it was done. He was at the pool and he threw Sylvain in the pool despite the nails digging in his flesh.

At the second Dimitri threw him to the water, Sylvain yelled. A yell stopped by the chlorinated water immediately entering in his mouth, making him sink in the water. It burnt. His throat, his eyes… his fingers as he started to scrap the tiled wall in the hope to find the surface. But he couldn’t… His fingers were sliding on it, ripping open as he kept rubbing, as fast as he could. His gesture were frenzied and all he could really do, in the end, was hitting his knees and elbow against the wall.

He felt arms around him, strong. Muscular.

An urge of panic took him, making him yell even more. The water invaded his stomach, attacking his throat and he tried to get rid of the arms, his nails digging in them. In his panic, he hit his forehead against the wall, making dance spots in front of his eyes… Unless it was… his life scrolling in front of his eyes?

Fuck…

It was over…

Fuck…

 _He_ managed to do it in the end…

Fuck…

The spots kept moving in front of him, the stains becoming images of what mattered in his life… Oh damn… Felix was so beautiful…

He just stopped struggling. The breath was lacking, the panic winning.

If he had knew…

Something propelled him. The air entered in his lungs, burning him, and he bent in two, throwing up.

He heard his name being called. By different voices, worried. But he didn’t care, he tried to grab the edge of the pool, his wet and bloody fingers slipping on it. He let out panicked moan, moving his hand to dig it in the arm holding him.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” he yelled between the hiccups.

He was thrown once again, his knees hitting violently the tiled border of the pool. His palms entered in the hollowed stripes and his forehead hit it as he tried to get up but his limbs turned so weak…

He moved on his four, between hiccups and cries.

He couldn’t see anything, the tears not helping his burnt eyes but he had to run away. He had to crawl away.

“Sylvain!”

He felt a hand on his back and yelled again, finding the strength to get up and run away. Only to trip on the graze a few meters away but he got up again. He needed to put as much distance he could between him and the pool. He stormed in the mansion. His brain was screaming at him.

Felix.

He dashed to the stairs.

And something almost knocked him down. He felt hands on his shoulder, on the crook of his back. He closed his fist in a tight ball, throwing it, shrieking ‘DON’T TOUCH ME’.

His fist never touched anything but the hands let go of him, only to feel hands on his cheeks.

“It’s me, Sylvain!”

The voice…

The hands…

“F…Felix?” he whispered.

“Yes.”

Of course, it was him, how he couldn’t have recognized the spots before. Those so lovelies colors…

Feeling relieved it was him, he crushed in his arms. Felix let out a hiccup, not expecting this broad and heavy silhouette to just fall on him but he held him. His fingers passed in his hair.

“It’s fine… It’s over,” he softly said.

Holding him, he knelt, feeling that Sylvain just yielded and… hearing sobs coming from him?

Sylvain was… crying?

Felix kissed his cheek softly, caressing his wet hair.

“It’s over… I’m there.”

“Felix… don’t… don’t let go… I need you… I need you so… much…” he hiccupped.

“Huuush...” Felix said with a voice he never had as tender before.

The door opened, letting appear Rodrigue and two big blonds man, Lambert showing big bloody crescent on his forearms.

“Sylvain?” Dimitri called, panicked.

“What the hell happened?!” Felix shouted.

Sylvain shivered and snuggled in his arms, his face coming in the crook of his neck, trying to numb the World with his smell, with this hand in his hair. If only the World could be just him…

The embrace of his lovely arms, the sound of his heartbeats…

“I just…” Dimitri whispered. “We were around the pool and I threw him in it for him to play and…”

“HOW CAN YOU BE SUCH AN ASSHOLE?!” Felix roared. “Why can’t you do one fucking thing correctly, Boar?!” he spat.

“Sylvain just panicked,” Rodrigue protested.

“HE CAN’T SWIM!”

Felix surprised himself… How did he know that? Did baby Sylvain tell it to him one day and he never really forgot it?

“I didn’t know…” Dimitri replied.

“What do you know exactly?! Am I the only having ear who heard him yell?! Why the fuck have you throw someone in the water when hearing him yell!”

“Calm yourself,” Lambert said. “Sylvain is fine. We will make hot cocoa and…”

“You really think a hot cocoa can fix it?! You’re as dumb as your son!”

“Felix! That’s enough!” Rodrigue protested.

The rage in his voice.

It only made Felix laugh coldly as he pressed Sylvain to get up.

“Come,” he said to Sylvain. “I’ll dry you in my room.”

Sylvain wanted to reply ‘okay’ but he couldn’t. Not because his throat was hurting him so much but because… Felix watched him in the eyes. He couldn’t help crack a weak smile and nodded. Felix tugged him toward the stairs, holding him, not even listening to Rodrigue asking for apologies to Lambert because he was an adult, his uncle by the strength of the heart, or what they decided years ago, and also because he was the mayor after all!

He didn’t care. Not much more about Lambert telling him it was okay. He understood. He was worrying for Dimitri a bit in shock, but even more for Sylvain.

“Father, it’s fine,” Glenn said, coming from the other side of the corridor.

“You weren’t there! You can’t know but Felix…”

“… is caring for his friend, just as I raised him,” Glenn cut short. “He is doing the right thing, don’t blame him.”

Rodrigue could have protested they would have done the right thing too without Felix. Didn’t they come for taking care of him? Didn’t Lambert get him out of the pool despite the hit and scratches?

But Glenn didn’t listen to him anyway.

No wonder Felix had end up that way…

In Felix’s arms, Sylvain couldn’t stop shivering, but he didn’t move at least. He let him ruffle his hair with a towel to dry them, he let him pass the towel on his body. He even let him remove the wet swimsuit. As he heard the sound of this one falling on the floor, he couldn’t help thinking it was his fault… If he hadn’t put them, they would have never expected he was up for going in the pool and they would have left him alone…

“I’m sorry…” he whispered.

“For what?”

“You said you needed to train…”

“I don’t care about training if you need me.”

Sylvain watched him. He moved his fingers toward him but couldn’t brush him despite the envy. Felix noticed it, though, and took his hand to press it on his cheek. Sylvain dared brushing it with his thumb.

“Felix…”

“Yes?”

Sylvain pressed his forehead against him. “I just need to know you’re real. You look like an Angel…”

“You must have hit your head very hard,” Felix snickered. “I am no Angel… I’m just…” Felix looked down. “I just care for you.” He frowned. “But if you say it to anyone, I will deny it!”

“I’m the only one needing to know it…” Sylvain smiled. He pressed their forehead together, his nose brushed his softly. “You caring for me… I will never forget it. Thank you for being here… without you, I…”

Felix kissed him to make him stop talking, fearing his words. Not the strength of his love but the hand of the Death hovering over them.

Sylvain felt a burst of life rush into him, tugging softly Felix in his lap.

“Sylvain…” Felix said against his lips.

“I just want to hug you,” he whispered.

He passed his hands on the back of the skinny thighs as Felix, kneeling on the bed, one knee in each side of Sylvain, leaned toward him, brushing his forehead with his.

“Alright… I trust you…”

“I trust you too,” Sylvain said, kissing his throat. “You’re making me feel alive…”

Felix passed his hand in the wet locks.

“You sure you feel better?”

“Yes…”

Felix made him lift his head toward him, looked at his eyes, still red from the tears and the chlorate. He leaned to kiss the eyelids, Sylvain just giving himself to him.

“And, frankly… if I died there… look at you… I wish nothing more than this.”

“You’re alive. I’m real. And yours…”

“Fe’…” Sylvain whispered, pressing slightly on his tights to make him come closer. “I love you,” he said under his breath.

“I lo…”

Sylvain’s heart was beating so fast. His ears, his heart, wanted to heart those three precious words.

And the door opened.

“Oh my fucking Goddess! Sorry!”

The door closed.

“OH MY FUCKING GODDESS! GLENN!! You never learned to knock at the door?!”

The door reopened and closed again, but with Glenn inside.

“And you come back?!”

“You yelled at me! What I was supposed to do?!”

“Not coming back?! Especially without knocking at the door!”

“Excuse me! I was supposed to know you were about to get fucked?!”

“To… To?! I’m not! I wasn’t about to! And I’m not gay!” he quickly added.

“You’re not? You’re good at pretending it,” Glenn snickered.

Sylvain, very uneasy, grabbed the towel to tug it on him. And removed his hands from Felix’s thighs.

“I am straight!”

“Yeah straight ready to comfort your boyfriend with your…”

“No, no, no! I _am_ straight. Sylvain is just…”

Glenn folded his arms, rising an eyebrow. “I’m sure cuddle with my friends like that to cheer them up. Especially when they’re naked.”

“The swimsuit was wet,” Sylvain said. “I wasn’t doing anything!”

“Wait your turn, Gautier.”

“He is innocent. And we’re not… gay…”

“Yeah, I’m very bisexual,” Sylvain said.

Felix got up, joining his hands as he approached Glenn.

“I swear… I wouldn’t do it again if it wasn’t Sylvain…”

“What do you mean?” Glenn asked.

“Do you think I’m forcing you?” Sylvain worried.

“No!” he replied, looking at his redhead. “It’s me, I’m… I just can’t stop being attracted to you, despite all my efforts not doing it…”

Glenn took his brother’s face in his hands, forcing him to look at him.

“What are you saying?”

“I tried to repress my feelings but…”

“Why?” Glenn whispered.

But he knew the reply… if Dimitri was all panicked just because he mentioned the fiancé of his roommate…

“Because…” Felix looked down. “Because… I don’t know? I just… can’t be gay?”

“Being bisexual or pansexual is fine too, you know?” Glenn replied. “Or any sexual orientation.”

“No, I just… I… I never cared for anyone before…”

“So… you weren’t attracted with girls before?” Glenn asked.

Felix shook his head. “Sylvain is the first one, I…”

“I don’t understand…” Sylvain said. “So you ‘don’t know’ if you’re straight or not? You could be anything else and just have to wait the good one?”

“I… I don’t know? I…”

“I know,” Glenn said. He turned around. “Take care of him, Sylvain.”

“’kay.”

Felix shook his head as the door closed.

“You’re the one in shock. I should take care of you.”

“Let’s take care of each other,” Sylvain smiled gently.

“Father?!”

Glenn came in the garden where his father was with the two Blaiddyd.

“Is Sylvain better?” Dimitri immediately asked. “I’m so sorry, I…”

“Later, Dima. Father! You have to change your behavior! It is only hurting around you.”

“Don’t talk to your father that way,” Rodrigue replied. “You used to…”

“I don’t care about what I used to be. I love you, father, but your behavior is hurting Felix… and not only him! Can’t you see it?! Sylvain was in shock and he needed to be supported. Felix just tried to support him and protect him! But if this was only that?! You need to support him! No matter what! For his passion and… Dear Goddess!! Felix is in couple and he wouldn’t tell it to you because he can’t trust you! Because you put such bad ideas in his mind!”

“He is in couple?”

“Yes! With someone you will disapprove…”

“Is this the girl? Ingrid? He shouldn’t be ashamed if he managed to make her straight again.”

“Uncle Rodrigue,” Dimitri protested.

“FOR SOTHIS SAKE!!! Are you listening to yourself?! He is gay! Father! He is fucking gay! And I…”

“Gay?” Rodrigue repeated. “And you… And you support him… Of course, you support him.”

The man walked toward the Mansion. Everything was clear now. Felix was so happy lately. He was always outside. He was making effort were he wasn’t making anyone. How could he have been so blind?!

It was so obvious.

He climbed the stairs and opened the door of his son, being a literal cold storm, only fueled with rage.

And what he saw…

Sylvain kissing Felix…

Felix quickly pulling away. Sylvain got up and rose his hands.

“How dare you!” Rodrigue said, his voice simmering with anger.

He heard Lambert calling him downstairs but he didn’t care.

“It’s my entire fault, Uncle Rodrigue! Please!”

“I know,” he replied, as cold as ice. “I accepted you in my house, gave you food, a roof, my affection and you… you corrupt my son!”

Rodrigue grabbed him by the hair, tugging hard on them.

“You’re a viper and I wish you had died in that pool!”

“Uncle Ro…”

“Don’t you dare calling me that way?!” he roared.

“Rodrigue!” Lambert shouted.

There was a sudden crack in the room. Sylvain’s eyes widened. No one could react as Rodrigue was shoved against the wall, a blade entering slightly in his flesh.

“Touch my Sylvain once again and I’ll kill you!”

“Felix!” Glenn shouted.

Dimitri stormed in the room and grabbed Felix by the waist, making him step back, holding his wrist so he couldn’t throw the knife on his father.

“Are you alright?” Lambert asked, coming to Rodrigue to see his wrist.

The man only stared at his son.

“You killed your mother and you want to kill your father?! I knew you always had been a mistake… I should have known it when we discovered you liked to dance!” he shouted. “The poison was already into you!”

Felix shook his head. A part of him was screaming ‘I’m straight’ but he didn’t even know why… To please him? That monster?

Because it had been taught to him?

He could feel Sylvain’s arms around him, they were so warm. He should be more than happy to announce he was in love with him. But it seemed… so wrong.

“That’s enough!” Glenn shouted. “You’ve done enough wrong to Felix! You have no right to say such things to him! I’m taking him with me! I’m taking them with me! Felix, Sylvain, pack your things!”

“I forbid it to you!” Rodrigue said.

“Felix, Sylvain!”

“Yes,” Sylvain said, tugging Felix away.

Dimitri let go of him, letting Sylvain brings him toward his wardrobe so he could take a bit of clothes. He didn’t want to leave him alone one second. Not now.

Rodrigue didn’t seem dangerous, especially with Lambert by his side, ready to interfere if something happened. In fact, he was more worry Felix could do something he would regret. He still had the knife in hand… A knife he had taken from under his pillow. He didn’t even know he had that…

“I forbid it to you, Glenn! If you pass this door with them, I swear I…”

“Rodrigue!” Lambert protested.

“If you pass that door, you will never be allowed to come here! You, your brother and this… whore!”

“I’m only a slut!” Sylvain replied, closing his hand on Felix’s. “And I never forced Felix to do anything! I only gave him what you couldn’t do it: happiness. Without me, he would have killed himself last week! Doesn’t it matter?!”

Rodrigue stared at him while other looks went on Felix who shivered. He couldn’t even be angry against Sylvain for that bomb threw there.

“I shouldn’t have accepted you here!”

“Are you lis…”

“Lucas should have sent you in a camp like your brother!”

“What?” Sylvain and Glenn said at the same time.

“That’s nonsense, uncle Rodrigue! Miklan has been sent in a Borstal because he was always mean with me. After the well incident…” Sylvain protested.

“That’s what they wanted you to think… We wanted to protect you.”

“We?” Glenn replied.

“We decided to separate you all to protect you,” Rodrigue said to his elder son. “We always tried to protect you! I’m trying to protect Felix right now!”

“You’re not!” Felix replied. “Can’t you understand the World isn’t working as you believe so?! Didn’t you hear Sylvain? I would have killed myself if this wasn’t for Glenn, Ingrid… Sylvain… but certainly not for you!” he groaned. “My life would perhaps have been better if you hadn’t taken away the only one I never loved from me! He is my destiny, don’t you understand?! You can’t do anything against it!”

“You don’t know what you are saying…”

Felix let go of the clothes he had in arms and walked toward Sylvain. He moved his hands toward him, passing them on his cheeks. He had a moment of freeze, waiting for consent but also fighting the worm eating him alive.

Sylvain leaned toward him and Felix pressed their lips together.

Just two seconds…

“I love him, father. If you want to throw me away, do it!”

He watched at him and thought he was struggling against it, you could see the tears making shine his eyes.

Felix still couldn’t understand and a part of him was making him suffer so much… He couldn’t understand this love he had but he knew he couldn’t live without Sylvain. He didn’t care where he would end up as long as he would be with him. He would protect him… He would ease away his pain. He would love him as much as he could.

Even if it wasn’t very much…

“You’re disgusting…” Rodrigue whispered.

“Rodrigue, they love each other. Don’t you want Felix’s happiness? He always had been so sad…” Lambert protested.

“I do what is the best for my family!”

Lambert sighed. “Glenn, bring them home.” 

Glenn nodded but he couldn’t stop staring at his father.

“You said you were protecting me… what was happening with Miklan?” Glenn asked. “You got wrong once, why not twice?”

Sylvain couldn’t help watching at Rodrigue. He wanted to know. Miklan had disappeared from his life twelve years ago and he was more than fine with it. But knowing he had been mistreated for something his father was accepting for him…

It was unfair…

Or the taste of his fist was even worse than his brain was able to even remember.

“Lucas found him pleasuring himself while watching pictures of you. We didn’t want you to question it, we didn’t want you to be corrupted, so Lucas took the opportunity and left. Bringing Sylvain away and the proof Miklan was a demon… Lucas’ center flourished as soon as Miklan was thrown away from this house.”

“It was a Borstal or…” Sylvain asked, in fear.

“Both. They were educated to serve the army afterward, as a reward for helping them to find the light again.”

“Oh Goddess…” Glenn hiccupped.

“I’m sorry you have to hear about the unnatural feelings this monster had toward you…”

Rodrigue approached him, his wrist was hurting him but it seemed it wasn’t broken because he managed to hug his tiny son who was on the edge of a breakdown.

“Is it… an idea of yours?” he whispered.

“I had to protect you.”

Glenn grabbed his wrist, tightening. Hard.

The crack echoed again.

“Glenn!”

Lambert dashed at him, making him let go, pressuring on his wrist.

“Glenn?” Dimitri asked, surprised.

“What are you…” Rodrigue whispered.

“You never protected us… You destroyed us. Piece by piece. Can’t you understand? I hate my stupid job you gave me so kindly, Felix hates it as well. You don’t support his dream. You don’t let us room to be what we are. Do you know… I am married?”

“You… what?!”

“My roommate you find so lovely, would you still love him if you knew he was the man I married? Five years ago.”

“N… No! Not you!” Rodrigue protested.

“Me. And you know the most awesome thing?” he asked, his voice shaking. “I loved Miklan and I still love him.”

“Listen to you… what your ‘precious husband’ would say? You try to pr…”

“That Miklan fucks so marvelously well.” Rodrigue hiccupped in horror. “Because… yes, father, I’m getting fucked by two men on a daily basis. See how good you protect us…” He approached him. “…from happiness.” Glenn’s face was just next to his. “And I won’t let you take that away from Felix any longer. I won’t let you hurt Sylvain… Find someone to replace me at your fucking society because I will be busy giving to Felix a good parental figure.”

Rodrigue choked in and Lambert was sure, he was about to pass out.

“I always have received a good parental figure, Glenn,” Felix said. “You always have been there.”

“Not enough,” Glenn replied. He walked to him to take him in his arms. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine…”

Glenn closed his eyes and turned his head toward Sylvain, watching at him who looked in shock.

“Do you want to come?”

Sylvain was still processing everything and he could feel the fear within him. But…

“Where Felix goes, I go,” he replied with a weak smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter was heavy and so I allow myself a side note.  
> First, sorry to all Rodrigue’s lovers. I love him too don’t get me wrong, I even wanted to marry him in my first run (Blue Lion) until someone told me it wasn’t possible.  
> I just thought for what I want the fic to talk about, it’s the best character?  
> I want this fic to talk about Heteronormativity (and in general, what society and people expect to you with your own body and your own mind) I want to have it with positivity too but I didn’t think I could handle it without backslash neither?
> 
> For the little story (you can leave if you wanna, it’s just babbling about personal story) I grew up in a family where my both parents were homophobes (and my mom has also gay fetishism which is one of the nastiest thing I saw so far) with my father saying out loud that ‘bi was a mode and you can’t be bi’. So this story is a bit personal even though some point have never reached *such proportion* in my personal story, I had for long so many thoughts that didn’t seem to be mine? And I still struggle against it, hence why I love this fic personally?  
> I will more than probably keep stepping in heavy subject alike but with Glenn taking care of the babies, we will arrive to the part of… kinda what I’d hope growing up in a family could have been?  
> Sorry for having taking your time and thank you if you are still as thrilled by the fic as me!!!


	13. Chapter 12

They were on the road since so long. Sylvain couldn’t remember when they left and how long they drove. Especially because Glenn stopped a few time to change his mind. But it must be a bunch of time now because Felix was sleeping against him.

They had said nothing.

Not once.

And if Sylvain could still judge pretty much, it must have been six hours? Seven?

More?

He should have commented that Felix told him he was his Destiny but he couldn’t. They made their bags… They had enough time to do it, in the end, because Lambert brought Rodrigue at the Hospital for his wrist and it seemed that the situation wasn’t as worst as it seemed so but… the day had just been exhausting and Rodrigue’s words still swirled in their mind.

When they were stopping for a break, Sylvain was almost sure he had heard Glenn cry in the toilet. And worst, just after, he came back with sunglasses on…

And Sylvain was so helpless.

With him.

With Felix.

He felt so useless…

“Glenn…”

“We should be home in a big hour,” he said.

“Glenn… You have driven all day long, please, let me drive…”

“I’m fine.”

“If you want to make a car accident, can you wait for Felix not to be in the car?” Sylvain asked.

“You really love him, uh?”

“Yes…” Sylvain replied, looking at Felix, caressing his a strand of dark blue hair.

“He always has been like that. As soon as the travel his long enough, he fell asleep in the car. I was so afraid when he started to drive,” he laughed softly. “But it seems, when he is driving, it’s fine.”

“Yes!” Sylvain grinned. “Glenn…”

“Very well,” he said. “I will pull over at the next gas station and you’ll do the last kilometers.”

“Thanks.”

Glenn glanced at him through the rear mirror. “Say, I noticed you brought an umbrella. What the hell?”

“What? It doesn’t rain in Goneril’s territory?”

“It does!”

Sylvain smiled and watched at his hand. Before they left Rodrigue’s house, they were adorned with two rings. One gold, pretty thin, with silvery engraved words and another in white gold, with three tiny gemstones. A blue, a pink and a red.

“It’s for Felix,” he said, finally.

“Felix?”

“Yeah… To protect him from the Sun…”

“Oh…” Glenn couldn’t help smiling. “I kinda get why Felix has no one before, he set the bar high.”

Sylvain blushed.

He didn’t believe that.

He wasn’t worthy of such a precious love. He was just doing what was right…

“Can I ask you something too?” he wondered.

“Sure.”

“You… You were trying to piss off Unc… Rodrigue, right?” he asked. “You’re not really… with Miklan?”

“I am really with Miklan,” Glenn replied. “He has changed. I know the situation can be frightening for you. I will talk with him but if you don’t feel secure to stay around him…”

“It’s fine…” Sylvain whispered.

“Don’t force yourself, Sylvain. If you need some setting, they will be taken. I know how harsh he has been with you when you were growing up.”

The redhead nodded.

“I’m not sure I can handle it. But… Felix needs you. And… as long as I’m with him…”

He leaned to press a kiss on his forehead. Felix groaned in his sleep and snuggled in his arms.

“Can I ask another question?”

“Yup?”

“You really have two boyfriends?”

“No!”

“Ah, I think s…”

“I have a husband and a fiancé!” he replied, smiling in the rear mirror.

“Why the difference?”

“I was married with Holst for two years when Miklan came home, he wanted to become a better man. A better big brother…”

“I never saw him?” Sylvain cut short.

“I know. He still doesn’t feel worthy. Anyway, after a week, we asked him to stay and kinda hit on him? He asked us in wedding last year. Legally, it’s not allowed… but it happens he call us ‘husband’ and Holst…well it’s special. We will find you a place to set you.”

“About the rent…”

“I don’t want to hear that. There is no rent to pay. If you even… Uuugh,” Glenn said. He felt he was talking like his father. “I’m sorry…”

“I’m sorry… All of this was my fault, I…”

“Your fault?” Glenn cut short.

“If I hadn’t panicked in the pool…”

“Sylvain! You are in right of panicking! I… I know what happened. I know you can’t swim and you’re afraid of water because of what Miklan did to you. Dimitri shouldn’t have thrown you in the pool.”

“He was sorry.”

“Of course, he was. He didn’t want to hurt you. He didn’t think he would.”

“He hurt Felix by the past, right?”

“Yes… Dimitri is…”

“He has good heart, I remember when we were children,” Sylvain smiled. “I know he doesn’t do it on purpose.”

“Yes.”

“He must hate himself… this time, all of this. And last time…”

He stared at Felix. Dancing… he was dancing.

He had seen so many movies about dance. So many movies about ballets. And now he was scared. He never saw Felix’s feet. Not even once. He would let him remove clothes on him but would never allow him to take out his high thighs.

Was he…

“It will be okay. I will call him tomorrow.”

“I should call Ingrid and Dorothea… Fuck, Ingrid was so happy to have ridden lesson. OH FUCK! I can’t let Bernadetta alone, I…”

“Sylvain, it’s fine,” Glenn said. “You don’t have to take all of this on you.” He wanted to change his mind, ease him. “So you were teaching Ingrid how to ride? That’s so great! Tell me! How did you meet her?”

“Ah! Let me tell you! I have been ri-di-cu-le!”

Sylvain was a bit ashamed but also glad they could just talk. Let the shadow of Rodrigue disappear…

“Here we are,” Glenn said, as Sylvain, thanks to his indication, was parking in front of the house. “You can leave your bags in the car. We will come pick them later,” he offered.

“’kay,” Sylvain replied.

He leaned to the backseat, where Felix was sleeping, rolled in a thigh ball, and shook softly his shoulder.

“Fe’… We’re home,” he said. He just realized what he said. “I mean… I mean, we’re at Glenn’s house, I…”

“You’re home, Sylvain,” Glenn said, caressing softly his hair.

“Thank you…”

Glenn smiled to him and came out the car and opened the door of his house. It looked pretty modest. Especially next to big Mansion like those their parents had. But it was something Sylvain appreciated. He knew Ingrid’s place was horrible and didn’t wish that for her but such a little flat with a cozy feeling.

Sylvain got up from the driver seat, opened the other car and leaned on Felix.

“Fe’…”

“Hmmm, yeah…”

Felix rubbed his eyes.

“You good?”

“Yeah…”

“We’re arrived and…” Sylvain glanced at the door. They should go there but… “Can I talk to you, two seconds?”

“Yes?” he asked.

At first, Sylvain wanted to talk to him about the dance but… he should be the one coming with it.

“How do you feel?” he asked, sitting next to him.

“A bit dizzy. How do you feel? Rodrigue has been so harsh on you. I want… I want you to know… I think your perfect in your own way. With your flaws.”

Felix snuggled in his arms. Sylvain hugged him.

“I need to tell you it was so sexy of you, and a bit frightening, to pull out a knife to protect me.”

“I will always protect you,” Felix swore.

“I love you. I love you so much… I just want to hug you so badly. I want to touch you. I… Felix Hugo Fraldarius… I want to pass every second of my life with you. I want my mind to be filled by your voice and your image when you aren’t there… You said I was your Destiny and damn, I know it’s fast, but… would you marry me?”

“What?” Felix hiccupped.

“You don’t have to reply immediately. You can take all the time you want. I’m not talking about minutes. I’m talking about months if needed.”

“Okay.”

“I just… I just needed to ask you.”

“It’s so cute. It’s just… Oh fuck it: yes!”

“What?”

“Yes! I’ll marry you!”

“You…” Sylvain smiled and took his face in his hands to kiss him tenderly. “Thank you! I love you so much!”

Sylvain started to kiss him all over his face. Felix couldn’t help laughing, letting him do, passing his arms around him.

“I’ll make you happy.”

“I know,” he laughed.

“I’ll make you so happy! I will lighten your life!”

“You already do!” He pressed their forehead together. “I’ll make you happy. I’ll take care of you.”

“I will find you the perfect ring,” he said.

Felix snuggled a little bit in his arms then forced himself to move away. Glenn had waited enough for them. He came out of the car and held out his hand to Sylvain, making him come too.

“It’s fine?” Glenn asked to them.

Felix nodded.

“Why are you smiling that much? Are you that happy to be there? Am I flattered?”

“I am happy to be there. I’m just… I am smiling?” he asked to Sylvain.

“Yup.”

Sylvain kissed the corner of his lips. He then turned his head toward Glenn. Himself was smiling so much.

“We’re engaged!”

Glenn blinked then smiled, taking them in his arms.

“Congratulations!”

“Thank you!”

“I’ll take care of you a bit more but I trust you for taking care of each other soon.”

“We’re doing it a bit already!” Sylvain smiled.

“Yes,” Glenn smiled, caressing his hair then hugging them more.

“Sorry for having making you wait,” Felix said. “We are ready.”

“’Kay. Be ready to enter in my chaotic life,” Glenn invited, pushing open the door.


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be ready for a huge chapter!!!  
> Also tiny trigger for something about foot trauma at the end of the chapter! It doesn't mean to scare or anything but it's here and I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable!
> 
> And remember you are awesome, I love you! I believe in you!!! It's fine to not be fine!  
> Stay hydrated, put a mask, wash your hands and keep being awesome !!!

All over the house, the clocks were showing that two am was about to ring. Glenn hadn’t noticed what time it was already. His father’s house was just so far away from his. They had stopped often… The big Normandy tall-case clock Holst had wanted in the entry showed it to Glenn and now, he didn’t dare call. His lovers were certainly asleep now.

“’kay, remove your boots and I’ll show you your room. I’ll bring you your bags immediately so you can make yourself at ease. There is no schedules for the breakfast since it’s Sunday tomorrow. Just get up when you wanna. Should I show you the kitchen?” he wondered, not talking very high.

“Uh, perhaps?” Sylvain said.

“Okay, come.”

He removed his shoes and waited for them to do the same, walking to the kitchen, followed by the two others. Noticing the light coming from there, Glenn let out a sigh.

“Those two, they are each as bad as the other! You can’t never expect them to… oh fuck, Miklan,” he said, as he pushed open the kitchen’s door.

“Yup. I hope you don’t mind your stupid fiancé his making you pasta at two am.”

“But why?” Glenn asked.

“Because you left at like five am and you were already heading back… Something went wrong…”

Glenn walked toward him. Miklan bowed in two so he could receive a kiss. Glenn was almost forty-five centimeters tinier than him. He passed his life with his eyes in the manboobs of his fiancé, and accorded to Holst, he lived his best life but it could suck to be that short, especially when your partner was a more than two meters giant.

“Something went wrong, indeed. I…” Glenn tugged on his cheeks, kissing him again. “I’m so sorry, I love you so much…”

“Glenn?” he said, taking his wrist in his hands.

His hands were so big and the pale wrist just looked like tiny sticks in those huge palms.

“What’s happening? Are you hurt? Who hurt you? I will end their life!!!”

Glenn pressed his head against his broad chest. Miklan hugged him, caressing his hairs. The fact his sidecut had only one braid was worrying enough. Him who was wearing a fair amount of little braid…

Even though most of the time, Holst was doing them for him. Now he could just imagine Glenn undo every braid in a very nervous way… What the hell happened?!

“I just want you to know I love you and always loved you.”

“I love you too,” Miklan replied, pressing a kiss in his hair.

“And also… I didn’t come alone,” he said. “Short story: my father screwed up hard, I’m not working anymore in his stupid enterprise…”

“I’m so proud of you.”

“… and I brought back Felix and Sylvain.”

He turned his head and showed the opening of the door. The baby brother hadn’t interfered but, in fact, you could see some red strands poking out from the threshold.

“So, all the ‘I love you so much’ scenery it was for me to accept Sylvain here?”

Glenn shook his head, watching him in the eyes.

“I know it’s bad to impose each one of you to the other, but I couldn’t let him there and I don’t think I should send him back to your father because I just… don’t feel it. And I really… really love you so much… and I’m so sorry…”

He took his hands, pressing a kiss in the palm of one of them.

Miklan stayed mute. For long seconds.

“Do they want to eat?”

“Please.”

“Do they have baggage?”

Glenn nodded.

“Very well. I’ll serve you, bring the baggage in their room… wake up Holst.”

“What? No, it’s not usef…”

“He is sleeping in the couch, he worried and wanted to be there.”

“Okay…”

Glenn watched him as he stepped away from him, dried out the pasta and put cheese on it. And then served the dishes. Of course, there wasn’t much for everybody but the meal smelled good.

Miklan stepped outside the kitchen and glanced at Sylvain who, himself, stared at him, having his Felix in his arms.

They didn’t say anything, just exchanging a long look.

When he left, Sylvain dared to enter the kitchen with Felix. Glenn installed two new chairs, doubt in his eyes. Unless it was tiredness?

Sylvain was really worry and wanted him to rest.

Perhaps they should eat tomorrow?

Or… he was thinking that because he nourished doubt in front of eating something Miklan had made?

But… he made it for his fiancé in the first place so… perhaps?

“Here, have a bit. Miklan couldn’t provide a lot, he didn’t expect three mouths to feed. If you need more, I’ll give you my part.”

“Eat, Glenn. You’re exhausted,” Sylvain said, tugging the chair for Felix.

“I don’t need to eat,” Felix added.

“Don’t say that. You’re training hours per day if you haven’t changed and the day has been tiresome. Eat.”

“Okay…”

He took a fork, tasting the pastas. By his side, Sylvain hesitated then tasted too. And was surprised how yummy it was.

“Your fiancé is a good cooker,” he said.

“He is,” Glenn laughed, sitting by his side. “He got us by the stomach!”

Sylvain laughed too, still tensed.

“Is it fine if I explain them the situation when Miklan comes back?” He frowned. “If… he comes back.”

Felix nodded.

“Of course,” Sylvain replied. “You should do as you feel. Especially since you’re saving us…”

“You’re too sweet, Sylvain.”

They could hear the door close, open and close, the sound of Miklan’s heavy body, only muscles, in the stairs…

A door opened again, closer.

“Ah… Felix, you remember Holst?”

Holst, yawning, was stretching in his big black shirt where you could read, in white ‘I have no tits’ when you wrinkled your eyes because he still had his arms up, revealing a pink panties. When he lowered down his arms, you could see his neck adorned of a choker were two dogs tags were kindly waiting.

“Ah! Nice shirt!” Sylvain smiled. “I’ve the same!!”

“Ah! I love it so much!” Holst said. “It smells so good…” he whispered, smelling it.

“It’s Miklan’s,” Glenn said.

“Oh…” Sylvain let out.

Holst quickly walked to Glenn, kissing him tenderly.

“My love… I missed you so much! But you have no reason to hurry that much!”

“I just missed you sooo much,” he smiled, kissing him back.

Holst hugged him, enjoying the warmth of that contact. Of his dear husband…

But he moved away so abruptly, Sylvain couldn’t help blink.

“So! Felix!” Holst approached him to land kisses on his cheek.

Felix was so tensed. When Sylvain started to kiss his cheeks, he craved for those morning, goodbye and any other kiss, he thought he started to love it dearly but… nop. In fact, he hated it.

He just wanted Sylvain’s love…

“And you must be Sylvain! You are so cute! Look at you!” Holst cupped his cheeks and kissed his forehead. “Love you!”

“Me?”

“You!” Holst pressed his finger on his nose. “Someone wants something to drink?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Sylvain said, perturbed.

“I’m good,” Felix replied.

“You’re lovely but I can barely eat,” Glenn informed.

“A beer,” Miklan said. “I’m almost done, Glenn. I don’t know to whom belongs each bag but I will set a mattress in the library room and they can just take their stuff in either room. I will set the guest room.”

Holst had dashed to Miklan, jumping at his neck to ask for a kiss. Which he received of course.

“Oh, the guest room is fine for both of them. They’re…” Glenn started, pressing his index fingers together.

“Fucking?” Holst asked.

“Kissing?” Miklan tried.

“Yeah… dating,” Glenn ended.

“Okay, I just throw their bags in the guest room.” He leaned to kiss Holst again. And a second time. “Give that to Glenn for me.”

“I’m on it!”

Holst stormed in the kitchen to join Glenn, kissing him. Sylvain watched him do that, a bit intrigued. Felix was just eating next to him. And Miklan disappeared quickly after that.

Holst prepared the beer for Miklan and came back to the table.

“How long will you stay?” he asked to Sylvain and Felix.

“At least one week. Perhaps a big month or…” Felix replied. “I have to go to Enbarr in one week…”

Sylvain looked at him, hoping not appearing to insistent.

“I will drive you, if you want to,” Glenn offered.

“Please. I might be so stressed I…Just, please…” he replied.

“I will.”

“For what is it?” Holst asked.

“Nothing, just a contest I’m doing, nothing important.”

“No! That’s great!” Holst replied to Felix. “I’m sure you will do amazingly! By the way, I should present you both the most important being of my life!!!”

“Glenn?” Felix said.

“Miklan?” Sylvain asked.

“So sweet,” Glenn smiled.

“No, I mean, Hilda! She is my little sister! She is the cutest! I love her so much! That’s from her,” he said, showing the flowery jewel at his ear. “That’s from her,” he pointed at the ranks of bracelets he had on his arms. “That’s… No, that’s Glenn’s ribbon because I can’t sleep without things from my loved one. Oh! That’s from her,” he said, pointed out at Glenn’s wrist.

“Oh, I thought it was weird to see you with such things,” Sylvain said, looking at Glenn’s arm.

It was a bracelet with colored bead intertwined and shiny flowers here and there…

“Yup. But Hilda made it for me so… Miklan got one too.”

“They have plenty! Hilda is so sweet! She might do some for you if you want to! I will ask her! But you can also support her! She is such a great artist!”

Glenn smiled, taking a bit of pastas in his fork. “But she never made you noodle necklace when she was three.”

“Because she is better than that! Suck it, Glenn!” Holst turned his head toward Felix. “Your noodle necklace is so pretty! Glenn cherish it and O M G, you did it at three! So cute!”

“Thank you?”

The door closed again in the entry and they could hear Miklan climbing the stairs. Sylvain was still a bit tensed.

“You ask if you need anything, okay? Don’t hesitate!” Holst pursued, talking so fast.

“Okay,” Sylvain smiled.

Felix nodded.

After a moment, the sound of Miklan’s pace echoed again. And he appeared in the kitchen, approaching to get the beer he had asked.

“Do you have enough food?” he asked.

“Yes,” Felix said.

“It’s great, thank you,” Glenn replied, smiling at him.

Sylvain just nodded.

“Great. I’m going to bed,” Miklan said.

Holst offered his lips for a good night kiss.

“Oh…” Glenn let out.

“What? You expected me to stay?”

“It’s about the whole situation… I don’t plan to let Felix come back to father’s house. I’m willing to keep him here as long as he will need it. Him and Sylvain. I don’t trust more Lucas than Rodrigue. I already told you that but… I really think we should clarify the situation beforehand.”

Miklan seemed annoyed but he sat on the last chair. Standing didn’t seem to annoy Holst but that didn’t stop him to climb on his lap and passing his arm around his shoulders.

“What happened, exactly?” Miklan asked.

Glenn, Felix and Sylvain stayed mute.

Holst stared at them. “Is it a language I don’t know? Telepathy? Ouuuuh! I would love being a telepathic! I could tell you how much I love you all the time!!!”

Glenn took his hand to press a kiss on it, his knuckles then his palm.

“I know.” He squeezed his hand, his face turning more serious. “It’s just… “

He didn’t know how to start. He didn’t want Miklan to feel bad. Even though anyone could think he deserved to have the memories of the past threw at him.

“I’m sorry,” Sylvain said.

“Sorry?” Holst replied.

“It’s not your fault,” Glenn protested.

“It’s not yours neither!”

“What…”

“You said ‘I’m so sorry’ to Miklan. And I heard you…”

“Nothing,” Glenn said.

“Heard you what?” Miklan asked. “You are weird. If I have to break your father’s spine…”

“Miklan, no!” Glenn protested.

“Miklan, yes,” Holst smiled.

“Holst, please, focus…”

“I’m sorry! Miklan, no!” he said. He turned his head toward Glenn. “But if your father has hurt you, I’m really up for him having his spine crushed. I don’t want you to be hurt.”

“You’re sweet. But I’m fine, it’s just…”

“Here is what happened,” Felix said, putting down his fork. And he truly was the only one who finished his meal. “The Boar… ugh, Dimitri threw Sylvain in the pool. He panicked…” Miklan threw a glance to Sylvain, his hand closing around Holst’s thigh. “So he ran to me, I eased him but father was mad because I didn’t want to suck Dimitri’s dick.”

“Which is ironic!” Sylvain said.

“What?” Felix asked.

“For the following of the summary.”

Felix frowned, staring at him, but not watching him in the eyes. “Anyway… I took care of Sylvain and Glenn came in the room because he can’t fucking knock at a door. And he found me while I tried to comfort Sylvain.”

“With your ass,” Glenn said.

“Sweet!” Holst commented.

“Absolutely not! Glenn!” Felix protested.

“Why was he naked, then?”

“Because you have to remove the swimsuit if you want to dry him!”

“You were drying him?” Miklan asked.

“I was in shock, Felix was just nice,” Sylvain intervened, protecting his Felix.

“Anyway!!!! Glenn surprised us while I was only comforting Sylvain, with my words! And my mouth!”

“Felix, no…” Sylvain said.

“Aaaaaw! So devoted!” Holst smiled.

“See! Someone understands!” Felix bragged to Glenn.

“Of course,” this one replied, caressing his hair, with a light smile.

“And Glenn stormed out the room to… I don’t know?”

“Insult Rodrigue and told him his education was crappy,” Glenn completed.

“Which we knew but…”

“But what?” Glenn cut short. “Do you wanna told _them_ your sexual identity?”

“I…” Felix blushed and his fists contracted with anger. “I don’t.”

“What? What is it? You can say moronsexual if you want, I go by there,” Holst comforted.

“Glenn doesn’t want to believe I’m straight,” he finally said.

There was a long silence.

“So, is Sylvain…?” Holst wondered.

“Nop,” he replied.

New silence.

“Yeah, I would have stormed out and destroy him too,” Miklan approved.

“Thank you.”

Felix frowned, still in doubt and in front of incomprehension…

“Rodrigue came a bit after and surprised me kissing Sylvain, he went mad and started to harm Sylvain and insulted him, so I broke his wrist and threatened him with a knife.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Miklan said.

“You what?!” Holst hiccupped.

Glenn seemed more worry by Holst’s reaction than by Miklan’s…

“Does he risk anything? Jail sentence?”

Holst bit his lower lip for two seconds, every look more or less turned toward him. Then, finally, he shook his head.

“No! An amend in the worst case, but can tell you I saw a bunch of asshole doing worst and never get framed so, unless Rodrigue makes a complaint about it… ugh, now I remember he is friend with the mayor. That could work… but if they get anything upper an amend, I’ll storm out there and protect your baby brother!”

“Thank you,” Glenn said, kissing his hand.

“Don’t worry,” Holst comforted.

“You’re lawyer?” Sylvain asked.

“Cop!” he replied. “Captain! The youngest Captain ever! Because I’m that amazing! Why? You would see me lawyer?” he asked.

“Well… no…”

“You would see me what?” Holst wondered, seeing his face.

“Stripper?”

“Oh Goddess, I would have loved! But no! I just frame bad guys and girls… and make the others make the paperwork for me!”

Miklan looked up at him.

“Anyway! Pursue!” he invited to Felix.

“It just went wild… Rodrigue was saying a bunch of horrible things, pushing the way that being in love with Sylvain was so wrong. And I just…”

He glanced at Sylvain because he knew, if Sylvain wasn’t so unique and special, he would have approved his father. He had tried to repress his feelings for him. And they were so pure…

Sylvain took gently his hand, squeezing softly. He brought it to his lips for a light kiss.

Felix stared him, squeezing back by instinct only. His heart screaming how much he wanted all those contacts, brushes… The feeling of living, snuggled within his arms.

“Anyway… We told him to fuck off and he was all ‘I thought I had protected you when I tore all of you away and sent Miklan…’”

“So I broke his wrist!” Glenn cut short.

“Glenn?!” Holst hiccupped.

“But now I think about, I never heard him scream so I’m not sure we broke his wrist…” he said to Felix.

With an inch of disappointment.

Miklan stared at Glenn.

“But the best part was when Glenn told him he was being railed by two guys! I thought Rodrigue will have a syncope!”

Holst blinked. “Glenn!” He got up and approached him. “My King!” he said, passing his arms around him to kiss him deeply.

Glenn embraced him, making him sit on his lap.

“Sorry about that, Holst’s sweetest trait is to become horny about absolutely anything,” Miklan said.

“I’d say the worst,” Glenn commented, separating their lips.

“But only about my husbands,” he added to the young sibling, before taking Glenn’s lips between his again.

And Sylvain was sure to have heard him murmur ‘I missed you’.

“Now, that’s the end of the story!” Sylvain said.

“In my end, I don’t see any problem with keeping them there,” Miklan announced.

“Oh, same for me!” Holst replied.

“The problem…”

Holst, who was about to kiss Glenn again let out a ‘fuck’ but just cuddled in his arms. Glenn passed his fingers in his pink hair.

“I quit my job…”

“Oh! Damn! Congrats! I’m so proud of you!” Holst said, kissing the corner of his lips.

“You hated it that much…” Felix whispered, eating mechanically the pastas Sylvain was putting in his plate under Miklan’s look.

“As much as you,” Glenn replied, leaning toward him.

“What will you do?” Felix asked.

“I said it: I will take care of you… I should have done that earlier. I shouldn’t have left you there.”

“It’s fine…” Felix replied.

Glenn shook his head but he didn’t go further on this.

“The other thing is that Sylvain was working for your father,” he added to Miklan. “So the situation is a bit…”

The word to qualify it the best certainly wasn’t ‘ugh’ but yet, it was what Glenn said.

“It’s fine!” Holst replied. “You can both be my trophies Husbands! I have enough places in my heart for two Trophies!!”

“So sweet of you,” Glenn replied, looking at him with tenderness.

“If I do well for the Audition, I will have some paid role, I will give you the money and I…”

“It’s in Enbarr,” Glenn said. “Do you think you will make that much route every day? Or you want to pay back what you would have cost? How sick. You owe us nothing.”

“But…” Felix replied. “Father said…”

“I know,” Glenn cut short. “But it’s not true.”

“I have to do something,” Felix insisted. “In any case, I will stay for like one month and I…”

“You should focus on your Audition first,” Glenn said. “I don’t want you to miss your dream.”

“It’s fine. I will work to help,” Sylvain decided. “I’m good-for-nothing but I’ll do my best! Even when you will success at Enbarr! You just focus on your thing and do what you love and I take care of the money issues!”

Felix stared at him.

“Do you have any ideas?” Holst asked. “Because if needed, I still need someone doing my paperwork at the precinct! So if ever you want, Sylvain?”

“Yes! I’d be happy to!” Sylvain smiled.

“Nice! Then it’s decided! I’ll bring you at work Monday!”

“Thank you!” Sylvain grinned.

“Is it all?” Miklan asked.

A part of Glenn still wanted to talk about the ‘Borstal’ but he just nodded. Perhaps it wasn’t a discussion to have in front of the siblings. Or in front of Holst, still lovingly wearing his fiancé’s dogtags… He would be devastated to learn he might have hurt Miklan without knowing it and Glenn didn’t want Holst to suffer.

“Perfect,” Miklan said. “It’s time to sleep.”

He got up, taking a long gulp of his beer and then walked toward Glenn, removing Holst of his arms to put him on his shoulder, like a potatoes bag.

“Nighty night, Felix, Sylvain! Love you!” he said, blowing them a kiss.

“Have sweet dreams,” Glenn said to Felix. “Your room is the one upstairs completely at the left. Please, the one completely at the left. Not the other one.”

And he caressed softly Sylvain’s hair before climbing on the chair. Miklan lifted him, making him sit on his shoulder.

Sylvain’s eyes widened in front of this spectacle seeming so normal for them. Especially seeing the gentle kisses. But a part of him was also so scared… Miklan became so strong. He thought, becoming as sexy and muscular as he was, he wouldn’t never fear again being helpless, a victim. But he still was _nothing_ next to him… Trying to change his mind, and also just because he wanted to love his _fiancé_ in every way, he turned his head toward Felix.

“Do you want me to carry you too?” he asked, smiling.

“No!” Felix protested.”

He got up, angry, and walked to the door, his fingers coming on the switch. Sylvain quickly followed him, letting the plates there, and the sink half-full. Felix switched off the light and, with Sylvain, they went upstairs too, not much after the big brothers so one of them switched off the light themselves.

Sylvain pushed the door of their room, turning on the light and checking it was the good one thanks to the bags laying all around. Though, he was quite intrigued by the other room, now. What Glenn was keeping there? By respect for him, he wouldn’t ferret there but… He wanted to know a little.

The door of the others men closed, not without Holst waving his hand at them a last time. Sylvain was about to enter the room when he felt a hand on his wrist.

“Is something wrong, Fe’?”

Felix looked down. The anger of a few seconds before vanished.

“Do you still want to carry me?”

“Fe’…” Sylvain pressed their forehead together. “Sorry, I hadn’t realized it could disturb you in public.”

They weren’t like Rodrigue, at all, but it was still a public. And except the kiss he had received because he was so charming, even though they were in front of Ingrid and Dorothea, and that one saying ‘suck it Rodrigue’, Felix was always discrete about his feelings.

“I do,” he said.

Felix moved his arms toward him and Sylvain lifted him as if he was already his husband, smiling to him when he felt the arms around his shoulders. He moved to the room, having just the bed done, and approached said bed to lie Felix on it.

Felix stared at him, moving his hand to slide it in the red hair. He glanced at his eyes. They were shining…

“You’re happy,”

“Yes… I know the situation is not the best but… I’m by your side.”

Felix couldn’t help a little smile and pressed on his elbow to rise a little and press his lips against his.

“It… it’s a bit weird to be there, with you. Knowing I don’t have to be careful…”

“It’s true. You always talked so low.”

Felix nodded.

“And now… I’m fiancé to you… It’s just… I can’t believe this.”

Sylvain landed kisses on his face. “Believe it, mon amour, because I’m yours forever.”

Felix nodded again. He remembered that Sylvain’s family was coming from somewhere else and seeing him use the language from there was a bit special.

“What does ‘mon amour’ means?” he asked.

“My love,” Sylvain replied, kissing his forehead.

“It’s sweet…” Felix smiled a bit. “Can I have a shirt of yours?” he asked.

“Sure!”

Sylvain straightened and walked toward the bags. He searched through them and felt a sad urge. They left pretty quickly because Lambert stayed the Mayor, with some ability to make things go faster and if Rodrigue came back… They took everything they could in the dressers and cupboards, Sylvain helping Felix because he hadn’t much to take but… now, he realized he had left his moto there.

He liked his moto…

“Here you are!” he said, removing a shirt to bring it to Felix.

He sat on the edge of the mattress, smiling.

“Thank you.”

Felix removed his long sleeve shirt and, when he was about to throw it on the floor, he stopped.

“Sylvain?”

“Hm?”

“You don’t change yourself?”

“I’m admiring the spectacle,” Sylvain smiled.

Felix turned away, removing his pant. Sylvain got up and approached him. His hands brushed his. Felix didn’t tense or anything so Sylvain allowed himself to move them to his hair, removing the thread tying them. He smiled, passing his fingers into them, pushing them slightly on the side and leaning to kiss his throat. Once, twice, three times… and a million of time after that, all over his throat.

He moved his hands to his hips, sliding his fingers under the elastic of his underwear.

Felix moaned his name, the kisses making him shiver.

Sylvain smiled. One of his hands caressed his belly, his lips closing around his throat to suck it kindly. Felix closed his eyes, his hand closing on Sylvain’s. He pushed his head away, letting it rest on Sylvain’s chest as this one leaned to kiss his Adam’s apple.

Sylvain moved his hand, grabbing the shirt and fastening it.

“What are you doing?”

“Helping you? I just love touching your body…”

“I mean… don’t… don’t put it back. Why wouldn’t you… lie me on that bed and…”

“Are you sure?”

Felix nodded.

“Sweet,” Sylvain smiled. He kissed his lips. “I will go at your rhythm, don’t worry…”

He caressed his cheek and made him swirl to slide his hand in the crook on his back, lying him on the mattress.

Felix stared at Sylvain as he leaned over him. Sylvain kissed him, not only on his neck but also on his chest. Felix squeezed the sheets, biting his lower lip. He watched him as his lips moved on his skin, brushing the crippling muscles. His heart was racing as he passed his hand on his hair, caressing them.

“Sylvain…”

“Felix…”

Felix let out a moan when Sylvain came lower, approaching his navel. Sylvain moved his head to kiss his thighs, one then the other, just in the inside. Felix’s back arched and his fingers squeezed even more the sheet.

Sylvain came a bit lower, wanting to adore every inch of him… he rose a little his leg, bending it, kissing the skin. His fingers passed under the high thighs, pushing it down.

“No!”

“What? What? What?!” Sylvain asked, pulling away.

“Don’t remove it. D… don’t remove them.”

“Okay. That’s sexy anyway.”

Felix nodded slightly. “Can you kiss me?”

“Yes.”

Sylvain came back to him, kissing his lips. Felix removed his top and then kissed him again, rolling his arms around him.

“I prefer you to kiss me while you… come inside of me?”

“I will,” Sylvain swore. “I just wanted to make you mad of desire for me first,” he said.

“I am… I am already. I really want to… but the faster you go and…”

Sylvain frowned. “Fe’?”

“If you do it quickly… You would be in me and, and I will be able to…”

“Felix?”

Felix breathed quickly. It was ridiculous but when Sylvain touched his socks, when he pushed him away, it just called back doubts.

“I… I want to feel you in me. I want to be yours, know what it is but I’m so scared… If you come quickly and…”

Sylvain shook his head.

“I won’t do that.”

“Is it something wrong with me?” Felix asked.

“If you’re panicking, you shouldn’t give yourself. We have time, mon amour…”

“But… didn’t you have a very active sex life and if I don’t…”

“I refuse to do that to you, Fe’. If you don’t desire it completely, I won’t do that. It would only make you suffer…”

“I’m sorry,” Felix said.

“Don’t be.” Sylvain sat on the bed and tugged him. “Come here, my angel,” he whispered.

He pressed a kiss on his temple, hugging him dearly.

“If you don’t trust me, if you’re doubting…”

“I trust you,” Felix replied.

He kissed him. Sylvain replied to it and grabbed the shirt. This time, he passed it around Felix’s thin body, fastening the buttons.

“I thought I was ready…”

“It’s fine if you aren’t. I want your first time to be exceptional.”

“It will be awesome, Sylvain. It will be you…”

“I will make it perfect. I will make it beautiful. But it will be your first time, it might hurt, you might panic again so it will not be like in movie or else…”

Felix pinched his lips. “I want to wait a bit more…”

“Of course. As much as you want,” Sylvain said, kissing his nose. “I wait for you. I’m touching you because I love you and need to touch you but not to force you to do it. I can stop touching you…”

“Never stop,” he said.

Felix took his hand. His first gesture was to slice it between his thighs but he was too afraid, even for that, and pressed it on the edge of the high thighs.

“You can remove them, if you want to.”

“It’s very sexy, I don’t even know why I wanted to remove them!” Sylvain smiled. “Look at you… It looks like you come out of my wildest dreams…” he whispered.

“Your wildest dreams are kinda miserable.”

“Eh! Don’t talk like that of the love of my life!!”

Felix’s hand closed on his.

“The love of your life…” He pressed his head in his neck. “Sylvain… I am… Enbarr owns one of the biggest dance school. I’m doing ballet… I dance since I’m five…”

“Ballet?” Sylvain smiled tenderly. “This is so sweet. You must love it so much! And you’re about to reach your dream!”

“I… Don’t find me ridiculous, but I’m not sure it’s my dream?” he whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“I said to Glenn I was interested in dance when I was five and he brought me to it once a week and then twice a week and up to five times a week… He said to Rodrigue I was doing football… When I grew up, when the Boar betrayed my secret, it felt like I could never do it and I come to terms with all of this… I didn’t think I could do those studies. You came with the fact I could but I… I needed to know if I could, if I wanted… But if I do well… What am I supposed to do?”

“Don’t you think you would love doing it as your job?”

“I don’t know…”

“This wouldn’t make you happy?”

“Before you, I didn’t even know the feeling of happiness… I feel like… _you_ are my dream…”

“Fe’…” Sylvain whispered.

He kissed him tenderly, hugging him.

“You are my dream… You are so much my dream…” Sylvain caressed his thigh. “Can I remove your high sock? I… There is something I want to do,” he said.

Felix nodded.

Sylvain removed slowly the high thighs, being cautious as he reached the heel. Felix’s arm tensed around him, his fingers entering his shoulder.

“I’ll be slower, excuse me.”

“It… It’s fine.”

Sylvain was more careful. When he removed completely the sock, he discovered the feet who had suffered too much; the toes covered with band-aids but also with the flesh appearing. Blood was coming from some of them while others were covered with dry blood. The band-aids themselves were so red… Not talking about the state of his nails… If he ever had wanted to take care of them, he certainly had forgotten the idea longtime ago…

Sylvain lifted slightly his foot, kissing it.

“Sylvain?!” Felix hiccupped.

“Your poor foot… You worked so much… Without no one noticing it.” He kissed his toes, his thumb rubbing the back of his foot. “I would praise you, praise your efforts… Heal you.”

Felix’s fingers tightened around his shoulder and he watched him as he removed the second high thigh sock. This time, even more slower. As soon as the fabric moved away from his skin, he kissed it.

Slowly.

Inch by inch.

He removed the sock, pressing tiny kisses on the hurt toes.

“I will love them every second. I will take care of them for you,” he swore, caressing the side tenderly

“I love you…” Felix whispered, nuzzling his nose against his cheek.

“I love you so much,” Sylvain smiled tenderly before taking his lips between his.


	15. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!
> 
> The end of the chapter again has hurt feet so take care of yourself!  
> (Should I put it in the tag? I'm bad at tagging but I wouldn't want to hurt anyone...)  
> Thank you to everyone who keep following this fic, by the way. I love it so much and I'm glad to have some people who keep clicking on it when I update it!
> 
> Also don't worry you matter, someon love you!! You just don't know how much!  
> Stay hydrated! Wear a mask! Wash your hands!

It was one of those so hot days. The thunder roared outside as a cold and scary song. If you listened well, you could hear the rain lashing the window between the growls of the thunder.

Felix couldn’t sleep.

He stared at the digital clock laying on the nightstand in Sylvain’s side.

Already four a.m.…

The thunder roared outside. He jolted. There were some scratches at the door. It opened and in the dim light, he could see a very big silhouette.

“Sylvain?”

Entering inside as the thunder roared again, a lightning revealed Miklan. Felix immediately grabbed his knife under the pillow and pointed it at him.

“Step away,” he groaned. “I swear to Sothis if you approach…”

“Where is Sylvain?”

“If you think I’ll tell you…”

“Is he shaking under the bed?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play it that way with me. I came to check up if he wasn’t too afraid.”

“Sylvain is afraid of thunder?” Felix asked.

“You didn’t know it?”

Felix shook his head.

“He went to the pharmacy.”

“At four a.m.?!”

“At three a.m. and half, a bit before the thunder started.”

“Why?!”

“I had forgotten some… medicine at Rodrigue’s. I said I didn’t care and could wait but he refused,” Felix said, getting up.

“Glenn could have them, that’s stupid!” Miklan roared.

The thunder replied to his words.

“I doubt it!” Felix talked back.

He grabbed his underwear, putting it quickly and, his knife still in hand, he dashed to the door. For a second, Miklan thought he will attack him but the tiny silhouette passed next to him and dashed to the stairs.

“Where do you go?!”

“Bring him back!!”

“You don’t even know where he is!”

“Don’t care!”

“Wait!” Miklan said.

“I can’t…”

“Holst knows every on duty establishment.”

“Please…” Felix asked.

Miklan entered in the room where his two lovers were sleeping. Felix had the feeling he couldn’t wait more, but he accepted to wait if it was faster. Sylvain had certainly checked where was the on duty pharmacy…

As he was there, he grabbed his boots and put them on.

In the prize of pain because his naked feet, covered with wounds, weren’t protected at all from the heavy leather.

“It’s at LloydsPharmacy, 2587 Leicester Avenue.”

“Alright!”

Miklan opened the mouth but just saw Felix storm outside. Glenn will destroy him…

In the streets, Felix realized how stupid he had been.

He didn’t know where were the streets, he didn’t know what he was searching exactly. And he was running in a shirt and a underwear plus boots and nothing more. He hadn’t even a phone on him.

What an idiot!

What could he do now? Yell after Sylvain?

There was a thunderstorm!

But…

He would find him.

“SYLVAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN?!” he yelled.

Sometimes, the thunder tried to hide his call, but he didn’t care. He yelled even more. Nothing could stop him. Not the thunder, not the windows opening and the people throwing him to shut up or throwing him things. Seriously… who would throw a TV controller outside like that?

“SYYYYYYYYYYLVAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!”

His throat hurt, his feet hurt and while it was July and so it was pretty hot outside, he felt that the rain streaming along his back and his thighs would only stab it at any moment. At least, he wasn’t shaking of coldness…

“SYYYYYYLVAIIIIIIIIIN!!!”

Where was this damn redhead he loved so much?!

The Sun was starting to rise behind the building so five a.m. must approach faster than he believed.

And he kept yelling.

Yelling.

And yelling.

He could barely yell again but he kept doing it.

Red and blue started to flash around and he glanced at the road. A car had flashing lights and it slowed down next to him.

“Felix?!”

Felix recognized the pink hair.

“Holst? I can’t find Sylvain…”

“Come in the car.”

Felix nodded and opened the door to enter in it. He tensed as he was fastening the security bell and put his knife next to the handbrake.

“Why aren’t you at the pharmacy?”

“I’m searching it! Please, bring me to it!”

The Thunder had started to vanish, but it still was there. Roaring once in a while.

Holst started to drive. You could see black circles under his eyes but he seemed… so different than the man so happy and casual he saw in his brother’s house.

“How…?” he asked.

“A guy yelling? Easy to find,” Holst said.

“I needed to find Sylvain.”

“Yeah, and yelling that way? Wouldn’t be surprising that the police would be called like that? “

“I need to find Sylvain!”

Felix tightened his fists in thigh balls. He shouldn’t have let him go outside. He didn’t care about his feet. He knew Sylvain was doing a mistake but he was always afraid of the strength of his love and he was right… That love he had for him, it was making him weak. And it was betraying Sylvain.

He hated that.

Felix pulled down the window.

“SYLVAIIIIIIIIIN!!!!”

“Oof… What a good set of lungs…” Holst said.

“SYYYYYYYLVAIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!”

“We will find him. He doesn’t have his phone?”

“I don’t know.”

Felix glanced at the hour. Seven minutes before five a.m.

What if Sylvain had run away because he was a dancer and he thought it was too girly? Damn! He was actually making some girl roles by time because he was so light and tiny and that was the reason why he was doing pointe all the time.

Sylvain might have discovered it and… and it was the reason why he had insisted to leave.

Wasn’t it weird he wanted to leave at three a.m.?

Damn…

He should have seen it coming.

What an idiot…

“You’re not calling anymore?” Holst asked.

Felix couldn’t make confidence to such a man. He couldn’t tell him that…

But Miklan came to check on Sylvain.

But Miklan hated Sylvain.

It was so confuse in Felix’s head.

“SYYLVAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN?!” he shrieked.

Holst had a jolt of surprise and pressed the phone installed in the case against the dashboard.

“Phone, call Sylvain,” he said.

“Why have you his phone number?” Felix asked.

His throat hurt him…

“Glenn gave it to me.”

Felix stared at the phone.

“Y… Yes?” a voice came from it.

“Sylvain?” he said.

“Felix?”

The thunder rumbled and Felix heard the most heartbreaking moan.

His doubts vanished.

“Sylvain! I’m coming to get you and bring you home. Do you know where you are?”

“You can just describe were you are, if you need to, sweetheart,” Holst said.

“I’m… not very away from the pharmacy… I’ve got the band-aids, the alcohol, the…”

“I’m coming, Sylvain.”

“I’m waiting for you…”

Felix stared the phone.

He wasn’t doing it right. He wasn’t able to be a good boyfriend. He didn’t think about taking his phone, didn’t think to call him, he panicked, he…

It was so ridicule.

Holst made a gesture toward the phone. Felix didn’t understand.

“Fe’?” a voice came from the phone.

“Yes?”

“Sorry… just wanted to be sure you still were there.”

“Yes, I’m there. We will arrive…soon?”

“I’m waiting.”

“We will stay here a moment, right? Do… you want to do something with the room?” He glanced at Holst. “We can, right?”

“You can,” Holst said.

“Oh… I don’t know… a picture of you?”

“I want a picture of you too, then.”

“A picture of you, one of me and want of us!” Sylvain laughed softly.

The car slowed down. Felix looked at the window and saw a redhead sat on some stairs, under a big fabric-canopy. He was curled on himself, his belly appearing heavy but wrinkled? He certainly was protecting the bag from the pharmacy.

“Go get him, honey,” Holst whispered.

Felix opened the door, walking under the rain.

“We will put horse pictures everywhere.”

Sylvain looked up. There was an Angel under the rain, shining like nothing. Every droplets falling on him were just there to make him more beautiful, to adorn his dry and light muscles, to make shine his hair.

“I want to be your Knight on a White Horse. But all I did today is… panicking, hurting you…”

“You are my Knight on a White Horse.” Felix walked toward you. “Look at you, braving the night and the weather to bring me band-aids.” He crouched next to him. “But if you’re my Knight on a White Horse, I want to be the warrior that would fight anything to save you.”

The redhead moved his fingers to brush away a dark blue strand.

“I like that…”

“Come with me,” he said.

Felix pressed his fingers against Sylvain’s wrist.

“Anywhere you want.”

Sylvain got up. The thunder roared and he tensed. Felix cupped his face.

“Look at me, look at me, Sylvain. There is only me…”

Sylvain nodded.

Feeling his hand on his, he accepted to follow him in the car. Backseat.

Sylvain wanted to ask for a cuddle but Holst was there and he said nothing, asked nothing… He just stayed there, next to Felix who looked at him, his eyes seeming on his lips?

They remain mute.

Until Holst brought them back home.

When they arrived, he quickly came opening the door for them. He smiled softly.

“Now, you need to go to sleep. The day has been so long. You will be tired if you don’t… Have a lie-in! I will do that personally! Oh to be me, laying in the arms of two beautiful men!” he smiled.

“Sorry,” Sylvain said.

“It’s nothing,” Holst replied. “Come inside.”

The two young siblings got outside the car and followed him in the house. They could hear the sound of Holst locking the car. As they entered in the entry, Holst let out a sound. Approbation probably.

“Look at that. Two hot towels,” he said. “Here!”

He took them and handed them to Felix and Sylvain. This last one took it and passed it on Felix’s hair, pressing them on his cheeks.

“Sylvain…”

“Yup,” he replied.

He pressed their forehead together, lowering the towel.

“’kay, I let the second one here, don’t stay late, okay?” Holst asked with a tender tone.

“We will go in our room soon,” Felix replied.

“Great.”

He stepped backward and walked up the stairs.

“Sylvain…” Felix said.

“Yeah. I’ll carry you, okay?”

“Sylvain, next time, please, don’t do that. You shouldn’t have left in the mid of the night for…”

“I should. Your feet were in such a state and you hadn’t anything to heal them, you said. What if you wanted to train? Worst… what if you were suffering? I couldn’t allow that…”

“Sylvain…”

Felix leaned, pressing his forehead against his chest. He could feel the warm towel coming around him. It couldn’t really dry much because his clothes were so wet.

“Look at you… you’re so beautiful…Your hair, this wet shirt pasting your porcelain skin…”

“So this was your plan?” Felix smirked. “You just wanted me to be beautiful?”

“You’re always beautiful.”

Sylvain lifted him, just like earlier, giving him the bag from the pharmacy and the towels. So warm and pleasant…

The man climbed the stairs. He made sure to switch off the lights and entered their room. He approached the bed but didn’t lie him on the bed, this time.

“Do you want to change yourself? I can find a new shirt for you.”

“Yes, please,” he said. “But you?”

“It’s fine, I’m not wet, I hid myself.”

The thunder roared and he tensed. Felix hugged him.

“Huuush. I’m here.”

He caressed his back, moved his thumb to caress his cheek.

“I’m here…”

“Yes…”

Sylvain pressed his lips against those slightly pink. His Felix’s lips…

“Let’s change ourselves okay? So we can sleep. You need to rest yourself… Holst was right. The day has been so long.”

“Yes… I can’t wait for it to be over,” he said.

“The others days will be better.”

Felix knew it was ridicule to say that because he had absolutely no idea about it but… what else could he do?

It was hope… Just hope.

He wanted Sylvain to feel better anyway…

By his side, they changed quickly. But Felix didn’t remove his boots. Which was only a problem for changing his underwear but except that, it was good…

“If… If you want to sleep all naked, you can,” Felix said. “I remember you said…”

“Yes,” he replied. “But I hear the hesitation in your voice so not now. I’m fine in underwear.”

Sylvain approached him to help him dry his hair but he stopped, watching him.

“You don’t remove your boots?”

“I don’t…”

“Felix… why don’t you remove your boots?”

Sylvain stared at him.

A part of him wanted to insist. The other wanted to close his eyes… But in both case, he was worry he might lose his confidence. He was supposed to only care but forcing him…

“Fe’… Can I remove your boots? Can I heal you?”

“We don’t want you to have walked at the pharmacy for nothing, right?” Felix smirked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“Actually, I would have preferred.”

Sylvain took the bag and knelt in front of Felix, on the floor.

“I thought you would…”

“I never care about kneeling, even in the mud, for you,” Sylvain said.

He took his ankle and looked up at him.

“Tell me if…”

“It will hurt, Sylvain. Just do it quickly.”

“Okay.”

Sylvain removed the boot, as fast as possible but also carefully. Felix let out a moan of pain.

“I’m sorry.”

Sylvain kissed his foot, not caring about the blood streaming from his toes.

Felix hiccupped.

Caressing tenderly the foot, Sylvain pressed another kiss, on the little mount. He grabbed a special fabric in the bad, removing it from a plastic wrap, and pressed some alcohol on it.

“It will…”

“Yes,” Felix cut short. “I know.”

Sylvain nodded and passed the fabric on the toes, turning it to red. The band-aid appeared as he removed the blood.

“Oh, mon amour…”

He kissed the wounds, gently holding the heel.

He removed the band aid, laying kisses at those ring of flesh not allowed to the light. And for cause? Blisters were laying there. Not big dome with liquid inside but open wounds. Flesh. Blood.

Sylvain took another fabric and put more alcohol on the foot, washing it and healing it at once.

The alcohol entering in his wounds was hurting Felix, of course, but he couldn’t stop watching his redhead. So captivated that the pain seemed to disappear.

He knew Sylvain was beautiful but at this moment, healing his wounds as if he was sculpting the most beautiful chef-d’oeuvre, he was more than beautiful. An angelic beauty.

His heart was beating.

So fast.

And it only said one thing, if you would hear it through the chaos of the rain lashing the windows: Sylvain, Sylvain, Sylvain…


	16. Chapter 15

Felix…

His little Felix.

Is so tiny Felix… in a tiny ball in his arms…

Sylvain caressed his black hair with tenderness for a couple of hours. He just couldn’t stop. Especially because it seemed that he slept better when he was doing so.

He had passed the night staring at him in the growing light, passing through the curtains. It was so weird. It was so weird because everybody knew he was with Felix this night and no one will care. Rodrigue wouldn’t be mad, his mother wouldn’t be worry than he never set down and have kids, his father would never hit him so hard because it was bad for the image of the family. Which he would do even though he would be with ‘one of his whore’ but at least, when he was with a girl, he could pretend his son was soooo straight. And who would say otherwise? He had been seen with a girl, after all…

Sylvain had passed the night, holding the most precious being created by the universe, because he clearly refused to believe Rodrigue could have been a part of this angelic being, and no one would care…

He could do it again.

And again…

And again…

He heard sound outside.

Sylvain rubbed his face. He didn’t know what time it was but it must be ten or eleven? It must be Glenn. He needed to see him, to thank him, to tell him Felix was fine.

He waited a moment, most of people going at least in toilet when they just got up, and when he heard the paces in the stairs, he pressed a kiss on Felix’s forehead.

“I’m coming back, mon amour…”

He caressed his cheek and got up, moving slowly out of the bed. He grabbed a pant, putting it on, and left the room to climb down the stairs. He glanced in the living room but there was no one so it must be the kitchen. For a well-deserved breakfast?

“Glenn?” he called. “Oh…”

The one in the kitchen was absolutely not Glenn.

He felt an urge of stress as he saw Miklan, topless, ruffling through the pans and pot.

“Sorry, I was searching for Glenn.”

“He is sleeping,” Miklan replied.

“Okay. I just wanted to tell him Felix is doing alright. I… leave it to you,” Sylvain said, turning around.

“Wait,” Miklan said.

His voice was so cold.

Sylvain’s brain yelled at him ‘RUN!!!!’ but his body was so tired and his emotions were buzzing in his head so hard he wasn’t even hearing his brain.

“Sit down.”

Sylvain was just a little child again. He walked toward the kitchen table and sat. If he behaved, it will be less hard. With time, he had forgotten how to behave, loving to piss off everybody. But if he could ease a little the beast… If he could pretend nothing had happened. For Felix’s happiness.

“Is a cheese-egg sandwich okay for you?”

“Excuse me?” Sylvain asked, looking at the broad back as Miklan opened the freezer.

He saw so many scars on it…

“For your breakfast. You want a cheese-egg sandwich or something else?”

“You… want to make me a breakfast?” Sylvain asked, in disbelieve.

“Yes. You barely ate yesterday and you hadn’t sleep.”

“You don’t kn…”

“I can see it,” Miklan replied. He approached him, laying down cheese, egg and bread in front of him. “You can look if you want. I’m not trying to poison you. This cheese is half-eaten because I do Holst’s breakfast every morning with it.” He turned to snatch a bottle of milk from the freezer. “And Glenn keeps drinking at this bottle so if you want a hot cocoa. It can’t hurt.”

“I… I’m fine with… what you said.”

Sylvain stared at him as Miklan retrieved the ingredients and went to the stove to prepare the breakfast.

The silent stretched. After a moment you could only hear the butter singing in the pan, the spatula scraping the metal.

Sylvain kept staring as Miklan took a pot and poured milk in it. His brother bent to grab something in the cupboard next to the oven. Sylvain’s chair quickly moved away as Miklan threw something on the table. Sylvain’s heart was beating so fast in his chest but… it was just chocolate.

“Choose the one you want for your cocoa,” Miklan said.

“O… Okay…”

“I won’t hurt you. This would be stupid, knowing my fiancés are sleeping upstairs and know you are there. I couldn’t even chop you in piece to make disappear the proves.”

Sylvain felt a chill along his spine.

“You could say I just decided to leave…”

“Hardly doubt that. Not without Felix.”

Sylvain looked up at him. Him saying Felix’s name…

“You wouldn’t hurt him, right?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

Miklan turned toward him.

“You wouldn’t hurt Felix, right?”

“Sure… I would hurt the precious little brother of the man I love. Do I look that stupid for you?!”

“If you have to hurt me, attack me only. Don’t touch Felix…”

“What with this obsession?” Miklan groaned.

“He said… you told him for the thunder… what have you planned?”

Miklan frowned in front of those words. It was nonsense.

“His feet… his feet were so hurt,” Sylvain said. “They were bleeding, a big open wound…”

“You are the idiot who went outside at three a.m. to go to the pharmacy. You are the idiot who couldn’t come back home. What did you think I did? Call the thunder myself? I don’t believe in rain dance if you want to know. And I saw Holst trying dance it for three hours, so I know what I am talking about.”

“Why…”

“He didn’t want to go to work.”

Sylvain cracked a smile. “That wasn’t what I meant.”

But it felt weird because when Miklan talked about Glenn and Holst, there were feelings in this big heavy voice. Feelings Sylvain believed he would never hear from him before…

Not in his brother’s voice.

“Why have you told it to him?”

“Not meant to. I just came check on you. Didn’t know if you were still afraid or not. It can be threatening when it happens in a house you don’t know.”

Miklan turned to the breakfast and groaned. The toast had started to burn…

“You didn’t send him on purpose?” Sylvain repeated.

“No.”

“Then, why…?”

“Do you really need a clue?” Miklan asked.

“Yes?”

Miklan sighed, removing the sandwiches from the pan.

“Wouldn’t you do the same? If you knew he was outside, panicked, wouldn’t you just go outside to bring him back in safety? If you had the chance to protect the one you love, wouldn’t you do everything to protect him?”

“But his feet… I don’t deserve that! If he can’t dance anymore, I…”

“If I were in your shoes, I would see it differently,” Miklan said, laying down the plate in front of him. “Which chocolate?”

“How I am supposed to see it?”

“His heart chose you. Even though I’m not sure his brain was connected enough to realize what he was doing. He didn’t take his phone when it would have been easier. He was just ready to go outside, walk in the streets, yell your name… So either he is dumb or you make him dumb.”

Miklan sat in front of him.

“What Glenn thinks about that?”

“That Felix is the smartest guy alive but I decided to stop trust him about his sib’ after the first sibling-competition.”

“What is that?” Sylvain asked.

He watched as Miklan bit in the sandwich. A part of himself feeling relieved he did. So it really wasn’t poisoned uh?

“Glenn and Holst are obsessed with their siblings and they would come like ‘my sibling is better than yours, suck it’ all the time. I already have Glenn pretend Felix started to speak a bit of almyran at three and Holst countered that Hilda could do the whole two table so… Yeah, I don’t really listen to their bullshit when they’re like that.”

“Oh…”

Sylvain took his own sandwich, taking a little bite.

“It’s good,” he said, taking another bite.

“Thank you.”

Miklan put down his sandwich and stared at him. Sylvain tensed and looked away, his eyes brushing the chocolate packages. He leaned to take them and look. There were so many flavors.

“I’m sorry,” Miklan said.

“What?”

Sylvain looked up at him.

“I’m sorry for what I did to you,” Miklan said. “I was jealous but it was wrong.”

Sylvain’s eyes went down again. Should he accept the apologies? Explain him what he had suffered? Refuse the apologies?

He had destroyed him!

Way more than his father would have never because…

Because, he just wanted someone to understand him. Miklan had contributed to the constant feeling swallowing him, the feeling that he deserved any bad things happening to him. That he had to be punished for his sorrow and even more punished for his happiness. Happiness wasn’t allowed for him…

Perhaps that was the reason why he convinced himself Ingrid was Felix’s lover despise Felix telling him he had no one. Perhaps that was the reason why he hated himself for Felix’s feet…

He didn’t deserve happiness.

But on the other hand…

“Was it a Borstal?”

Miklan groaned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You know,” Sylvain replied. “Father said it was Borstal because you were always hurting me and I… I wondered, why…” He shook his head. “But Rodrigue said it was because they saw you jerk off Glenn’s pictures? So… What is it?”

Miklan sighed. Heavily.

“It wasn’t a Borstal. But I suppose it worked as such?”

Sylvain stared at him. He knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help himself. His hands were shaking so he grabbed the edge of the table.

“How long it lasted?” Sylvain asked.

“Four years plus five years of forced army.” He let out a cold chuckle, making shiver run along Sylvain’s spine. “Do you know what’s the first thing I did when it was over?”

Sylvain shook his head.

“Coming here…” Miklan looked to the door. “I wanted to know how to become a better brother but I needed to see Glenn… When I arrived in this Camp I couldn’t see what was wrong with my love for Glenn. But in a matter of weeks, days, I understood they didn’t care it was Glenn. He was a dude, and that was the problem. Yet, I came at him.”

Sylvain stayed mute. What could he say?

“Now, you know,” Miklan said, getting up. “But Holst knows nothing, believing it’s just army or bad-behavior toward a baby sibling, and I hope it will stay that way.”

He walked toward the exit.

“It hurt…” Sylvain replied. “I hoped you would protect me, you were so tall yet… Sixteen years old, you could have snap father’s throat in two. But you hated me… You hated me since the day I was born and every time I came to you in hope you will protect me, you beat me.”

“Protect you? What are you saying?! You were living the dream! Father offered you everything you wanted. Mother loved you so much she saw only you and no one cared for me. Glenn used to but as soon as Felix went nut over you, Glenn was always with you and…”

“I’m sorry! I never intended to steal you anything! I was living Hell!” he shouted.

Sylvain got up, walking toward him.

“Hell? Father offered you that stupid collection of plushes the day you wanted them! He would have never for me! You were such a spoiled brat and…”

“Don’t you ever ask yourself why that day I had such a big black eye?

“I suppose I had beaten you that day?”

“It wasn’t you,” Sylvain replied. “He beat me. And he still does it.”

Miklan’s eyes widened. “What do you…”

“He offered me those things so I would shut the fuck up! So I would stay still! He kept saying to me he didn’t want to hurt me, he loved me but he didn’t fucking care! He wanted his punching ball to stay in place! Do you think I stopped suffering when you left?! IT CONTINUED! It never stopped! Look!”

Sylvain showed his belly, with a large white scar.

“Do you remember it?”

“No, but you might have…”

“He was so mad because things didn’t happen as he wanted to with the company. I was there, reading for school, it was cold that day, I was next to the hearth and he grabbed the fucking poker. It burnt! It still burns when I think about it! I was bleeding everywhere, mother yelled! I hated him so much! I wanted to take down his fucking enterprise! I stole his fucking card and bought a pure race stallion for myself at such a ridicule high prize and he just smiled, patted my head because ‘my baby, I won’t do it again. You’re right to offer yourself something!’ and then, I wanted to piss him off and I gave the horse a ridicule name. He was so angry such a precious stallion was called Bubblegum, he beat me, exploding my lip. And he said ‘I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.’ He bought me I don’t know what shit and it continued. It continued so much and some days, I wanted to piss him off so much he would kill me! Do you think I’m lying?! I was a child! I have been raised with the taste of my blood in my mouth! I had erased any happy moment of my life because I wasn’t worthy of it! I had erased Felix of my memories because I was only worthy of misery! And look! I have brought my poison to him! I’m dirtying him! And you! You were supposed to _protect_ me!”

Miklan approached him. Sylvain let out a ‘fuck’ and stepped back but the table made him trip. The two seconds he needed to prevent falling were enough for Miklan to grab him.

And Sylvain’s brain blacked out for three good seconds before realizing what was happening.

“I’m sorry…”

Miklan…

Was hugging him?

Sylvain shivered and his rage turned into tears…

“You’re right. I should have…”

Sylvain squeezed his hands in his chest and Miklan didn’t care if his nails were digging in. He moved his hand to press it on Sylvain’s hair, not knowing what he should do. Suddenly, he had absolutely no ideas how you were supposed to take care of someone crying…

“Miklan?” a voice came from behind him. “You good? I heard yell…”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” he said moving back.

Sylvain hiccupped.

“Sylvain?!”

The young redhead felt hands on his tears stripped cheeks.

“What have you done to him?! You said you would make efforts!”

“Glenn…” Sylvain whispered, pressing Glenn’s wrists. “It’s okay… He did nothing wrong… Felix is fine.”

“Felix is fine?” Glenn repeated. His eyes widened. “Have you dared touching my brother?!” he asked to Miklan, madder than he never saw him.

“No!” Miklan protested.

“No, no, no! I just… I wanted to tell it to you. After this night: Felix is fine…”

“Okay…” Glenn whispered with relieve. But he was still concerned, Sylvain didn’t look well at all. “What happened, Sylvain?”

“Nothing,” he replied. “He did nothing wrong. I swear…”

“See?” Miklan said.

“Oh sh…” Glenn started.

“You’re not dooming Felix with your life. You can’t see it but you _will be_ protected in this family.”

“Of course, you will. You were doubting, Sylvain?” Glenn asked, worrying.

“I feel like… I’m cursing Felix. I feel like I don’t deserve happiness so…”

“Sylvain… You deserve happiness, you always have been so sweet. And you’re taking care of Felix. You’re so precious. You deserve happiness, Sylvain.”

“’Kay…”

Glenn tenderly smiled to him.

“You need something to feel better?”

Sylvain shook his head.

“It will go better,” he swore.

“You sure?” Glenn asked.

Sylvain nodded.

“Fine. If there is anything, tell it to me. And finish your breakfast then go back to sleep, you look exhausted.”

Sylvain smirked, tired, and nodded.

“And Miklan?”

“Yes?” he said, walking toward him.

“I want a stepladder. I’m so tired to always have my face in manboobs!”

Miklan smiled and leaned to kiss him on the corner of his lips. “Noted.”

“Hm… Though yours are fine,” he said, pressing his head against his chest.

Sylvain sat at the table. He couldn’t help smiling as he saw Glenn happy. But he wouldn’t say anything about this because he really just wanted to swallow down that sandwich and go to curl in Felix’s arms to sleep.


	17. Chapter 16

The light wasn’t too bright when Sylvain opened his eyes. His body was shore but he felt better? His eyes were still stinging him a little but it was fine… A soft smell of honey and lemon was floating in the room and his senses were blur. For a long moment, he couldn’t even remember where he was. The mattress seemed different, the sheets too. He could hear sound downstairs and it was very hard to remember if he was at Rodrigue’s where Ashe was always as discrete as a little mouse or at his father’s place where there was so many servants, of course, it was noisy.

He tensed at the mere idea of being in his father’s house.

His eyes grabbed a crumpled bag with different first aid items. His phone was on the edge of the night stand, without a picture of him and Felix, without a picture of him and Marianne and Mercedes…

Ah yes! Everything came back to his mind.

The pool; Rodrigue’s anger; how they ran away, him caring too much about Felix and forgetting some important stuff; the thunder; and this morning… Miklan’s hug.

No wonder why his body was sore, his eyes making him suffer so much and his mind shattering in pieces…

The door opened and he looked at it.

Felix entered in it, blinking as he saw him.

“You’re awake.”

“Yup. Come hug me,” he smiled, holding out his arms.

Felix approached him, closing the door behind him, he sat on the edge of the bed, letting Sylvain wrap him with his arms.

“Thank you. I wanted to feel your body.” He nuzzled his nose against him. “You smell so good…”

Felix stayed mute, though shivering just slightly under the strength of this love. Once again.

He just enjoyed the hug. It was so good…

“Your voice seemed a bit weird. Is everything okay?” Sylvain asked, wondering if he didn’t talk because of this.

“Just sore,” Felix said. “Holst made me a healing tea.”

He showed the teapot on the other nightstand with the big cat mug still steaming. And Sylvain’s heart skipped a beat.

“You stayed there all this time?”

Felix nodded. “I just went to help set the table up as Glenn asked me.”

“You came woke me up for dinner?”

“For supper… Miklan made baked pastas.”

“Supper…”

New nod.

“I really slept-in!” Sylvain laughed. “Okay. Let me change myself!”

He forced himself to move away from Felix and got up, coming to one of the numerous bags.

“I didn’t undo the baggage because I didn’t know what cupboard you wanted or how you wanted to do it.”

“We can see after, yes.”

Felix stared at him but looked away when Sylvain changed himself, trading the pant he slept with for another one, black, and a top Felix already saw him with: a black top with a slight turtleneck but a very wide vertical window only closed by diamond’s thread. It let appears the pectorals, the abs, his navel and the hair adorning his body.

“You sure about this outfit?” Felix asked.

“Why?”

“I don’t want you to have problem?”

“If Rodrigue didn’t piss me off with it, it must be good, no?”

“Probably.” Felix bit his lower lip. “Though I’m not sure Rodrigue really appreciates it.”

“As long as he said nothing to me: his fault.”

Felix nodded.

“Is it disturbing you?”

Felix looked up at him. And shook his head.

“It’s just hard not to look at it.”

“Aw, Felix.” Sylvain took his hand to help him get up and leaned over him to steal him a kiss. “You can stare as much as you want.”

Felix looked at his pectorals and he moved his free hand, his fingertips brushing the thin line between the mount and the plate chest.

“And touch, yeah,” Sylvain laughed.

Felix turned away, feeling so dumb, and moved to the exit. Why did he felt the need to touch him like that?

It was ridicule!

He was so ridicule…

He climbed down the stairs, hearing Sylvain following him. They arrived in the kitchen where Miklan was serving the plates while Glenn took some drink.

“Good evening! Forget my face, I didn’t took the time to make me all pretty!”

“Oh that’s fine!” Holst replied. “You’re very pretty anyway.”

“Aw, thanks!” Sylvain smiled. He approached the table with Felix. “And it smells so good, thanks Miklan.”

“You’re welcome,” he groaned.

He sat at the table, as long as the others.

“I checked for the boiler, there won’t be enough hot water for five and this thing is so old, we need hours to have new hot water,” Glenn explained, taking some pasta with his fork.

“Oh… What should we do?” Sylvain asked.

“The most obvious would be to share a shower,” Glenn said.

“What? You and me? Gleeeeeenn!” Sylvain joked.

Glenn smiled kindly to him. “I thought about me and Miklan, in fact.”

Holst choked on his pasta. “Excuse me?! I can’t trust you to take a shower with him! You will take even more time!”

“You want to do it?” Glenn asked.

“Do I want it? Hell yeah! Should we? Of course not, we will take even more time!” he said before blowing a kiss to Miklan.

“So… “

Glenn showed himself then Holst. Which took his hand.

“Oh babe. I didn’t realize I was an option? I’m so happy you thought about me! But… I will be so horny for you. I am already so much right now.”

“I know,” Glenn replied.

Holst passed his arms around his shoulders, kissing him and whispering tender ‘love you’ between his kisses, Glenn tugging the chair toward him.

Felix was uneasy and looked his plate.

“Why not at three?” Sylvain asked.

“Three?” Holst asked. “Oh sweetheart! Don’t put me in a tiny place with my two husbands, you will never have hot water!”

“Naaaa,” Glenn commented.

“It’s too tiny,” Miklan said.

“Okay… But we can take the shower together with Felix if it’s help. And if you’re fine with it, Fe’?” Sylvain offered.

“But… same problem?” Holst said. “You two will take wayyyy too much time in the shower!”

“But Felix and I don’t… You know.”

Glenn stared at them, his hand still in his husband’s hair.

“I won’t give him my butt one week before the audition! This would be ridicule!” Felix said.

“High-pitched voice,” Miklan noticed.

“That means nothing!” Felix protested. “Anyway, yes, I don’t want to have… sex with Sylvain. This is too fast, we’re together since one week only. And I shouldn’t talk about that with my brother and Sylvain’s… whatever!”

Holst acknowledged Felix’s unease. And his panic. “WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!!! We are holding a sib meeting and Hilda isn’t invited?! Where you afraid she is too awesome for you to handle it?!”

Holst had yelled so loud, everybody had jolted. And Glenn swore he was on the edge of an heart attack. You could never be ready to that.

“Felix and Sylvain stay a bunch of time, we will invite Hilda,” Miklan swore.

“Okay! Sound good to me!” Holst smiled. “Do I need to give a kiss to someone to apologize?”

“Yeah,” Glenn said. He tugged on his shirt, making him lower. “You’re an idiot, I hate you but I love you,” he whispered, kissing him.

Holst replied to his kiss, smiling.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll make you pay,” he said, more serious.

“Miklan… I’m scared,” Holst whispered.

Miklan opened his arm to him and Holst let go of his husband to dash on his fiancé and launch himself on his lap, not hesitating, at all, to eat in his plate.

“Is he… always like that?” Sylvain asked.

“He behaves there,” Glenn replied.

“I’m not that awful,” Holst protested. “You wouldn’t have married me if I was that annoying!”

“You’re just so chaotic. How do you do? We’re together for seven years and I still don’t understand how you work!”

“But… I think it’s fine, no? So, you never get bored of me.”

“I will never,” Glenn swore, taking his hand, pressing a kiss on it.

“My love…” Holst softly said. “Do you still want to get revenge?”

“Yup,” Glenn replied. “So, yes, if you feel like it’s fine for you, Felix, you two can take your shower together. I will see if we can do something to have the boiler heating faster or something but this is the best option for now, I think.”

“I don’t work, I can take my shower in the mid of the day, if needed?” Felix offereed.

“It is an option too, but the boiler takes like at least ten hours to get warm?” Glenn replied.

“Is it a problem with it? A boiler shouldn’t take that long?” Sylvain asked, staking his pastas with his fork.

“Yeah, I think some stuff weren’t very the best but, it’s a nice house with enough rooms and… at this very moment, I’m glad it’s a rent we can still afford,” Glenn sighed.

“I will take my shower in the morning,” Miklan said.

“You sure?” Sylvain wondered.

“You saw it yourself,” the man replied. “I always get up early, anyway.”

“Is it because of the army?” Holst asked.

“Yup.”

Miklan took his chin in his fingers making it lower a little and he pressed a kiss on his lips.

Glenn and Sylvain glanced at each other.

None of them would say anything and the worst in that… was that Sylvain knew there was way more. He should have asked. He shouldn’t have talked about his past. He should support Miklan but… just staring at him was hard, sometimes…

“Hm, Sylvain!” Holst said, moving away from Miklan’s lips. “Tomorrow, I leave at eight a.m. so be ready for that moment.”

“Okay!” Sylvain said. “The food is good,” he added.

Miklan seemed surprised. Did he really need to compliment him all the time or he felt guilty or something perhaps? But he thanked him anyway.

Because Glenn wouldn’t accept him not be polite. Especially with Sylvain…

They were undressing the table, though five people to take away a big plate and a few dishes, glasses and forks, it was way too much. The meal had been easier to pass through than Sylvain would have expected but he still felt pretty weird in regard of Miklan… it must be pretty obvious because Holst kept throwing glance at him.

He wanted to ask him what but feared his tone will be a bit too much irritated.

It was just… he had the feelings he was doing something wrong.

Perhaps he was?

“Glenn, my love, can I borrow your little bro’?”

“What?” Felix said.

Sylvain stared at Holst. He was staring at Felix since the beginning? Well… he was always by Felix’s side. It wouldn’t be surprised he thought it was him when it wasn’t… the past, the fact that he always saw desire in people’s face with good or bad intention, the memories of his father… of Rodrigue. It was just eating him alive. Even here, especially because of Miklan despite this morning, he couldn’t feel the security he wanted to feel.

“You don’t mind talking with me?” Holst smiled to Felix.

“I… don’t?”

“Go,” Glenn replied.

Holst held out his hand to Felix. If this one walked toward him, he didn’t take the hand offered to him.

“Let get outside!! More privacy! And it’s so lovely outside!”

Felix nodded.

“Wait!” Sylvain protested.

“What?” Holst asked.

Glenn let a smile appear on his lips as the young redhead dashed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Felix pressed his hands on his face.

“What is it?” Holst wondered.

“Sylvain being idiot,” Felix groaned.

“Felix can’t stand long in the Sun, remember? That’s the only damn thing your sister can do and not him!”

Holst hiccupped. “How dare you!”

Glenn smirked at him and approached him, coming on his tiptoe to whisper at his ear ‘I’m taking care of you after, if you want to’.

Holst kissed him. There should have been red alarm in his brain telling him Glenn had told him he would get a revenge. But he would most be afraid Glenn would ask Miklan to make a plate he hated rather than betraying their bed… or wall or anything else.

Sylvain came back, holding an umbrella and the cream. A very new tub.

Felix stared at him. Was it the reason why he had to leave in the middle of the night? Not for band-aid that could have been anything else but…

“You’re an idiot…”

“Me?” Sylvain asked. He took some cream on his fingers, caressing Felix’s face with it. “I just want you to feel better.”

Felix stared at him, without a word, letting him spread the cream, letting him even coating his hands.

“Thank you,” Felix said.

Sylvain gave him his umbrella and the sunglasses. Felix didn’t refuse them and stepped backward, going outside and Holst following him.

“Sylvain, you mind coming help with the dishes or something?!” Miklan’s voice echoed.

“I’m coming!” Sylvain said.

Glenn followed, just to bring a bit more of security to Sylvain, who threw him a grateful look.

Outside, Felix put on his sunglasses but he wasn’t sure he wanted to open the umbrella. Though Sylvain would have wanted it. He always worried so much for him.

It was so sweet…

“What did you want?” Felix asked.

“Just talking with you. I noticed your expression while earlier discussion. About the shower and sex.”

Felix blushed hard. “We shouldn’t talk about that.”

“I thought you would feel comfier not to have this discussion with your brother… And this is the kind of situation I know well.”

Felix glanced at him. Holst seemed different. In the spend of those last twenty-four hours, he had the occasion to see him so… frivolous but he had some little moment where he was suddenly so calm, steady. A serious almost frightening in regard of his casual and happy behavior. This time, it wasn’t as frightening, rather… soothing, just a little, but also… welcoming?

“I don’t think I want to talk about sex at all,” Felix said. “I don’t even know… what I feel. Glenn… you all are making fun of me because I’m straight and I don’t know how to react.”

“We’re not making fun at you because you’re straight. We are desperate because your father managed to make you believe you were straight because you only liked girls until now. It is fine to discover yourself bi, or pan, at a late age,” Holst explained.

Felix looked away.

“I never have been attracted by a girl,” he whispered.

“What?”

“Don’t mock me!”

“I don’t mock you! I’m just… I hate this society…” Holst looked at him. “You don’t need to define yourself with a word. It’s fine if you just define yourself with the love you have for Sylvain.”

“But you don’t think I’m straight?”

“I don’t think it,” Holst said.

“What do you think I am? I never felt desire or love before, I just assumed I was what my father expected from me. Except for the dance thing… I hate him so much but I complied to his wishes and… I just wanted to have something for me, in the secret of my heart.”

“I think you’re oppressed,” Holst said. “And probably ace or demi, something like that.”

Felix stared at him.

“You mean there is more than straight, bi and gay?”

“Yes, honey, way more. Your brother is pansexual.”

Felix stared at him.

It seemed so complicated.

He never really had this conversation with Ingrid and Dorothea. Everything he knew was that Dorothea used to date men and women before Ingrid and that Ingrid always liked girls and thought loving Glenn was a mistake because of what her parents expected from her and the way the society showed love between opposite sex. For example, him and Ingrid were friends since he was ten and how often didn’t he hear people asking them if they were in couple when they were just… friends.

“And you were concerned about me not knowing what is my sexuality?”

“I was concerned over the fact you didn’t feel at your ease and I don’t want you to give yourself to someone and regret it after.”

Felix looked down, balling his fists.

“That’s what he said too…”

“This is encouraging,” Holst smiled.

“But it still feels like… I’m failing him. He used to have sex every day! With a different person! And he desires me and I refuse myself to him! Yesterday, I thought I could give him what he wanted but I was just so afraid I wouldn’t please him, it wouldn’t please me, it would hurt but in an awful way or to do the things wrong or…” His lip shivered. “If he left me when he would have got it? He never had a long relationship. He always threw them after sex. So perhaps I should never ever have sex with him so he would stay?”

“Felix… Are you sure this is the correct option? You want to chain him with you for sex? Or without sex… through sex?”

“I don’t want to lose him.” Felix shook his head. “This is ridicule. I shouldn’t talk about that with you! You… You were supposed to be my brother’s roommate!”

“I’m always in his room, I’m kinda like his roommate!” Holst put his hands on his shoulders. “And it’s normal to have doubts. Yes, it hurts. And yes, you might do things wrong because it will be your first time. But if you do it when you are ready and with someone you trust, someone with whom you can talk, it will be as good as it can. It will be the first time and probably, you won’t have it all fireworks and all. But it will be worth remembering it if you are in a happy relationship and feel like you can trust your partner.”

“That’s what happened to you?” Felix asked. “It was with Glenn?”

“I would have loved it…” Holst replied. His back slid against the wall and he sat on the edge of the terrace. “It was with a guy. Didn’t know his name, he didn’t know mine. I was fourteen… It was quick. In the toilet of a station.”

“But why are you telling me?”

“Because you are not as awesome as Hilda but you are a bit my little brother too… and I don’t want you to always remember that your first climax happened… alone, because you had to finish yourself because your partner didn’t care… and… was followed by one hour of crying on a dirty toilet seat…”

Felix knelt next to him.

“I’m sorry…” he said.

“It’s fine. Just don’t force yourself. Take your time. If Sylvain loves you and is worthy of your love, which I don’t doubt at all, it will be a nice experience. Just be conscious it’s not like in the movies or the porn or anything. It will be unique but you need to take your time.”

Felix still felt doubt.

“But… after that, you got Glenn and you forgot, right?”

He knew his question was stupid. Holst had been steady about the fact he still remembered his failed first time. If he had just forgotten, he wouldn’t be there, by his side, talking about this…

He wouldn’t worry for it.

“After that, I went with every people who wanted me.”

“Like Sylvain?”

“Perhaps a bit,” Holst replied.

“And then?”

“And then, I got with Balthus. I loved him and thought he was the One… ugh, sorry. I don’t want you to believe you’re doing a mistake with Sylvain and you’re wrong. What I felt for Balthus at this time was strong and with him, I never regretted anything. But…” Holst sighed. “I never went over the fact he told me…” He shook his head. “Forget, we were talking about you. I just want to be sure you…”

“What did he tell you?”

“That being so needy of him was all sexy and pleasant but he was pissed off to have to fuck me every time _I_ wanted it. And, of course, for me, it wasn’t restrictive or painful because when he wanted it, I wanted it because I just always wanted it and…” Holst passed his hands in his hair. “And I thought he was just seeing me like a horny slut… like everybody else. Receiving such words from someone you love and trust… We are still friends and he met both Glenn and Miklan… Which was a mistake.”

“Why?”

“Miklan punched him so hard!!”

“Did he know all of this?”

“I’m not so sure… I think Balthus said something? He has a weird humor, I wouldn’t be surprised he has pissed off Miklan. I love Miklan soooo much but he is still a bad boy. Which makes me a bit horny!” He let out a laugh, a bit tensed. “Sorry, you didn’t want to hear about that.”

“Is it fine to call yourself horny?”

“I am horny! I’m fine with people telling me I’m horny! But… I’m less okay with them telling I’m a slut, hoe or whore just because I enjoy sex… I would be a straight guy, I just would be a Don Juan and praised for all the ladies I got…”

“Like Sylvain…”

“Yeah. Him getting Ladies, he can be seen as an asshole but overall ‘it’s fine, it’s a skirt-chaser’ but a girl? A slut. A gay? A walking cliché… and more than anything… I refuse people to just pretend I’m living the best life. It’s just fucking annoying sometimes and I’m not playing.”

“They don’t know you,” Felix said. “I remember… when Glenn brought you at home. And you made a cake for my eighteenth birthday. Father had said it was ridiculous and I had everything I wanted but you said eighteen was a unique date.” Felix shrugged. “In fact, I didn’t care getting a cake or not… But you did it.” He frowned. “No one ate it because it was so fucking disgusting.”

“It was,” Holst laughed. “But it was important to give you a cake.”

“You stopped coming… You kept sending card for anything but you stopped coming.”

“Indeed,” Holst said. “Did you feel abandoned? I never thought…”

“No, I’m fine,” Felix shrugged.

“Okay…”

“Was it because of Miklan? You didn’t want to let him all alone here?”

Holst shook his head. “It’s because it hurt pretending I was just his roommate, not being able to touch him. I could have accepted that, accepted not to be able to even sleep with him, in any sense,” he winked. “But… Glenn suffered. Your father’s words were hitting him, hurting him… and I couldn’t cheer him up. I couldn’t even comfort him. And I saw some doubts in his eyes. Because… When you’re hurt and your husband does nothing to comfort you, you ask yourself if you’re worthy… or things like that. I rather preferred staying there and cheering him up when he went back.”

“Did it work?”

“I think so?”

“He looks very happy with you. Thank you…”

“He makes me happy too. I’m glad to be with him.”

“I’ve another question…” Felix felt uneasy and sat in the terrace. “Glenn… did…” He blushed away. “Did he get a bad first time?”

“I hope not. He said I took care of it so I hope I did it well.”

Felix felt relieved.

He didn’t want Glenn to be hurt.

“Felix, if you have any questions or doubt, never hesitate, okay?”

Felix nodded.

He wanted to say ‘what does it feels to feel ready?’ but he just closed his mouth. And got up to go back inside. He also wanted to ask ‘how do we know it’s the One?’ but he just had to glance down to the umbrella to know… Sylvain wouldn’t play it with him. Or he was very good in those charming games.

And he wanted to believe all of this was right because Sylvain’s arms around him, his eyes caressing his curves, his voice echoing in his ears, his lips turned into a bright smile, all those freckles he wanted to kiss, those muscles he wished to brush… it just looked like heaven…


	18. Chapter 17

Pushing the door open, Felix froze in the opening to look at Sylvain who read a book in the bed. The book must come from the library here because they hadn’t taken the time to take it. Medicine, some clothes, Felix’s computer, Sylvain’s moto, books, pictures…

But it seemed something distant, especially seeing Sylvain, not much affected by this…

He realized at this moment what he hadn’t realized earlier… He had a beard starting to grow. It was normal, he hadn’t got the time to shave at all. But it was making him sexy anyway. Felix doubted he could be something else than sexy… Sylvain was always able to be astonishing, breathtaking… Especially with gorgeous outfit. But when he was normal, just chilling, not trying to do too much… he was beyond all of this. However… there was one time Sylvain was even more beautiful than this…

“Fe’!” Sylvain smiled, putting down the book.

When he was watching Felix… Smiling for real, his eyes shining.

No one could ever reach such a beauty.

Felix couldn’t help a smile and moved to him.

“How was it?”

“I know Holst, he was my brother roommate for seven years… I mean…” He shook his head. “I heard Miklan calling you. How was it?”

“It was… fine? He is making efforts, it’s sure. I just… struggle?”

Felix sat in the edge of the mattress, allowing Sylvain to pass his arms around him, and to gently tug him against his chest.

“It’s just me, it’s in my guts… A voice telling me ‘you can’t trust him’.”

“It’s normal,” Felix replied. “I don’t remember everything but… I know you were always running away from him, always worrying he might find you… It must be hard for you.”

“It is. But…you trust Glenn?”

“I trust him. If he trusts Miklan, I think the risks are lows… Anyway, I won’t lower my guard. I will make sure I can protect you correctly, at any time.”

He caressed his cheek and Sylvain moved his head kissed the inside of his palm. It stung lightly but it was also agreeable.

“If you need anything, Sylvain…”

“Nothing,” he said. “Just you.”

Felix pressed his head against him.

“You… don’t want to take a shower now, isn’t it?”

Sylvain leaned over him, pressing a kiss in his hair. “I’m good with it anytime you want it. But what it is, Fe’? I feel you a bit… tense?”

“Perhaps?”

“You don’t want to take a shower with me?” he asked.

“I do!” Felix protested. “I already saw you naked and I… I! Okay, perhaps?! Who know what will happen when we will go in that shower and be so close from each other and… it’s stupid!” Felix said.

“Eh…” He kissed his chin. “It’s fine. I can wash myself at the skin just after you took the shower.“

“Or you came with me? Not in the shower. But to gain some times… Glenn and Holst still need to take their shower too so…”

“You’re right. You want to do it now? And if it doesn’t please you, we can see for something else tomorrow?”

Felix nodded.

He moved out of his arms and looked in their belongings to grab a new underwear and some high thighs socks. He just preferred to keep his feet hid, even though Sylvain didn’t seem to mind.

“You want a shirt or else?” Sylvain asked.

“Yes, the other is in the laundry.”

“I hope I got enough shirts. I don’t wear a lot of them and not sure I took everything.”

“You have enough clothes?”

“I think so. And you?”

“Yes… But…” he frowned. “I don’t have toothbrush…”

“I go see with Glenn if they have some left, wait.” Sylvain straightened. “And here you are,” he added, giving him the shirt.

“Thank you,” he replied. “I will look if there isn’t anything more missing,” Felix offered.

“’Kay. I’m coming!”

He pressed a kiss on his cheek and dashed outside.

Felix noticed he hadn’t taken anything for him and he knelt by Sylvain’s belonging to look through them and search for an underwear. He didn’t know if he could do that. They hadn’t fixed the question of installing themselves here. What should they do? Melt their belongings? Keeping them apart?

He was looking on his stuff and it might be bad…

What if Sylvain was mad at him?

Ruffling through the different and pretty sexy tops, the t-shirt and the jeans, Felix knew he had to take another bag. This one had more sexy tops but also some lingerie. He took one of the underwear and got up. He walked to the bathroom, holding the clothes, and saw Glenn arrive, walking by Sylvain’s side, talking to him.

“Eh!”

Glenn came to him and passed his hand on his brother’s cheek, coming on tiptoe to kiss his forehead.

“We have some toothbrush reserve and toothpaste. I suppose you don’t have any brush neither? I will give you one. You can use the shower gel and the shampoo as you wish. Let me see…”

He walked to the bathroom, the two others following him.

“Here are the towels, take what you want! And… hm…”

He showed how to switch on the lights and how to turn on the tap in the shower.

“Be careful with the water, ‘kay? It can be very hot.”

Glenn came to a glass cupboard and leaned in to take clean toothbrushes, some toothpaste in a luminescent tub, a brush…

“Here is the deodorant if you need more. Sylvain… if you want to shave yourself, you can use the razor. We also have old fashioned way and foam, there! And I think this is everything?” he said, laying his hand on the sink. “You can ruffle as much you want and just yell if you have any problems. I’ll come immediately!” he smiled.

“’Kay! Washcloths, please?” Sylvain asked.

“Yes! With the towels. You can take a few. And the laundry baskets,” he said, showing it. “Just feel free to throw your stuff in it.”

“Thank you!” Sylvain said.

“Thank you,” Felix replied.

Glenn pressed a kiss on his little brother’s forehead then on Sylvain’s nose. Perhaps because he couldn’t reach his forehead.

“Bye, bye.”

“Bye!” Sylvain said to Glenn.

He waited for him to leave and closed the door. Felix approached the laundry basket and closed it to put the clothes on it.

“I took you an underwear, I hope you don’t mind?”

“No, it’s sweet, thank you!” Sylvain turned toward him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes?”

“Can I untie your hair?”

Felix approached him. “Of course.”

Sylvain passed his arm around him and kissed his face, tenderly. His lips came down in his throat, brushing it.

“Sylvain… that’s not my hair,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry. I can stop adoring you.”

He lifted his face to press more kisses on his face. His fingers came in his mane, tugging on the little thread and letting flow the beautiful waterfall. He caressed his hair, passing his fingers through the strands. He brought a lock at his lips, kissing them tenderly.

“How can you be that beautiful?”

“With dark circles, skinny body, feet in piece, skin too blank?”

Felix walked to the sink and removed his earrings. One was a big white ball with tiny triangles, as a cat, other was a sword. He also had another one in the cartilage and a loop just next to it.

“You remove your earrings?”

“Yes.”

He removed another one who looked like a paw. He also removed three little diamonds linked and cuddling inside his ear.

“I don’t want them to be stained by the water.”

“Not stupid…” Sylvain said, leaning to watch as his own earrings.

As him, he had a hoop except he had three of them in the cartilages. And he had a rainbow heart on the other ear.

“I just keep them that way.”

“It’s fine. I guess it must be quite annoying to remove the one from your belly?”

“Uh? Ah yes! I always forget I’ve this one! No, it’s fine,” he replied.

Sylvain put the plug in the sink and made the hot water stream in the white basin. Felix removed his clothes, throwing them on the floor. He would put them in the laundry basket later. He turned to remove his underwear. Sylvain glanced at him and removed his own clothes. He hesitated before throwing them on the floor too. He used to change his clothes every day because it was a part of his flytrap but he barely wore them. And… he didn’t need a flytrap with Felix…

Felix threw him a look and walked to the shower cabin. He heard the tap being turned off. He was about to close the door when he heard the water splash. He closed his eyes and entered in the stall.

“Fe’ when you will be done, you can give me the shower gel? I’m not sure it’s fine to wash myself with that soap.”

“I don’t need it right away. Come get it?”

“Yep! Thanks! Will bring it fast to you!”

Sylvain came to him and entered the stall, still holding the washcloth in his hand. The bottle was on a long stick with little holder, paste against a corner. Felix closed the door as Sylvain checked if he was taking the right bottle. The redhead turned his head toward Felix who pressed himself against the window.

“Stay with me?” he whispered.

Sylvain let go of the bottle as well as the washcloth and his fingers caressed his throat, moving to his cheeks so he could press his lips against his.

“You’re so precious. I love you…”

Felix kissed him back.

“Sylvain…”

“Felix…” he whispered.

He pressed their forehead together, caressing his cheeks.

He kissed him again. Felix passed his arms around him, his fingers caressing his broad back. And, as he opened his mouth and Sylvain lifted him, his nails dug in the skin.

“Ah…” Sylvain let out.

“Sorry,” Felix replied.

“It’s fine. You can do it if it’s what you want to do.”

“Sylvain…”

“Felix,” he said, nuzzling his nose against his.

“Do I… turn on the water?”

“Yes, sorry.”

He put him down and stepped backward so he could remove his panty, throwing it above the cabin.

Felix turned on the hot tap. He put his hand under the stream and tested the warmth. He moved under it, allowing enough place for Sylvain to step under it too.

“Is it warm enough? Not too warm?”

“It’s fine. For you?”

“It’s fine.”

Felix watched at him, the droplets rolling along his skin, following his muscles…

“Look at you…” Sylvain whispered.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Nop. I’m just subjugated by you.”

“You always are, isn’t it?”

“Always.”

“You will get enough of it soon… You will realize how ugly I am…”

Sylvain shook his head.

“Would you mind if I helped you to wash yourself?” he asked.

Felix frowned. He could do it himself? This wasn’t something very hard and he was doing it all alone for nineteen years old. But… but there was so many love in Sylvain’s eyes and tone. He had the feeling if he couldn’t give him what he expected from him, or what he felt like he expected from him, he could give him something, at least.

So, he nodded.

“Thank! Do I wash your hair too?”

“If you want to?”

Sylvain turned off the tap and poured some shampoo in his hand. Felix stared him as his lover gathered his long mane to massage them on his skull, making it foam. He was so focused, adoration simmering in his eyes. Felix himself was subjugated. Not only by his face, so beautiful at this moment, making him desire so much to land a million of kisses in his lips, in every inch of his face but… the tenderness of his gesture. Never anyone would have touched him that way. His fingertips just brushing, lightly, adoring… as if Sylvain wouldn’t dare touch him, afraid he would break him.

“You should close your lovely eyes.”

“What?” Felix said.

“You should close your lovely eyes before foam would slide in them.”

“Will you turn on the tap already?”

“Nop.” Sylvain removed as much as foam as he could from his hands, taking shower gel in his palm. “I would have at father’s but we have to economize water, right?”

“So, I keep them open.”

“’kay. Will finish with your face then.”

Felix nodded and kept staring. Never their eyes would meet but he observed while Sylvain was sliding his hands on his throat, rubbing softly. He had the feeling to be a paint in the hands of the greatest artist who never had been alive. He lent him every second he owned. His fingers came along his shoulders, brushing lovingly his arms. Slowly. He was taking his time, discovering every imperfection of his skin, every little scar… his hands didn’t came down at the same pace because he would stop on every of those scars, would caress them and even kiss them. His eyes were full of curiosity but his lips stayed closed.

As he reached his wrists, Felix moved slightly his fingers, letting them intertwine with Sylvain’s. A few seconds.

Then, they moved up again, caressing, brushing, loving.

Sylvain felt he should put more soap on his hands but he couldn’t move his fingers away from him.

He caressed his clavicles, leaning to presses tiny kisses on them just before his fingers would brush them. Felix tensed when he felt his hands on his chest but they were so genuine, caressing with the respect you would give to your King…

His hands passed behind, brushing his back, following the scapula and coming back to lightly touch the hollow and mounts of his ribcage.

He was so tiny. So thin.

So precious…

His fingers spread that white foam, the droplets still there and making his skin shine like a diamond…

Or was he dreaming it because Felix was his everything?

His hands came down. Lightly, shyly.

Felix approached him, rolling his arms around his shoulders.

“Sylvain…” he whispered.

“Felix…” the redhead gently replied, his lips approaching his.

Felix sealed the kiss as he felt the fingers brushing the light curves of his body.

He pressed himself against him, feelings the strength of his arms of his love, overwhelmed, intoxicated, enthralled…

It could have been the moment.

But the hands came on his tummy and Sylvain pulled away to kneel in the tiled stall.

For the first time, Felix looked away. He felt Sylvain’s lips on him, kissing his belly, brushing his navels.

He threw him a glanced, saw him caress his body and come to his thighs. There was almost no foam anymore but his hands were as possessed, coming along his muscles, following the curves to brush the so hard calf because of the years of dancing. There, his fingers moved a bit deeper in the flesh, in the muscles, massaging them as he moved to the ankle.

“Bend your knee… put your foot on my shoulder,” Sylvain said.

“You sure?”

“Yes… Don’t worry about me.”

Sylvain kissed him in the inner thigh of the leg he was working on, then on the other one. Felix moved slightly, passing his hand in the red damp hair, not able to move his eyes from him, bewitched.

He laid his foot on his shoulder and saw him lands kisses on it before coating them with his hands, with as much soap as he could.

“Tell me if it hurts your wound.”

“It’s fine…” Felix said, his lips in a thin line.

“Don’t lie to me… You don’t always need to pretend and be strong… It’s fine to suffer sometimes, it’s fine to feel. You can lay everything on me. Let me be your Shield, sometimes…”

Sylvain looked up at him.

Felix caressed his cheek, his fingers shivering.

“It hurts…” he whispered.

“Give me the washcloth, please. It still wet normally.”

Felix complied and watched him as Sylvain removed the soap from the wound, kissing them, whispering ‘sorry’.

He put the washcloth on his own knee.

For the first time, Sylvain had let go of him for a moment, but it was only to lash him with more love…

He softly put down the foot and, enthralled by his movement, his eyes, his love, Felix just gave him his other foot before Sylvain would ask. His redhead landed kisses on his thigh, caressing them, spreading his hand over the knee and massaging the calf sore of overworking. His fingers went gently on his ankle, then heel. He caressed the wounds, soaking them with soap only to remove it with the washcloth shortly after. And he landed kisses on them. Them being washed that way, a bit of fresh air must be delightful for them…

He allowed a longer kiss on the back of the foot and put it down before getting up, Felix following him with his eyes. He barely saw him wash his hand in the washcloth before taking a little ounce of soap in his hand, too captivated by his face.

“Now, it’s better if you close your lovely eyes. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You can’t hurt me,” Felix replied. “Not you,” he whispered.

Sylvain leaned to kiss him. Felix kissed him back, closing his eyes. The redhead smiled against him and pulled back to caress his face with his soapy fingers.

“Trickster,” Felix whispered.

“Yep,” Sylvain smiled. “Don’t open your eyes,” he asked.

“Alright… And you?”

“I can wash me pretty quickly.”

Felix couldn’t feel and see anything for a good minute. Not even hands on his face, no fingers caressed his dark circles anymore as if shower gel could erase them. Nothing on his cheeks…

He moved his hands. And felt fingers around his wrist. He trusted Sylvain when he guided him and, soon, he felt the pectorals under his palms.

“I will turn on the water, okay?”

“Okay…”

Felix could feel his presence leaning a bit against him then the hot stream. Fingers under his chin made him pull back his head a little and he could feel the hot rain on his face. The soap rolling along his skin, along his hair.

“You can look.”

Felix didn’t wait for it, putting his hands on his face and pushing backward his long hair. He could have been blind, though, when he was welcomed by the Sun itself: Sylvain’s bright smile. Real smile.

“Thank you,” he said.

“For what?”

“For having letting me do this. I wanted to touch you so much.”

Felix rolled his arms around his shoulders. “Never stop touching me,” he asked, without watching him. “You are the only one… You know…. I loved you. I _love_ you. I will always love you…”

“You are my everything,” Sylvain replied, pressing their forehead together.


	19. Chapter 18

Having someone obsessed by yourself, by your beauty, was special. Especially when you felt… normal if not banal. Boring.

But Sylvain… each time he was touching him… it was with so much love…

When Sylvain watched him, Felix could really believe he was unique and beautiful.

There, his partner was drying his hair and it was just so soft. When Sylvain watched him, touched him… the World gained colors… And, frankly, when he watched him, Felix could just have passed hours, days, months, oh hell… years to count every of his freckles. To brush them with his lips. He was thinking, watching his chest, letting his eyes run on his muscular and beautiful thighs where those red constellations also appeared… if he counted them, perhaps he could fall asleep, yes…

“Do you have planned to do something?” Felix asked as he climbed on the bed, fastening Sylvain’s shirt on his pale belly.

“Nop.” Sylvain sat on the bed, on the other side. “Well… Wrong, Miklan had advised me this book and I’d like to read it. And you?”

“I don’t know… Usually, I just train until I feel sleepy and I lie in the bed and… try to sleep.”

Sylvain frowned. In one week, Felix hadn’t struggled so much to fall asleep, it was weird to hear those words…

“So… you’ve nothing planned?”

Felix shook his head with a shrug.

“What do you want to do?”

“Read your book, I will just try to sleep or anything.”

“I never saw you reading anything,” he noticed.

“I don’t really like reading. I read for schools but it stopped there.”

“Can I propose you something?”

“If you want to,” Felix said, sliding under the sheet.

It was so thin but it was still so warm outside so it was fine.

“Why wouldn’t you come here, in my arms, and I read you that book?”

Felix stared at him. He loved listening to his voice so this idea seemed perfect, to be honest…

“Let’s try,” he said.

He moved toward him. Sylvain passed his arm around him, letting him snuggle against his chest.

Sylvain came back at the beginning of the book and started to read out loud. Felix listened, loving the soft buzzing of his voice, so soothing…

Another thing they had forgotten at Rodrigue’s? Gel. Sylvain’s hair was desperately falling on his face and he had the feeling it was like three or four years later. He couldn’t remember if this was the moment he had made the belly piercing? No, it was at sixteen, faking his father signature…

He had made so many piercing by the time, just to be sure he would piss off his father. And he also started to wear lingerie, horribly sexy clothes… Just to see the anger on his face, just to find the limit. Some days, he accepted because he had beaten him so hard for something else, other he started to be angry for that… and with time, he just forgot.

Today, his flytrap, his bad habit, today, it was a backless crop top, allowing his piercing to appear, if his shoulder were showing, he had long sleeves with a lot of hole. And the collar holding it on his neck was leathery. Sexy. Plus, he had a jean, a chain linked from his belt to his pocked and boots. So you could hear him when he moved in the ground floor.

He arrived in the kitchen where Miklan was making the breakfast. And as soon as Sylvain entered in, Miklan threw him a glance.

“Sylvain.”

“Miklan.”

“Do you want something special for the breakfast?”

“Uh… I don’t know? What are you making? Egg sandwich for Holst because he always get up too late, toast with butter and jam for Glenn and sunny side egg with an orange juice with that. And a cheese toast for me. With a coffee.”

“Uh… Just do something you think I might enjoy? I’m not that complicate…” he said.

“What were you eating at father’s?” Miklan asked.

“Often skipped the breakfast… Father always made like banquet… I just picked stuff when the servants forced me too,” Sylvain shrugged. “Mercie would make sure of it and when she hadn’t managed to, Marianne gave me sandwich? Peanut butter sandwich. Ugh sorry, I’m rambling… I’m a bit…”

“Uneasy?”

“Yeah… When… Glenn will wake up?”

“Soon, normally,” Miklan said. “I will make you something, just sit down.”

“Thank you.”

Miklan took eggs and something in the fridge. Sylvain saw him start to prepare stuff and, on the same time, prepared a sandwich he placed on the oven to keep it warm.

Sylvain was impressed, honestly.

“Are you a cooker?” he asked, trying to do the talk.

“I’m a butcher.”

“F… frightening!” Sylvain said.

Miklan threw him a glance as he threw a slice of bacon in the pan.

“You learnt how to cook… by envy?”

“At the Borstal. It was amongst the tasks. If you wanted to eat, you had to make your food. First weeks were challenging. At the army, I was one of those able to cook and they put me in charge. But, honestly…” Miklan approached the table to put down an orange juice in front of Sylvain. “I learnt to cook well when two beloved stomachs needed to be feed.”

“I see.”

Sylvain smirked. He was still a bit annoyed, panicked…

What if Miklan…

“What Glenn’s little brother would like to eat?” he asked, going back to the stove.

“Oh… I… I don’t know. He is a little and picky eater. Or he just wanted to piss off his father? I don’t know.”

“Hm, Glenn is kinda oblivious too. I will make him the same thing,” he said.

“’kay. Thank you. I don’t know when he’ll wake up.”

“Same for Glenn,” Miklan said.

He used his spatula in the pans.

“You took a long time in the shower,” Miklan noticed.

“Yeah,” Sylvain quickly said. “We didn’t use all the water.”

“Indeed, from what Holst said. Listen. I don’t mind what you did with him but I know a lot about your previous behavior and I hope, at least, you have protected yourself. If you hurt Glenn’s little brother…”

“I won’t hurt _Felix_. And keep calm, Miklan. We did nothing.”

“Why did it take that long?”

“I… washed him,” he whispered. “And… dried him…”

He knew it was weird coming from him. He was the guy who would undress girls and boys, and non-binaries as fast as possible to have them… absolutely everywhere. Bed, wall, floor, pool, hay one time with that boy who wanted to learn to ride and… well, kind of learnt it but not as expected.

He probably had never have consideration for his lovers, no matter if it was their first of one hundred-first time… He just pleasured himself, jumping in the pool of lust to feel alive, to feel just a bunch of feelings. Because the climax moment was the only happy moment of his day… He craved sex and relationship not for what they brought him on a spiritual level but for the short pleasure he would have. Like an addict.

But with Felix…

With Felix, it was like having a constant injection. As soon as he saw him, when he heard him talk, when he saw him no matter the angle, when he could hold him in his arms, touch his skin, breath the same air as him. He was just…

Felix.

“I see,” Miklan said. “As long as you don’t use all the hot water…”

Sylvain blinked when Miklan put the plate in front of him. A pancake with a square of butter and on it, a curved bacon and two sunny side-egg…

It was…

A happy face?

He felt a big hand in his hair and they were ruffled. Sylvain tensed, probably because it was a bit violent and made him hiccup… And, Miklan made him a happy breakfast?

“Eat instead of staring it.”

“Yes,” Sylvain said, arranging his hair as Miklan removed his hand.

He dug his fork in the pancake but couldn’t eat, staring instead.

“It’s not poisoned.”

“Yeah, I guess so…” He forced himself to eat the bite. “How have you sleep, by the way?” he asked.

Making the conversation was hard.

“Not bad. You?”

Miklan sat in front of him with a half-eaten cheese sandwich. Sylvian hadn’t even noticed he did his food and ate it while cooking.

“Fine… I started to read the book you told me to…”

“You don’t need to do the small talk,” Miklan cut short.

“Okay… cool…”

This silence accompanied them. You could only hear the sound of the cutlery against the plate, the chewing sound…

Nothing else.

A fly would have been there, they wouldn’t have dared making a sound neither. It was as if the life had stopped outside at well. And we were on the mid of July in an area where the income were pretty low and so, the parents would rather let their children go in the streets than bringing them in vacation.

And this with the risk coming with them.

How often they hadn’t to stop the car suddenly because a child bounced in the road to grab their ball…

But sounds finally appeared, breaking this silence as if they were made by the One.

And it was a bit the case since it was Holst climbing down the stairs as fast as possible, fastening his vest.

“I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!”

He stormed in the kitchen, checking he tied the long strand of hair, and stopped to look at the two Gautier.

“I’m sorry, Sylvain. I said we will be on time for your first day but turns out we won’t.”

Holst approached Miklan, leaning to kiss him tenderly. And then he leaned a bit more, whispering at his ear. Something told to Sylvain it was quite dirty…

“Is it fine if I go see Felix, really quickly?”

“Yes! We are already late, I think,” Holst said looking at his watch, the dial snuggled on his inner wrist. “Yep! We will. So I say, one minute or ten, it’s the same!” He passed his arms around Miklan’s shoulders. “Except when I’m with you of course,” he cooed.

“Too bad, I was ready to let you have one minute,” Sylvain winked.

He got up and dashed out of the kitchen, fearing just a bit how Miklan might react.

So he went quickly upstairs and entered the bedroom. Strangely, he felt immediately eased and approached Felix who snuggled against his cushion, hugging it. He couldn’t help but smile and approached him, barely sitting at the edge of the mattress to lay a kiss on his cheek.

“I’m going to work,” he whispered.

He pulled backward, his hand pressing on the mattress.

And felt a hand on it, tugging lightly.

Sylvain leaned back, kissing the corner of the lips.

“Hello,” Sylvain tenderly said under his breath.

“Sylvain…”

Sylvain climbed in the bed next to him, taking him against his back. Felix’s fingers closed around the pillow.

“I’ll wake up…” Felix whispered.

“Don’t. Sleep, mon amour. Sleep tight.”

Felix moved his hand to caress his cheek with the back of his fingers. Sylvain took them softly to kiss them. Felix switched a bit more, lying on his back. Sylvain leaned to steal one kiss, then two, three and before he knew it, he was living thanks to his lips replying to his love…

“Sorry…” Felix whispered between two kisses.

“Holst said I could take ten minutes,” Sylvain said. “And I’ll take every of them…”

“I meant, for this job.”

“Uh?”

“You liked the previous one.”

“I don’t care,” Sylvain replied. “That’s not what matter. Nothing says I won’t go back to such kind of work when we will be at Enbarr. I’ve quite a good résumé!” he smiled. “You couldn’t stay there. I want to be with you, no matter where it is…”

Felix stared at him because it still felt like he had ruined things for him and he could see when Sylvain tensed because of Miklan. A tiny voice in his mind was saying to him it was because of Dimitri, once again, but another, stronger, was saying it was because of Rodrigue…

And he didn’t know.

It still felt weird to be so happy to be spooned by this man. To want to give him everything… and to plunge his head in his pillow because his perfume was suddenly lacking, and in the realm of sleep, his body and mind, had needed it so strongly…

“Rest yourself, Fe’. I’ll send you text when I come.”

“Alright…”

“And don’t train too much neither. But I’ll take care of your lovely feet when I come back.”

Felix closed his hand on his, the fingers peppered with freckles caressing his belly tenderly.

He needed him so much.

“Alright. You can leave, now,” he said, looking away.

“I love you too,” Sylvain smiled pressing his lips in his throat. He pulled back but stopped. “Fe’… if you want me to leave, you have to let go on my hand,” he smirked.

Felix blushed and pressed his face in the cushion, letting go of his hand. Sylvain laughed and leaned, pushing the ink mane to press a kiss in the nape. Felix tensed and rolled in a little ball.

“Have a nice day,” he said in the pillow.

“Sleep tight! See you later!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The drawing has been commished to the amazing [@qiliin](https://twitter.com/qiliin)


	20. Chapter 19

Holst’s car parked at the place with his name spreading in big in front of the precinct. The building was so big and it was almost surprising in regard of the little area his family was living in. Almost as if there were two different towns in one…

You could sense Holst was really used to come here because every of his gestures were mechanical and he even didn’t look in front of him, checking he had his purse, his phone, his badge, that no Hilda’s bracelet had fallen… And you could sense Holst was really used to come here and well known because people in front of him moved to avoid collision.

They arrived in front of the lift and Holst called it.

“We go at the ninth!” he informed, checking his messages.

“’kay,” Sylvain replied.

The lift opened, they entered and Sylvain pressed on the correct button.

It was weird and thrilling at once. The last time he worked inside a building was when he went at school… Perhaps he should check his phone too, know if Bernadetta and Petra were doing alright. He didn’t doubt for the last one but Bernadetta… she was making constant efforts and he worried for her.

Her.

Not his father’s business.

The guy could die…

“Shield of Fódlan…” he read.

“You said?” Holst asked.

“It is said the building is equipped of Rodrigue’s security system.”

“Yes,” Holst smiled. “Glenn came here to ask us to use it. The more he sold in a short time, the more his father would leave him alone. And he asked a coffee but they didn’t want to give him one because they rather wanted him outside… they didn’t need that. Glenn looked so sad so I brought him the coffee… I was supposed to bring to my Captain. Glenn heard when I got yelled at by the Captain and he waited for me to check on me. We talked…” The door opened and they come outside. “… and before we realized, it was so late. He had to go back at the Hostel, I didn’t know he was rich by this time, so I invited him at home because it was unfair. I told him to take my bed, and made sure he wasn’t a weirdo who would attack Hilda and went to sleep in the couch of our second-floor boudoir. And when I woke up in the mid of the night… he was in my arms. I want to say, best day ever, but I saw Hilda first representation of Romeo and Juliette and, sorry, it was the best day ever!”

Sylvain couldn’t help laughing.

“It’s sweet.”

“You never told me how you met Felix?”

“It was like he had fall under my spell,” he winked. “Felix just… literally fell on me trying to catch a butterfly. He was like five or six? For two years he was my life then we moved in. I kinda forget him but not really… You can’t forget the love of your life…” he whispered. “And then, father told me to go to Rodrigue’s at the start of July, I accepted and when I saw him, bending at the window when I arrived… the Universe spoke.”

“So cute!”

“What is that?” a voice asked.

Sylvain turned his head and saw a blond woman walking toward them, smiling.

“What a snack you brought Holst. Who is he? An escort working too late?”

“Catherine! Here is our new recruit!”

“Oh! I see. Muscular, look smart, but he won’t go very fast if he tries to be pretty rather than efficient,” she commented.

“Oh, not a cop!” Holst said, opening the glassed door of his office.

“I’m his slutty secretary!” Sylvain winked.

“Yup!” Holst smiled. “I’m hiring him! By the way, you will need to fill your own demand of recruiting a secretary but it’s fine, I’ve tone of paperwork to do, I’m sure no one will say no. By the way again, here is my husband’s little brother!”

“Felix?” Catherine asked, surprised. “I thought he looked ‘just like Glenn but taller and refuse hugs’.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised he ‘look just like Glenn’ to him,” a woman replied, coming to them.

“Shamiiiiir!” Holst protested. “I said husband but I should have said fiancé, it’s true.”

“… The criminal?” Shamir asked.

“The what?” Sylvain repeated to Holst.

“He is not a criminal,” Holst protested.

“Last week again, someone made a complaint against him because he had licked the face of a child.”

“It’s not a crime,” Holst certified.

“What the hell?” Sylvain asked.

His, kind off, stepbrother sighed and shook his head. “The child was licking the glass of his counter and he said to the mother not to let him do that because it wasn’t hygienic and the mother didn’t care, saying it was making no harm. So he said ‘okay’, came to the child and licked his face and suddenly, it was all disgusting! I can tell you he is licking me very often and that’s far away from disgusting!”

Sylvain blinked while Holst let out a little ‘oh shit’, pressing his face in his hands. Now it was hard not to think about that. The Miklan licking him. Okay, he did it to himself for once. He probably deserved it.

“You sure you’re the bandit’s brother?” Shamir asked. “Not his half-brother or else?”

“Yep? Why?”

“Well… you’re pretty hot, even I have to agree it… but your brother…”

“You’re fired, Shamir,” Holst calmly but coldly stated.

“Wait, wait, you still don’t owe those rights!”

A big man with brown hair turning grey dashed to them.

“You can’t fire people and no one will never let you have this power.”

“Which mean I can continue to say you have really poor taste Holst,” Shamir smiled.

“My husbands are perfect and your wife suck that’s why you’re sad!”

“Thank you, Holst, I appreciate,” Catherine replied.

“You’re welcome,” he said. “Now, the cutie and I will go do some work! Go back to work, please!”

“Please, young guy, keep an eye on him and make him work.”

“Yes, Sir!”

“But before that. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?”

“No, I just st…”

“Good luck,” Catherine laughed, coming back to her desk.

“They both got six months!!” the man laughed.

Sylvain blinked and let out a laugh.

“Sweetheart, come!” Holst called.

“Sorry, Sir,” Sylvain smiled to the man.

He stepped backward to join Holst who was sending SMS, sat at his desk.

“So! What should I do?”

“Wait a second, I telling your brother what I’m wearing.”

“’kay,” Sylvain said, looking where he could sit himself. “Did he do crime?”

“Depends how you define ‘crime’,” he replied.

“You’re the cop,” Sylvain said, taking an old metal chair in the corner to approach it the desk.

“Yes! And I say that, sometimes, laws suck. I won’t lie, your brother is short-tempered and sometimes if he just managed to calm himself, he wouldn’t be in such situation… but sometimes, they act badly with him because he looks dangerous.”

“He can be…” Sylvain said.

Holst put down his phone, watching him.

“He can. But nothing will happen. He won’t hurt you or I’ll throw him outside. Here, I’m telling him…” Holst said, taking back his phone to write in.

“No, no!!”

Sylvain got up to snatch the phone out of his hands, not wanting Miklan to be mad at him.

“You shouldn’t…”

Sylvain looked down to erase the last part and cleared his throat, absolutely red, giving back the phone to Holst.

“Perhaps I hadn’t told him exactly those words…”

“Yeah… I sure didn’t want to know you wanted to do _that_ to Miklan… But… it’s fine. Have fun!”

“You sure?”

“Yeah… it’s text. Could have seen worst.” He cleared his throat again, taking a file in the desk. “I will work.”

“Very well. Alexa!! Put Cascada, Everytime we touch!” he said.

The song immediately started to blast in the room. Catherine got up and came to the room, opening it.

“Cutie, do you want to be saved?”

“Saved?” Sylvain repeated.

“From… this,” she said, making a face at the music.

“You kidding? I love it! I swear this will be my first dance when I’ll marry Felix!”

“The same Felix than…”

Holst nodded.

“Making me think,” Sylvain said, opening the files to look at it.

Holst sent another message and then took the form Sylvain would have to complete.

“Thanks,” he said, looking at it.

It didn’t look very complicated. He used to do a lot of stuff for his father in the center and paperwork where amongst it. He wasn’t sure how he would handle the very police stuff paperwork but hoped Holst would help him on that.

“Yes?”

“Can you bring me at a jewel shop after work?”

“If you want to.”

“Nice, thank you!”

With a bit of chance, the credit card of his father was still working.

If Rodrigue hadn’t cried in his arms. Or if his father still felt bad enough for everything he made him live through…


	21. Chapter 20

For Miklan, making the list of the things he loved would be probably the faster… though, he could say he really hated public transports. The looks on his scars, the way they were watching his face, the way some people turned around… Frankly? He didn’t mind it from Sylvain. The kid was afraid, he understood. He even understood and accepted Felix’s anger. Glenn himself took precaution; no matter they were directed toward him because of doubts or only made to protect Sylvain so he would feel safer. He accepted them, totally.

They knew him.

They had their reasons to do it.

Valid.

He wouldn’t dismiss their fear, anger and doubts.

But perfect strangers? Just because his rest expression gave the feeling he wanted to murder people? Perfect strangers who saw him as a danger without knowing him.

And he hated that.

So, he was so glad he could have used Glenn car. Technically, they could afford three cars but they already struggle to have the place for two… so three?

He was fine with going at work with Glenn it was just more annoying to come back with public transports.

Glenn’s car was a bit too tiny for him sometimes but… it was fine. He got used to it with time…

Miklan parked in front of the house and came out the car. He walked to the house, entered in it, removed his boots and went to his kitchen. He frowned when he saw a dish still there. In the sink, the other was waiting to be washed. He sighed and pushed a red strand before walking up the stairs. He went to the Guest room and knocked.

“Yes?” an out of breath voice replied.

“Felix, it’s Miklan, can I enter?”

“Yeah.”

Miklan pushed open the door and closed it behind him. Felix walked backward, removing the hair-tie to tug his wet, because of sweat, hair, gathering them to tie them in a tight bun, not allowing the strands to run away from the hairdressing.

But they always did.

“I don’t want to play it as if I was your dad or anything, but you should have eaten.”

Felix glanced at the clock, still breathing heavily.

“Ah… Yes,” he said. “I didn’t notice the hour.”

“’kay. Go eat your breakfast as a snack, at least,” Miklan commanded.

Felix frowned.

Perfect. He had been too much dad-like and this was just annoying

“I took my breakfast,” Felix said.

“You did?” Miklan turned his head toward the corridor. “And Glenn never called you to take the dinner?”

“I don’t remember…”

“Have you seen Glenn today?” Miklan insisted, looking at him.

“No. Not even a second.”

Miklan was sure Holst told him Glenn said he could use his car and he wouldn’t have lied on this. He wouldn’t lie about their Glenn…

“I thought he was making stuff for stopping working for real? Or just didn’t want to disturb me.”

Miklan nodded. He stepped away and walked to his room, Felix following him because he was worry for his brother. He didn’t enter the room, though. He just watched as Miklan stepped in the place still bathed with the darkness. The light barely came here, as if it didn’t dare to…

“Glenn?” he said, coming on the edge of the bed.

Glenn was curled in a tight ball, his head laying on his arm as he bit his thumbnail…

“Glenn,” Miklan repeated.

“Miklan,” he said. “Sorry, I was… thinking.” He straightened in the bed and cupped his face to kiss his lips. “Have a nice day.”

“Glenn… it’s already six p.m. passed by a lot of time…”

“What?” Glenn whispered. “No… No, I… I wanted to take care of Felix and…”

Miklan’s big hands came around his slim cheeks. “Keep calm. Felix is fine.”

“Yes.” Felix walked toward him. “I needed to train anyway. I wasn’t very available…”

“It’s fine,” Glenn said. “I…” He passed his hand in his hair, ruffling them a little. “I need to…” He pressed his hands on his face. “… think…”

“It’s okay, Glenn. I will take care of you. Come, we can play a board game or…”

“Yes… yes, a board game, it’s fine. I’m sorry. I was thinking and…”

“Have you slept?” Miklan asked.

“I think I did.”

“I will make you a hot cocoa and I will prepare the _Game of the Goose_ for us to play.”

“Yes… sound lovely.”

Miklan kissed his forehead.

“Felix, you take care of your big brother for me?” he asked.

Felix stared at him.

“Something’s wrong?”

“Your tone… it’s… soft.”

“Why wouldn’t it? Can you take care of him?”

“Yes…”

Felix stared at Miklan as he left the room. Then, he moved to the bed, sitting next to Glenn in the bed.

“He isn’t that bad, you know?” he whispered. “He is making lot of efforts. And even before, with me, he… he loved me so much…”

“G… Glenn? Are you crying?!” Felix panicked.

“What?”

Glenn moved his hands on his cheeks. He was crying…

“Shit…”

He hadn’t realized…

Why he hadn’t realized?

“I’m fine,” he said. “I’m fine, Felix.”

Felix moved toward him, sitting next to him.

“You aren’t… You’re not… You’re not crying of happiness,” he said. “You’re sad…”

“Sad…” Glenn pressed his hands on his cheeks. “Yeah, I’m sad…”

“Can… Can I do something?” Felix asked.

Glenn shook his head. He passed his hands on Felix’s cheeks. Which had a light shiver because of the moist feeling.

“Sorry, I just spread my tears on you…”

“It’s fine,” Felix said.

“I will take care of you, my baby brother. I’m so sorry I failed. I left…”

“You had to leave. And you met Holst. I’m happy for you. You were always there, no matter at what hour I called. You made eight hour of road to come at Rodrigue’s so you could see me. How often you were there. You were there Saturday… you protected me, you protected Sylvain… You drove that much to bring us back… To give us happiness. Glenn… you always had been my parent… Not Rodrigue. You.”

“Felix…”

He pressed a kiss on his forehead, holding him tightly.

“You shouldn’t be there… comforting me…”

“I shouldn’t? Then what I should do? I’m not just your little sibling you have to take care of. I’m an adult. A fucked up adult but an adult… and I love you. If you need to talk to me…”

“My baby brother… I love you too.”

Glenn pressed his head against his shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay,” Glenn whispered.

“If you need anything…”

“It’s the same for you, Felix. The week-end has been heavy but… it will be better. It always does…”

“I’ll keep an eye on you. I’ll help you to wake up. I’ll help you to eat. We will eat together, at least we will think about it…perhaps.”

“Perhaps,” Glenn smirked.

A light knock echoed on the threshold.

“Yes,” Glenn said, looking up at Miklan. “We’re coming.”

“You need anything? To be carried in the living or…”

“I like the sound of that,” Glenn smiled.

There were glimpse of something real but basically, you could feel his sorrow and his despair.

Felix got up and walked to the door.

“Take care of him,” he said.

“I will.”

Miklan approached the bed, taking his fiancé in his arms. Glenn passed his around his.

“I will be okay.”

“I know… stay with us…”

“I’m there…” he whispered. “Sorry if it seems I’m not.”

“Don’t apologize. Never…”

Sylvain walked through the big glassed booth. There were so many different jewels, so beautiful, shining, simple, very too complicated, of every color… This was the best jewelry shop of the town and you could tell it. But Sylvain kept denying any proposition made by the seller and Holst.

He needed to find the right ring.

The perfect one.

He wanted to ask again his hand to Felix, make it official. Being sure Felix truly wanted it instead of accepting it because they were both in shock and needed to have something warming their heart.

He knew he wouldn’t have asked that fast if he hadn’t almost drown, see his memories from the day Miklan tried to drown him coming back… He knew if Rodrigue hadn’t been so awful with him, he wouldn’t have known how much he needed this. Needed to be with him in a more obvious way.

He needed to ask him to be his husband because he craved stability after all of this…

But what if Felix believed it was a mistake?

“You know, you can ask Hilda to make the ring for you if you want to. It would be perfect!”

“I don’t know what I want,” Sylvain said.

“Then perhaps, I can propose you something from the collection to come?” the seller offered. “When you will see it, you will realize it was what you wanted!” he offered.

“Uh… yeah, let’s try that?” the redhead replied.

The man stepped away to go behind the counter and retrieve the collection. He said he was about to put it in the booth in a few days but Sylvain could sense it was a commercial practice…

“Or you can try those,” Holst asked, staring at the same booth he was still the beginning.

“Told ya: your sis’ is doing marvelous thing but that just doesn’t fit.”

Sylvain approached the counter. And froze.

“Yes! That’s the one!”

“Ah! Which one?” the seller asked, holding out the little chest of unpriced rings.

“What? No, not those! That!”

Sylvain showed at the big poster on the counter. It displayed a lot of different ring some looking like flowers, or bird, or heart and… as cat’s paws.

“Is it the next collection? Can I buy it, please?”

The seller frowned and leaned to see what Sylvain showed.

“Ah Sir, you are mistaking yourself. It’s for children.”

“Up to me to decide that or not,” Sylvain replied. “I want to buy the red one please.”

“No, Sir. You are mistaking yourself…” He pointed at a machine in the entry. “That’s for the children.”

Putting it at such a place, children would see it and beg their parents to have one or two, at least. And they would make a bit more of money.

“Oh… I see.”

“Yes. But I can offer you…”

Sylvain took his wallet and removed a big paper.

“I see you have made your choice.”

“Yup. Can I have change on this?” he asked.

The seller stared at him.

“Please?” Sylvain insisted.

The man gave him the change, staring at him with doubts. Sylvain thanked him when he retrieved the pieces and he approached the machine. The seller looked toward Holst, almost desperate. He was used to get clients who wouldn’t take anything but those two… Like Holst had kept saying how beautiful GonerHilda collection was, trying to push those in Sylvain’s hands better than he would never do it and when he offered him to buy something, he just replied ‘no’ with a big smile.

But put yourself in his place!

He didn’t want something impersonal that was created by workforce under the same scheme. He wanted something unique made by his sister’s hands and for him in particular! But, yes, of course, all of those jewels were beautiful. They had been made and designed by Hilda! How could you stand next to it without noticing how awesome it was?

Sylvain had already retrieved three plastic and colorful shells, opening them, but not finding what he liked.

The seller just saw him sat on the floor and keep moving the device, putting his hand under the machine to get his egg, opening it and… just put another coin in the machine.

Holst was asking very important question to the seller while he was doing that. Like how much he was selling GonerHilda collection and how much people loved them.

The poor man really started to worry about those two. But he kept smiling.

The open shells grew on the floor, making little mountain were some plastic part might start to roll.

The more Sylvain was taking egg, the more he was getting near to have taken every of them.

“Sylvain…” Holst said, approaching him.

He crouched to take one of the rings.

“Yeah?”

“Isn’t it this one?”

Sylvain turned his head toward him with hope.

“Ah… it’s pink. I really need a red one,” Sylvain said, sliding a new coin in the machine.

Holst stared at him and smiled while pressing his engagement ring against his lips. He wouldn’t say it out loud in fear it would disturb Sylvain but… he wasn’t that different from his brother sometimes. It wasn’t a hazard if the ring he was wearing had three jewel, a dark blue, a red and a pink… But at least, Miklan had the taste to order them to Hilda!

Sylvain watched the big tank emptying itself with despair.

The more he played, the more the ring refused to come…

He had some in double, triple or even quadruple and still no red paw ring? He started to believe it was just color thrown in the poster to make it pretty and you would never have those you truly wanted…

But he got so many of the others.

Sylvain pressed the mechanism again.

Nothing.

He knelt to watch at the tank and sighed.

Nothing…

He started to put gather the shell, using his shirt to do so, and got up. He came to the counter and put them in, closing one or two egg that would have open again.

“Here, I don’t need them, you can just make money with it,” he said.

“Listen, Sir…” he said.

“Yeah?” Sylvain sighed.

“We have ring looking alike.”

“They are not perfect, but thanks.”

He just needed something worthy of Felix.

The perfect ring…

Something Felix will be happy to see and wear. He will propose, again, to this man with that ring, damn it! He couldn’t take just anything…

“We have a box of those in the outhouse. Do you want me to bring back it here?” he offered.

Sylvain watched him with surprise.

“Yes, please!”

The seller took the door behind the counter and came back with the box, putting it at Sylvain’s feet. Sylvain thanked him and knelt to search into it. Holst watched him while the seller was wondering why the hell he was doing that to himself.

Sylvain kept looking the eggs, pushing them, sometimes opening one to close it.

There were so many eggs, he must find the one he sought!

It couldn’t be possible otherwise.

“Holst…”

“Yes?” he asked, coming toward him. “Need help?”

Sylvain held an egg in his hand, dearly.

“Is that the one?” he asked, in disbelieve.

Holst crouched to look at it.

“Yeah!”

Sylvain watched at it. His face shining under the relief and the happiness.

“It’s even more beautiful than I expected,” he whispered.

“In this case…” the seller started.

“Ah yes! I have to pay it, wait.”

Sylvain got up. The seller let out a slight sigh and held out his hand to accept the coin. And ended with a stack of billets in his hand.

“What? But Sir…”

“More?” Sylvain asked. “’kay. Felix is worth it anyway!”

The seller opened his mouth to protest but just ended up with more billets in his hand.

“Do you need help to put everything back?” Sylvain asked.

“No… just go away,” he replied.

“Nice, thank you!!” Sylvain replied, pressing the plastic egg against his heart.

Glenn had barely touched his hot cocoa but he had played with two of the three men of his life. Okay, perhaps four because Sylvain was really mattering a lot for him. The games were… fine. Not very awesome but enough to stop thinking and pass a bit of good time with them.

But as the minutes turned into hours, Miklan kept getting up and going at the entry. He checked his phone, too often.

Felix noticed he started to make the food at some point but now, it was more two Fraldarius playing together at that Goose game rather than two Fraldarius and a Gautier.

At the second he thought this, Felix watched at his brother.

“I hadn’t asked…”

“Yes, my baby?” Glenn asked.

“What’s your last name now?”

“Goneril,” he replied. “Miklan use it too, when it’s not official.”

Felix moved his pawn.

What should he use when he will marry Sylvain?

“It’s not surprising you have changed your name. Father would be heartbroken…” Felix said with a smile.

“Meanie,” Glenn smiled.

He leaned to press a kiss on his forehead. He caressed his cheek with his thumb and pushed away a strand of dark blue hair.

Miklan came back in the room.

“Your turn,” Glenn told him.

“Hm? Ah yes…” He walked to him and took the dices. “Do you have news from Holst?”

Glenn moved his hands on his side, searching for his phone. It wasn’t with him.

“I don’t know, but it’s fine. He must be late because he stayed at the precinct with Sylvain. To talk with him, to help him work? Or they just hang out? He would have warned if something was happening?”

“Unless he hadn’t got the time?” Miklan said, moving his pawn.

But he wasn’t very into the game and looked at his phone again. There weren’t any information of dangerous things happening right now but perhaps it wasn’t on the internet yet? It happened sometimes…

Miklan was annoyed.

So annoyed…

Angrily annoyed.

Pacing.

“Miklan!”

Glenn got up and walked to him. He grabbed his hand, making him turn toward him.

“It’s fine! Everything is fine.”

“He is Captain. If he goes on field and…”

“It’s fine,” Glenn cut short. “He knows his job. Nothing more than a scratch or two never happened…”

“It can.”

“Sylvain says they’re coming.”

Miklan turned his head toward Felix who had his phone in his hand. He probably just sent the message to Sylvain.

“They went do some groceries, it seems so…”

“Thank you,” the man said. “I will finish the food.”

Glenn nodded to Miklan but made him stay a few seconds. Enough to steal him a kiss. Miklan hugged him, caressing his back tenderly. His fingers passing in the still tangled hair. He leaned for another kiss.

“Sorry,” he said. “You have something else to do than thinking about that…”

“I don’t want you to be sad but having my mind on you is helping.”

“You shouldn’t…”

“Live for you?” Glenn smiled. “What am I supposed to do except that?”

Miklan kissed him again, taking his face in his hands. It looked so tiny…

“I don’t deserve you.”

“You do…”

He smiled and watched him as his fiancé stepped away to come back to the kitchen.

“ _I_ don’t deserve you,” he whispered.

“Glenn, wanna play?” Felix asked.

“Yes, I’m coming…”

He walked to his baby brother, sitting by his side. He moved his pawn and Miklan’s. Felix could have pretended it was cheating but he really wanted to keep his brother’s mind away from what he was thinking.

Minutes passed and soon enough, they heard the sound of the door opening.

Miklan came from the kitchen to welcome Holst, who gladly threw himself at his shoulders and Sylvain approached Felix. Which hesitated. Should he get up and kiss him hello? He wanted to say hello but in public, he was always doubtful. He wanted to be a good boyfriend but didn’t want to show his feelings in public.

He hadn’t been raised that way.

He couldn’t be Glenn.

He couldn’t be lovey-dovey like that.

He couldn’t almost have sex in the middle of the living room like Holst. He wasn’t like that. He wasn’t like them…

He wished…

If he could…

Felix just watched as his brother got up to say hello to his husband. A part of him was still surprised that they were together at three. Not that strange, knowing he barely could accept his love for Sylvain and despite having his dearest friends being two lesbians… his brain just struggle with those things.

Shouldn’t he just see their happiness?

He was watching it.

He was so delighted for them.

If only he could…

Smile.

“Before we will do it on the kitchen table…” Holst said.

“What?” Felix hiccupped.

“Sylvain wanted to do something,” he pursued.

“Too bad, the kitchen table was appealing,” Glenn smiled. He kissed his husband tenderly and then looked at Sylvain. “Yes?”

Holst passed his hand in Glenn’s hair and frowned, noticing the tangles in them. He felt Miklan’s hand in his and pressed his head against his shoulder.

“First… I would like to ask… if something really important happened, who would you want to know it? Be there?” Sylvain asked to Felix.

“Really important?” He frowned. “Glenn, for sure. His husbands are invited because what I can say… Ingrid and Dorothea, obviously… and you. But I doubt it can happen without you,” he said, looking away with a groan. He closed his eyes. “And… he fucked up but the Boar… might be invited. We wouldn’t be there without him, right?”

He said those words without any sparkle of joy. But he said them.

“Very well!” Sylvain turned toward Holst. “You heard him!”

“Yes!”

He quickly moved to Sylvain to take his phone. He quickly moved his fingers on it and after less than one minute, under the perplexed looks, he turned it toward Sylvain and so Felix. There were seven people on the screen. Felix could easily recognize Ingrid and Dorothea, sharing a sixth of the screen, and Dimitri. There were a dark part and Petra, smiling tenderly. And there were two girls he didn’t know at all.

But…

Could it be Mercedes and Marianne?

“Is it fine if I don’t put the video?” Bernadetta’s voice moaned.

“Yeah, Bernie, don’t worry!” Sylvain said.

“Thank you,” she hiccupped.

“Okay…”

Sylvain looked a bit tensed. Which was very uncommon coming from him.

He walked toward Glenn, Holst moving the phone to follow him. Sylvain knelt in front of him and took Glenn’s hand in his.

“If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t do that,” Miklan groaned.

“Nice try, but I’m not afraid of you,” Sylvain replied.

When the shivers in his voice clearly said otherwise. Felix walked toward him to show him his support. Glenn removed his other hand from Miklan’s shoulder to pass it on Sylvain’s cheek.

“It’s fine…” he said softly. “What is it about?”

Sylvain could notice Miklan’s arm tightening around Glenn’s waist and he sensed… it was because of him. Those eyes, supposed to be turned toward him, the eyes of their mother, staring. It was making him so uneasy.

“Go get him, sexy!!” Dorothea shouted.

“Glenn… I know how precious Felix is for you and I would never dare to bring him away from you… But today, I’m asking you to give me his hand.”

“Sylvain!” Felix protested.

“Of course, I will give you his hand,” Glenn replied.

“Thank you. Thank you so much!” Sylvain said.

He let go of his hand to turn himself toward Felix who blinked, in total disbelieve. He was a bit away from him so he walked on his four to come at him.

“Oh, honey…” Ingrid commented.

“You should get up,” Holst said.

“That’s fine,” Sylvain replied.

He moved his hand to check he still had the plastic egg. Yes, he did.

Holst walked to keep the camera on him. “Everybody sees?” he even whispered.

“I am recording that shit!” Ingrid said.

“You can do it, Syl’!” Mercedes encouraged.

“Fe’…”

“Sylvain…” he said.

The redhead smiled tenderly. “I lived twelve years of emptiness, twelve years seeking for a bit of love, everywhere. Anywhere. And no matter how hard I tried, I could never find it. It was as if the love was refused to me and I couldn’t understand it. But, now it’s all clear… Of course I couldn’t find it because my heart was already enthralled to yours… At the moment I saw you again, my life started to be better. Because… just your presence lightens my days. Waking up by your side… You allowed me to taste that and, frankly, it’s my reason to open my eyes every morning. Just having the honor to look at you… You’re my reason to go to bed, having the honor to hold your body in my arms… Every second by your side is worth keeping going. I promised you to fight, not even letting Death tears us apart; I asked you to stay by my side already and I still believe that already.” He took his hand, rubbing it softly with his thumb and pressing a kiss on his knuckles. “Mon amour… Would you make me the infinite honor of marrying me?” he asked.

He retrieved the egg, opening it to show the paw shaped ring.

Felix opened his lips to reply and he was just so lost. There were ten to stare at him. He could barely be affectionate in front of their brothers and Holst. And now… now he was supposed to reply to this proposal in front of them?

How can he?

How can he do what he dreamed to? He wanted to throw himself at his shoulder, kiss his face until he would have enough of it. But he would never have enough of it… He wanted to cry of happiness. He wanted to feel his embrace…

“Honey, you’re supposed to reply something,” Holst pushed.

Reply something.

Do something.

It was so easier when they were alone.

Alone…

It was just them…

Felix fell on his knees. Sylvain hiccupped.

“You’re g…”

A kiss against his lips forced him to stop talking.

“I’m good.”

He kissed his face, kissing each freckles of his. And there was lot of work but he didn’t care. And between every kiss, he just let out a murmur, a tender yes. No one could hear him, just Sylvain who stared at him with delight.

He just let him do, staring, in love…

When Felix pulled back, having certainly forgotten lot of freckles and he would have to re do it again… Sylvain tenderly smiled.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t have heard your reply,” he joked.

“Yes. I want to marry you…”

Sylvain took the left hand pressed on his cheek, removing it tenderly to press his lips against his knuckles. He caressed the ring finger before passing that precious engagement ring he had searched for forty-five minutes… at least.

Felix watched at the ring, watched at Sylvain’s hand.

“Wait,” he said.

He moved his hand to his ear, removing one of the hoops adorning the cartilage. 

“Sylvain José Gautier… I don’t have big declarations… You just make me feel so good, every time, every day. With you, everything seems easy and I don’t have the feeling I can do anything wrong. You protect me. Even when it’s not useful and I love you for that. Would you marry me?”

Sylvain laughed. He pressed his lips against his.

“Yes, mon amour. Yes… I want to marry you.”

Felix passed the ring around Sylvain’s finger. Sylvain closed his hand on his, smiling as he pressed kisses on his face, whispering a tender ‘thank you’.

This, or perhaps the ring?, broke the magic because Felix could hear yell. Applause…

Miklan saying ‘Glenn’ with a worried tone.

He looked up at his brother to see him hiding his face in his hands.

“Glenn?” Felix asked, getting up.

“It’s fine!” he replied. He took his brother’s face in his hand, pressing his forehead against his. “It’s fine… It’s just… I would never believe someone would be idiot enough to really want to marry you.”

“Eh!” Sylvain protested. “We all know Felix is the one idiot enough to want to marry me.”

“True,” Glenn approved. “You two are two idiots in love and I’m just happy for you. If you’re with Sylvain, and Sylvain is with you, I know I will have to worry less for you…”

“You didn’t have to worry,” Felix said.

Glenn’s face was barred with melancholy and something in his eyes said ‘you know I had to.’

“Yes, Glenn! I will take care of him! But I will bring you over so often when we will have our own home! Don’t expect be over with us! NEVER! Miklan will have to kill me for you to get rid of me!”

Miklan stared at him.

Glenn let go of Felix with one hand to press it on Sylvain’s cheek. He would have loved kissed his cheek or something but he was just so tiny…

“I didn’t expect to get rid of you neither. I will keep an eye on both of you. Always.”

“Thank you,” Sylvain smiled.

“Congratulations! Sylvain!”

Sylvain turned his head toward the phone. Mercedes was applauding so hard.

“I’m so proud of you! I never thought, neither, you would have someone in your life! I’m so glad to meet you: I’m Mercedes. I worked in Gautier’s house for long,” she said.

“Hello,” Felix said.

“Here is Marianne…”

“You’re pointing out at Dimitri,” Sylvain laughed. “The other side.”

“Here is Marianne! She is working for the Equestrian Center!” Mercedes introduced.

“Hello.”

“Bernie and I work there too! But not the same, obviously,” Petra said, smiling.

“Such a pleasure!” Mercedes replied.

Holst gave the phone to Sylvain and approached his husband.

“You fine?” he asked.

“I am.”

Glenn kissed him tenderly, caressing his throat.

“’kay…” Holst pressed another kiss on his nose while Felix and Sylvain introduced their friends to each other. Then, he moved toward Miklan, coming on the tiptoe to whisper at his ear. “I’ve been waiting the whole day. Can we go to our room? Quickly, quickly? Don’t even need foreplay,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Miklan replied. “The dinner was almost ready,” he said to Glenn. “Felix, take care of your brother for me.”

Holst tucked on his hand, bringing him to the stairs.

“Felix, Sylvain, the meal is about to get ready. Felix and Sylvain’s friends, it has been a pleasure. Ingrid you’re beautiful, Dimitri, you’re adorable! Dorothea? Glad to finally meet you!”

Glenn swirled on his heel and moved to the kitchen.

“Yes! We will come!” Sylvain replied. “Thank you all to have been there,” he said to the phone.

“Thank to you,” Mercedes said.

“Thank you for having invited me,” Dimitri quickly added.

“Don’t get too excited,” Felix groaned. “We’re here thanks to you and I owe it to you. You can tell it to your father but if you say anything to Rodrigue, I will eviscerate you!”

“I will say nothing to Rodrigue. He would be glad though…”

“Highly doubt that!” Ingrid replied.

“But we will be so happy to be there at the wedding, honey, sexy,” Dorothea said, blowing them kisses.

“Send us the date when it is decided,” Petra asked.

“I will. But Fe’ and I will have to talk about it.”

“I bet anything you want we will have to catch the bouquet at their wedding to get married,” Dorothea smiled to Ingrid.

“Sure we will have to,” she laughed. “But I’m so happy for you. Sylvain, I really trust you to make him happy… If you fail…”

“Yeah,” Sylvain replied. “Don’t worry!”

“It’s ready!” Glenn said from the kitchen.

“Yes! Bye, bye, my dears!”

Sylvain blew a kiss to them. When they all had said goodbye, he closed the call and turned toward Felix to kiss him tenderly.

“My Felix… Only mine…”

“Only yours… Only if you belong to me too,” he replied.

“All yours,” Sylvain swore.

He kissed him and hugged him. Then, he forced himself to step away. They went to the kitchen where Glenn had served pasta in every plate. The newly engaged couple sat and Sylvain dug his fork in the pasta, tasting.

Glenn looked up when he heard sound from outside. Miklan entered the kitchen, Holst, purring and hair in ruffle, in his arms. The man sat him on the chair, caressing his cheek.

“Love you…” he whispered.

Glenn leaned to kiss his husband.

“You feel good?”

“Yes…” he purred. “I want you too, later,” he whispered.

“I will be there,” Glenn muttered. “Eat.”

“Yes,” Holst replied.

He took pastas on his fork and tasted.

“Miklan?” he asked.

“Yes?” the man said, sitting next to Sylvain.

Which stared at him. He had took the same place than yesterday and yesterday he wasn’t next to him but things happened and now… should he ran away?

“That’s disgusting.”

“What?”

“The food…”

Miklan tasted the pastas and frowned. It wasn’t very good… He knew his abilities and he knew he was able to make pretty good pasta especially when they were just cheese pasta…

“What have you done, Glenn?”

“Removed them from the fire, poured the sauce in the pasta, added cheese because it looked mushy.”

Felix stared at him.

Sylvain stared too. “You didn’t remove the water?”

“It looked okay?” Glenn replied, taking the pasta without caring much.

“How have you managed to take care of me for years?” Felix whispered. “Have you ever given me food?”

“We had money back then,” Glenn said. “I could order food! And I had the servants helping me. That doesn’t mean I was doing it wrong.”

“You were doing it perfectly,” Felix replied.

“So, what should we do?” Sylvain whispered, putting more pasta in his mouth.

But not with joy.

“This is my fault. I forgot I shouldn’t trust any of those demons,” Miklan said, getting up.

“I love you,” Holst said.

“I can’t be perfect everywhere,” Glenn replied.

“You’re perfect to me,” his husband protested, leaning to kiss him.

“It’s fine,” Sylvain protested. “It isn’t _good_ but it’s fine. Felix looks like he can eat anything, your husbands are eating each other tongue and me…”

He closed his lips.

“You’re too afraid?” Miklan asked.

“A bit… But it’s fine.”

“It should be good,” Miklan protested. “Eating is supposed to be a pleasure.”

“Hmmm… Eating is like sex,” Holst said, taking pastas and pushing them between his lips.

“Felix, you can’t eat anymore,” Glenn smiled to his brother.

Which stared him. He looked happy but… he wondered. Was he truly happy? Or was he faking it naturally? He really looked better than earlier and he wanted to believe he was joyful but… he had the feeling he was just trying to protect his husband…

It wouldn’t be surprising coming from him.

“Should I starve? Was it the reason why you sabotaged the meal?” Felix snickered.

“Perhaps?”

“Do you want to eat something else, Felix?”

“No. I want to eat what Glenn made,” he replied.

Miklan turned his head toward Sylvain who shook his head

“Please, sit. Unless _you_ want to have something else.”

“It was worse at the army,” Miklan said, sitting back.

Holst bit his lower lip, his fork digging in the pastas.

“Which one of your friends will bring you at the altar?” Miklan asked, taking pasta. He could have eating them but pushed them in Holst’s mouth. “Stop looking at me and eat.”

“But whyyyy?” Glenn asked, staring at him.

“Eh…” Sylvain replied. “None? Mercie was a bit like a mom but I don’t think she would and Marianne and Bernie would be so afraid… I don’t know for Petra but I doubt it would be her thing…”

“I see.”

“Why are you asking that?” Glenn wondered, taking pasta. “They’re not that disgusting…”

“You’re right, it’s good,” Holst smiled. “Just not at the usual level?”

“I shall accept this,” Glenn said.

“Just making the discussion,” Miklan replied. “I don’t think he wants to do anything with Lucas and you wouldn’t let him do anyway.”

“Indeed,” his tiny fiancé approved.

“And obviously, you will take care of Felix.”

“If he gives me this honor,” he replied.

“I will. You’re the one who raised me. If someone has to bring me to the altar, it should be you. I don’t know if we’re doing a big fancy wedding, though…”

“I don’t know neither. It’s you,” Sylvain said to Felix. “It will be perfect no matter what.”

Felix nodded but he wouldn’t pretend it that strongly.

Out loud.

It would be something done in a few minutes, a few seconds even, with no one around what would it change? He just wanted to be sure, if Fate was real, that they had decided theirs will be intertwined until their last breath…

“I think you need someone,” Miklan pointed.

“I could ask Ingrid. I owe her something and she would be pretty okay about that, I think. Or no one. Who cares? I have done a lot of things all alone. This morning again, I can do that alone too.”

“What have you done alone this morning?” Felix wondered.

“Nothing, mon amour,” he replied, pressing a kiss on his temple. “But what’s with your face, Miklan?” Felix noticed that Sylvain was pushing his chair toward him. Not in the most discrete way, though. “You look angry.”

“People usually think that,” Holst intervened. “That’s his resting face.”

“I’m fine,” Miklan replied. “Ingrid seems to be a decent girl.”

“Oh quit it!” Sylvain cut short, so close to Felix’s chair, he could actually climb on his lap. “Just say you want to bring me to the altar already!”

“Why would you accept?”

“Why wouldn’t I? Yes, I forgot everything about Felix; yes I forgot that he was the only one who signed my plaster but I never forgot you had broken it. Just because you could, just because you were testing the limit of your strength. Yes, I have resent and fear… but wouldn’t you?”

Miklan glanced at his fiancés. Holst smiled at him softly to show him support and Glenn frowned, feeling his guts in turmoil.

He needed to know…

“The difference between you and father… is that you’re trying at least…”

“I am…” he approved. “Trying,” he added, thinking he wasn’t precise on this point.

“You do. So, it’s fine. Bring me to the altar,” Sylvain smiled.

“Are you sure? You’re almost sitting in your fiancé’s thighs…”

“You think it’s fear?! Perhaps I just want to appreciate his strength and the view,” he winked.

Miklan didn’t reply. He knew it was fear and if Sylvain’s attitude wasn’t clear enough on this, Felix’s eyes were…

Sylvain smiled brightly and his fingers moved to his boyfriend’s lap. Felix took them, squeezing. Perhaps a bit too much.

“I’m not sure, at all. But you’re the better pick… By time we will be marry each other, perhaps you and I… will be closer? I… understand,” he said. “I always thought you could be different if our parents cared for you. I don’t remember having seen them with you once… I don’t forgive you but I understand.”

“Those last twelve years, I really hoped… I could love you. I could be different. I know I was unfair and my young age wasn’t an excuse. I’m sorry for what you have been forced to live. And for me adding to your pain. I just wish you can have someone caring enough… caring correctly.” Miklan hadn’t touched his food. Sylvain couldn’t neither. “So, I hope Glenn will rock it. He looks better at that.”

“What?” Sylvain laughed. “Oh, my God! Okay! Okay!” he giggled. “Yes, he would be a really awesome parent. But you’re fiancé to him so you will have to deal with me if he becomes so.”

Miklan nodded.

“I’m trying,” he said.

“Thank you.”


	22. Chapter 21

His hair still lightly wet, Felix climbed on the bed, watching toward the door. Sylvain should be there soon. He said he was just doing something quickly and now he… oh gosh, he was waiting…

He pushed his mind away and looked at his engagement ring. Sylvain said he had to remove it for the shower and he refused to. He could remove every earring to protect them but this little ring… he wanted to keep it at his finger. Forever…

Why was he…

Why was he that in love?

Why Sylvain never left his mind?

And it was so delightful.

Him.

In his mind.

Forever.

Oh Sothis… Felix crashed in the bed and smiled, looking at the cellar, his hands on his belly. He was so in love…

So. In. Love.

He heard a sound after a bit of time and he moved to watch Sylvain enter in the room. He was smiling to him and climbed on the mattress, leaning over his lips to kiss them.

“Hello.”

“Hello…” Felix whispered.

“My fiancé…” Sylvain smiled.

“My fiancé…” Felix replied, caressing his nape. He looked away. “Sorry, I’m… I’m ridiculous.”

“You would never.”

“I’m just…”

He shook his head. He couldn’t say how much he was in love with him.

“It’s fine,” Sylvain said. “You don’t have to say anything. Let just me look at you.”

“I still believe you have terrible taste…”

“And you… oh, if you could just understand… See what I see… Because, when I look at you Felix… The World is so different. Colors brighter.”

“Idiot,” he whispered.

“An idiot _in love_!” Sylvain protested.

Felix switched to press his lips against his when he heard a sound. He straightened in the bed.

“Felix…”

“What’s…”

He couldn’t help tensing. He recognized this voice… moaning.

Glenn!

He was suffering?!

Felix wanted to get up but tensed even more. He wasn’t moaning of pain. And he wasn’t the only one moaning.

“Are they…?” he hiccupped in direction of Sylvain.

“Yes. Come here, mon amour! I’ll read you the book. I’ll talk loud. You don’t have to hear that.”

Felix approached Sylvain, coming in his arms. He was so well in the embrace of his warmth. And as soon Sylvain started to read… every other sound softly vanished…

Miklan’s breath was heavy. But… the man was very big. Perhaps his breath was heavy because he had big lugs? Perhaps… He always had such a big breath. Three years they were together, almost three years they were sleeping together… It always had been like that. At first, it was pretty difficult for him to sleep because of the noise. Now, it was soothing him…

But not today.

Today, he was watching him, biting the nail of his thumb.

Despite every effort, he couldn’t stop thinking about the Borstal, the army…

He had been thrown there because of him. He had suffered. Suffered so much. How much? He wanted to know and he was afraid to know at once… he wanted to wake him up, he wanted to ask but… but he just stayed there. He closed his hand on his pectoral, shivering. His other hand was still linked with Holst. They were both sleeping on Miklan’s large chest, his arms around them.

It was awesome, so sweet…

But there.

There, it was away from the sweetness for Glenn.

He was fighting against his tears.

“I’m so sorry, Miklan… I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

He felt the arm closing a bit around him. “Glenn…”

“Miklan…”

Glenn gulped. But he couldn’t fall asleep. He wanted… but he couldn’t. He just stared at him, eaten by the remorse, the culpability. He wanted to cry… Under his fingers, there were scars… Scars he knew he hadn’t in his youth. When he believed he had made it at the army, like anybody might have hurt at the army, it didn’t matter but now…

Miklan hated the army, he never talked about it. When they mentioned it, he always pushed it away…

What had happened…?

How could he push that away? How could he pretend everything was alright when Miklan had been hurt to the core… Perhaps it was what helped him to become better, to be able to hold his hand to Sylvain… but he didn’t believe it was worth it. He didn’t deserve to suffer that much… some of his fear, some of his doubts… what if it was because of the Borstal? What if…

Was he…

“I’m so sorry…” he said again. “I love you… I really do…”

“Glenn?” a sleepy voice whispered.

“Holst? Something’s wrong?” he asked.

“I heard you… talk…” Holst groaned, rubbing his eyes. “You don’t look very well. You good? You’re hurt? Did we go too hard?”

Glenn shook his head. “It’s fine… my mind is just full,” he whispered. “Lot of stuff…”

“Come here.”

Holst moved and caressed his cheek, kissing him tenderly.

“If there is anything…”

“I know. I just… I can’t… I don’t feel right, it’s all. There have been so many things lately and my mind is just so full… I think I’ll make some hot milk or something…”

“Miklan doesn’t want us to approach the kitchen. We would make it burnt…”

“It’s fine. I should be able to prepare a hot milk,” he said.

Glenn moved Miklan’s arm from around him and got up from the bed.

“Glenn…” Holst said.

It was rare to see him as serious and worry. Of course he was for his husband…

“Please, sleep.”

“I won’t…”

Holst get up, making the turn of the bed, still wearing his light silk babydoll that was following the curve of his body. Usually, Glenn would be enthralled by it, bewitched. But there… There he didn’t even glance at this fairy beauty.

“You look like you’re about to cry, Glenn. I’m there, my love… I’m there. I love you, I’m here for you…”

“I’m fine… I’m…”

“Glenn… you swore you wouldn’t lie to me at the altar. Don’t do it.”

“If I love you?” Glenn asked.

Holst shook his head. “I’m not manipulating you. Don’t lie to me because I can’t help you if you say nothing.”

“I’m trying to protect you, there,” Holst whispered.

“It’s not worthy if you suffer.”

“What’s happening?” Miklan’s voice groaned.

The light suddenly illuminated the room. He sat in the bed, rubbing his head.

“Nothing,” Glenn said.

“Glenn doesn’t feel good. Can you make him hot milk?” Holst wondered.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want you to…”

“I would be happy to do that for you, Glenn, if you feel better after.”

“You both should go sleep and…” Glenn said.

“Glenn!” Holst protested. “You don’t understand: you’re more important than sleeping.”

Miklan got up, still naked, since he slept like that every night. He gently took Glenn’s hand, as if his body was made of glass, and he made him sit on the edge of the mattress. Holst quickly came next to him. He sat and took him in his arms, pressing his temple against his.

“My love…” he whispered.

“I will make you that hot milk…”

“Please, Miklan…” Glenn said as his fiancé went to the door.

“There is no protestation allowed.”

“I could guess so,” he replied. “Put some underwear… if Felix or Sylvain wake up…”

“Right,” Miklan replied.

He walked to the cupboard to grab one and put it on.

“You’re not even watching?” Glenn hiccupped to Holst. “I must worry you much…”

Holst tugged him to make him rest his head on his shoulder, intertwining his hand with his. Glenn folded his legs and just cuddled against him.

“I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be,” Holst whispered.

“I don’t want to be a burden. I’ve to take care of the children, I…”

“Huuush… you have to care about you. Sylvain and Felix need love, just like you, but they are grown up. They can deal with stuff alone. I understand you want things to be right for them but if you lose your sanity over this…”

“That’s not them…” he whispered. “I love my baby brother… I think I love Sylvain too… They can’t… They won’t… It’s just not that,” he said.

“It’s something more to add on your shoulders… You’re worrying… You’re not taking time for you…” He pressed kisses on his face. “You don’t have to say anything to me, you know, my love… But know that if you’re hurting yourself to protect me, it won’t work. I’m not happy to see you suffer…”

“I know, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Getting married with me shouldn’t be such a pain in the ass…”

“I always knew what I was doing when I married you. I started to date you, you were already that tired young man who hated his responsibilities and would take care of his little brother in any case, saying it was nothing while you were just exhausting you too much. I always thanked the Goddess to have brought you to me but I always hated your work, this pressure on your shoulders… You said you were a mess and doing nothing. I thought you were a Hero… I still believe it, Glenn… You were forced to deal with all of this, repress yourself… You had no one… No friends. Just responsibilities… That’s why I want you to know I’m there.”

“I know… I know, I love you… I just don’t want to disturb…”

“You’re idiot,” Holst whispered, hugging him tenderly. “You will never disturb.”

“That’s what you say…”

“That’s what I say. And you know I’m always right!”

Glenn snuggled in his arms. “Yay… always.”

Holst expected him to reply something like ‘except when you say Hilda is cuter than Felix’ but Glenn said nothing more. This was just growing worries within him. How hard and fast Glenn had fell before hitting rock bottom? And why he missed any clues of this?

He looked up at the door opened and Miklan approached him, sitting by his side to give him the cup.

“It’s hot, be careful.”

“Thanks…” Glenn rubbed his eyes and took the mug. “Sorry.”

“I hope you’re not apologizing for the hot milk,” Miklan said.

Glenn just dipped his lips in the milk as a reply. Miklan had a sad smile and caressed his back, Holst already caressing his hair.

“It’s going to be alright,” Miklan said.

“Yeah… It always does at some point…” Glenn whispered.

But there… it was hard to just… see the light…

Miklan hadn’t slept much this night, nor Holst and certainly not Glenn. Glenn fell asleep at some point and now he didn’t know what he should do? Wake him up to make him eat? Letting him sleep? Holst was snuggling a bit more with him, making sure he would have a few moment of happy sleeping.

It was the most important thing…

When Miklan arrived in the floor level, still tired, he noticed bright red hair and moved to the couch where Sylvain was sat. He was wearing a lacy crop top tied around his neck with two light thread. And above that, a bolero.

You could see the abs on his belly, the jewel in his navel.

It felt weird.

They have been raised the same way and Miklan would have never dared to do that. The earring he was wearing was already something touchy for him and he only did it because Glenn was making a new hole in his ear and he could have another one. Miklan had accompanied him and just accepted… Because it was with Glenn. Because he wanted something unique…

The only thing really daring he had done, on his own, it was… spreading tribal tattoos on his body.

Hiding the scars the life had forced into him.

If he couldn’t hide their meaning, he could hide their existence.

Not all of them but a bunch… Just giving him the feeling… he could have a bit of control on his life. He had noticed Sylvain had a tattoo too… on the lowest part of his back and most of the time, his pants were hiding a part of it but, according to Holst, it was a heart surrounded by an angel wing and a demon wing.

“You’ve eaten?”

Sylvain jolted and turned his head toward him.

“Hello. I hadn’t, no…”

“You have to eat.”

Sylvain gulped in front of such a cold tone. He swallowed with difficulties and nodded. He should got up now and dash to the pantry, right? It was the idea? Miklan’s tone was… It was making him shiver.

“Yes,” he said, getting up and pressing himself to the kitchen.

But he didn’t know what to do neither…

He didn’t know things here. What… was he supposed to do? He could look for cereals maybe?

Where were the cereals?

He didn’t dare to ask.

The man entered the room and approached the oven.

“You look like you’re in two minds. I will make you a cheese sandwich if you want to. I’ve to make Holst and I’s breakfast anyway.”

“Uh, yes, please.”

Sylvain sat in the chair at the table. It was still a bit dirty from yesterday.

“I saw your book. You have finished the other one?” he asked.

“No, not at all. But I started to read it to Felix in the bed. I didn’t want to continue without him… It’s fine I took another one, right?” Sylvain worried.

“It’s fine,” Miklan said, starting to melt butter in two pans.

“Cool…”

Sylvain was so stressed. What could he say? A part of his mind wanted to say he had heard him yesterday but he stopped himself because it certainly wasn’t the kind of thing to do. Especially when you had such a tense relationship with your brother…

Miklan quickly whisked eggs and, on the same time, prepared two sandwiches he filled with different kind of cheese to put them in a pan. He threw the eggs in the other pan, adding some herbs and preparing two slices of bread.

“Why haven’t you eaten yet?”

“Oh… you know, often skip it, who cares.”

Miklan groaned.

“And… and, I don’t know where stuff is hidden here…” he quickly added, more tense.

“You can just ruffle around.”

“Yeah… But that’s not like I can cook anyway…”

Miklan turned his head toward him. He frowned.

“What will you do when you will leave alone? I know for sure Felix’s cooking abilities are very poor…”

“Glenn?” Sylvain asked.

“Of course, Glenn.”

“I don’t know, honestly,” the young brother replied.

Miklan turned the cheese sandwiches and then checked the eggs. He put the sandwich in them and flipped it too, sliding a slice of cheese in the middle and closing it. He turned on the oven in the lowest heat and put the plate in it to keep it warm. He didn’t know when Holst will finally get up.

Miklan approached him in the silence to give him his sandwich. He sat in front of him as Sylvain tasted it. It was good, really… Miklan had skill to cook and he appreciated that. It wasn’t as heartwarming as Mercedes’ food and even the breakfast Ashe prepared the day before and Rodrigue just put in the oven had that heartwarming property Miklan’s couldn’t have… but it was so good. Each bite called another bite…

“I can teach you, if you want to.”

Sylvain looked up at Miklan who ate his own sandwich.

“Teach me what?”

“To cook.”

“To cook?” Sylvain repeated.

He bit in the cheese sandwich.

He could only think about Mercedes and Ashe’s food. How Bernadetta said that good food was always something that could cheer her up, Ingrid herself looked so happy as soon as you would shove food in her mouth.

“You remember that pancake stuff you made me? With the two sunny side-eggs and the bacon?”

“Yes?”

“Can you teach me? Can you teach me how to make a breakfast for Felix?”

“You want make that for your first try?”

“Yes,” he said. “I’m not sure that would please him but maybe surprise him enough to steal him a smile? So… can you?”

“Yes. I’ll show you how to make a pancake. And to open eggs and cook bacon. This will probably be easy.”

“Cool!”

“Finish your sandwich and I’ll show you.”

“Thank you.”

Because of his tone, he couldn’t help quickly shoving the food in his mouth.

“Don’t choke in,” Miklan said.

“Yes,” he replied, the mouth full.

Miklan stared at him. It was like having to deal with a child…

But he wasn’t that surprised. He knew where he lived, how. And when Sylvain got up to put his plate in the sink, he saw the scars on his body. He wondered what was the story behind them because… well, he couldn’t recognize any of them. Perhaps some were from him and he didn’t remember but… he doubted it.

He had his way to attack him.

He wanted to say ‘sorry’ but he couldn’t…

“So?” Sylvain asked.

“Wash your hands.”

Sylvain complied. Miklan joined him and when he was done, he washed his hands as well.

“Take milk, sugar, vinegar, baking soda and powder, salt, egg, butter, vanilla and cinnamon if you think Felix will like it.”

“Can you show me where it is?”

Miklan nodded and did so. Together, they reached to the ingredients and brought them to the work plan. Taking also the eggs for the sunny side-eggs and the bacon. It didn’t remain much but it was enough to make the breakfast.

“Stir a three-quarter cup with a two tablespoon of vinegar so we can have it aside for what will come next.”

“Okay! That look easy.”

Sylvain poured the milk and immediately threw the two tablespoons in the mug and stirred with a spoon. He pushed it on the side, smiling because he could make that! For someone who could barely make instant soup, it was such a big step.

“Now, a cup of flour, a half baking soda teaspoon and a complete baking powder teaspoon…”

“I can take the same, right? For the teaspoon, I mean,” the young redhead asked.

“Yes, you can.”

Miklan took a big bowl and gave it to him, looking him as he poured the different powder. He took another big bowl, which Sylvain immediately noticed.

“For what is it?”

“You will have to mix the dry and the wet mix,” Miklan explained.

“So… it’s for later,” Sylvain said.

Miklan nodded. “Add a half teaspoon of salt and two tablespoons of sugar. Then you whisk that.”

“Easy peasy, I’m on it!”

Sylvain started to search after a whisk and it was presenting to him by his brother. He thanked him, grabbing the whisk to mix the white powders together.

When they were all together, Sylvain smiled.

“Look at that! I can cook!”

Miklan stared at him. “Yes, you’re doing well,” he said. “Now, you will put two tablespoons of butter in the bowl and melt it in the microwave. A little advice, if you like butter or have a good one, you can add a bit more. At your convenience.”

Sylvain wasn’t sure Felix would like it extra-fat, especially being a dancer, and so he stuck at two tablespoons. He put the bowl in the microwave and licked his fingers ad he was turning on the microwave for thirty seconds. And he stared at the butter who was melting.

When it was done, he brought the bowl on the work plan.

“Now I add the milk?”

“You will, but we have to wait a bit more.”

“’kay!”

Sylvain took the bowl of dry mixture and whisked it. Miklan opened his mouth to say it was useless but he just let him do for a moment. He quickly washed the pans and brought them to the stove.

“You can put butter or oil in the pans, as you prefer.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Depend of your taste. Butter is oven tastier but oil healthier. I cook with butter generally but when I make a plate only for Holst, I make oil because he prefers it that way when he has the choice.”

“Okay!”

Sylvain took the oil and poured in the first pan. As if it was water or something.

“Not that much!” Miklan said.

Sylvain jolted. More oil fell in the pan.

“Fuck…”

He pinched his lips, looking at the pan. He took one to pour a little in the second one. He watched at Miklan.

“Is it better?”

“It’s still too much but if we try to pour it back in the bottle, it will be worst… We will deal with that.”

“Sorry…” Sylvain said.

“It’s fine,” Miklan replied.

He moved his hand, Sylvain closed his eyes. But when the hand landed, it was just… gently patting?

“You’re doing great.”

Sylvain opened an eye.

“Let’s make the wet mixture, okay?”

“Okay! I’m good for making wet stuff!” he winked.

“Sylvain…” Miklan said.

“Yes, sorry. So what do I do?”

“Pour the milk in the butter and the egg and whisk.”

Sylvain complied. Miklan watched him do, once again. And he moved toward him. His hand closed on his, making him jolt and pulled away.

“Don’t touch me,” he said.

Miklan rose his hands. “I just wanted to show you…”

“I guess so… I… Just feel uncomfortable when I’m touched without knowing.”

He didn’t add but… especially when it was him. He was making every effort but it stayed tensed around him.

“I will warn you from now on. I should have guessed so… I wanted to show you the movement. You weren’t fast enough to add on it.”

“Okay… Yeah, show, please.”

Sylvain let go of the whisk and watched him do. As soon as the gesture was showed, Miklan let him do.

“Is it good?” Sylvain asked.

“Yes, you’re doing great,” he replied. “You can pour it in the dry mixture and melt it well. It’s for four pancakes. I don’t think you want to make that much for Felix but if you fail, you will have other opportunity, at least,” the man said.

“Why are you saying this?”

“Because it’s a recipe for four people?” Miklan said.

“Why you’re saying ‘you’re doing great’? You said it twice…” Sylvain whispered as he poured the wet mixture in the dry one.

“Because you’re learning. I know your father, I can guess you haven’t been congratulated when you managed to do something…”

“Yeah,” Sylvain sadly replied, whisking the two mixes together. “But… that’s normal I guess?”

“Glenn and Holst always congratulated their siblings when teaching them stuff, from what they told me… I’m learning too…”

“And you’re doing great,” Sylvain smiled.

Miklan smiled a little. “Okay, now you can add vanilla or cinnamon or both, your call. Here is the extract of vanilla, don’t put too much and here is the cinnamon.”

“Can I put something else too? I know he isn’t very fond of sweet but imagine chocolate chip in it?”

“You can add some if you prefer,” Miklan nodded. “Do you want chocolate? We don’t have chocolate chip but we can chop some?”

“Hm… let’s just try it that way, then,” Sylvain said.

He poured a bit of vanilla and whisked before dropping the batter in the pan.

“Now, put the bacon in the other pan. Be careful because it might splash, since there is lot of oil.”

Sylvain nodded and put aside the bowl of batter to take care of the bacon.

“Perfect. You can open two eggs. You can do that, right?”

“I think so.”

Sylvain knocked the eggs and opened them in the oil, taking care. One, then the other. He glanced at the other pan, watching the pancake.

“When it will make bubble, it will be good to flip it over. Once it will be done, it will need a couple of minute. You could slide it in a plate after, cut a bit of butter and slice the remaining of the breakfast on it. Do you want to make a hot cocoa too?”

“I think Felix prefer coffee? I can use a percolator!”

“We don’t have percolator. Only instant coffee,” Miklan replied. “The boiler is there,” he said, showing it.

“Thanks!”

Sylvain went to it, poured water in and make it boil. He took a mug and dropped a bit of powder in it.

Then, he came back to the pan to turn the pancake, tucking out his tongue and working on it with care.

“Be confident. It’s not grave if it breaks,” Miklan said.

“Okay. I’m confident. I can flip it!”

“You can do it.”

The pancake was flipped. Not very well and was a bit burned but who cared?

“I’ll touch you if you’re fine,” Miklan said.

“Yes.”

Miklan patted him again, gently, ruffling a little his hair.

“You really doing great, Sylvain. For a first meal, it looks already delicious. Flip over the bacon too.”

“’kay!”

Sylvain complied. The hand moved away from him.

“Perhaps you want to taste to the pancake too? There is enough batter so…”

Miklan nodded. “Of course, I’ll taste one.”

“You really want to? Don’t you think I will like… poison you with that?”

“It looks okay. And, honestly, I already have tasted Holst’s cooking. You can’t do worse.”

“Is it that horrible?” Sylvain laughed.

“You have no idea what I’m talking about. I love this man, I love them both, but they can’t be trusted next a kitchen. They’re just… if you knew,” Miklan laughed.

It was weird to hear his laugh.

So nice…

“Come on, put a bit of pepper and salt on the eggs and install the plate. You can make the pancake while you’re preparing the plate.”

“Very well.”

Sylvain transferred the pancake in the plate Miklan gave him and then poured batter in the pan. He also poured water, now hot, in the mug. He came back to the pan so he could put salt and pepper the eggs. Everything looked pretty okay but when he put one of the egg in the pancake… the yolk exploded and started to spread on the pancake.

“Fuck… should I do another one?” he asked, worry.

“I think he will like it anyway,” Miklan replied. “It’s fine. You’re doing great and I’m sure he will love it.”

“I hope…”

Sylvain put a bit of butter on the pancake and looked what he made. It wasn’t the best but it was pretty okay. Now, he knew he wouldn’t do that well if he was all alone…

“It’s done.”

Miklan nodded.

“And yours is almost done too!” he said, flipping the pancake.

“Indeed. Do you want me to taste first so you will know if you risk to poison your darling or you rather prefer him?”

“I obviously want him to be my first!!” Sylvain smiled.

“Of course,” Miklan replied, smiling lightly. “Tomorrow, you will be able to do it all alone.”

“Hm… I wouldn’t take the risk yet. But perhaps I can do it for you!”

“Let’s make a deal: you make our breakfast and I’ll teach you to do something else for Felix.”

Sylvain hesitated, biting his lower lips.

“Okay! I hope you will not die!”

“Thank you.”

Sylvain glanced at the pan and then removed the pancake for Miklan. But first… he needed to bring that to Felix.

“Thank you,” Sylvain said, lifting the plate, taking a fork and taking the mug.

And now… he didn’t know how he will open the door…

“I will come with you,” Miklan said. “I have to talk with your fiancé anyway.”

“Okay.”

He let out a little ‘thank you’ and they went upstairs.

Miklan knocked at Felix’s door and opened it when Felix groaned. Sylvain entered first. He came to the nightstand and put the food on it. He knelt on the floor and pressed a kiss on his cheek, then his nose, then his lips.”

“Eh, mon amour…”

“Sylvain…” he whispered.

“Sorry to wake you up… I made you a breakfast.”

“Uh?” Felix rubbed his face. “You can’t cook…”

“Miklan showed me how to do.”

Felix moved in the bed, pressing his hand on the mattress. He rubbed his eyes. When he lived at Rodrigue, he always got up so early but with Sylvain, he just slept so well and he felt a bit ashamed to sleep in that way…

Felix passed his hands in his hair, trying to fix them a little. Sylvain straightened and leaned to him to kiss him. Felix let him do and replied to his kiss.

“I let you eat before it turns cold,” Sylvain whispered against his lips.

“Yes.”

Felix took the plate and watched it. He tilted his head on the side a little.

“It was supposed to be a smiling face.”

“I see that,” Felix said.

He took a bit with white egg and pancake, bringing it to his lips. He tasted and took another bit, just pancake this time. Sylvain watched, waiting for a verdict.

“Sylvain, don’t stare at me that way,” Felix said.

“What do you want me to look at?”

Felix watched him with a little smirk.

“It’s good.”

He removed another bit and handed it to Sylvain. Which leaned to take it.

“Hm! Can’t believe I did that! It’s because of my love for you! It gives me wings! It gives me the power to do anything!!”

“It does,” Felix smiled, taking another bit.

He grabbed the bacon, biting in it.

“I can make you breakfast every morning if you want to!”

Felix looked up at Sylvain.

His lips wanted to say ‘hi’ but he also knew his lover would throw him things like ‘you’re the love of my life’. But somewhat, it was frightening… will he stop one day? Will he stop because he would receive his body? Because he would be bored of him? Less in love? Or… was he giving back enough to Sylvain? After a bit more than one week, he thought he would be able to handle better the strength of his love but the truth was that it was even harder…

“Okay, it’s not that good, right?” Sylvain laughed in front of the absence of reply. “Please, don’t even finish it if…”

“I like it,” Felix cut short. “I just don’t know what giving you back.”

“This…”

Sylvain leaned to kiss him gently.

“As many as you want,” Felix whispered.

It looked like it wasn’t enough…

Wasn’t enough at all.

He was making him so happy. He just wanted to give back a bit of this happiness…

“I want to stay with you, see you eat and all…” Sylvain said, passing his hand in the black hair.

“But you have to work.”

“Ah! This too!” Sylvain laughed. “But Miklan wanted to talk to you.”

Felix tensed but nodded.

“It’s ok,” Sylvain said to the door.

Miklan entered and Felix tensed even more. He was listening since the beginning? It was more selfish here because he was just uncomfortable knowing someone was listening to his feeling. Judging them?

Overall, if Sylvain was feeling better around him, it was fine. He was happy for him but feeling doubts anyway. He didn’t want Sylvain to suffer…

“Hello, Felix… Can you keep an eye on your brother for me?”

Felix frowned. “I don’t need you to ask.”

Miklan sighed. “Of course you will take care of him. But I don’t want what had happened yesterday to happen again. He fell asleep very late so you can let him sleep in but can you wake him up around noon and make him eat? I can make something you just will have to put in the microwave if you want to?”

Felix stared at him.

“Can you?” Miklan asked.

“Yes. What is happening?” he said. “What is happening with Glenn?”

“Glenn is depressed… He was doing pretty well those last months but he is falling again. I just want to be sure he will have enough food, can move a little if possible.”

Felix stared at him.

“I’m sorry to teach it to you like that but you are the only one I can count on right now.”

“No,” Felix cut short.

Miklan frowned.

“It’s fine. I will take care of him,” he replied. “I just believed he was stronger than me…”

Sylvain opened his lips and closed them. How could he have missed that?

He leaned toward him, Felix saw him do and kissed him first.

“Go to work.”

“I’m here for you if you need it. You can send me text or things…”

“Okay,” Felix replied.

Sylvain kissed him again.

“Thank you,” Miklan said before leaving the room to give them a bit of intimacy.


	23. Chapter 22

In Faerghus, the morning was letting place to the time of work and Rodrigue prepared himself to leave for the main establishment of the society he was so proud of. Without Glenn working in the Goneril’s he had more work to do and yesterday he had to leave with lot of work still asking his attention.

Today, it will be different.

He didn’t expect this amount of work on his shoulders all of sudden but now, he knew.

And starting too late today was probably a mistake he shouldn’t allow to. But he was the owner of the company. How often hadn’t he worked on week-end? He could remember the number of time Glenn yelled at him for that… Sometimes, he had the feeling Glenn only came back home to yell on it.

Didn’t he yelled at him last week-end too after all?

He finished his coffee and put the mug in the sink with his plate and the dishes of yesterday.

He walked out the kitchen and to the entry.

He heard sound in the stairs and turned his head toward Ashe who walked them down with a box in his arms.

“Ah, Ashe! Is it Felix’s belonging?”

“It’s Sylvain’s…” Ashe replied.

The man walked toward him. Ashe knew this disdain wasn’t directed at him but he couldn’t help tensing. The man had asked him to get rid of Felix and Sylvain’s belonging. Yesterday, he had lot of work left because he didn’t come the week-end and so had cleaning to catch up but today he could throw that away.

Though… he didn’t feel comfortable doing it. Those pictures Sylvain had lovingly installed, some clothes forgotten, the keys of his moto… Sylvain might want them.

“I should have seen what was happening,” Rodrigue groaned, taking the picture of Felix.

It had been framed.

He was disgusted.

Who would put a picture of someone on his nightstand like that except if you had secret feelings for him? He had played merry hell with his household when he had, genuinely, put the cat among the pigeons… Sylvain had corrupted his son to satisfy his desires. And Glenn was accepting that. Accepting the corruption to pursue…

It was bad!

It was dangerous!

And… what was that?

Rodrigue took something in the box Ashe was holding.

“Sir!” Ashe hiccupped.

“What is that?”

“It’s… it’s a box of condom, Sir…”

“Where have you found that?” Rodrigue asked.

“It’s mine?” Ashe replied.

“Yours? Any girl would be happy to be with you, of course but this…”

He waved the box of condom XXL. Ashe closed his eyes when said box opened, spreading the little wrap on the floor and in the box.

How could it open that easily?

Rodrigue watched the box with a dead glare.

It had already been opened.

“Sir…” Ashe whispered.

“You found that in Sylvain’s room, isn’t it?” Rodrigue asked.

He retrieved the wrap, one by one. Ten condoms… and the box said “twelve”. You couldn’t miss the number. Despite all efforts and, really, Rodrigue was making it!

“Y… Yes,” Ashe replied.

“This mean…”

“Sir, perhaps I should…” Ashe said, holding out his hand.

“He really dared to have sex with my son. Under my roof! In the sheets I gave him!”

“Sir…”

“I will destroy him…” Rodrigue groaned.

“Sir! You should calm yourself! Perhaps call Sir Lambert?”

“You are right… He has a jet and I will bring back Felix to safety quicker… I should bring back Glenn too,” he mumbled, taking his phone. “Such a disappointment… Both of them. I worked so hard for them and they are stabbing me in the back… I wish they could be more like Dimitri…”

“Sir…” Ashe whispered.

They wouldn’t be in that situation, he certainly would have yelled at him. It already happened. For his own good, the most often. But here… what could he even say? He was just watching as Rodrigue closed his hand over the box. He wanted to tell him how wrong he was, he wanted to show him that happiness could come in any kind of love but… a part of him was afraid.

When you heard what he was saying about his own sons, what would he say to an employee, even though he was working here since five years, who would pretend you could love, no matter what? Rodrigue was a good man. He knew it. He had raised Glenn as well as he could. And it had been pretty difficult knowing he lost his wife after five years only… He had always tried to give everything to his son and his behavior with Dimitri also showed how many love he could have. He was welcoming and he approved any improve, encouraging. But… there was this worm inside of him and it was just destroying everything.

He needed to push his view of the World into his son, into everybody and… somewhat, he lost himself…

The Beast he had in front of his eyes now…

“Lambert?!”

When the voice of the man echoed, Ashe couldn’t help jolting.

Damn!

“Rodrigue? Is something wrong happening?”

“I need your help! I need to bring back Felix and Glenn.”

“Glenn? He is happily married…”

“Please, Lambert. He can’t be happily married…” Rodrigue said, poison sliding from his mouth.

“Rodrigue… what happened?”

“Sylvain betrayed my house even more than I believed! I found a box of used condoms!”

Ashe moved his fingers, a part of him trying to grab them, as if Rodrigue’s anger would vanish as the box would vanish too…

“Rodrigue… Listen, go to work. I will come with you and bring you with the jet. But you first need to calm down. You will lose Felix and Glenn if you act the same way. You have to understand that the house you will have to go is Glenn’s house. It’s his rules, his household and he is married with…”

“I know,” Rodrigue groaned.

“I will not bring you there if you’re not calmed by this time, I warn you,” Lambert said.

“Very well,” he growled.

“Go to work and calm yourself.”

“Yes.”

“I will be there by six pm.”

“Thank you.”

Rodrigue hung up. Ashe expected to retrieve the box but the man just walked away. With the box in hand. Leaving the house…

Damn…

Ashe looked down at the box of belongings he still had in his arms. He closed them around it, feeling so bad. He didn’t know well Sylvain but he had been nothing but sweet with him each time he saw him. He was talking to him as if he was a Human and it was still a weird feeling… He had made other household work before and sometimes he squeezed some between the hours to do for the Fraldarius and sometimes, he had the feeling he was just the extend of a broom or vacuum. He was seen as a cleaning robot, not a Human…

Each time someone saw him as a Human…

It was ridiculous to be glad for something like that. It should be something normal…

Ashe got another jolt when his phone rung. He quickly took it, almost letting fall his box and grabbed it to pick it up.

“Yes?” he said.

“Ashe? It’s Lambert.”

“Sir!”

“Are you still at Rodrigue’s?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Alone?”

“Yes, Sir!” Ashe replied.

He heard a soft chuckle.

“I already told you you could me ‘Lambert’…”

“Yes, Si… I mean Lambert! I’m alone, Rodrigue just left and I heard the car going away…”

“Great. I will send you Dimitri and you will both bring Felix and Sylvain’s belonging in my jet. Don’t forget Sylvain’s moto, I know he likes it a lot.”

“Yes, S… Lambert!”

“I don’t like to pressure you but be done for five pm at worst, please.”

“It will be done,” Ashe swore. “Thank you for them.”

“It’s normal… With a bit of luck, Rodrigue will come back to himself.”

Sadly, Ashe could hear in his tone he didn’t believe that.

But they had to try…

Ashe was gathering as much things as he could. Sylvain’s bedroom had been easy to do and even though rummaging in his belongings felt a bit weird, what could he find worse than the condoms, honestly?!

He was filling the second box when he heard the bell ringing in the ground floor. Dimitri had the keys, of course, but ringing that way was more about politeness.

Ashe let the belongings there and dashed at the door to open it. At the second he pulled it, he realized he hadn’t checked who was behind and really hoped it was Dimitri…

Gladly, it was.

The young man smiled at him and entered when Ashe moved away to let him come inside.

“Rodrigue isn’t here?” Dimitri asked.

Ashe shook his head. And immediately fell a hand on his freckled cheek, a forehead softly coming against his.

“How do you feel?” he gently asked, his other hand snuggling in the crook of his back as Ashe went on tiptoe.

Dimitri was so big, he always felt guilty to force him to bend that much.

“It’s fine… He wasn’t angry _at me_ ,” Ashe replied. “I’m glad you’re here, of course… I hadn’t the occasion to ask you, yet, how you feel?” he worried.

Rodrigue had reported everything that happened this week-end and… with his own words, it looked like an obscure theater scenery where Fate hurl itself at a poor innocent soul. And in his version, the poor innocent soul could only be Dimitri…

“I’m fine,” Dimitri said. “Thank to worry but I’m not in cause at all.” He pulled away but his arms were still around him. “Though, Sylvain and Felix look happy enough I have almost drowned Sylvain…”

“You did? I though you just threw him in the pool? Everybody might do that,” Ashe protested, his hand brushing his throat.

“I passed my childhood with him, I should have known he was afraid of water… Felix isn’t wrong: I can’t do something right.”

“You said they look happy enough from your mistake. Focus on this and this only,” Ashe invited. “You’re doing a lot of things right. What do you think I should believe now? I’m the one who hadn’t taken care to hide the box of condom to Rodrigue’s view…”

“Hazard was probably against you.”

“Yep. We will take was it good from it. After all, hazard made me meet you…”

Dimitri smiled and kissed him tenderly. Ashe passed his arms around him. Dimitri leaned a bit lowering his arm to slid his hand under his thigh to lift him.

“So… you still have Sylvain’s condoms?” Dimitri teased.

“Stooop it!” Ashe blushed. “I swore to your father it will be done by five pm!”

“Yup, let’s do that first. I’ve my car.”

“Can you take Sylvain’s moto? I don’t want to forget it.”

“Sure,” Dimitri replied. “Just one last kiss?” he asked.

“As much as you want if it makes you work,” Ashe smiled.

He kissed him, closing his arms around him for just a few more seconds…


	24. Chapter 23

Lying in his couch, Glenn had his head on his brother’s lap, watching at the TV. Felix wanted to check again everything he had to bring for the audition Saturday but he could only watch, not only because he was enthralled by the musical but especially because it was all in French and they have to rely on the subtitles.

Miklan had recommended this musical to his fiancé especially because the book was boring him. Felix loved musical and he just wanted to watch it with him. But they have both forgotten that the Gautiers were talking French and at this exact moment, Glenn loved his fiancé because it looked so sweet and all but Felix hated him! It was really great, he loved the voices, the work, the dance but he just felt like losing his time.

The bell ring echoed in the living room.

“What’s that?” Felix asked.

“Doorbell,” Glenn said.

“I know. You were waiting someone?”

“No… And Hedwige doesn’t come that late,” Glenn whispered, putting the movie in pause.

Hedwige was the mailgirl.

“One of the guys must have forgotten their keys,” he said.

He got up and walked to the entry, passing his hand in his hair. He was just so tired, his life not looking very thrilling lately…

He opened the door and froze.

“Father? Uncle Lambert?” he said under his breath.

“Hello, Glenn. I hope we’re not disturbing?”

“N… Not really?” Glenn whispered. “Do you want to… enter?”

“Thank you to offer. Yes, please,” Rodrigue replied.

Glenn walked away. “Please, don’t disturb Felix.”

“I came to see Sylvain and know if you and Felix wanted to come back home.”

“Father?” Glenn asked in surprise. “Why would I…”

Glenn noticed the look of his father on his hand, his left hand, and pushed it in his back, by instinct. He always removed the wedding and the engagement ring when he came to see Rodrigue but here, he was at home! He didn’t want to remove them! He shouldn’t even hide them. He was proud to be in love with his husband his fiancé!

“I just thought you might want a better environment.”

“This environment is perfect!” Glenn replied.

He glanced at Lambert who closed the door and approached him. The tall man leaned to press a kiss on his forehead. And he was sure to have heard a ‘Courage’ gently whispered at his ear…

“Do you want some tea?” he asked. “I think we have some biscuits left…”

“Yes, thank you,” Rodrigue said.

“Please, follow me…”

Glenn walked to the kitchen and made sure to boil the water. He took the teapot Holst bought years ago and retrieved tea bag he put in it. Rodrigue watched this with a disapproval look. Glenn didn’t care, preparing the tea cups and searching for sweets in the cupboards. He grabbed a box of cookies, removed them and put them on a plate to install it in the mid of the table.

“How the journey was?”

“Very good,” Lambert replied. “We took my jet.”

“Oh, nice…”

“Yes,” the Mayor smiled. “And you? You are doing fine things now that you are without job?”

“I think so?” Glenn said.

He poured the boiling water in the teapot and brought said teapot in the table.

“Serve yourself when you want to,” he said.

He passed his hand in his hair, knowing they were still in chaos, not even brushed, still having braids from yesterday in it.

Damn…

He walked to the couch where Felix was reading those admissions information…

“Felix… Father is there with Uncle Lambert…”

“What does he want?” Felix asked, putting down the thin booklet.

“Seeing Sylvain and see if you want to come back to his place.”

“No,” Felix replied. “I want to stay with you… If you are okay with that?”

Glenn sat next to him. “Do I look like I can want something else?”

“We never know, how would you deal with me?”

“Easily,” Glenn said, cupping his face. “I love you. More than anything.”

“Will say that to Holst and Miklan.”

“Any _thing_ not any _one_.” Glenn kissed his nose. “You can go in your room. I will deal with that.”

“I won’t let you alone.”

“Do you know how much I’m proud of you?” he whispered.

“You are?”

“Of course I am.”

Glenn pressed a kiss on his forehead and got up. The movie was still waiting for them but Felix got up as well and followed him in the kitchen. He threw a cold look to his father and barely smiled to Lambert. Which said ‘hello’ to him. Rodrigue groaned.

“What?” Felix replied.

“Sit down,” Glenn told him.

He didn’t refuse, taking place. He wasn’t happy… but what could he say against his brother? He thanked him when he poured tea into his mug.

“I see you’re not making food, how do you do in that side?” Lambert asked, probably to kill the silence.

“I can’t cook,” Glenn replied. “Miklan will make food when he will come back from work. It shouldn’t be long. You wanted to stay for the supper?” he said.

Lambert looked at Rodrigue.

“Personally, yes. It’s been so long since I really saw my little Glenn. And Felix too! But I don’t want any of you to be uncomfortable.”

“Thank you,” Glenn said.

“I don’t have to stay long. I wanted to see Sylvain,” Rodrigue informed.

“He isn’t here.”

“Of course,” the man snickered. “He came in my house, ate my food, slept in the sheet I gave him, fucked my son and left like a thief!”

“HE IS WORKING?!” Glenn shouted, Felix choking in his tea.

“Glenn?”

Lambert turned his head to the entry.

“Is it…” Rodrigue asked.

“My fiancé,” Glenn said. “And you better respect him or I swear to Sothis…”

“Glenn, is something wro…”

Miklan stopped in the threshold as he saw Rodrigue and Lambert in the kitchen. He stared at them and moved toward Glenn.

“You’re fine? I heard you yell…”

Glenn shrugged. “You’re early.”

“I make sure to leave the fastest to be there for you,” Miklan said.

“Sweet…”

Glenn came at him and snuggled in his arms.

“Is something wrong?” Rodrigue asked.

“I’m fine,” he replied.

“Can he let go of you then?” the father wondered, watching the arms around Glenn.

“No,” Glenn protested.

Miklan tightened his arms around him, staring at Rodrigue.

“I can order if you want to?” Lambert offered. “So you can have your hugs and food?” he offered to Glenn.

Who smiled and rose his thumb.

Of course, Lambert wouldn’t command right away. He didn’t even know when Sylvain, and Glenn’s husband, would be there. And even if Rodrigue could behave long enough.

Felix stared, feeling uneasy. He was just next to his father, it was so tense and the man wanted to talk to Sylvain. Why? And they will really just, order?

At least, Glenn was able to receive his cuddles in front of his father and it was already soothing. Even though Rodrigue was staring coldly. As if he was ready to punch Miklan for touching his elder son. Even though said elder son looked a bit better since he was softly rocked by Miklan.

“Glenn,” Rodrigue said.

“What?”

“You should sit.”

Glenn turned his head toward him, his eyes cold.

“You look in a terrible complexion. Are you sick?!” he insisted.

Glenn glanced at Miklan, by instinct… He knew what he was suffering and he know how much it could eat him. But he didn’t feel good when he had to take medicine to destroy the worm in his brain. He didn’t want to confess this weakness in front of his father.

He would never understand…

So, he groaned. “No.”

“Are you?” Lambert asked, his voice suddenly filled with fear. “Is it grave?”

“He gave him AIDS…” Rodrigue whispered in horror.

“What?!” Miklan growled.

“No! Father stops it! I’m fine!” Lambert still watched him with fear. “It’s fine, Uncle Lambert… Don’t worry.”

“You should sit,” Miklan said. “I can make the supper for everybody. This guy can keep his money…”

“I… What?” Lambert laughed softly. “You don’t remember me, I suppose. I’m Lambert Egitte Blaiddyd, my son always played with your brother.”

“I have to say I didn’t care much about who was around Sylvain when he was child. Except this one,” he said, pointing out at Felix as he walked to the stove.

Felix got up and made the turn of the table to come next to Glenn. Which, sat, took him in his lap. He pressed a kiss on his temple. Rodrigue had a chuckle full of disdain.

Not surprising his son was afraid of this guy.

“When have they released you?” Rodrigue asked.

“I don’t understand,” Glenn said.

“Miklan. When have they released you from the camp they were supposed to heal you?”

Miklan closed his hand on the pot.

“Father, please…” Glenn whispered.

“Three years ago, after the five years of conscription. And the four years in the Borstal where your best friend and you send me,” he said, coldly.

“Nine years and they hadn’t managed to fix you?”

“Rodrigue!” Lambert protested.

“Father!”

“So it won’t work for your brother neither, I suppose.”

“Sylvain?” Felix hiccupped.

Rodrigue would have loved to reply but he had a pot suddenly in his mouth, throwing him on the floor. The door opened in the entry.

“YOU WON’T MAKE SYLVAIN SUFFER EVER MORE!” Miklan roared.

The pot fell on the floor in a loud sound, and Miklan with it.

“I will destroy your ugly life for what you did to Glenn, to my brother and to their Felix!” Miklan spat.

“Glenn, do something!” Lambert called.

But Glenn was staring, hiccupping, tears rolling along his cheeks. He tried to pronounce his name but he couldn’t.

“What the… Miklan! Let go of him!”

“Holst?” Glenn hiccupped, turning his head.

“Let go of him or I shot!” Holst warned.

“Fuck!”

Sylvain didn’t know if Holst would really or not. And he didn’t want to see him hurt because he had shot his fiancé. Glenn was crying, Felix trying to comfort him enough and Lambert seemed in shock. So he dashed. He grabbed Miklan’s wrist, felt blood slid on his fingers.

Miklan turned, rising his fist.

Sylvain tensed, his nails digging in the flesh. His mind was repeating in loop ‘don’t hit me, don’t hit me, don’t hit me’.

And perhaps Miklan could read his mind because he suddenly stopped, his fingers in a tight ball at only a few millimeters of him.

“Sylvain…” He moved his hand, unrolling his fingers to brush his cheek. “I won’t let him break you…”

“It… It’s over,” Sylvain whispered. He let go of his wrist and passed his arms around him, shivering. “It’s over, Miklan. I’m fine…”

Holst lowered his gun, his breath short, and he dashed to Glenn to take him in his arms, hugging Felix as well.

“You’re fine?” he asked.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t react, I…”

“Huuush,” Holst whispered. “It’s fine. Just tell me if you’re not hurt.”

“I’m not…”

Lambert approached Rodrigue. He was shaking on the floor. He removed his shirt to press it on his face. It looked like his nose had been broken, some teeth had jumped out of his jaw. He had to bring him to the hospital.

Again…

Holst pressed a kiss on Glenn’s forehead and then approached Miklan.

“Holst…” Miklan said.

“Yeah… Everything is fine now… everything is good. Let go of Sylvain… hug me, okay?”

As soon as Miklan moved his arms, Sylvain got up and walked away, his body shivering of fear. Felix got up to take him in his arms, his hand still held out to his brother who squeezed it hard.

“What happened?” Holst asked.

His question was destined to… anyone who would like to reply to him.

“Rodrigue asked…”

“Uncle Lambert, please, no!” Glenn said.

“What?” Holst asked him.

“Please…” he begged.

“I need to know,” Holst insisted. “We have to do something for Rodrigue. The emergency will ask things and I am a cop! I have to report that. If Miklan’s reasons aren’t acceptable… Lambert, call an ambulance, now,” he commanded.

“Yes,” the man said.

He took his phone to do so.

And for a moment, there was just Rodrigue moaning and the voice of Lambert calling the ambulance. He just said that his friend was deeply hurt and he didn’t know how dangerous was the situation or if he was about to die…

He wouldn’t anything about the hits he received before it would be decided it was the best thing to do…

And when the call was done…

“Holst…” Miklan caressed his hand. “Let go of your gun…”

“I would have shot you,” he whispered. “I would have shot you…”

“Let go of it. It’s fine… you don’t have to shoot anymore…”

Holst put the security back and put the gun at his belt, in his back. He moved his hands on Miklan’s face.

“What happened?” he asked.

“When I was eighteen, my father sent me in a camp… because he discovered I was gay. I passed four years there, being tortured in every ways possible. Sometimes because they wanted to have fun or train but most often… they just wanted me to stop being gay. They handed me to the army after that because I had been turned into a weapon. And the army knew from where I came…This was a very special Commando and they just send me in suicide mission.”

Holst shook.

“No…”

“Miklan, I…” Glenn whispered.

“They did horror I can’t tell. For you,” Miklan said, caressing Holst’s cheek. “And you,” he added to Glenn.

Which let go of his brother’s hand to come in his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

Felix closed his arms around Sylvain, rubbing softly his back.

“I’m so sorry, Miklan…” Glenn said again. “Father said it was… it was because…of me, I…”

“It never has been your fault,” Miklan replied.

“But why have you attacked?” Holst whispered.

His hands moved to the collar he was wearing. A collar with dogtag. It fell on the floor with a light sound.

“He said he had thought to send Sylvain there. I couldn’t let that happen…” He closed his eyes. “You can send me in prison if needed.”

“Are you idiot?!” Holst shouted. “They have tortured you?! He knew it and wanted to send Sylvain there?! I will send _him_ in jail!” He had a shiver. Outside, the sound of the ambulance’s alarm was blasting. “But… But are you sure? You sure it wasn’t for what you did to Sylvain and the camp was acting badly?”

“That’s what my father said to me…” Sylvain whispered.

“This was because of Miklan’s preference… Lucas had found him pleasuring himself on picture of Glenn and Rodrigue was afraid. Glenn seemed to like Miklan too. He didn’t want him to be in danger… At that time, I let him do because Glenn was younger and even though Miklan swore us he loved him and wouldn’t hurt him, we couldn’t take the risk. If Miklan’s desires were there because Glenn was _young_ …”

“I grew up with Glenn! There was no age gap for me,” Miklan said.

“I know,” Lambert replied. “I know, today…”

The bell rung.

Holst turned his head. He looked down at Miklan’s fist.

“Glenn, my love…”

“Yes?” he whispered, shaking.

Holst lifted his face. “My love, please… Bring Miklan in the bathroom and… and heal him.”

The bell rung again.

“Sir?!” voice yelled outside. “Are you still here?!”

“Hurry!” Holst said between his teeth.

He got up and dashed to the entry. Glenn tugged on Miklan’s wrist, making him got up and together, they went upstairs. Holst only opened when he was sure they were disappearing. The paramedic looked a bit relieved.

“Holst?” one of them asked.

Holst nodded.

“What happened?” he asked again.

At first, Holst wanted to show the kitchen but he felt a hand on his cheek and realized… Miklan had touched him… Blood was sliding on his skin. How much of them were stained with blood?

Could they even pretend?

“My stepfather got a vertigo or something and he knocked his head hard on the… in the kitchen. There is blood everywhere and we don’t know how much he is hurt. He seems alive because he is moaning but we didn’t dare move him too much, not even putting him in recovery position.”

“Very well, we will take him in charge. When did it happen?”

The paramedic made gesture and Holst brought them in the kitchen where Lambert was still next to Rodrigue. Sylvain, Felix in his arms, Felix’s arms around him, just stared at Rodrigue.

The medical team went around Rodrigue, starting to ask question and take him in charge.

Lambert got up and stepped away. He came to Sylvain and Felix, taking them in his arms to rub their back. Even though his hands were still drench of the blood of his best friend…

“It will be alright,” he said.

“Uncle Lambert…” Sylvain whispered.

“I know…”

Lambert caressed his hair.

“He seems to have numerous fractures but his life isn’t endangered,” said one of the paramedics. “We will bring him to the hospital, one of you can come if you want it.”

“I will go,” Lambert said. “Felix, here is the keys of my jet. I have brought your belongings. Everything. Take it when you feel ready to go.” He caressed his hair too. “You’re courageous.”

“I want him to die, Uncle Lambert,” he whispered.

“Don’t say that, you…”

Felix shook his head. “I won’t regret. I won’t pardon… You know what he did. You can pardon him every time but I can’t… It’s not just me, it’s Glenn, it’s Sylvain… I don’t want to see him ever again, Uncle Lambert… He always said he wanted Dimitri as a son rather than me… I would have preferred you would be my father. It shouldn’t have been Glenn. It shouldn’t be Glenn.”

Lambert took his tiny face in his hands. “You can always call me, Felix. I will reply to your call, I promise.”

Felix nodded.

“Same for you,” Lambert added, cupping Sylvain’s cheek.

“Thank you,” he said. “Go with him before you regret it.”

Lambert caressed his cheek, thanked Holst with a nod and followed the paramedic who had laid Rodrigue on a stretcher.

A few instant later… they heard the sound of the door closing and there was nothing more. Holst waited a few seconds, then he turned toward Felix and Sylvain. He opened his arms to them. Sylvain stared and pushed softly Felix in them. His fiancé didn’t protest and let Holst hug him. Hug them. It was a strange feeling. All those hugs… all those people understand he was in shock, he was at his limits, allowing his feelings, validating him.

This place… was so weird…


	25. Chapter 24

“Are you cold?”

Glenn looked up at Miklan. His bloody hand was still in his tiny hands. Glenn tried to mop away the blood with a wet washcloth. He was afraid to see the blood keep coming. If Miklan had injured himself… If his blood was on Rodrigue and he ended up in jail.

“You are shivering…” Miklan said.

“That’s just my legs… I feel like I can’t stand.”

Miklan passed his arm around him and lifted him.

“Better?”

Glenn pressed his head against his large shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Miklan…”

“It’s not your fault. How could it be? Because you were so strong, raising your little brother while following your studies and being a ray of sunshine anyway? Because you were always kind though you could be grumpy? I loved you. I loved you because you were knee-high to a grasshopper and still wouldn’t hesitate to kick the ass of any people annoying you or those you loved. I loved you.”

“I loved you…” Glenn whispered. “I gave you flowers, I always smiled at you and got paste me to you. What if I…”

Miklan kissed him. “Yes, you were driving me mad. But I lived for those moments. You were the only one to give me a bit of affection, of attention. But I would have never hurt you. Honestly? I should have locked that damn door. But I don’t regret… I’m not sure you would have really loved me if I hadn’t lived this. I wouldn’t be able to stand next to Sylvain and give him what he deserves.”

“Coming from you, with this tone, it still seems like you’re talking about beating him up,” Glenn joked with difficulties.

Miklan caressed his cheek with his bloody hand.

“Don’t blame yourself… For nine years, I hadn’t seen you and yet, you were filling my mind. I really wanted to be a better brother, it wasn’t a trick to have your attention but the truth is, for those years, you were my reason to live. I pursued despite everything because I wanted to see you. I had dreamed you so often… Though, you changed, you grew in my mind but never I could have imagined how beautiful you would become.”

Glenn smiled lightly.

“When I came, I swore to myself I would tell you my feelings. Except if you were happily married, with children to come perhaps. I didn’t want to steal your happiness…”

“I was happily married,” Glenn whispered.

“Yes. I decided I would leave you alone but I got the chance to fell in love with your husband and him to be idiot enough to love me back…”

“I’d say horny enough,” Glenn smiled.

“Yes,” Miklan laughed.

“Imagine my surprise to see you back, to fight against my old crush and having my husband turning in the bed toward me and asking me if I was up for a threesome because he wanted to try it with you!”

“I will forever thank Holst’s great mind and horniness. I don’t know what I would have done without both of you in my life. You are like a blessing from the Goddess…”

Glenn leaned to kiss him when knock echoed at the door.

“Miklan?” Holst voice asked softly.

“I’m fine,” he replied.

“I’m glad to know,” Holst whispered. “But… I… I wanted to make pastas for the babies so I took what remained on the freezer and put them in the microwave with water but… something went wrong, I think?”

Miklan closed his lips but he could only smile.

“I’m coming.”

“You sure you’re good?” Holst asked.

“I think so.”

Miklan came to the door to open it.

“Wait, I hadn’t washed all the blood yet,” Glenn protested.

But Miklan didn’t really care and opened the door. Holst smiled when seeing him. There were still trace of his sorrow in his eyes and his smile but overall, he just started smiling.

“Nice ride, Glenn.” He came on tiptoe to kiss Miklan on the lips. “I hope I will be allowed to ride him later too,” he winked.

Miklan hugged him. “Of course you will be. I’ve always free ride for you,” he whispered at his ear.

Holst smiled, kissing him again as Glenn came down his arm. He looked at him then at the hand hugging his husband.

“You have to let me heal you,” he said.

Holst moved away from Miklan and watched at the hand as well.

“It’s his blood?”

“I don’t know,” Glenn replied. “What are the risks?”

“I’ve to make the food,” Miklan said.

“You have to give me your hand, now,” Glenn groaned.

“You could ask it more lovingly,” Miklan replied, approaching him. “But it’s you and I love you,” he whispered against his lips, taking his chin in his fingers. “So, I shall accept: I will marry you,” he pursued before kissing him.

Glenn replied to the kiss, closing his eyes. And then pushed him away with a groan.

“You know what I mean!” He took his hand, passing the washcloth on the blood more tenderly that you could believe it at first second. “You’re both insufferable!” he groaned.

“You like us that way,” Holst smiled. “And…Miklan risk jail. Honestly. He is well knows of the precinct and they won’t hesitate… If they have any prove, he can take a few months… If Rodrigue files a complaint against him.”

Glenn tensed, still whipping away the blood from the fist.

“Do you think he will?” he whispered.

“Honestly?” Holst looked down. “Yes… It’s a way to push Miklan away from you.”

Glenn’s hand closed around Miklan’s, his nails digging.

“Glenn, it’s not your fault. Not now, not before. You have to stop putting you in such a state because you’re blaming yourself for…”

“You know it’s my fault…” Glenn whispered. “I just want to bring you happiness, not… all of this.”

“You are bringing me happiness. Who cares if I have to suffer to earn it?”

“I care!”

“It’s worth it. I get worse.”

“And we won’t let him go to jail. If I have, I’ll lie. I’m a Captain and my opinion is more than valuable.”

“What happen if the judge learns it?” Glenn whispered.

“I might lose my job.” Holst shrugged. “Not a big problem if you want my opinion. I will become a stripper! My beautiful body will finally be useful for something!”

“Hm. I’m not sure I want any dude to look at you. You’re mine,” he whispered at his ear.

Holst passed his arms around his shoulders. “I am,” he hiccupped against his lips. “Tell me how much I’m yours,” he begged.

Miklan muttered at his ear, making him tense and press himself against him with a shiver while Glenn removed what remained of blood.

“Oh my… I totally will ride you.” He glanced at Glenn. “And…”

Glenn shook his head.

“And not Glenn because he is not in the mood.”

“Sorry, my love. I love you so much but lately…”

“It’s fine. I don’t want to force you,” Holst said.

Glenn nodded. He pressed the washcloth on the hand.

“It’s an open wound, what should we do?”

Holst stared at the hand, suddenly more serious. He was hoping every blood from Miklan would have been removed from Rodrigue’s face in attempt to heal him. But if Rodrigue filed a complaint, Miklan’s hand would be a good proof enough against him… The Judge wasn’t an idiot and Miklan’s reputation would betray him.

“Just put a bandage around his fist,” Holst said.

“Holst, you know what I mean,” Glenn pressed.

“Just put a bandage around his fist,” Holst insisted.

His tone was so serious…

It was so rare with him, Glenn could only nod.

“Come, Miklan. If you behave… Holst will kiss you everywhere!”

“Are you using my horniness as a reward?” Holst laughed.

“I do. I won’t offer mine, I’m not fit to hold a candle to you,” Glenn smiled.

Lightly.

Miklan leaned on him, gently caressing his cheek.

“I’ll behave. I don’t want to worry you.”

Glenn thought it was too late but he just nodded. He made him come inside the bathroom and took everything to heal the fist. He realized how hard Miklan had hit on Rodrigue. He must have lot of resent against him…

“How do you feel?” Glenn asked, pressing the alcohol product on his wounds.

“Fine. I’m with you,” he whispered, pressing his other hand on his neck.

“Stop,” Glenn groaned. “I’m serious.”

“I’m fine, Glenn. I’m the one who hit the guy. I’m fine.”

“If you end up in front of a judge, quit with it,” Holst said.

“Don’t worry,” Miklan replied.

“Of course I will worry,” Holst countered. “What were you hoping? We love you… we don’t want you to be harm or away from us.”

“I’m fine,” Miklan said.

“I know how short-tempered you can be but that… You just switched your way to act in a heartbeat. I didn’t even know you were that close of Sylvain?”

“I’m trying to be better. I don’t know if I manage to. But I do my best… I’m trying to teach him how to cook.”

“That’s sweet,” Holst smiled. “I’m sure you’re doing great. Soon, you will brag around about your little bro’ and be insupportable!”

“Just like you, you mean?” Miklan kindly snickered.

“Just like us. Except Sylvain can’t be better than Hilda, of course, so you will start with a handicap,” Holst said.

“I’m fine, in any case, I will have the best brother,” Glenn smiled.

Holst tilted his hand on the side. Glenn moved his left hand, showing his own rings.

“Oh! That’s cheating!!” Holst protested.

“Perhaps a little,” Glenn smiled as he passed the fabric around Miklan’s fist. “What you did was bad,” he whispered, taking back his serious. “Honorable, but bad… yet, I’m proud of you and the efforts you’re doing for Sylvain. I believe he is seeing them.”

“He hugged me…” Miklan whispered, as if he realized it at this exact moment.

“Yes!” Holst smiled. “He hugged you because you deserve it!”

“I’m not sure about that, I was a monster for him…”

“And you’re trying to change, to repair,” Glenn said. “Sylvain is accepting you. It’s not a bad thing… All the invert.”

Glenn let go of his hand. Holst took it to press a kiss on the bandage.

“I will try even more. If I have the chance.”

“You will. I won’t let you go to jail,” Holst said. “I trust you. Rodrigue was a threat and you reacted toward that. You wanted to protect and I refuse to allow anyone to put you behind bars…”

Miklan took him in his arms. And also Glenn. Both of them snuggled in his arms.

“I swear, nothing will tear us apart,” Holst whispered.

Kneeling on the floor, Sylvain was trying to make disappear every droplet of blood. Felix wasn’t doing nothing, washing the pot now holding some bumps and hollows. It was frightening to have that in his hands. There was so much blood… the foaming water, on the other hand, barely seemed to be tainted but he had the feeling he still had the blood of his father on his hand.

There were so many bloods and so little at once…

Felix stared at the pot then flipped it and installed it on the dryer. He looked his hands. They were shivering… isn’t it?

“Do you need help?” he asked, turning toward Sylvain.

“I think it’s done,” Sylvain replied.

Felix looked at the floor.

“Yeah… Now only black light can reveal what happened here!”

“Yeah… and our mouths. But…” He got up and came to Felix, passing his arms around him as Felix turned to the sink to wash the dishes of this morning. “I can help your mouth to stay close… Or… open but your words will be swallowed by me?”

“Why _you_ wouldn’t shut up and kiss me,” Felix smirked.

“Smartass, uh?” Sylvain smiled, leaning to kiss him.

Felix kissing him back, only waiting for that since so long. He needed him and he knew Sylvain needed him too…

He just wanted to stay in his arms forever, wash the blood and the doubts with their love, ease everything away. In their cocoon, there weren’t Rodrigue’s injustice, Miklan’s rage, Glenn’s tears… Felix hadn’t even asked him if he felt good in regard of what happened earlier. Sylvian hugged him but did he want it? Did he search the only thing that might save Rodrigue? When Holst intervened, Sylvain was shaking…

He should ask… but he wanted to ease his sorrow and fear with his lips…

He moved his hand from the foamy sink, caressing his cheek.

“Fe’,” Sylvain laughed.

“What?”

Felix moved his hand, spreading the foam over his face with a little smile.

Those kind of smile were only dedicated to him. He didn’t even see him smile that way around Glenn. With Glenn, it was another kind of smile, beautiful as well, but this one… this one was talking right to his heat.

“You are…”

Sylvain grabbed him and rubbed their face together. Felix tried to protest, to push him away, but all he could do was laughing in his arms while foam was spreading in his face and in his hair.

“Sylvain!” Felix laughed, his arms closing around him.

“Giving up?”

“Not if that makes you let go of me,” he whispered in his ear.

Sylvain shivered and tightened his embrace. “I will never let go of you…”

“Thank you. How do you feel?” he asked, still in the secret of his ear.

“You’re there, my life is perfect,” Sylvain replied, tucking a strand of damp hair behind Felix’s ear.

“You know what I mean…”

“I should be the one asking.”

“I want him to die, it’s fine,” he groaned.

“I rather not.”

Felix jolted and turned in Sylvain’s arms to look at his brother. His eyes were colder for the very first time around Glenn.

“Don’t get me wrong,” the older replied, “for everything, especially for the suffer he brought you, I want him to disappear. But not today. Not from the hand of my fiancé…”

Felix’s eyes softened.

“You’re right… I hadn’t taken that in consideration…”

“It’s fine,” Glenn said, coming toward him.

“Felix gave me the order of never let go of him, so if you want to hug him…” Sylvain started with a smile.

Glenn took them both in his arms.

“You’re both protected. I will not allow anything to happen to you,” he whispered.

“Thank you…” Sylvain hiccupped. “How do you feel?”

“I’m fine…”

Glenn pulled away. He caressed Felix’s cheek then moved a bit more away.

“You are in such a state,” Holst said as Miklan walked to the stove to prepare the food. “All wet and messy… I should do my chores that way, it looks pretty fun!” he smiled. “Who want to see me wet and messy?” he asked, rising his hand.

Glenn facepalmed.

“I do,” Miklan replied. “Especially if that made you do some chores,” he added with a big smile.

“We’re not even sure of that,” Glenn warned.

“Not wrong, but someone will appreciate the spectacle anyway,” Miklan replied.

“You still can run away,” Glenn said to his brother and his brother’s fiancé.

“Na, I’m learning!” Sylvain smiled.

“It’s fine, I can deal with that for you,” Felix replied with a soft smile.

Glenn caressed his cheek again and pressed a kiss on his forehead, whispering ‘I love you’.


	26. Chapter 25

Neither the birds singing outside nor the light coming through the curtains softly waving under the breeze could have pushed Felix to open his eyes. It wasn’t neither the sound of Sylvain’s alarm. He couldn’t say he was already used to it because every day, it woke him a little and, since last Monday, he just pushed his head under the cushions while Sylvain forced himself up and went to the window to close it before the Sun might attack him.

But not today.

Sylvain forced himself up like the others days, leaned overs Felix and kissed his cheek.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“Sylvain… stay a little bit more, please,” Felix asked.

“’kay… You fine?” Sylvain worried, lying back next to him.

“I’m fine…” He pressed his hand over the one hugging him tenderly. “I just want you a bit more for me… It’s not like you needed to leave immediately, right?”

“You say that but you don’t know how long I need to turn this mess into perfection!”

“So…” Felix turned to lie on his back, watching him in the eyes for a solid second before looking away. “You can just quit with your flytrap… You’re mine now and you look nothing like a mess to me.”

Sylvain smiled and kissed him. Felix replied to it, moving his hand to his cheek. His fingers twitched.

“Ah sorry,” Sylvain said. “But someone I love very much told me I’ve to stay in bed with him so no shaving!”

“Actually…” Felix caressed his cheeks. “I like it…”

“So you want me with a beard and with ugly clothes?”

“No. I want you as you feel good… You don’t need to be outrageous pretty. You don’t need to lose time you could use hugging me to be pretty, since you’re always pretty.”

“I like your argument. The cuddling one,” Sylvain smiled.

He leaned on him, kissing him tenderly.

“I want to cuddle you. Always.”

Felix snuggled in his arms, passing his hands around his shoulders. He pressed his cheek against his warm chest.

“I don’t want you to leave…”

“I’m there… I’m just there, Fe’.”

Sylvain pressed a kiss in his hair.

“You will be allowed to leave for work, of course.”

“Thank you.”

“And to join Miklan if you want to…” Felix whispered.

“I… I think I want to, yes,” Sylvain replied. “It’s weird… I don’t understand how I can… allow him to come that close to me? I always have that wall between father and me… even between mother and me sometimes but, I feel like I open my gates to Miklan… He is teaching me to cook and… and I’m so happy about it?” he whispered, in disbelieve.

“I’m glad for you. And… honestly, it’s not surprising you seek a bond. Miklan has been a Monster with you and I don’t think he deserves to have your trust but it’s normal you search… something that was missing. He is willing to give it to you.”

“I’m not totally trusting him. I stay on my guards,” Sylvain said.

“Perfect. Glenn seems to trust him and I have faith in his judgement. Yesterday, Miklan tried to protect you but… I’m a bit worry for you anyway.”

“Don’t worry, I share these worries and I stay prudent. But I’m happy… to learn to cook? To have those moments with him? It just… fills a void.”

Felix snuggled in his arms.

“I’m happy for you,” he whispered.

“I’m happy to be with you,” Sylvain said. He hugged him tightly. “I have the feeling all of this is thank to you.”

“Don’t be silly, I did nothing,” Felix replied.

“You’re my light that brightened my ugly life… It’s because of you I’m here today. With someone giving me what I needed. Not only Miklan… but also you.”

“You’re an idiot…”

“You know it. I’m an idiot in love! You always ravish my mind. That’s why I’m dumb, I suppose! When you are here… how could I even think,” he whispered. “You are the only thing in my mind.”

“Same for me… I never thought I could… live for someone. And yet. You’re showing me what it is to live…” Felix leaned to kiss one of his collarbones. “Thank you…”

“I love you, Fe’… I love you more than you can even believe.”

“I know. I’m still afraid by this. The strength of your love… What if I didn’t deserve it?” he whispered. “What if it wilts too fast?”

“I don’t think it can. It just… That little boy that was suddenly left alone, plunge in the darkness… he kept this love for you and today… if he knew this was what he could look forward…”

“I understand what you mean, I feel that too. Like you, I forgot you, I erased happiness, hope… but if I knew, perhaps I would…”

“Have taken care of your feet?”

“No, because I like the fact you take care of it,” Felix smiled lightly. “I just think… you and I, we passed our lives to try to end it out of despair but… we were walking toward each other. I don’t know if I have to regret because every step I made, every stumble making me almost fall, was there to make the guy you love today but… but I have those burden on my shoulders. I wonder… if this was necessary I…”

“You what?” Sylvain gently asked.

“I tried to kill myself once and Glenn was the one who found me… It was just a bit after he left, leaving me alone with father who just discovered I was doing ballet, who told me I should have died instead of my mother… This was my first try. And Glenn was there, because he had forgotten stuff or I don’t know. He found me and…”

“You’re like your brother…” Sylvain whispered. “You believe it’s your fault if Glenn has a depression today?”

“I don’t know. I think… that’s our father’s fault if we are like that today. We have been raised in such a way… Glenn was my parent… Glenn _is_ my parent. But he is only five years older than me. He couldn’t protect me as much as he wanted. He made mistakes, I made mistake… But this suffering on his shoulders… I never wanted to hurt him. From all the people…”

Sylvain caressed his hair.

“You’re making him happy. Holst said Glenn always brag about you. And it just shows. He loves you. You’re his World and I can’t blame him. You’re my World too…”

“You’re…”

“An idiot, I know,” Sylvain replied. “And from you, it means ‘I love you’ so, yeah, I’m really idiot…”

“Too sweet,” Felix rectified. “And too in love,” he smirked lightly. He snuggled a bit more in his arms, if it was only possible. “Would you mind staying there a bit? Until Glenn would be okay…”

“I doubt it will be over before one month and a bit more… What about Enbarr?”

“What about _you_? Do you want to stay near Miklan or run away? Where is your home exactly?”

“I’m holding it…” Sylvain whispered.

Felix blushed and looked away.

“I meant Lucas’…”

“Enbarr.”

Felix stared at him.

“Not directly Enbarr but around. It’s fine, I can take a job around or go work with him. You could meet Mercie and Marianne for real!”

“And if he makes you suffer,” Felix said.

“And if he doesn’t?” Sylvain replied. He shrugged. “We don’t know. Your future shouldn’t…”

“I told you I have no ideas what was my dream. Perhaps it’s you… since you’re the only one making me walking without looking what might happen.”

“You might hit lot of wall if you don’t look in front of you,” Sylvain smirked.

“I count on you to make me avoid them.”

“Ugh, I doubt! I’m too busy watching at you.”

“So perhaps… we should sit and enjoy, rest, be bathed of love and not try to pursue a path without even knowing where it goes. You wanted me to search another school or option when I was at Rodrigue’s. You said you could have your happiness as long as it was with me. Who cares where? You said you were ready to sacrificing everything for me… but here, what do you want? And if you reply ‘you’ I hit you!”

“My fiancé!” Sylvain smiled.

Felix stared at him. Sylvain intertwined their fingers before he could hit him and leaned to kiss his lips gently.

“I want to have a family… I wanted to make my family with you but this place looks like a family… I’m not really afraid here. There is fun at the dinner, there are people with whom you can talk… People… actually hug you instead of blaming you? I want this… but will you just… forget about the admission test? You… you should pass it? Because perhaps in one month we will want to leave? Or you will regret if…”

“Let’s make a deal: I pass the audition and I search for a school around here. And in return… you search a job that will make you happy here. I don’t expect seeing you doing paperwork till the end of your days because of me.”

“Eh! I’m a sexy slutty secretary and I’m proud of it!” Sylvain protested. He leaned on his back and Felix rolled on him. “But you’re not wrong. Holst is awesome but… I need to move. I will look… and perhaps, we will take a house just next our brothers in a few months… My happiness is with you and I believe it. I just don’t want you to wake up one day, hating on me, or yourself, because you had an opportunity and you lose it…”

“And I don’t want you to wake up one day, realizing you missed your only chance to live for yourself…”

Sylvain caressed his cheek looking down at him. “That’s something you will have to teach me because I only live for you…”

“Yes, we will work on that,” Felix whispered against his lips. “But keep living a bit for me because… I too live a bit, a lot, for you… and I want to keep yourself just for me.”

“I’m all yours,” Sylvain replied, kissing him gently. “Until I meet Hilda, of course!” he teased.

“Stooop! I won’t share you!”

Felix closed his arms around him, pressing his cheek against Sylvain’s chest, hearing the beat so happy.

He really didn’t understand how Glenn could share the man he loved. The men he loved. He would never been able. He wondered if it was because the love was too fresh or if he didn’t love Sylvain enough? But it felt like he couldn’t love him more…

Perhaps it was just… different.

They all looked happy, after all.

Happiness what all mattered.

He wanted Glenn happy… and if his happiness was failing sometimes, it didn’t seem to be because of that relationship. All the invert.

He just snuggled in Sylvain’s arms, feeling like he didn’t deserve them but feeling so happy he was in them, against his heart, feeling the warm and the strength of his body against his…

He was just nuzzling against him, glad to have him longer, when they heard sound.

Probably Miklan.

Usually, Sylvain was the first to wake up and Miklan woke up a bit after, washed himself and then joined him downstairs. Technically, it would be the perfect moment to get up for Sylvain so he could make the breakfast for them and they would make something to Felix. But it looked just rude to ask him if he could leave. And he wasn’t sure it would be better to ask Felix to join…

“Miklan… please, hurry up…” Holst’s voice came from the corridor. “I wanna tell you my dream in details. I wanna… show every little details,” he was cooing.

Sylvain couldn’t help blushing a little. And yet, a part of himself, as he heard the sound of a door opening and guessing it was the bathroom, just wanted to joke around, telling them he thought they weren’t supposed to have sex in there.

Felix noticed his hesitation.

He pressed his elbows on his chest, folding his arms. And then a kiss on his lips.

“You should go.”

“Where?”

“Prepare yourself to be ready for your cooking lesson.”

“But you’re there…” Sylvain said.

“Yes, and you like those cooking lessons so go!” Felix got up. “Me, I’m going to sleep with my brother,” he said.

And he left so he wouldn’t have the chance to refuse. He immediately walked outside of the room and saw Miklan who just lifted Holst on his shoulder, his hand on his behind.

“Oh, hi Felix!”

Holst blew him a kiss and then moved his lips to kiss Miklan’s neck.

“Hi,” Felix replied.

He moved to the bedroom and pushed the door open. He walked to the bed where Glenn groaned, rolling on the side and pressing his face on the pillow. Felix climbed in the bed.

“Holst… I love you but I just wanna sleep…”

“It’s me, Glenn.”

Glenn moved his head from the pillow and looked at him. He smiled softly and then moved his hands on his ears, pressing them. Felix was surprised at first then understood. He snuggled in his arms while Glenn pressed a bit more his hands on his eardrums.

It lasted a moment, pretty long when you’re brother was forcing deafness into you, plunging you in a strange cocoon without sensations, before Glenn’s hands removed.

“Sorry,” Glenn said. “Wanted to preserve you.”

“Thank you. Is it something you are used to?”

Glenn nodded. “It doesn’t happen every morning but it happens.”

Felix found that a bit scary, to be honest. He thought about Sylvain and he snuggled more in his brother’s arms.

“Is it fine for you if we stay longer?”

“What about Enbarr?”

“I will pass the audition,” Felix replied. “But if I’m taken, I’m not sure I will go there… I want to be next to you. I don’t want to go at Enbarr next to that man who hurt so much Sylvain.”

“Are you sure?” Glenn asked.

“I talked about it to Sylvain. I love you, he is fine with Miklan. He looks… radiant. I don’t want to steal his happiness… I love him.”

“Isn’t it a sweet feeling?” Glenn smiled.

He moved his hand in the dark blue hair of his brother. He stroked them gently, pulling them backward and pushing every little thread out of his face.

“It is… And it’s scary too. How do you do with that?” he whispered.

“I adapt. It’s scary but it’s beautiful. Every day waking up by their side, or kissing them, or rolling in their arms to sleep… I know I can’t get enough of this. The secret is just to continue. People would tell you it’s easy to love but it’s not… But as long as you’re doing your best and try to improve, not changing in the sake of pleasing someone but improve when something goes wrong, it’s beautiful…”

“Improve…”

“Yep. It’s a question of compromise sometimes. And I see you are doing it right,” he said. “I’m proud of you…” he whispered, pressing a kiss on his forehead.

Felix told him to quit the flytrap and Sylvain understood but somewhat, he couldn’t help setting a butterflytrap… He just loved the idea of making Felix fluster when he realized what he was wearing… Today, he just wanted to seduce him with this backless, having only ribbon softly following his muscle as it created a X a bit above his behind. But this time, you couldn’t see the start of his freckled mounts, just his tattoo showcased by those ribbons. You couldn’t even guess the lacey underwear under his jeans with harmonious hole here and there.

He just wanted to seduce _him_ , steal every of his breath.

And it was comfortable!

Don’t get him wrong!

He was making the plate from yesterday, pancakes, sunny side eggs, bacon… Well, they would have two pancakes each and perhaps three because he had struggled with the ingredients… and they would be very thick. And you could see a lot of pepper on the sunny side egg.

“It looks tasty, Sylvain.”

Sylvain jolted and turned his head toward Miklan who had appeared from the threshold. His hair were still a bit wet and he was just wearing a white shirt almost ripped by his muscles, and a faded blue jean with boots. They were so different. The most bold thing he was doing with his clothing, except wearing pink and flowery bracelet in his upper arm, was some meme t-shirt.

Not today.

Which was fine! If Miklan was glad with that… and he also noticed the tattoos, how much he tried to hide his scars. Perhaps it was the reason he always tried to cover his own body, as hard it might be when you were so tall and big…

“You think so?” Sylvain asked.

“Of course.”

“It’s ready, I think,” he said, licking his fingers.

“Sorry to have taken the bathroom when you needed it,” Miklan said.

“What?”

“Your hair is different… and you hadn’t shaved.”

“Oh yeah, for the hair, it’s fine like that I think,” Sylvain replied. “And for the beard… Felix said he liked it so I will try this a bit. Do I look sexy?” he smiled.

“I can’t have an opinion on that,” Miklan replied.

Sylvain kept smiling and still thought he could make a joke on the length of the shower. But he couldn’t. He just prepared the plate and put them on the table so they could sit and start eating.

Which they did.

In silence.

Sylvain was waiting for Miklan’s opinion.

He watched him as he cut a big portion of the three pancakes with an egg. Seeing him doing that, he realized his mouth was so big, this was scaring… Like a monster…

He stayed mute face to him. He couldn’t even eat right now. He should… He should get his own opinion.

Should he ask Miklan? Perhaps Miklan couldn’t guess he wanted… his approbation?

He felt a bit ridiculous but coming from him, it wasn’t that surprising…

Who have been there for him while he was growing up? Who have told him he was doing things _right_? At some point, he just supposed he was always doing everything wrong…

“How… how is it?” he finally asked.

“That’s fine,” Miklan said. “You could have put less pepper, try to control the amount you’re putting. If you’re not comfy with that, you can sprinkle some in your palm.”

“Okay, I will.”

“The pancakes are fine but you hadn’t put enough salt and too much sugar. It’s fine, it’s just my taste. Cooking can be hard because of different people taste… The bacon is fine, perhaps it stayed a bit too much on the fire. But over all, it’s fine.”

“It looks like a lot of criticism,” Sylvain laughed, taking a bit of the breakfast. “But…”

“But you’re learning, that’s normal. I won’t tell you everything is perfect to please you and taking the risk you think you’re absolutely gifted and when the moment comes…”

“No, I understand,” Sylvain cut short. “I will improve! And if you accept to help me, I’m sure I will soon become a nice cooker! Not as good as you but… uh… better than now?”

“I doubt you can go worse. And I saw the worse. Holst already made a cake and forgot the baking powder, and the eggs.”

“You have to tell me more stories about that,” Sylvain laughed, taking a bit of the breakfast. “Not only because that will make me more confident about my cooking but also, you look happy when you talk about Holst or Glenn. Or both,” he smiled.

“They are the blessing of my life. If there is one thing I don’t understand it’s why I deserve this.”

“You had to suffer so much bad things… You deserve a bit of good things.”

“Same for you. I’m so sorry about how I treated you.”

“I know, Miklan. It’s…”

“It’s not fine,” Miklan said, taking another bit. “I was jealous of how father seemed to love you, how mother loved you. I was jealous because you are a genie, you are just gifted in everything without even trying.”

“I’m not good in cooking,” Sylvain smiled. “I can’t swim.”

“Is that all?” Miklan smirked.

“I’m not good with showing my feelings and accepting I’m loved. The love of my life loves me and I don’t know why. What does he see in me? I trust no one, I always joke, chat around, throw big love declaration but…” He frowned. “I don’t know why you even bothered to put yourself in danger with Rodrigue trying to defend me? You don’t seem to do it for you… Glenn won’t love you more because you decide you will love me?”

“Nothing forced me to. It is just impulsive… last week, Glenn wanted me to accompany him at Rodrigue’s and I said no. I didn’t want to see you. I knew I would hurt you…” He cut a bit of pancake. “I knew I was doing bad things when attacking you relentlessly. I realized it at the Borstal and the army… I wanted to fix that. Perhaps selfishly. Until I saw you. Now, I understand what I did to you. And I’m sorry. Sincerely. I don’t try to manipulate you. You really deserve a better life and I want to help giving it to you…”

“Why?”

“You deserve better. You deserve happiness. I won’t let anyone taking it from you. If this is the last thing I have to do…”

“We would like to live here with Fe’,” Sylvain whispered. “Perhaps it shouldn’t be the last thing you’ll do. Perhaps you can do more.”

“I will do more. I’ll protect you. I will give you a better life.”

“Thank you.” Sylvain stared at him. “Can… Can I hug you?”

Miklan stared him with surprise.

“Of course.”

Miklan pushed away the chair to let him approach and do at his ease. He wouldn’t oppress him. All of this way of thinking was thanks to three years passed by the side of those he loved so much.

Sylvain got up and walked toward him. He hesitated a little as he stood in front of him. He was grateful that the man didn’t get up. He moved and passed his arms around him.

“I hug you back, okay?”

“Yes, please,” Sylvain whispered.

Miklan gently hugged him back.

“Thank you,” Sylvain said before pulling back. He smiled a little and passed his hand on his hair. “I should… we should… can we make Felix’s breakfast?”

“Yes, of course,” Miklan replied.

“He is with Glenn so maybe we can do something for him too?”

“Yes. Why not something they can share together?” he offered, coming to the table to finish his breakfast. “Eat,” he added to Sylvain.

Which got a little jolt and quickly came at the table to eat as well. Cold sweat rolling along his back.

“What kind of think do you have in mind?”

“Hm… Pancakes? I can make pancakes!” Sylvain laughed nervously.

“You sure can. And you will become better at it. But… what about French toasts?”

“Oh! Yes! I remember, the cooker always made us some when we were children!”

“There was always such a mountain of French toasts.”

“Yes! And we could put whatever we want on it! I always put so much chocolate syrup!” Sylvain laughed, remembering those moments.

The happy moments in his childhood were rare. And he realized it was a happy moment for Miklan too. But, sadly, the happy moments weren’t… shared. They were happy together but each on their side.

It was sad…

And he wanted to share happy moments _with_ him.

“Let’s make them French toasts! Plus, it’s from our region so it suits us very well, I think,” Sylvain smiled.

“Yes. And we can give some to Holst too.”

Sylvain nodded, putting pancake in mouth. He swallowed pretty quickly.

“Where is he?”

“Bathroom. He should come soon,” Miklan explained.

“That’s sad, I though he already did,” Sylvain smiled.

“What?” his brother asked.

Sylvain cleared his throat. “Nothing.”

“What did you mean?”

“It… It was a dirty joke, but I don’t know why I did…”

Miklan got up, his empty plate in his hand. He moved toward him and lifted his hand. Sylvain let him do but still had a little shiver when he felt the palm in his hair.

“It’s fine.”

Sylvain looked at him as he moved away and he finished his breakfast while Miklan took things from the freezer and the closets. And then he pressed his head in his hands. He was so stupid…

He could hear the bangs of the pans and containers, cooking tool ending in the working area.

“Are you okay?”

Sylvain looked up at Holst who just stopped by his side.

“Uh… yeah. I just feel stupid,” Sylvain laughed nervously.

“You are very smart, Sylvain.”

Sylvain stared at him.

In fact, yes. He knew how smart he was. It was a different kind of stupidity he felt there. But he felt even more stupid if he started to explain to Holst. It would be the kind of joke that would make Holst laugh, at least smile, but… he just felt so uneasy.

How could he explain that without hurting Miklan?

“How was the shower?” he asked, without thinking.

So stupid…

“Delightful, thank you,” Holst smiled. “You’re pretty cute that way but if you want to go to the bathroom, it’s free and clean now. And I can ask your brother to make me a breakfast. Perhaps he wants to put a sausage in my egg sandwich this morning?” he winked to Miklan.

“We were about to make French toasts,” Miklan replied.

“How do you deal with that?” Sylvain asked. “I just make him a dirty joke he couldn’t get neither.”

“He is terribly sexy. And he is quite dumb, I like that in a man,” he said, biting his finger.

Miklan approached him, hugging him from behind and kissing his throat.

“I have understood, Sunshine, but my brother is there.” He pressed his lips against his ear. “And you already got a sausage.”

“Yes, but I’m hungry,” Holst whispered.

He caressed one of Miklan’s hands laying on his belly.

“Get a room,” Sylvain smiled.

He was feeling a bit more comfy because Holst was there. He was so joyful and it was easy to joke with him.

“Can you lend us yours?” Holst winked.

“Hmmm, nop!” Sylvain replied.

Holst smiled to him. “I will let you have Miklan.”

“Thank you,” Sylvain replied. “What will you do?”

“Be sexy in a corner,” Holst smiled. And he smiled even more as Miklan kissed his cheek, and his neck. “I will just check work. But before I leave…” He moved his lips to kiss Miklan. “I wanted to go to the hospital. Do you want to wait for me in the car or I bring you at work and go back to the hospital?”

“To the hospital?” Miklan asked. “You want to see Rodrigue?”

“Hm,” Holst replied. “I would like to see him and be sure everything is fine.”

“Everything is fine? With this asshole?!” Miklan groaned. “You shouldn’t go there. Less alone!”

“Miklan, I love you and you wanting to protect me making me a bit horny but I’m a cop. I’m a Captain. I can protect myself. And I doubt he would attack me. First, because you got him hard and then he would be in a hospital. It’s fine,” Holst swore.

Miklan groaned.

“Holst? Perhaps you can bring me to Lambert’s jet. I can grab my moto and go to work and you would retrieve our belonging so Lambert can leave?”

“Yes, this look like a good idea,” Holst approved. “I will tell you what I expect from you at work while we were driving to Lambert’s jet.”

“I still believe you shouldn’t go there,” Miklan groaned.

“Let’s make a deal, you take me right now on the table and I don’t go see Rodrigue,” Holst said with a big smile.

“Okay,” Miklan replied, lifting him.

“What?!” Holst flustered. “Not in front of your brother!! Idiot! I thought you would say no!” he protested.

“I know,” he said, kissing him. He sat him on the table. “Don’t play with me, Sunshine,” he whispered at his ear before pulling back. “You come, Sylvain?”

“Yes!” He looked at Holst. “You good?”

“I am!” Holst replied with a smile, but a bit dizzy.

He jumped on the floor and threw a glare to Miklan before walking away. Sylvain approached his brother and gave him a little smile. And noticed his face.

“Rodrigue won’t hit him or anything,” he said.

“Why not?”

Sylvain wanted to reply but he remembered his words, his gestures when Rodrigue had loved him so much for one month. He believed he was finding a parental love by his side but in fact… he just stabbed him hard in the back. Glenn was the one who showed him the real love he needed…

“What Holst said…”

“Break the eggs in the bowl. It’s for a good dozen of French toasts. So we can have one and Holst two or three. Glenn doesn’t eat much anyway.”

“Felix neither,” Sylvain said, opening the four eggs in the bowl. “It will be alright. I can call uncle Lambert to be sure he would be there if you want but… yeah Holst is a Captain.”

“Yes. One cup and one third of cup of milk.”

“Yes, immediately!”

Sylvain poured as asked and Miklan prepared two pans, putting butter in it.

“Whisk all with a whisk or a fork,” Miklan said.

Sylvain nodded.

“And add a bit of vanilla and or cinnamon powder, as you prefer.”

“Does Glenn like vanilla and cinnamon powder?” Sylvain asked. “And Holst?”

“I think he prefer it cinnamon than vanilla,” Miklan replied. “And Glenn is a cinnamon roll.”

“Aw!” Sylvain smiled. “Felix isn’t but I love him.”

He put cinnamon in the batter and whisked again.

“I’m glad you are happy with Felix,” Miklan said.

“I really am. You said Glenn and Holst were the blessing of your life, Felix is mine. I can’t believe he, a man so beautiful, fascinating and smart, is in love with me…”

Miklan frowned. “Beautiful…”

“He looks pretty much like Glenn so you’re not allowed to say something against his beauty!”

“You got a point, you have one of the most beautiful guy alive as fiancé.”

“Thank you,” Sylvain replied, smiling.

“Look.”

Miklan took a fork and put a slice of bread in the batter. Then, he removed it as soon as it was soaked and put it in the pan.

“Easy peasy!”

Sylvain used a fork as well. He plunged his slice in the liquid and, accompanying his bread with the bowl, installed it in the pan at his turn.

“Perfect, you’re doing very well.”

“Thank you!”

Miklan gave him a spatula.

“What do you think? We taste yours?”

“Yes, please!”

Sylvain smiled, excited and a bit worry as well. He waited the correct moment to flip it. In fact… he waited to see Miklan flip his to do the same.

“By the way, I’m sorry… if we stay here, you can’t take a shower with Glenn and or Holst anymore? Or not that often…”

“We don’t take shower together very often,” Miklan replied.

“You don’t?” Sylvain said, surprised. He frowned. “Is this what expect any partners when they stay together too long?”

“I don’t know,” Miklan said. “It’s special. We do take the bathroom together but we go in the shower turn by turn. You can’t really trust Holst to take a shower. And Glenn… most of the time he wash himself so quickly… It’s better that way,” he groaned.

“What do you mean?”

Miklan removed his French toast and, once again, Sylvain did like him. Miklan gestured toward him, letting him put the new French toast in the plate before doing the same.

“What do you want on the French toast?”

“Hm… chocolate syrup? Do you have some?”

“I live with Holst, of course I have some,” Miklan replied.

He went on the freezer as Sylvain looked at the French toasts on the two different plates. From now on, they would make a tiny stack on one and then a big one in a new one.

“What did you mean?”

Miklan got a little groan, as if he had expected Sylvain to just forget. He brought back the syrup but took a bit of the French toast without anything to taste it.

“You did very well, Sylvain, taste it.”

“’kay.” Sylvain complied. “It wasn’t too complicate and you helped,” he said before eating.

He let out a joyful sound.

“Good isn’t it?”

“Yes! And we are eating it together!” he joyfully pointed out.

Miklan nodded, he poured the syrup and they shared the French toast as they wished they could have when they were children.

For a moment, they were just two brother, sharing sweets…

They just flipped their toasts in the pan and finished that slice of bread. They removed them a bit after and make another turn.

Sylvain didn’t insist. Miklan didn’t want to reply to him, why would he push it?

“Take care of the breakfast, I will bring that to Holst. Hope he will let me leave!”

“I will!! But… if he doesn’t?” Sylvain asked.

“You will have to finish the breakfast alone.”

“Miklan, I can’t!” he protested.

“You can. You’re doing great. I trust you.”

Sylvain stared at him with surprise.

“Believe in yourself, Sylvain. In doubt, yell, I’ll come immediately.”

“Okay…”

Sylvain was a bit uneasy but he flipped the toasts, waiting and staring. He was really focusing. He made those two and then two more who ended a bit burnt but overall, they looked pretty correct! He put two more in the pans and stared. He heard Miklan go upstairs and flipped the toast when Miklan came finally back.

“You did absolutely great,” Miklan said. “It looks tasty.”

“Thanks! There is just two left after this. You did it through me!”

Miklan laughed and moved his hand. As he approached it, Sylvain moved to him, willingly accepting the attention. It was weird to be twenty-two years old and to receive hair ruffling that way but… he was also delighted to have it. Feeling a bit uneasy when the big stature of Miklan was around him, this was a good compromise.

“I hope it’s not dirty,” he dared to say.

“Don’t worry. Wouldn’t touch you without washing my hands.”

“So you really…”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t take the risks to excite him and then leave him that way for too long.”

Sylvain nodded. It was weird to talk about that but on the other hand, he had passed a whole day where Holst was turned on and unable to satisfy himself. He saw him being very uneasy, nervous at some point… Impatient.

“I worry about Glenn when he is alone or pretty much alone. Even when he is with us, sometimes, he just… seems to disconnect. I’m afraid of his thoughts. I know he was just a boy when I was pulled away from him but since I came back in his life, he always had been… so close and so far away as once. Holst says he always has been like that too… I don’t want him to hurt himself. I prefer him to be with us so, yes, I’m fine with him not taking long shower. But… of course, it has impact. Holst said, when he met him, he just shaved a part of his hair, like he has them now but it was… a gesture of reject… Toward his father, probably. And he just didn’t take care. He had moment when he just doesn’t care anymore.”

“You should take your shower with him,” Sylvain whispered. He flipped the toasts. “I don’t mean to command you but… Fe’ is the same. He is beautiful, I love him and I just… he is so… damn! You know? But he didn’t wash his hair, took showers but he trained a lot. And yeah, you can sense he doesn’t care much for his body. You would see his feet… But when I washing him, it helps him to take care of himself. Yesterday, he looked impatient and think… perhaps you could do that? You, or Holst, or both!!”

Miklan nodded.

“I see what you’re saying, it’s an idea. Though the shower stall is quite tiny,” Miklan pointed out.

“Yeah…” Sylvain shrugged. “It was just an idea.”

“Thank you.”

More than anything in the world, Miklan wanted Glenn’s happiness. And Holst’s happiness too. But it was pretty much a pair he didn’t want to separate so… obviously.

Sylvain removed the two toasts and put the last one in the pans. It remained a bit of batter and so, Miklan just poured them over the bread. It was a bit spreading in the bottom of the pans.

“Is it safe?”

“Yes. It will be a kind of omelet in the worst case scenario,” Miklan said.

He stepped on the side to wash the dishes and everything they have dirtied. The silence was just spreading between them.

Again.

Still awkward.

Sylvain could have talked books but he just stayed mute.

When the French toasts were done, Sylvain decided all alone to prepare it on a tray with plates, forks and knives but also with a little bowl of sugar, of caramel syrup and chocolate syrup, of course.

“You should bring that to them. You did it all alone, in the end,” Miklan said.

“You helped and you were there enough for me to be comfy,” Sylvain protested.

“You can take all the credits for them, you know?” Miklan countered.

“You helped make the main batter and…”

“Sylvain.”

Sylvain gulped.

“’kay…”

He moved away with the tray and walked up the stairs. And, in front of the door, he frowned. Perhaps it was a trap from Miklan because how would he knock? And, ah! He should have made coffee or something but he didn’t.

“Uh… Fe’? Glenn? Breakfast is ready!” he said.

He heard a groan inside and a bit after, the door opened on the most precious vision he could be granted.

He smiled and Felix couldn’t help smile too, looking away.

“Thank you,” he said.

He kissed him quickly, his fingers brushing his cheek before stepping away.

“We made French toast for you,” Sylvain said, walking to the bed to install the tray in the nightstand next to Glenn.

Felix blushed like never when he saw Sylvain’s back.

“Thank you, Sylvain. You’re a lamb,” Glenn said, sitting in the bed.

He held out his arms to him and Sylvain gladly sat next to him to receive a hug and a kiss on his cheek.

“Take care of yourself today, okay?”

“Okay! But you too, Glenn.”

“I will,” he swore, caressing the red hair lightly.

“Nice.”

Sylvain hugged him a bit more. Then, he forced himself to step away. Felix approached him. Sylvain could see in his eyes how much he craved for a hug, for a kiss… for a bit of attention.

“Eh…” Sylvain said, walking toward him. “I will miss you so much,” he whispered.

“Yeah, me too.”

Felix still looked away, folding his arms so he would be unreachable. But he wanted to feel _his_ arms around him.

“Just for you to know, I’m looking at those delicious French toast right now,” Glenn said.

Felix unfolded his arms and grabbed Sylvain’s cheeks to pull him into a kiss. Sylvain smiled and hugged him tenderly, kissing him back.

The seconds seemed to turn into divine hours.

And yet, it seemed that they had to pull away from each other very too fast…

“You can always send me texts. I will reply to you.”

Felix nodded.

He just hated being that much in love with him. Craving his presence. Feeling the emptiness dig in him because he couldn’t be in his arms…

“I love you, Fe’,” he said at his ear.

He felt him shiver.

“Just lay your head on my chest if you love me back,” he whispered in the secret of his ear.

Felix snuggled in his arms, pressing his cheek against his pectoral.

Sylvain pulled away after having pressed a kiss in his hair. He caressed his cheek and then glanced at Glenn.

“I hope it will please you,” he said.

“I’m sure it will. Thank you to take care of us. You deserve another kiss!” Glenn smiled.

“Can I decide which pretty boy will give it to me?” Sylvain smiled back.

“Coooome!”

Sylvain laughed and came to him to receive the kiss on his cheek. It just felt good. He liked this feeling of warmth. It was strange to realize… how much hugs had lacked in his childhood… How much he wanted more of them, Glenn softly rubbing his back, pressing a kiss in his temple. He was thinking… how much good it would have been if he would have him as a parent in his childhood. He couldn’t help thinking, when you were child and you had a nightmare, dashing to his bed, snuggling in those arms…

“You fine?” Glenn asked.

“Yes, sorry, just enjoying,” he smiled.

Sylvain pulled back and walked away. He came to Felix, pressing a kiss on his forehead then went to the door where he blew him another kiss.

“I’m going to work then! Have fun!”

“Thank you,” Glenn said.

“Thanks…” Felix said.

He waited for the door to close to come back in the bed with his brother. Who hugged him tenderly.

“You shouldn’t hide your feelings… It’s good to have feelings. It’s fine to love him.”

Felix snuggled in his arms. “I’m always afraid it hurts at some point. If he loses interest on me, one day?”

“I highly doubt he would stop… And I understand why. You are so cute, so adorable! I love you and everybody should love you too!”

“You say that because you’re a mother hen with me!”

“I am! Now, eat a bit of that food your future husband made for you.”

“Yes.”

Felix took the tray, installing it on their laps so they could taste. It was good…

His fiancé could cook…

And that made him smile.


	27. Chapter 26

One of the most gargantuan flower bouquet never made in his arms, Holst entered in Rodrigue’s room. Let say he received a bit of help from a nurse passing by and seeing him struggle to find the doorknob.

“Look at that, what a bouquet!” Lambert’s joyful voice said. He got up from the chair he was using. “Do you need help?”

Holst laughed.

“I think I can handle it!”

He approached the man in the bed, moving the bouquet so he could see the man. Holst grabbed the keys in his pocket and handed them to Lambert, thanking him with a big smile.

Rodrigue was staring.

He could move though he was on a drip. His face was partially covered with bandage and different kind of band aids, plasters and others, making just appear his blue eyes, relentlessly staring, and his lips.

“Can he talk?” Holst asked in a murmur.

“I can,” Rodrigue groaned.

“I’m glad to know that, at least. I hope it doesn’t hurt too much.”

“They give… painkillers.”

He could talk but it looked like an ordeal.

“I see. It’s not much but I brought you this bouquet. If I remember well, those are your favorite flowers?”

The man let out a cold laugh. It ended in a cough of pain and unease.

“Now you’re at it.”

“I don’t understand?” Holst replied.

“Rub me… the right way. To… protect that…”

“It’s true,” Holst cut short. “And I also genuinely liked you. I don’t think you are your mistakes… You made mistakes I’m not sure I can forgive but except that, you are a good man. I want to believe…”

“You,” Rodrigue groaned. “You dare to come…”

“Didn’t you use to like me?” Holst asked, putting the bouquet on the nightstand. “I haven’t changed, Sir. I’m still that guy you found ‘delightful and so sweet’. What I was laying in my mails are still true.”

“And yet… yet you were hiding… the Monster you are… You dared to… marry my son.”

“But…”

“And!” Rodrigue groaned. “You make it… behind my back.”

“You believe this?” Holst whispered. “You’re wrong.” He knelt on the floor, next to him. He wanted to take his hand but stopped himself. “I’m the one who fought to have you in the wedding. Until the last day, I asked him ‘you’re sure you don’t want to invite him? I have prepared everything to welcome him’ but Glenn didn’t want. I told him he would regret. I told him to invite you, once again, when he refused to invite Felix because he was afraid it slips away. I begged him, a few minutes before the wedding. We could have waited for you. But he was afraid you would oppose yourself to the wedding.” Holst looked down. “I understand him, today, though…”

Holst got up and stepped away. Rodrigue stared at him. He didn’t reply anything and Holst didn’t know if it was because it was too laborious to do or because he still judged him. Because he hated the words he just told him…

Or… a part of him he wasn’t replying because he understood.

“Felix is engaged,” Holst said.

“What?” Rodrigue groaned.

“You can’t know it because you hadn’t taken the time to even know what was new in their lives, isn’t it? Yes, Felix is engaged. And you will just get the same thing. Felix will marry Sylvain and he will make sure you won’t be there to see it. Every parent made mistakes while raising their children and it’s normal. But this… it’s not healthy to refuse to love your children because their happiness isn’t with a girl. Your way to raise them has destroyed Glenn more than you can imagine it. I pray Sothis for Felix being saved from this…”

“What… does he have?” Rodrigue asked. “Yesterday… that Monster… he was so worry…”

“Miklan was worry for Glenn, he came back earlier from work and I noticed Glenn’s pale complexion. Miklan always wanted him to sit but Glenn refused to say anything to us,” Lambert explained.

Holst looked at him. He glanced at Rodrigue who nodded slightly.

“He has a clinical depression. And he doesn’t feel good with the medicine so he choose not taking any of them. At the end of the day, I fought more Glenn’s demons than bad guys…” Holst stared at Rodrigue. “Glenn doesn’t need that in his life. He was doing so well lately and since he came back from your place, it’s just… so horrible. If this is what you want to do to Glenn, please, don’t come back. Glenn won’t divorce of me and get with a girl just because you ask him to. And if you want grandchildren, we actually have thought about it.”

He walked toward the man who kept staring at him. Holst was showing a steady attitude thanks to nine years of working as a cop, but inside, his heart was shattering.

“I came to ask you, for the sake of Glenn’s sanity, not to press charges against Miklan. If ever you want to do it… come to it to me.”

“So… you can dismiss it?”

Holst shook his head. “So I can avoid my whole precinct to put pressure on my family. I wish you will have a good day, a good travel and a speedy recovery.”

He swirled on his heels and walked toward the door.

“Thank you, Lambert. Did I give you back your keys?”

“Yes,” he replied.

Holst nodded and opened the door.

“Holst,” Rodrigue said.

The man froze. He gulped and turned his head toward him. He stared at him, giving him a light smile not to show his true feelings.

“Yes?”

“I won’t file a complaint.”

“Thank you!”

Holst couldn’t help dashing to him to hug the man.

Rodrigue tensed. And it was obvious it wasn’t because of the pain…

“Thank you so much, Rodrigue.”

“It’s fine now,” he said.

“Yes, sorry.”

Holst moved away and lightly smiled.

“Do you have a video?” Rodrigue asked.

Holst tilted the head on the side.

“Of the wedding…”

Holst nodded. “I will send it to you by mail,” he swore.

Rodrigue nodded too. He didn’t thank him, he stared him while Holst said goodbye to Lambert and left the room…

“I know you don’t want to hear that, but he really didn’t have changed, you know?” Lambert said. “He was just something you didn’t know. Because he had to hide it to you. I think he will make Glenn happy…”

“I can’t believe this…” Rodrigue whispered. “I knew my child… I knew my child by heart…”

“Rodrigue…” Lambert came to him. “You knew the child you wanted to have, not the one you have the chance to have.” He watched him. “It’s still time, Rodrigue. You can’t repair what you have done, but you can be one of those bringing tool and materials to create something new…”

“I wanted… to create something for them,” he said. “I wanted… to give them… perfect life…”

“I know. And now, it’s time to accept that the life you wanted for them isn’t the one they want. Glenn and Felix don’t want to work in your enterprise. Felix wants to do ballet. Glenn… I don’t even know what he wants to do.”

“I don’t understand why…”

“There is nothing to understand,” he replied.

“Why Miklan?!” Rodrigue groaned. “This Monster…”

“He is making your son happy and seems to deeply care for him. I think that’s the only thing mattering.”

“Perhaps…” Rodrigue whispered, showing doubts.

“How have you managed it?!” Aloïs’ loud voice echoed against the walls. “You arrive only _now_ and the cutie is already there! Explain!”

“Did you throw him outside of your house?” Shamir asked.

“Noooo, he is too cute! I keep him! And Glenn and Miklan would make sex strike if I throw him outside my house,” Holst sadly said. “I just had to see someone. Sylvain came with his moto.”

“A moto? Cool, he didn’t tell me so. I need to ask him what model he has,” Shamir said with a smile.

“I think he would like it. I will go to work!” he grinned, showing his office where Sylvain worked already.

He had a good chair now and even a tiny desk so he could easily spread files on it without annoying Holst. He had a pen in mouth, his hand in his hair.

“He will go to work,” Catherine said. “Is he sick?”

Holst tucked out his tongue, walking backward to get to the room. He entered in and closed it behind him before walking toward Sylvain. The young man was really concentrated, reading a report so he could do the paperwork. Just next to him, there was a computer who got, not, a session dedicated to him. He had been officially hired here yesterday and he hoped he would please himself in this precinct.

“Sylvain,” he said, leaning toward him.

Sylvain looked up.

“Eh!” He got up, putting down the pen. “What happened? Rodrigue will…”

Holst shook his head.

“No, he won’t file a complaint or no, he will file a complaint?”

“He won’t file a complaint!”

“Amazing!” Sylvain said, hugging him.

Holst hugged him back with a big smile.

“You must be so relieved.”

“I am… I am so relieved,” he whispered.

For someone as loud and shiny as Holst, having him making confidence with such a tiny voice… it was almost worrying.

“It’s fine now,” Sylvain said.

“Yeah. I think he will try to make efforts… he asked me the video of our wedding to Glenn and I.”

“How Miklan felt in front of that video?”

Holst shrugged. “He doesn’t care? I think he likes it? He had seen it once I think and was happy we were happy, but what a strange question?”

“I thought Felix will be happy to see the video too? Not with Rodrigue!”

“It’s a lovely idea! I want Felix to see it! I would have loved him to be there with us. I know how important it is for Glenn… and Felix as well…” Holst hugged him a bit more. “I’m glad we have you.”

Sylvain blinked, seeming to have difficulty to process those words, that love unleashed to him, but hugged him back.

“I’m glad to have met you…”

Felix let out a little groan when he burnt his hand on the side of the pot. This wasn’t that difficult how could he manage to do that?! He sighed and took his phone to check it. The date of today remembered him that he would have this audition in three days. The stress coming with it had just vanished… a part of himself wanted to get it just to have the joy to say ‘I am a worthy dancer’, to know he was caressing his goal. But in fact… he just didn’t care much about getting it anymore.

He was away from his father.

And he hoped the shadow the man was casting over would just vanish. For now, he felt his guts in turmoil. What if he came back?

And his words were making ricochets in his brain. Each time he believed it would be over, he just remembered them. And it was hurting, worming their way through his flesh.

He wondered… was Glenn feeling the same? Was it those ricochets, those worms that made him that bad? He always pictured Glenn so strong, stronger than him and he still believed it… Glenn got the same treatment as him, no dreams or goals to look forward, having the burden of being a parent, losing the one he loved and remembering it and having to hide the only thing that really made him happy… Now, he remembered Glenn’s sorrow when Holst was with them at home. He remembered how he tried to do everything. And he felt the weight of what he did to him. That day, where Glenn could have find the happiness, be free of this, he punished him by trying to kill himself.

At least, it was how it felt to him now.

And he worried Glenn would see it that way too…

What if…

He had been so selfish.

He hated himself.

But Felix tried to force those thoughts away. He couldn’t hate himself right now. He had to hush them to take care of Glenn.

But he couldn’t help thinking… was it was Glenn used to do? Was it because of that he closed himself? He wanted to reach him. He wanted to ease him…

He put some butter in the pot, melting it with pastas and retrieved dishes, forks and prepared them. For a second, he thought he would bring the pot upstairs but two dishes were easier to carry around. And less overwhelming for Glenn and him. They weren’t big eaters and he wasn’t really good with cooking. He was doing okay, a big difference between his and his brother, but still, he had done so many pasta. Way too much…

Should he warn Miklan?

Ugh, probably not. He would see it when he would come back from work…

With the two dishes, Felix climbed the stairs and he pushed open the door he had let with a tiny gap. Glenn was reading a book, looking annoyed. Felix stared at him. He knew Glenn wasn’t the kind of guy to read a lot but he remembered how often he sat on his bed with him, reading him story to make him fall asleep. At school, he was one of the first able to read and doing it well. And it seemed…it was because of him, Glenn craved to be able to read stories to his little brother and it never happened once that he fell asleep without a story. It never happened once that he had a nightmare and Glenn wouldn’t hug him to ease him. How often he fell asleep in his arms?

“Is this book that annoying?”

“I don’t know how Miklan can read for hours…” Glenn sighed, putting down the book.

“I feel the same with my redhead,” Felix said, climbing in the bed. “But when he is reading me a book… it looks pretty fun.”

“Perhaps. Miklan looks like he has lot of fun while reading. It’s just… “ Glenn shrugged.

“We should look that musical we were watching yesterday,” Felix said, holding him the plate of butter pasta.

“Thank you. What is it?”

“Uh, butter pasta,” Felix replied, thinking it was pretty obvious.

“Yeah…”

Glenn dug his fork in it.

“It doesn’t please you?” Felix asked. He froze, seeing Glenn’s eyes gleaming with tears. “Glenn! I’ll make someth…”

“Do you remember that time you made me butter pastas because I was sick and father wasn’t there?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“It was so cute… My little baby making his best to make me food.” He had a hiccup and brought pastas at his lips. “It’s great!”

“So… you… you’re not crying because you’re sad?”

Glenn shook his head. “Sorry, my head process weirdly my emotions lately,” he said.

“It’s fine,” Felix said, hugging him. “I didn’t want to make you sad.”

“You can’t make me sad, I love you, my baby.”

“Your baby…” Felix repeated.

Glenn hugged him back, pressing a kiss on his temple. “Yep, my baby.”

Felix snuggled in his arms. He was more than fine with the fact of being his baby…


End file.
